Fishing Guide to the Stars
By Kramer Wetzel
For the week starting: 7.23.2009
"’Tis a lucky day, boy, and we’ll do good deeds on’t."
Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale [III.iii.86]
Questions are always free, some answers require a cash deposit.
The e-mail line is always on, “31” (24 and 7).
Leo: Happy best of birthdays to the best fire sign there is. Best. Best to you.
My coffee proclivities are well-known. I tend to favor a dark roast, in a small demitasse — the coffee should be strong, black and hot. Espresso is perfect, especially if it is good. What’s important is the concept of the demitasse. It’s a little cup, about an inch in diameter, maybe an inch and a half tall. Most typical Americans, over the years, our coffee cups have gone from small to medium, to extra-large. The quart-sized jug of coffee is commonplace these days.
In Leo, to commemorate your birthday, I’d like to suggest you go the other way. The espresso cup. The tiny size. The really good coffee can be savored this way, not gulped down as go juice. Yes, it’s your birthday time, and yes, this bodes well for the immediate future, and yes, the next year is looking pretty good. Just one thing to add, though, as this next couple of days begins, consider the espresso cup way of sampling life instead of our usual half-gallon sized mug. Best wishes for a happy year, and great birthday party.
Virgo: I was having some early dinner with a Virgo friend. She’s recently taken up the habit of walking in the afternoon. Usually after work, she’ll take a short stroll, by my standards, around the block. She was telling me about that, one evening. She was describing a portion of sidewalk, near her house, where the city is doing some reconstructive work of one sort or another. Water lines, gas lines, or, as I always suspect, just digging stuff up to make a mess.
"The sign said, ‘sidewalk closed,’ but no, I had to try and walk around it." She slipped, fell, and the worst damage, I’m sure, was to her Virgo pride.
Thus ends this week’s homily. Or does it? Is there coded message in my little Virgo friend’s fall? Since it was merely a few days ago, she wasn’t hurt, not physically. Not real damage there. She did scrape her knee a little, but that was more blood and swearing than actual injury. What can be done to prevent you from scraping your Virgo knee? If the sign says, "Sidewalk closed," then use the other side. Heed the warning, however banal it might seem.
ASTROFISH.NET: Free toppings with select horoscopes.
Libra: Reality can be so ugly at times. And as a Libra? You tend to appreciate the prettier, finer things in life. The bigger planets line up to provide you with a nice view for most of the coming week. Most of the week is pretty, and nice, and all lines up the way a good Libra would want it line up. There is just one unsettling jolt that occurs, and it will probably happen early next week, like Monday or Tuesday, but it could happen any time in the covered seven days.
That jolt? It’s not so much bad as it is ill-timed. Right comment, wrong time. Right judgement, wrong hour. Wrong answer but at the right time. You get the image?
How to prepare for this? Practice being quiet. That can help alleviate the pressure from the problem. The right (action) at the wrong (time) can’t really be prevented. But you can prevent the simple little comment from turning into a bigger problem. That’s what this is about. Nip it in the bud, so to speak. Maybe nip it in the bud by not nipping it in the bud.
Scorpio: Some signs respond well to teasing. Some signs can take sarcasm, gentle chiding, and metaphorical rebuke without any trouble. Scorpio, although you’re the finest wit when it comes dishing this sort of material out? Yeah, not so good when you’re on the receiving end. Which is a very plain caution for the coming week, as the days unfold?
You’re going to get teased. Not by me; I know better. But you will find that you’re the butt of an office joke, a silly prank, a point of mockery and mild derision, something. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. Normally, you would laugh this off. Normally, this jest wouldn’t hurt. But this is not a normal time, and as such, means there’s trouble. You can take a sleight and internalize the pain. Only a good Scorpio can do that. Internalize and vow revenge. Pledge that you will not rest until the perpetrators, the Scorpio detractors, the people who inflicted this pain, you will not rest until they are brought to justice.
Whoa. What I’m trying to prevent is a bad situation escalating out of control and become worse and worse by the moment. Go back to the original problem, the gentle mocking. Normally, you would just laugh it off. Try that instead of eternal vigilance and revenge.
Sagittarius: I was in line at the grocery store, I had just a couple of items in a basket, like peanut butter and sardines, and I was headed towards the "6 items or less, cash only" express line. In front of me were two little girls, I’m guessing, between the ages of 14 and 16, probably, it’s a guess, not old enough to drive yet. The little girls had on appropriate summer wear, and they were getting a single can of coke, each, and a bag of chips, to split. And they were both giggling and making big eyes at the checkout boy.
I say "boy" in a referential manner because, it’s a guess again, he wasn’t much older than the two young cuties making eyes at him. The girls giggled, and dug around for some change. I think it was a Big Red, a Dr. Pepper, and Pork Rinds. He wasn’t completely oblivious to the attention he was receiving. If it had been me? At that age? I would have been clueless. I might still be, but that’s not what this about.
Or is it? Mars and Venus are warming, frying, and giggling their way through Gemini, opposite our Sagittarius selves. I tend to regard the Mars and Venus influence as a harmless flirtation, like what happened in front of me at the check-out line. Perfect example. Action required by our Sagittarius selves? None.
Capricorn: I was in a little cafe in West Texas. One menu item caught my eye, piqued my fancy, and made me wonder. I ordered it. It was "fried green beans," and they, not surprisingly, lightly battered and flash-fried so the beans themselves were almost "al dente" in texture. With a light batter covering, of course. Much healthier than french fries, I’m sure. Tasty, and little bit of a surprise.
But it was Capricorn waiter, and while he did take credit for the idea, I’m unsure of the authenticity of his claim. However, it did present an idea for Capricorn in general, with what’s going on, consider items that usually don’t belong together, and consider trying that out. Towards that end, there’s already a place that does "chicken-friend bacon," and the "deep–fried twinkie" is also old news. And unless you’re a fry cook, maybe veer away from the "fried" category. But do consider combining elements that usually belong together, see what you can come up with. It’s time for Capricorn fry solution.
Aquarius: At the main post office, or the main post office that I tend to use, there’s a big sign, several, in fact, that say, "Box Up Time 10 AM." Means that the mail is supposed to be in the all the mailboxes by ten in the morning, right? I live in a relaxed neighborhood. I live with relaxed rules. So does that post office. It was almost noon, when I wandered in to grab whatever might be in the mailbox, and I could hear, behind the wall, like rats scurrying around, the postal employees were still laughing, joking, and putting mail in the slots. Just as a point of order, my box hadn’t been filled yet.
I’m not at the top of the list, like, I wouldn’t start on my end, but then, maybe I would. However, it wasn’t a big deal. Bills and magazines about all I get there anymore, and I wasn’t in a big hurry to see any of that. Not a big deal anymore. But it was a good example of how there’s a more relaxed pace going on around you, and while the tempo clearly doesn’t keep up with your Aquarius ideals? Works for the other 11 signs. Consider us the "lesser 11," if you will. We’re not moving as fast as you think we should. We’re not going to be moving as fast as you think we should. And if you have a problem with that? Then we have problems. I know, like, at my post office, the deadline for daily business is 10 AM. Doesn’t mean that anyone but an Aquarius will be able to make that deadline. Can’t say you weren’t warned when nothing occurs in (an Aquarius) timely manner.
Pisces: Summer is upon us, here in South Texas. There was one day, I walk on a regular basis, and there’s a dog in a yard I pass. Dog usually barks at me. One afternoon, last week, if I recall rightly, might’ve been the week before that, the dog, it was a hot afternoon and I was busy about some business, the dog, it looked up at me when I passed that yard. Didn’t bark. It was just too hot for the dog to be bothered to bark. I’d take a lesson from that dog.
Especially for my Pisces friend. As the summer heat wears on and on, as the humidity creeps higher and higher, there are days when, like that dog, you just shouldn’t be bothered. The problem is, a usual suspect, like myself, will pass in front of you. Not a big deal. Someone you would normally bark at, again, as it is supposed to be, and this summer, in the late in the month of July? With where the planets are these days? Maybe don’t bark. Whatever it is that you used to do? You can be like that dog and decided that it’s just too hot to bark.
Aries: Mars and Venus don’t always have to be about communication, but those two lovebirds are in Gemini at this moment. All week long. Have been. Will be there for the rest of this week, anyway, and that’s the cause of the Aires consternation. The Gemini placement, for Aries, sort of in general? It’s about communication. Doubled. Tripled. Even four-fold now. That’s the source of the problem, and I would hope, with Mars and Venus working in harmony, this would be about pretty communications. But maybe it’s not.
That’s where the "delete" feature on modern keyboards is handy. That’s why the "draft" button on your email program is useful. Good time to draft some correspondence. Bad time to send it. Good time to story-board a movie. Bad time to film it. Good time to choreograph the new dance routine. Bad time to open the show. Any of this making sense? I hope so, you’re veritable fount of ideas, I’m just suggesting, go slow on implementation.
Taurus: It was a great Red Cross/local EMS/EMT T-shirt. I think the shirt was from some kind of a fund raiser, but I never saw the front of the girl’s shirt. I was too busy trying to make note of the text on the back. "Fish with dynamite/Barbecue in your canoe/Dive in the shallow/Run on the pier/Clean fish/with a chainsaw." It was, of course, that last one which first caught my attention.
Cleaning fish with a chainsaw.
Not sure I could do that, even if I wanted to. Then, too, it’s matter of understanding what the shirt was about. It urged those activities in a totally ironic manner. Best way to get the attention of the local emergency group, whatever it was. When I looked at your chart, for this coming week, I thought of that t-shirt. Just the back of the shirt, never saw the front. I don’t know what group it was for. But I thought about the urging, the suggestion, the lopsided grin, the way I would make those suggestions in way you’d understand, for sure, that I didn’t mean it.
The real suggestion is to do no such activity that might be construed as dangerous. No pointy sticks, no fishing hooks, none of that. You’re more prone to making a simple blunder at this time, and I’d like to see that you don’t have to call the emergency services.
Gemini: New lease, new branch, new leaf, fresh growth. All of that. And more, much, much more. You’re long overdue for a break. You’re long overdue to finally catch up and even, dare I suggest it? Get ahead? Sure. It could happen. Well, I’d like to think it could happen. Will happen. Is happening now.
See, the week starts with a new moon, boom. In Leo, double-boom. Like a double-barreled shotgun, unload one, right after another. Only, in Gemini, there’s already the twin threat of Mars and Venus, and compound that with the Leo kick? Means that it will happen. I’m not sure what it is that is supposed to happen, I’m not sure what is taking place, but whatever it is, there’s a four-fold trigger effect, each single element compounding and multiplying the intensity of the effect. Launch, take-off, renew, fresh growth, healing. It’s one, or more of those elements. Combine and do with it as you see fit.
Cancer: Need to give me another week. Just that simple, I need another week to make everything start to work out better. I can’t seem to get anything lined up right for my little Cancer friends, not at this moment. Close, but not that close. I’m in the area of being right, but I’m not right yet. Like me, you’re in the arena, you’re just not on top of it.
There’s something amiss. You’re close but not quite close enough. Good, but not great. It’s all about getting a little more time. Time to get whatever "it" is, out of your way. Time to move, room to move. Something. Anything. It’s a matter of patience, and when I mention patience, I’m always a little worried.
Some folks seem to think that it means there will be a chance and space for them to enjoy being patient. What really happens, though, is some kind of insistent, have-to-deal-with-it-now, issue crops up. First hint, imagine, I was walking past a line of cars stalled at a traffic light, some smart ass started to blow his horn, hoping that would move things along. It didn’t. Just irritated everyone. Except me, as pedestrian, I was moving faster than the line of traffic. This week, when I go walking past you stuck in line of cars? Blowing your horn is only going to make it feel a little worse — for you.
