Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 12.23.2010

“Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love.”
Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing [IIi.81]

Two shopping days until Xmas! Last minute shopping deals are here. Then, one more idea, I thought this would make a good fishing lure — “Test Lure: DO NOT EAT.” How many juvenile and daredevil fish will swallow that one, just to because of the warning label? It’s a Mercury Retrograde kind of a deal, no? Capricorn: I got out of the shower and had a sudden thought. It’s been sort of cold lately. Winter weather arrived. However, I was warm from just getting out of a hot, steamy shower. I had towel wrapped around me, and not much else. I dried off a little and sat down to jot down a quick a note.

As the water dripped down my back, I started to shiver a little. I had a shirt, someplace, only, I couldn’t find it. I got up, wrapped the towel back around my now-freezing self, and looked for the shirt. I suppose, if I’d dried off the hair, that might’ve helped. Not always logical, that’s me.

I darted around, getting progressively cooler, and wondering where I’d left that shirt. It was on the back of the office chair. Completely overlooked by me in my rush to find it. The clue?

Stop. Right now. Mars (and so on and so forth) is in Capricorn. It’s Xmas time, birthdays, everything!

Stop. Instead of looking too hard? Look right there. Right behind you. Right on top, underneath. It’s not nearly as far away as you think. Me? I spent precious minutes dashing around looking for a shirt that was hanging on the chair I was originally sitting in. Don’t be like me. Aquarius: As a retail person, one year, at Xmas, I drafted up a portable computer document — a gift certificate — with blanks.

Great idea. Did I mention that Mercury was retrograde? In Sagittarius, this moment? So I had this great gift certificate. Some smart person printed off a half dozen of these certificates, put in friends’ names, and handed them out as gifts. Only, I never received a penny.

It was a January event, bunch of people showed up with gift certificates. I politely told them that the certificate was good for a free astrology chart itself. If they wanted a reading, that would cost extra.

I was looking for a way out of having to get around a mistake in my own judgement. There’s no blank gift certificate on the website. No coupons. You want to arrange a gift certificate for someone? I can work with that. The gift of reading from me? Not a problem. I learned, the hard way, I have to be paid in advance. I thought about that little experience since I could easily, very easily, see you pulling a similar stunt. “Pay me later,” an Aquarius would say. Didn’t work for me. Merry Xmas. Pisces: Merry friggin’ Xmas. Can’t say I didn’t warn you about this. One of my little Pisces friends was complaining, trying to be artful, but to me? Sounded like a whine. Sounded like bearing about to seize, that screech of hot metal that should have some lubricant, but doesn’t. Because I didn’t mention this, like, in the middle of last week? I’m in trouble. I did poke you last month. Last year, even, can’t say this one crept up. The point is, if your sweet Pisces self hasn’t accomplished whatever it is that you wanted to get done? The last minute shopping? Or better yet, the after Xmas (Boxing Day) sales?

Didn’t get it done? Don’t plan on getting it done now. I’ll be honest, probably not going to happen. I’d like things to be smooth for you, but let’s look at facts, Mercury, backwards, in Sagittarius, Sun in Capricorn, just a general slowing of all matters that are Pisces. What makes this worse? There’s a few big-ticket items that your sweet Pisces self really wanted to attend, and you don’t like my, “It ain’t going to happen,” prognostication.

Work around it. Usually, you’re immune to mercurial disorders. This one is frustrating, but it’s only frustrating if you don’t take a long-range, “I’ll get to it when I can” attitude. Aries: “I seen you before — you’re famous.” I was in the mall, waiting on friend who was looking for ‘girl things’ in the ‘girl things store.’ I don’t know, it was before Xmas maybe I have side of me that needed to be antagonized.

Crowds, but not good crowds, and not really fun. Not much of a line to see the Santa Claus and get a picture. I just wonder about fake snow in South Texas. While real snow is not unheard of, it is rare. I’ve seen snow one day and 70 degrees two days later, back to shorts and sandals. So the validity of fake snow, and jolly white guy wrapped in spurious layers of red cloth seem a little out of place.

The “you’re famous line,” not like I haven’t heard that before. I do bear a passing resemblance to some guitar player, but even that is stretch these days. Not that I’m not flattered. “You seen me on the TV? That show?” I asked. “No, don’t you play music?” Answer a question with a question?

When I stacked up the planets and charts, and as I looked at the solstice celebration, only made sense, didn’t it? For Aries, for the his next few days? Answer a question with a question. Or, better yet, “answer a question with a question?” Might work better for the holiday season’s flavors? Taurus: One of my fishing buddies, his name is not “Bubba,” and he is a Taurus, anyway, he was doing that holiday piss and moan theme. It was about his girlfriend. Long-time, long-standing arrangement that was fair and equitable, as far as I could tell. He made a near-fatal mistake, though.

You’d think, after being with the same woman in loving and mutually supportive relationship, for, like almost ten years, you’d think he’d have this figured out. Turns out the relationship wasn’t near any kind of a fair and equitable arrangement, not this close to Xmas.

I think it’s the added holiday stress, but that could be my personal spin on it. It could also be all the stuff (planets, Sun, etc.) in Capricorn. Added stress. My buddy, he thought, that, at all times, the relationship was 50/50. Gender doesn’t matter, not now, as both males and females should guffaw. No relationship is ever 50/50. Never. Doesn’t exit, not on this earthly plane. Plain as can be.

I listened to his list and litany of complaints, then I didn’t say anything. “You think I’m being stupid?” He asked. I didn’t say anything. It’s the holidays. Don’t be stupid. Gemini: “Go on you bitch!” The expression wasn’t so unusual, not untypical for a Road Rage comment. The source was the odd part, a little, mouse-like 2-year old child.

Friend of mine’s daughter. Wasn’t the comment about the car stopped in front of my friend’s truck, it was the little child saying it. “Daddy says it, makes them move,” the kid explained, innocent in the ways of words. Perfect example of what’s happening and how we can — or can’t — or shouldn’t — deal with certain issues.

Mercury’s backwards pattern starts in Sagittarius, than-you-very-much, not so much as a by-your-leave, and Xmas and all. With this Mercury pattern in Sagittarius, opposite lovely Gemini? I’d warn you about making comments in front of the kids. “Daddy says it all the time, makes them move.” The kid was just observing, not passing judgement. To hear the version of the story I heard, though, almost caused a wreck to hear the kid utter that comment.

Mercury. Is. Backwards.

Careful what you say as it will come back to haunt you, and maybe, not in a way you’d like. Cancer: Truly, it was a Mexican Standoff. Tourist, by my reckoning, as not many locals could be bothered, anyway the tourists did what was appropriate in a big city, pulled across two lanes of traffic to pull just slightly forward of a parallel parking spot. Downtown street. Not really busy by big-city standards, but it was a busy day right before Xmas. There was a department store, across the street, too.

The city operates a parking garage, down the street from there, as well. Two ‘hombres,’ slumped low in the almost nondescript blue, four-door sedan, a beat booming from somewhere. The guy in the passenger seat, he was wearing a trilby and a wife-beater T. Might’ve had a heavy silver chain with “Virgen de Guadalupe” on it. Instead of backing up, which would’ve been polite, the sedan crept and boomed up right behind the tourist SUV, which, in turn, was signaling that the tourist vehicle was going to back up and hit that parallel spot.

Here’s how I know it was a tourist: no local could parallel into that spot — way too narrow. The tourist needed to back up, and the locals, didn’t want to. No one was going forward until one of them made a decision, back up, don’t back up, go, don’t go. Something. I sauntered past. I kept on walking, too. I glanced back once. They were still sitting there. Cancer: see how stupid either one looks? Just move. Doesn’t matter which one you are, give a little. Leo: One of my clients is on her way to to being a “crazy old cat lady.” You know the archetype? Single woman, lives in a house with a dozens, if not hundreds of feral cats? My friend isn’t there yet, not in age, anyway, and not really in cats. She only had a couple of older “girl” cats, all fixed, all strays who were — after my friend adopted them — well-fed, well-petted, and well-cared for. However, about two years ago, a boy cat, kitten, showed up on her doorstep.

He won her heart, she took him in, had him fixed, flea-dipped and shots. As he grew into cat-manhood, he started bringing home dead animals. Offerings. Started with a few birds, but there was a mouse, once. Quite the hunter. I suggested her cat start a blog. She nicknamed the cat “Dexter,” which was a TV reference I didn’t get.

Last count, he had over two dozen confirmed “kills,” and as I’ve pointed out before, the cat has done more to help her than any other boyfriend. Or, better than any boyfriend recently. Not that showing up with a small, dead bird is really helping. The funny part, to me, is the cat won’t eat the dead critters, just kills them and brings them home. When I suggested her cat start a blog, she was amused, but never touched the idea.

Having her cat start a blog, though? It would serve several purposes, for one, it would stretch her writing skills, and more important, for the Leo? If the cat didn’t post for a while? No one would get upset. It’s the cat’s blog, not like daily occurrence for real news and opinions. It’s the secondary layer of anonymity that helps. That’s your Xmas present from me to The Leo. Virgo: There’s a terribly simple Georgia O’Keefe painting, a small one, I believe, it’s from her earlier work. It’s a simple windmill. Being raised, like I was, running amuck in the North (East) Texas areas, I’ve seen windmills.

“Aero-motor,” what it usually says alongside one fan blade. Or along the tail-fin, I’m not sure. Memory is foggy. However, I do know, that, looking at that one O’Keefe painting, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Struck an emotional chord with me. I moved on to other selections in the collection, and my tears washed away, a faded memory.

What I was trying to figure out, why a simple illustration of a pedantic and totally ordinary scene from my upbringing, why that would evoke a tearful response. From me. What’s the connection? The loneliness of the image? The empty spaces, the empty hearts? The tenuous connection to childhood? A tie to the land itself?

It’s Xmas time, hardly a time to think about my little emotional response to a painting. I noticed, at the same time this happened, that the planets are in the same way for Virgo, now. Pretty much, this is the host astrological influence located in Capricorn, but that’s weighted against Mercury backwards in Sagittarius. Tricks and triggers, emotional triggers and now, how about a way around it? Realize that Mercury is backwards and he will dredge of long-lost, long-forgotten images. Trip you up, trigger some kind of flood of emotions? Sure. Bad? Hardly, it’s the holiday season. Move on to the next party item. Libra: My religious “faith” is colored by several different experiences. From mystical revelations and deep hypnotic trance-like meditations, to frightening near-death encounters, to the everyday practice of stopping off in a cathedral to pray (and mediate), I’m trying to cover as many flavors and brands of religion as possible. Nominally, I was raised “protestant;” however, that label fell by the wayside some years ago.

This was a concern because I’m double-booked this coming Xmas Eve. Two different family groups, two different churches, two different places to be. If I had to decide, I’d opt for the more traditional, some would say, “fundamental,” services. This has nothing to do with my belief system. It’s about listening, looking, partaking in other peoples’ rituals. Then, too, it’s about being double-booked. Make the 8 PM religious services one place and make it Midnight Mass at the other place.

Adjust this as you need to, but remember that your little Libra self needs to be open to all the services. Even if, in this example, those two religions really don’t like each other. To me? It’s great exposure, good experience. Scorpio: “Hey, Merry Christmas!” The little waitress hugged me. It was a sideways hug. She slipped up beside me and gave me a very oblique squeeze. Like she was glad to see me, but not so glad as to mesh body parts, or mash her body against mine. Cheap thrills, take them when we get them.

I should point out, I was sitting down and she was barely a head taller than me, when I was seated. Standing up? I doubt she’s taller than my chest. Which might be the reason for the foreshortened, sideways hug. She’s used to dealing with taller people. Or maybe not. The place I know here from, it’s a local spot, most noted for excellent cuisine at dirt cheap prices. Means it’s a dive, a tacqueria where my native English is strictly second-class.

While not the shortest, or most rotund, she is the merriest one in there. To my eyes, anyway. While I appreciated her greeting, Xmas season and all, I was curious about the sideways nature. Then, too, I lack basic familiarity with this one woman to ask too much. Scorpio, though, I know that. As a Scorpio, too, that foreshortened greeting? That might be the best way to hit this week’s stellar energy. You’ve got to save yourself — save enough energy to say hello to everyone. Sagittarius: Clayton Williams (Libra) — I didn’t vote for him, wouldn’t have voted for him, and that was before his comic flaw — to me. Tragic flaw to some. He was on a deer lease with several members of the press. The leading gubernatorial candidate then, he was a sure thing against Democrat (Virgo) Ann Richards.

Until that fateful comment. This is long-dead Texas political history. A case where a single comment sunk a winning election. Possibly changed the face of modern history, as Ann won against Clayton, then she lost a second term to George Bush (Jr.), who then went on to become president. This isn’t about that, this is about Clayton’s comment. A single, rather off-color remark, in front of the press.

That went from local rumor to national news, and eventually, that single comment sunk his election. This is the perfect “Mercury is Retrograde” reminder. All he said, his simple simile was to compare a forced sexual encounter to the Texas weather. The press (pre-inter-web) seized the comment, in context, undeniable, and that was like a single, well-paced shot: sunk Clayton’s campaign.

A single, off-color remark. A manly joke shared amongst the men-folks in a deer lease, out in the boonies. A single comment. Consider that, my fine Sagittarius friends, a single comment changed the face of history.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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  • anca Dec 23, 2010 @ 7:07

    Considering my Gemini moon and my Sag. rising, I guess I better keep my mouth totally shut this week. I dread stuff like this. I know I am bound to say something unintentionally and the prophecy will come true.

  • Maria Najera Dec 23, 2010 @ 14:45

    Cancer…just move!!! NOT!!!! I have been going with the flow for weeks now…I dont recognize myself anymore…I have no problem looking stupid…thats not true…DARN…okay….second thought…I will move…hate when your right!