Fishing Guide to the Stars
By Kramer Wetzel
(c) 2007-2008 Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net

“Gentle my lord, sleek o’er your rugged looks;
Be bright and jovial among your guests to-night.”
Shakespeare’s Scottish Play [III.ii.33-4]

Sagittarius: I was poking through some actor stuff, biographies and backgrounds. What I kept coming back to, favorite actors and actresses? There was always, usually buried in the press kit, a bit about the person in question doing a lot of stand-up comedy, like years and years, or, dancing, mime, something physical. I’m not saying that all the best actors have this characteristic, but it was common in the group I was researching.

"Research" might be a strong term, I was just looking at a couple of linked websites, the filler put online to pad out the actors, and their characters, backgrounds. The better performers, be it stage or screen, the better ones I looked, seemed like the resume always included something like "stage fighting" or "martial arts" as hobbies. Or one, "professional dancer," and don’t think he was that kind of a dancer.

There’s a certain strength that comes from the physical activity side. Which is a problem, because, in my line of work, all I have to do is move my mouth and my fingers. Stop and think, activity, it’s important. If the better actors all have some kind of physical outlet and ongoing training, what can we do in Sagittarius to add to our normal regime of just moving fingers and mouth?

Capricorn: Luck’s a weird thing, and it is still with you. Not much longer, and I’ve spent the last few scopes suggesting a change of your own doing. I’m still on that idea, but by now, you should be seeing some results from that attempted change. Instead of wholesale change, too, I’ve tried to narrow the field to just one item.
One behavior, one bad habit, one trait, just one little change. If you’ve faithfully followed my suggestions? Then we’re about to see some changes. Change is good, but sometimes, you’re less than openly willing to embrace this new stuff. New behavior, new sights, new sounds, just one little change — of your own choosing — and look what doors open up.

The warning, right now, this week, is that Mars, and for that matter, the sun, are still in the sign that precedes you. Although you can see a change, and I can see a change in you? That doesn’t mean that it’s time to let everyone know Maybe not yet. Close, but not quite. Let’s keep this our secret. Just for now.

Aquarius: I can always count on my little Aquarius friends to do it differently. It’s all about a basic, mostly to me, but it looks like a simple, binary decision. Left or right, up or down, in or out: simple, and clearly defined. What most people would do? Obviously, most folks would go with the simplest route, the eaisest way, the most direct answer.

The Capricorns? Of course they will always take the most arduous route, but that’s their choice.
However, as the Aquarius? While you can complicate a few matters, and you’ve had a tendency, in the recent past, to take a simple solution and make it more and more, for lack of better words, convoluted? I was watching as a lady wrapped a small xmas gift for me, she was a clerk in a store, an (elderly) Aquarius. She measured the brightly colored gift wrap paper, cut, folded it around the box, and then folded the paper again. Then she would use double-sided tape. Makes for excellent presentation. And it’s trick I’d never seen before. Only time I ever thought folks used double-sided tape was to affix the address card. Which is what I mean about counting on Aquarius to do it differently. More convoluted? Looks that way. But the results? Probably worth it.
Pisces: I’m all about having a good time, enjoying yourself and otherwise making merry. There’s one problem: stuff. Too much stuff. Delbert sang about it. And I’m suggesting that it’s the problem — and during this holiday season? The solution, too. How does that work?

Simple: give less stuff. No more token gestures in the form of little consumable and disposable piece of something. No more dust collectors. Two things do stick out, one would be books, as books are always good, as long they are personally recommended books, and the other is gift cards. Gift cards for meals or music? Says a whole more than anything else. It’s less about giving stuff, and more about giving something that is a memory. Think about that as the holidays get closer. More landfill? Or an experience, perhaps it’s an experience that can be shared?

Aries: These days, astrology is a mash-up of psychology and astronomy. Here’s how this plays, in the Northern Hemisphere, we’re hitting the shortest days of the year. Less sunlight, less daylight, less “day.” More night, more darkness. More “dark night of the soul,” too. So the idea is to use this dark time to get a jump on the new year. Perfect for now. While everyone else is getting worked up about whatever, the holiday madness, take a second or two to separate yourself from the present and jump ahead in time.

New year. New start. Clean slate. What, exactly, do you want to start on that new board? Pick and choose carefully, but also think about looking back for a moment, long enough to assess what direction you want to pick for this next year. This is a little in advance, but isn’t that the idea? Get a quick glimpse of where you want to go, and get headed in that direction, now?

Taurus: Yeah, there’s always the “Xmas in Texas” thing going on. Just catch a little of that spirit. Because I’ve been trying to modify my diet, I’ve opted for the “healthy” (all-natural, no trans-fat, low sodium, no cholesterol) chips. Precludes the idea of red and green tortilla chips, which tend to be a little on the less healthy side. So there were no red and green chips in my cupboard. However, as a nod to the holidays? I broke out the Guacamole (green) and the Hot Salsa (red). That was about Xmas-y as I was willing to go. But as a symbolic gesture to the holiday spirit, it certainly worked.

I’m not saying that you have to rush out and get green guacamole and red salsa, but as the holidays get rolling on by? Do something. Get something going. Get some kind of color coordinated pattern working. While I’m mostly a scrooge, a tiny wink towards the holiday pattern makes it much easier. This weekend kicks in hard and fast with a full moon, then there’s the rest of the following week. If you’d paid attention, there should be nothing left but parties, fun stuff, and holiday cheer, however you choose to emphasize that cheer. Personally, I think the salsa and the guacamole is good enough.

Gemini: I’d gone shopping with a friend a mine, a Gemini. If you have to know, a nice and rather attractive Gemini. But then, I’m fond of Gemini and I’ll tell you, most them are better looking than most. Anyway, despite this one woman’s brilliance in certain areas, shopping sort of eluded her. She wasn’t getting the holiday spirit. She had a list on the back of an envelope, and she was casually ticking off items as we rounded the stores in the mall.

A gift certificate here, book there, here, hold this, and then, it was time to hit a restaurant or two, more gift certificates. Those little plastic cards and sheets of paper make ideal gifts — targets — for Gemini. Plenty of choices. The problem occurred as we were exiting the mall. Big department store. Big glass doors, Marked with a “pull” handle. Marked with a “pull” sign. She slammed right into that door, trying to push her way through She was jiggling a phone, some packages, and me.

I saw it coming, as I was trailing her, so I just pulled up short. If you’re not careful, you’re going to follow my friend right on into an embarrassing situation, You miss an obvious clue, like a handle marked “pull,” while you push. I can save you the problem, if you’re just a little more cognizant. Watch. Look. Read. Don’t hurry headlong into an opposing force. Simple, no?

Cancer: I swore off Starbucks years ago. Not because, as a corporate entity, they are evil. No, that wouldn’t be right because, as big business corporations go, their ethics and stewardship are reasonably good. No, I just find, personally, that their coffee disagrees with me. The milk (and soy) based products, two or more shots of espresso, steamed milk and more, that stuff is good. And it was Starbucks that ironed out the Egg Nog situation.

Egg Nog Latte is an Xmas time favorite of mine. Or it was, until I read the ingredients in Egg Nog. Sugar, sweet cream, high fructose corn syrup, milk, condensed milk, milk by-products, raw eggs, egg yolks, corn syrup, and the list goes on. Sort of like a “who’s who” of everything bad for the human body, in varying degrees. Each tablespoon of Egg Nog has enough calories to feed a third-world family. What I’ll do, at the beginning of the xmas season, just to get in the mood, I’ll allow myself one of these infernal concoctions, but I’ve got to limit it. Can’t be having more than one. Well, maybe two. But that’s it.

It’s less about a health concern, though, and more worried about saturated sugars. Fats, good, bad, and otherwise. All about what we should do, what tastes good, and what we like to do, for no other reason that it’s supposed to be the holiday spirit. However, like me, there’s got to be a limit. Otherwise, there we are, in the corner, in some kind of diary diabetic sugar infused manic mode. Make sure this doesn’t happen to you.

Leo: Where to look? I’m not really worth a lot to The Leo unless I’ve got a bit of good advice. I’ll answer the question, “Where to look?” At the sporting goods store. No, that’s not a specific example, doesn’t mean just rush right out to the local branch of a sporting goods store.

But the idea, see, I was looking for cheap, tawdry, tacky Xmas earrings. I searched high and low, and I couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for. Cheap. Maybe a little on the tacky side, with a certain kind of sassy attitude. Sparkly and yet, not too trashy. Unrefined, though, had to be an element to that, as well. Non-denominational Xmas earrings. Preferably, under three dollars. Really, under a dollar would be better, but we take what we can get these days.

I was picking up some fishing lures, on sale, steep end-of-the-year sale price, and I noticed, on the end cap, for this one store, just what I was looking for. Just shy of being totally crass, but xmas-y enough pass the Kramer test. So, Leo, When you’re looking for something else? That’s when you find what you’re really seeking. Don’t be afraid to look for xmas jewelry at the sporting goods store. Or for sporting goods at the grocery store. Just flip it around. Venus, link is Venus in Aquarius.

Virgo: Saturn’s an old bear and you’re tired of my continual references to him. How about looking at the same old problems a new way? There’s weird reference point that occurs before Xmas gets here, and you can look at the old problems in a new light. I’m not saying that this will completely ameliorate the recent spate of Virgo-centric difficulties. But, and that’s a big but, the new light will give you a way to see the old problems as challenges that can be met and bested.

You can win. Period. You can see that there is way through this little difficult patch. However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t warn you this isn’t like, a short-term solution, while “quick and easy” is attractive? Not the way go. The new way of looking at an old devil will help you see through the problems. I figure, by the time you read this, you’re working on a solution.

There will really be, like, two possible solutions. One is short, quick and easy. Anything that goes that easy? There’s bound to be a catch, and I’m just warning you that the easiest route might not be the easiest — just looks that way. So with the second look you’re going to take at everything? Look for the less difficult, more correct answer that doesn’t have lasting repercussions.

Libra: I’ve dealt, with what I hope came across as satire, with some Libra issues. And those issues are back. To best describe what’s going on? Imagine that I have Libra date, and we go back to her place. Then imagine that she has an arrangement of various Xmas related crap strewn about in a casual yet studied manner. Arranged to look haphazard? Get a clear image? Then imagine, we were going someplace that night — this all hypothetical — only we stop.

First she has to arrange all this material again. And then, she has to arrange it a second time because, see there was still one box of that Xmas stuff left behind. It’s not bad, it’s not a problem, but to a non-Libra person, this action can be confusing.

I thought we were going out? I guess we’ve decided to stay in and rearrange the manger scene. It’s a Libra thing, and to the outside observer we don’t get it. Doesn’t matter, though, if you want to stop and arrange the material one more time, that’s fine.

Scorpio: There’s one Scorpio, complains bitterly about everything I write. “Never good, never good enough, always bad for Scorpio,” and so on go the complaints. Unfounded, check the records, I frequently write nice things about Scorpio. And here it is, the as soon as the moon gets passed full, most of the people are going to be a little more short-tempered than usual. Which isn’t so unusual, not when you consider the time of year and all that. But that’s not Scorpio. Except for that one. But every other Scorpio should be feeling a degree of rest, respite, and respect. Almost like a little lull.

Let’s suppose, like a good Scorpio that you are, you made a list of everything you wanted to buy as gifts for other folks at Xmas time. And let’s suppose you did this. You were done with most of your shopping before Xmas ever got here. Let’s suppose, too, in my Scorpio fairy tale, that you’ve got nothing left to do but decorate your house (Chez Scorpio) a little, maybe attend a few Xmas parties, and generally, just enjoy the good cheer. I’d say that was a good plan.

To thwart this plan, at some point, you’re going to have to go out and shop for one last item. As such, I know it’s not going to the Scorpio plan, the Scorpio perfect plan, but it’s not bad. Just realize that Scorpio is one-twelfth of the population and the other eleven-twelfths? Yeah, they’re not so happy. Of course, there’s always one Scorpio who will complain, but other than that one….

All Rights Reserved
copyright (c) 2007, 2008 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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© 1993 – 2021 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c.

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