7.21.2008

"We came into the world like brother and brother;
And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before another."
Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors [V.i.436]

Virgo begins in earnest this week. Now. So let’s get our little neurosis all lined up perfectly. For the Virgo.

vir Virgo: Happy birthday, many happy returns, your year ahead looks good. Let’s have some cake. Fine, a little beverage, personally, I’d prefer a coffee instead of punch. I was thinking that, as a Virgo, and what with the portents of the planets, I was figuring that "go-juice," a caffeinated beverage, as an example, is a preferably libation for your birthday time.

As opposed to, like, the Virgo with the four (double) Margaritas — if you see me in person, I’ll tell the tale, but it takes a few minutes, and oh, never mind. Stick to the caffeine, or the caffeinated-styled beverages. As the weekend cruises along, and as we get into the Virgo mind-party-frame-work? There’s going to be that need for someone to act in a responsible manner.

I know, birthdays are supposed to be celebrations, but what’s going to happen? You’re going to be called upon to act like the adult in come situation. This goes over better if you err on the side of being a little sober, a little more apt to deal with exigencies as they arise, better adapted to making rational decisions in an irrational time. Me and you? We can toast our coffee mugs.

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lib Libra: Mars barrels into Libra, and this is going to result in? Full frontal astrology. Or better yet? Full contact astrology. Mars is all about activity, and the rest of the planets lag behind so this about activity — seemingly — bereft of direction. No Libra wants to wander aimlessly, hopelessly, all alone, in the dark, uphill, in the snow, both ways, without any assistance. That’s what I’m here for, a good fishing guide to the your Libra stars.

Mars pushes you. Pick one direction. Let Mr. Mars, you can almost feel his hand in the small of your back, urging, goading you in one direction. Take a few tentative steps in that direction. Pause, consider another direction. Consider the same destination, only, think about a different route to get there. Feel the Mars inspiration, feel the hand in the small of your back, trying to push one way. Think about my idea, my suggestion that you try an alternative route. Sometimes, you know, the shortest distance between two points is not the straight line. Don’t hesitate to a longer, yet oddly enough, the more expedient route.

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sco Scorpio: Mark Twain once observed, "The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause." That’s supposed to give your Scorpio self a big hint. Pause.

Moon’s sliding down into oblivion, the cosmic taskmaster (Saturn) is in Virgo, and the Sun is just leaving Leo. Mars is just entering the Tropical Zodiac Sign of Libra, a symbolic move in that it puts Mars in your Solar 12th House. Pause.

Sometimes, a pause is louder than any amount of kicking, screaming and other attention-getting devices. I’m not saying that you’re loud and obstreperous, noisome, and so forth, no, that’s not what I’m suggesting. But I am going to point out that a rightly timed pause will speak volumes whereas opening your mouth will only confirm their worst fears. I can save you you the trouble, all I’m suggesting is that Mark Twain’s advice be noted.

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sag Sagittarius: I got a card the other afternoon, fished it out of the mail box. Money was enclosed. "You know them charitable organizations looking for donations, put these dumb greeting cards in their envelops hoping to guilt you into donating — never know what do to with them," and I think the dollars — cash money — that the person sent was a sign. A symbol. A token gesture, well-received and much appreciated, too, but it was the simplest of gestures.

No, I’m not suggesting you rush and drop a $20 bill in a card and mail to me. Nice thought, I’d love it, but I’m not pandering and panhandling now. That’s not what this is about. This is different. It’s about a symbol. Personally, if you do choose to give a "not for profit," lately, that seems to be the business model here, but no, I’m not asking for money.

It’s about what that cash donation meant. What it was symbolic of, what it did to lift my (Sagittarius) spirits, and how that kept me going. Symbols, perhaps with an ironic twist? That just makes it even better. Enjoy the subtle symbolism as you unwrap something this next few days.

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cap Capricorn: There’s a Tex-Mex restaurant, right around the corner from me. Great food. Excellent cuisine. I’m not sure what the source of the meat or the flavorings is, exactly, but whatever it is, it is good. The single problem, a minor irritant, in the big scheme of life, but this one place, they charge for a basket of chips and some pretty underwhelming hot sauce. Which is weird, the usual hot sauce on the table is green, of the Jalapeno variety, and it is quite searing — and equally important, tasty. Homemade.

So the whole issue with chips and hot sauce is a non-issue at that one place. Only, in my mind, since every other Tex-Mex, Mexican or tacqueria gives the chips away? It is an issue. I’d create a scene, but I’m one of the few (pure) Anglo people in the place. I don’t think a scene would do me much good, other than a few laughs. I’m left with a quiet sense that I’m being cheated. Not really, but sort of, in a weird way that doesn’t make sense to anyone but me. Hence the problem. In Capricorn, it’s the same, a perceived inequity. An issue that isn’t really an issue, but it is. How much is this going to bother you?

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aqu Aquarius: A friend of mine, really, person with whom I’ve had a professional affiliation, when she was younger? She used to work in a bait store. Live bait. She discovered that she sold more bait wearing a bikini. That is, when she was wearing the bikini, she sold more bait, not bait wearing a bikini, although, for some of my friends, I’m sure that would be an enticement.

No, it was the figure of a young and shapely lass, selling bait on a hot August afternoon, while she was wearing a bikini, which, in all honesty, might’ve been bait unto itself. But never mind that part now. It’s about trial and error, and what does work. What doesn’t work, and I’d like to suggest, in weird and roundabout way, that you should try wearing a bikini when selling live bait.

Hot summer’s afternoon, roadside just about anywhere, and this might not be politically correct anymore. Who cares? It was a largely unregulated industry at the time, and might still be that way, to a certain extent. That was at a local lake, but it could be anywhere. Whatever you can do to tilt the odds in your favor? Do just that. Even if it involves dressing the bait in a bikini.

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pis Pisces: The local place, around the corner from me, one of several, the other morning, it was actually a weekend, they had a blackboard special, "Migas con ham." Way it read. Sort amused me, two languages running into each other and there is always the amusing kind of communication that results from the intersection of English and native Spanish.

What’s even more intrinsically amusing is the root source of "migas," which is an egg dish that didn’t originate in Mexico, so it’s not really a Mexican item, but more a home grown variation on a theme. Makes that sign even more ironic. Or amusing in a weird way. Or just weird.

This isn’t really about food, or the collision of cultures where I live, it’s about perceptions, and what you do with those perceptions. There’s a time to make a stand. This isn’t a time to do that, not for my little Pisces friends. Amused and entertained? Sure. Make a pointed point about grammar, location, appropriateness, and so forth? Maybe not a good time to make a stand. I’m just saying, as they say.

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ariAries: Good horoscopes sometimes read just like fortune cookies. Or sometimes, even bad scopes read that way. Not that I would ever stoop so low as to recycle a horoscope, or worse, the fortune cookie fortune, but there was one that rang true with me, just the other day, I tweaked with the moon alignment, and I came up with a similar point for Aries.

"You will soon be aware of your growing awareness." Vague, plausible, insightful, and yet not destined to stir up any trouble. Which is the point.

Be vague, plausible, and make sure your destiny doesn’t stir up any trouble. Mars enters Libra — opposite your fine Aries self. Mars stirs stuff up. All I’m suggesting is that you hew to that fortune cookie, bland, believable, and boring.

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tau Taurus: I can promise you everything but the moon. I can’t promise the moon. But I do have advice, about what to do about "everything but the moon," and I’ve researched this. Astrology, and by extension, its definition of correlating human behavior to astronomical measurements, I’ve delved into that, quite a bit. I patiently observed, again and again, what happens. I’ve found that the waning moments — more like days — of the tail-end of the moon’s cycle, like this week, it’s a good time to fish.

As good a time as any. Better, really, than most. Now, the rest of the planets are shuffling, Sun moves into Virgo, Mars moves into Libra, there’s still a pile of planets in Virgo, all of that is good. The moon cycle sucks, though, unless, well, have you thought about fishing this weekend? Whatever you’re fishing for, a little patient effort might be well rewarded.

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gem Gemini: Right before the new scopes roll over, like next week, which might seem like a terribly far time away from now, but right before the new ones roll up? That’s the time. The moon will be a tiny crescent, waning into almost oblivion, visible through part of the afternoon sky, and for a Gemini? The time is ripe to strike.

I wasn’t thinking of a big hit, I was thinking more about a lazy hit, although, I’ve encountered few lazy Gemini. Other signs? Sure, but not a Gemini. With one exception. But that’s a different tale.

What’s hot at the moment, like in the coming week before the next scopes roll up? What’s hot, what’s the idea? Get one "thing" into action. Move one piece, jostle one player awake. Less of a "get out and motivate the whole crew," more along the lines of "nudge someone with your bare toe," just sort of gentle kick to move something around. That’s the idea. It’s less about a full-on fishing trip and more like, well, I’ll just a drop a line in the water here, see if anything bites. Don’t be surprised if you score before the next scopes roll up. Weird.

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can Cancer: "Did you know that, like, insurance, to get it, they do a credit check? What does my outstanding bills have to do with my driving?" I don’t know. I’m sure there’s a link in the scientific and actuary tables, all updated and modernized by recent standings.

Research, never can tell what those crazy scientists will come up with next, huh. I was listening to a client complain about some perceived corporate slight. Another invasion of the mythic Cancer privacy. Some weeks are like that. I’m not an advocate for either side of the question. The credit check, the insurance, the poking around in my private life, I’m not taking a stand in here, not now.

I do have strong beliefs but I tend to keep some of my moral and philosophical musings to myself, or air such matters in another forum, oftentimes, of my own devising. But that’s not what this is about, it’s about the right way to express the Cancer ire. Me? I’m a safe one to bitch to, as I’m not going to be too judgmental, not as long as I’m on the clock. The caveat for the time being? What happens if it’s not me, but someone else?

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leo Leo: By the time the weekend arrives, the best Fixed Fire Sign (forever) birthdays are over. This year’s regal birthday season draws to a close. Not all bad, just a little time when the finest fire? The attention starts to swing to other signs. "The Lesser Eleven," in the Leo Language.

Not bad, either, as it’s a time to figure a new direction for yourself. Or perhaps pick up an old thread and work at something you’ve wanted to work at, reinvent the Leo desire and direction. Or take a cat nap.

It’s a little on the strange side, these days, as there’s nothing big that’s pushing you around. That’s good news, in a general way but the matter is, once the Sun exits the point in the sky that’s officially marked for Leo? Then call it quits on the parties. I’m not saying it’s bad, just that it’s not the time to be out there, playing any more. A little quiet and possibly, a little reflection, that might be good for you.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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