Fishing Guide to the Stars for 12.16.2010

“Freedom, high-day! High-day, freedom! Freedom!”
Shakespeare’s The Tempest [II.ii.88]

Sagittarius: I’ve had a receding hairline since High School. Not news. Add to that the myth I’ve always subscribed to, about hair being a recessive gene and to look at the mother’s father for guidelines. That means I’ll have a crown of gray, violently curly hair. I’m prepared for that. Mentally, you know.

I was thinking because, holiday and all, it’s family time, and what with the approaching new year, I was trying to find a good way to describe what’s cooking in Sagittarius. In our milieu. Standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed a magazine, and the alluring cover included the headline, “Change your hair style, change your life.” I haven’t changed my hair style in several years. Maybe 20 or more, and perhaps this is the year to change that.

Now. The only change I can make, though, is to shave it all off. While that’s appealing from a maintenance standpoint, I’m unsure I could really hang with that style. I’d rather hold onto the few shards and thin strands that I still have. However, to be honest, I thought about the shaving thing.

Bald. Would that change my life? I’m not sure. Time to think about a sweeping change in your life, now. Time to act on it? Wait. Happy birthday!

Xmas special, book a half-hour reading this week, online only, and get a full hour for the reduced price. Some restrictions may apply.

Capricorn: Panic. I hit the panic button, in as much as I have one. If I were a different gender, or if I subscribed to certain ideologies, I would’ve been eating chocolate. By the bucketful. We all have different methods for dealing with tension, pressure and panic situations.

I had, what to me, was a panic a situation. The internet died on me. I could see my neighbor’s wireless net, but it was password protected, no one was home, and I couldn’t borrow a cup of bandwidth. Next action? Dig out the cable bill. I checked the dates. No, I was paid up. More or less. The next payment hadn’t gone out, but it was scheduled. I had enough in the bank to cover it, well, barely, but still.

Enough. Chocolate, there has to be some chocolate around here. Not really, but worth a try. I dug around. No luck. I looked at the old cable bill, where I’d marked “paid.” I also found the tech support number. After only three minutes with the “say your name, please,” call tree, I got a recored message that service in my area was interrupted and customer service representatives had nothing new to add.

Great. All that panic because someone else was digging up a cable. Those inter-tubes, the little electronic version of pneumatic tubes, right? I calmed down. Wasn’t an unpaid bill. All that panic, right before Xmas, wasted. Don’t panic, like I did. Check the facts and make the call before you freak. Unless, you know, you like that kind of energy, the freak out.

Aquarius: One of my Aquarius friends, we were talking about “classic rock.” Classical music, of a particular genre, or two. Several. My fine Aquarius friend was waxing eloquent about a band, Sonic Youth. Does that band really classify as “Classic Rock?” I’m guessing that’s a separate discussion.

No, while my Aquarius friend would extol the many virtues and rhapsodies about that band? That same Aquarius refused, closed minded as could be, about the band Pink Floyd. In my work, I tend to look for similarities. I could find harmonic similarities, and looking further, I thought I could see — hear — clear antecedents.

There was some, in the entire canon, and especially the earlier work, a clear connection. Same genre. Or a similar genre. What amused me the most was the way my Aquarius friend would vehemently attack Pink Floyd and in the same breath, very nearly, praise Sonic Youth. Almost like comparing cats and dogs. Both have fur. Both have four legs (OEM design). While I was hearing similarities, my Aquarius friend was seeing differences. Like cats make good pets and dogs slobber on everything.

It’s easier, right now, to look for similarities. My Aquarian friend’s stubborn stance? I understand it’s pointless to argue about musical tastes, but it is possible to listen to be more open-minded. Feel some Xmas spirit. Or something.

Pisces: There’s a certain brand of “super all-you-can-eat” buffet, pretty common in these parts. I’ve seen several kinds, but this is a chain. Scary stuff.

I was looking for something on Craig’s List (Craig is a Sagittarius), and I wandered where I ought not go, at least, not alone. It was the “missed connections” section. The invite was for a couple, eye-balling each other over the buffet line at that one location. Super-size me. Super, extra-super size. Sagittarius is associated with Jupiter.

Jupiter is associated with weight gain. That buffet is associated with “super-size” patrons. This all connects, but maybe not in a good way. I’m not sure that the super-size buffet with all its processed foodstuffs, I’m not sure that’s where your delicate Pisces self should be. For that matter, looking on Craig’s List? Maybe not a good idea, too.

Uranus paired with Jupiter is headed away from you. However, the influence is still present. Good influence, used wisely. A missed connection at the super buffet table might not be what we’re really looking for.

Aries: Mexico is one of the largest and richest countries in South or Central America. It has its own culture and part of that is being exported north: Luchadores. Mexican Wrestling. Masks, capes, good guys who are above reproach and bad guys who are clearly bad.

I got off on a tangent with Mexican Wrestling because I could easily see you arguing about this — the astrological milieu affecting Aries. I thought about those masked crusaders, flying through the air. Sailing over the heads of the spectators. Arguing, in a flamboyant style, but arguing and wrestling with an issue, nonetheless.

Why make this difficult? “I don’t make this difficult,” my little Aries friends orates, from his corner of the ring, “none of this hard, and I’m right!” As the script calls for, a little wrestler sneaks up behind you and breaks a chair across the back of the Aries (wrestler) head. The fight, the saga, the epic struggle, who wins, who loses, it goes on and on. I can save you from being hit over the head like that. Stop before you orate. Before you deliver that long speech? Stop and look around.

Taurus: I love the buildup to Xmas. What’s better? End of the year, a new year, and most important? A clean start. A fresh break with the past and time to make way for new.

New styles, new fashions, new stuff. New things. It’s about an internal change, sort of like a rumbling in the pit of your Taurus stomach. Time to change some stuff up. Change up the attitude, first. Make way for some new attitude. Do that without breaking into a song and dance routine.

The holiday, the approaching tensions and sensations, the colors, lights, palpable excitement, all of that? All part of the deal.

Here’s the clue: the new year is right around the corner, about two weeks off.

Get ready. Start considering what needs to change, in your Taurus life, and start that change, now. It’s like a head start on New Years’ Resolutions.

Get started, now. This is a friendly “advance warning” from me to you.

Get started on the ideas, the concepts, pick one that’s important, and fit that into the holiday season, now. Start in advance. You’ve got a chance to head into the new year, sail into the new year, already prepared for changes.

Gemini: Buddy of mine manages a restaurant. His place has an outdoor patio. It’s South Texas, cold winter nights and sometimes, warm days. He was training a new manager. Part of the manager’s job is to set out the patio furniture. I asked him why, I mean salaried manager versus one of the employees who doesn’t get paid near as much? Give it to a flunky, right?

He explained. “Bus boy, waiter, server, any of them? I tell them to do it, and they’re gone an hour. At least. Takes me ten minutes. Even at a dollar a minute, this saves both money and time.” If I was on the clock? I could see how it would be laborious and take time. I’m sure, if I was setting out that patio furniture, I’m just doing a quick pencil sketch, but I’d bid that job at two hours labor, minimum.

I’m right in line with everyone but management. This is a simple example, right out of a recent event, just goes to show how time can be a mutable thing. Given where the planets are right now? As a good Gemini, you have to ask yourself, are you management in this situation? Or are you, like me, an hourly wage slave, and as such, does the job at hand a take up a whole lot longer?

Cancer: I was headed to the bank clutching a single check I wanted to deposit. As I got closer to the outdoor, walk up teller machine, I saw two other people, ahead of me. One was guy, earbuds dangling from his ears, his head nodding slowing to some music. He was going to get there first, oblivious. The next one was a lady in pink pants, dark-olive, Latin skin framed with a black curls and a white blouse. She scurried, like a woman with a mission.

Warm afternoon, didn’t need a jacket. She arrived shortly after the first guy and I sauntered up after them all. Since I wasn’t in a hurry, I just looked, nodded, and went on into the bank. There’s a maze of velvet ropes that lead to three empty teller booth.

Three. The impatient woman, outside, she was still waiting after I made my deposit, had a pleasant exchange with the teller (Pisces), and inquired about local places to eat. Seemed that teller favored a certain TexMex place, right close to the bank. Follow my lead on this: it’s Xmas time. There’s a line. If you just move to the next available location, next available option, next right thing to do? Goes much easier. Look at all the time I saved, when I didn’t even need to.

Leo: Lowering my head and admitting defeat, I finally caved in to local pressure. The title is “Chicken Taco for the Soul.” Some people like Chicken Soup. A friend of mine calls Chicken Soup the “Jewish (Mother’s) Penicillin.” One author turned “Chicken Soup” into a successful franchise. Sold close to a bazillion, books, calendars, seminars.

Not a big seller, not locally. Need something stronger, more tasty than “Chicken Soup,” hence, Chicken Taco for the Soul. A good chicken taco is composed of several elements, the chicken, the taco shell, the other stuff. Seasoning and dressing, or, to me, salsa. Sometimes, shredded lettuce and/or guacamole, all sort of depends.

One place does shredded chicken bits, bird bits anyway, with mole, which is a rich chocolate and pepper sauce. The chicken meat is sometimes dark, sometimes light, sometimes roasted, and one place, I even found a partial bone in the taco. Didn’t bother me. Roll with it.

This is an example of adapting local material to cover a larger phenomena. While, maybe you don’t really “do” Xmas, find something close that works well enough. Personally, I prefer a good solstice celebration, but whatever works. Adjust your Leo ways a little. Allow for local color, wherever you are.

Virgo: I walked down to the grocery store, the other afternoon. Needed a few things, milk, eggs, (non-fat) coffee creamer for a certain Virgo. I was in line behind a large lady with a lot more than the line’s limit of “ten items or less.”

Express lane? I doubt it. She could barely squeeze through the line, too. Maybe if she wasn’t busy buying sugarcoated donuts, I would start to complain about my five items, but then, I noticed something stirring inside of me. There was some Xmas crap for sale on the end cap. Suddenly, I had a need for batteries. I felt myself, almost instinctually, reaching for a discount pack of triple A batteries. Never mind I had plenty at home. Then, there was a over-sized candy bar. I wanted one of those, too.

The headlines in the magazine, I couldn’t translate from Spanish, but I wanted to buy the magazine, something about “horoscopes and sex,” but I wasn’t sure, not exactly. I cycled from justifiable anger to a retail pawn, giving in to the cloying, siren’s song at the check-out line.

Well, almost. I didn’t get anything more than what I came to get. I didn’t tell that women ahead of me she had way more than she should’ve for the express line, and she shouldn’t try and pay with a check. I was good. But it took a fair amount of restraint. Like me? The easiest way to get out of this week alive? Like my time in the grocery store? Quickest way out? Shut up. Stick to the list. Stick to the Virgo plan you had when you started.

Libra: The problem with film making in the last decade, especially in the last five years? Most feature length films can be compressed into a single, one or two-minute sample. The highlights. The features. The sound bytes. The stars and the best portions of the script. The trailer.

It’s an art form unto itself, the movie trailer. The problem being, most of the trailers I’ve seen are better than the movie. The trailer compresses, elucidates, informs and entertains. While the true purpose of the trailer is to rope us into seeing the movie?

What happens, more often these days, especially in the last decade? The trailer is the best part of the movie. I’d be extra careful, there’s a subtle, okay, so maybe it’s no so subtle, push — or pull — on your Libra self.

Stop. The trailer’s stated purpose is to get you to go see the movie. Maybe leave off at the fact that the trailer is the best part. Don’t fall for the marketing hype, not now. It’s the holidays. Enjoy them for what they are. Sometimes, the best part can be compressed into a single two-minute frame.

Scorpio: People, have, on occasion, commented that I’m a tad odd. To some, I’ve appeared to be “really weird.” All depends, I suppose, on a frame of reference.

After too much time in Austin — Keep Austin Weird — I think I’m painfully normal. Not that odd. Not that weird. I tend to have some offbeat tastes. Given a choice between fine dining and good food in a questionable atmosphere? I’ll go for the dive with the dubious hygiene practices. I’ve found, after many long years, the food tends to be better in the dives. Cheaper, too.

This is about appearances, too. My sister, Xmas time and all, we were talking about our obscure tastes and sentiments. I pointed out, I’m all that’s left of a bizarre childhood.

What’s weird, offbeat and possibly questionable? Good for Scorpio? This week, for sure.