1.7.2010

Fishing Guide to the Stars
For the week starting: 1.7.2010

“His brains are forfeit to the next tile that falls.”
Shakespeare’s All’s Well That Ends Well [IV.iii.185]

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Capricorn: In the older astrological texts I’ve consulted, the medical term is “nerves.” That’s a generalization for what wasn’t too well understood at the time. It can be a biological condition, a neurological condition or it can be a mental condition. I like the term “nerves,” much better. Sort of a graphic, catch-all expression that implies the condition might be any of the above reasons, biological, physical, mental, neurological, even environmental. That’s the “nurture versus nature” argument, too. Can’t say which one is more important. Genetics or learned behaviors? This can encompass a whole spectrum of ailments.

The biggest ailment, as I see it? Nerves. The nerves situation is made a whole lot worse by the Pluto position especially with it lined up against the Saturn placement. Then, too, there’s the Mars (RX in Leo) and Mercury is retrograde in Capricorn. All adds up to a situation where you’re not able to put your finger on the ailment. Not this week. You can be a nervous wreck, or you might start exhibiting some signs of an unknowable illness, or it might be stress, or it could be many influences.

Personally, I’d prefer to call it “nerves.” Your nerves are shot. Way it is. Blame what you want. Me? I’m a professional, so I can blame the planets. Now, the solution? I’d just use a tincture of “Kramer’s Mercury is RX medicine.” That ought to help settle your nerves, a little.

Aquarius: Proper planning can lead to “Plausible deniability.” Good concept. Think ahead. Do you have an excuse? A perfectly rational, logical, perhaps even time-stamped for the legendary iron-clad seal of approval. Yes, that’s what we’re looking for in Aquarius land. Good planning and proper execution of the plan, that’s how this works for no problems in the land of the Water Bearer (Aquarius). Got to have a plan. Got to be thinking in advance. Got to have some semblance of an idea, an excuse, a valid excuse, one that is without reproach. Got all this?

You did have a plan, didn’t you? No plan? Then here’s where I earn my money, a second time, first, I warned you that you needed a plan, and a good alibi. Failing at that?

Since it looks like you “sort of” forgot to have plan? Or the plan you have, and that hope of plausible deniability? All gone? There’s a second way to deal with the untimely turn of events in Aquarius land. Do nothing. I’m serious. Can’t get caught in the act if you don’t do “the act.” Can’t get caught red-handed if you don’t have your hands on the red stuff. Or however that works. The clue is, no excuse? Then don’t do it.

Pisces: On an ancillary website, I once ran an image of a San Antonio Spurs star. In San Antonio, San Antonio is bigger than Dallas, yet, San Antonio lacks a pro football team. So the Spurs get the recognition as being the superstars. So in England, that picture got a question, as the only “Spurs” they were aware of — soccer team called the Tottenham Hotspurs. Or the short version, “The Spurs.”

Now, one trip to the UK, I bought a Tottenham Hotspurs hat. I was wearing that hat in San Antonio. Guy starts talking to me about cock-fighting. Not a sport I know a lot about. That’s a really short, thumbnail sketch of how I wound up in San Antonio talking to some old cowboy about cock-fighting.

Not a sport I know a lot about. Not a sport I intend to learn a lot about, either. However, by way of explanation, I just stretched a tale from San Antonio, across the ocean to England, and back again, all due to some picture I ran on a website. Weird how that works. Really weird. Except, in this digital day and age, is that such an odd route?

As this weekend rapidly approaches, there’s a connection, a weird one, at best, but a connection nonetheless, that you’re going to see and feel. Understand, too, my dear Pisces friend, this is a metaphor, as I seriously doubt you’re going to be discussing the finer points of cockfighting. But it will be something equally strange to your lifestyle.

Aries: “Is that a loon?” Another Fishing Guide asked me. See, I had one of my clients, or rather, let’s start at the top. The phone I had? I could pick the ring tones. I picked, for this one client, the sound of a loon’s mating cry. Or just the sound of a loon. What freaked the guide out? He was looking around, trying to see where the real loon was. Not a sound he was used to hearing at that time of the season. Just enough of a weirdness factor to help lighten the moment. Weird enough to make a difference.

Relax: that ring tone isn’t for an Aries. Although, given the disposition of the planets, at this moment? I can understand how you feel like it would be an appropriate sound, mating call of the loon. Part of this is about the confusion that other Guide had, when he heard my phone start ringing. Part of this, though, goes a little deeper. With Saturn opposite your happy self, you’re feeling like a little lost loon. A singular voice, in the wilderness, crying for a mate. I wouldn’t be surprised, if, the next time my phone goes off like that? I get an answering cry from an Aries.

Taurus: What I kept running into, with the Taurus horoscope? I kept hitting an inability to articulate the problem or the passion, or, for that matter, the concept that’s inside the Taurus head? There were answers and solutions. Problems solved, in a useful and beneficial way. Details and arrangements ironed out. Sore spots smoothed over. All good, inside the Taurus brain. In the Taurus head, the world is pretty and there are solutions.

The problem I kept encountering, remember, I’m not a Taurus, so I was on the outside here, but what I kept falling into? No way for that information stuck in the Taurus brain to make it out. No exit. No way to effectively communicate what was happening on the inside, no one to let that information find its way out. Problem. Solution? Not sure there is one, not now. Between Mars and Mercury, and the phase of the moon, we’re hitting that last quarter moon, all of that? Not sure there’s really an easy way to try and get what’s locked inside your brain, I’m not sure there’s any way to let that material escape.

Might come out in an oblique manner, or you might emulate my actions. I tend to say the most perfectly correct thing, at the worst time. There are times, maybe this is one of them, when the best way to be right? Shut up. Let other folks argue and disagree. You and me, Taurus and myself? We both know that you’re right and you have an answer. Wait until a better time to let this stuff find its way out of your Taurus brain.

Gemini: Friend of mine, he’s got a gorgeous — young — wife. She’s very pretty, my buddy’s wife. Darling, too. A tad eccentric, but not in a bad way at all. She’s blonde, blue eyes, and all the right parts in all the right places. As a big bonus, as far as my buddy is concerned? I’ve met his wife’s mother. She, too, is fetching and very attractive. Point I made sure I got across to my buddy. However, when his young wife caught me, overheard — really — me talking about her hot mom, I got in trouble. “That’s my MOTHER!”

In my defense, the point was, that the daughter would look like the mom in another 25 years or so. It was intended as a compliment. Big compliment. Buddy just nodded and I could see, in his eyes, he was tracking exactly what I said. However, overheard by his wife? I didn’t get the intended response. I shrugged it off. I’ve had more than one fishing buddy’s wife mad at me for real — or perceived — sleights.

This wasn’t really a barbed arrow, or an arrow or anything mean. Not vicious at all. Just a nice observation. You’d think he could hook a brother up, too. His wife put a quick halt on any forward advances I might’ve made. This is a classic example of what will happen in the next few days. Last thing I heard from that mom? “So your friend, he’s cute, what’s his website? He on FaceBook?”

Cancer: One of the best gifts I’ve ever given was a Hooter’s Calendar. The place that’s supposedly known for it’s hot wings, but the real selling point is scantily clad servers? Not exactly a “Gentleman’s Club,” but close enough. The calendar was gift to me from one of the visiting Hooter’s Girls, and she signed the calendar, which I then proceeded to get signed by several of the employees. Even the greasy fry cook signed it. “Love, Big Bertha (heart).”

I had a buddy in an ill-fated relationship, and anyone outside of the arena knew — absolutely knew — it wasn’t going to work. However, my buddy was strong in his denial. That calendar was supposed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Didn’t work like that because, I did get blamed for all kinds of marital problems as a result of that calendar, and I did get blamed for ruining his holiday, because of that calendar, and I eventually got thanked for all the trouble I caused because of that calendar, but it wasn’t really the calendar. The calendar was just a catalyst. Caused reactions, but didn’t. Reactions just took place in its presence. Because of its presence.

Is this really about a Hooter’s Calendar? Yes.

After I gave my buddy that calendar, he took it home and put it up in the kitchen, and each month there was a Hooter’s Girl, and each month was autographed, to my buddy. Strife and discord? My fault? If someone gave me a calendar like that, and if I was worried about it? I’d just toss the calendar before I ever got home. But that’s just me. An easy way to avoid problems. If you don’t get it? If you put the calendar up? Or whatever the deal is? No one to blame but yourself.

Leo: Local people have a sense of humor, where I live, where I work, where I fish, the locals, we have a proper sense of the absurd. That sense of the absurd is necessary for dealing with Mars spending, oh about 7 months in your sign, frying this way and that.

Reminds me of a T-shirt. The punch line on the T-shirt? “Texas Hold ‘Em.” The image? Cowboys lined up at urinals.

Kind of graphic, and yet, humorous, at least, I thought it was funny. I smiled as the guy walked by, and he was with, I’m guessing a date who was a wife. Pretty sure she was someone’s wife, and I was guessing, from the Body English, it was a couple. I can’t imagine that most wives, the ones I know, girlfriends even, I can’t imagine that any of those women would let her man out with a shirt like that.

However, I’m not privy to the dynamics of that relationship, and I was just watching as they walked by, and I was amused by the shirt.

Which is why it takes a proper sense of the absurd to deal with the way the planets are falling out — and that energy. Sense of the absurd goes a long way in making Mars a more hospitable planet, and a proper sense of the absurd? Makes it even easier to be amused instead of offended while the planets play fast and loose with your Leo psyche.

Virgo: One of the most important qualities I’ve discovered, as a tool for basic human interaction? Listening. It’s an invaluable trait, tool behavior, whatever, it’s invaluable as way to learn. Learn more about the guy in the fishing boat with you, learn more about a potential date, learn more about what makes another person tick. Or, for that matter, what ticks off another person. Again, valuable information.

With the current disposition of the planets, there’s an inherent unease floating along in the heavens. Lots of people aren’t happy, which is a riddle to Virgo, at this moment, because, all things being said and totaled up? It’s not that bad. Might be, for other folks, but the Virgo corner? Surrounded by dismay and despair and yet, not a problem here in Virgo land. Of course, there will be the usual “Mercury is backwards, I forgot” mistakes. And, to be sure, Mars will inspire a certain amount of free-floating anxiety that lacks a nail upon which to hang it. But other than that?

No, the best-kept secret for dealing with this kind of week? Shut up and listen. Maybe take notes.

Libra: Only the first few degrees of Libra are affected by Saturn. Means if you’re a Libra born in late September, you are the ones who are affected. And feeling it, you are. The rest? Look to those September Libra folks for some advice and common sense approach to what’s up ahead.

Or ask me.

What this is about. Mars backwards, we’ve discussed that already. Mercury retrograde? Yes, talked about that, as well. The problem for this next week, all the associated material that is in Capricorn, from Pluto at one end to Venus at the other end? Sun Moon Mercury, and so forth? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Makes a tension angle to your fine Libra self.

The flavor varies from one Libra to another, but the general tone is one of discomfort and unrest. Like an itching that you can’t scratch. This isn’t bad, either, as what this itch, that scratch you can’t scratch? What this brings to the Libra forefront? There’s a particular issue that needs to be addressed. The source of that itch, that scratch you can’t scratch, there’s an issue needs attention. By the start of the next week? Be a good time to figure out how to get a handle on that scratch, that itch you can’t itch.

Scorpio: I’ve used Marcus Aurelius on a number of occasions. He’s a handy reference, and what’s amusing, to me, the guy who turned me onto Marcus Aurelius Meditations? Devout, evangelical Christian. Which has nothing to do with anything.

“You may break your heart, but men will go on as before.”
(Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 8, verse 4.)

Which, I might add, that’s a message for my fine Scorpio friends, straight from an older translation of the work in question. Point of the quote? Point to this week? Doesn’t matter if you’re suffering, now does it? Men, mankind, society as a whole, they all seem to keep on going, no matter what you’re going through. I know, you’ll get some sympathy from me.

But I’m also about the only one who will feign sorrow for the Scorpio plight. I mean, I’ll act genuinely sympathetic. But I’m about the only one. Instead of sympathy? Instead of feeling sorrow for yourself? Instead of wallowing in a pit of self-induced despair? As Marcus points out, the wheel keeps turning. Now is a good time to start to plot some kind of truly epic Scorpio revenge.

“I’ll be revenged on the whole lot of you!”

Now who said that?

Sagittarius: The problem is budgeting time. It’s not really a problem, but it is. I had some general website clean-up that I wanted to get done. Loose odds and ends, fragments of website code, half-implemented ideas, a notion or two, just general stuff that needed attending to. Not really a big deal, but after a while, running a website is like any other business, there needs to be a period of time wherein the owner comes in and sweeps up the place.

If it were a real store front, I’d be in there with a broom or a mop, or maybe, way things have been going? Maybe with a plunger. There’s the old stuff we need to get rid of. There’s the new stuff that we don’t want to get rid of. There’s one new idea we’d like to toy with a bit before calling for a full implementation.

In the back of the trailer in Austin, in corner, really, I had a pair of extra-nice cowboy boots. Dress boots, not worn very often. Last time I pulled them on, I looked, and there was a big pile of dust bunnies back there. Half-eaten dead roach. Dead bug of some kind. Cats. Anyway, the point was, it was a spot that didn’t get cleaned in normal situations. As a Sagittarius, this is a time, this next week to ten days, a chance to clean up the store, whether it’s a website, or a trailer in Austin. Or wherever.