Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 1.20.2011

“Certainties
Either are past remedies, or, timely knowing,
The remedy is then born.”
Shakespeare’s Cymberline [I.vi.113-5]

Sun joins Mars in Aquarius, Jupiter moves into Aries, and Saturn turns retrograde. What does it all mean?

Aquarius: Happy birthday! The planets portend a brilliant new year, on its way. More or less. More less than more. It’s about picking a single direction and sticking to that single direction. One, simple goal. The direction is simple. The problem is how to get “there” from “here.” I once invested in software that built project management outlines. Bullet points, steps, process analysis, and most important? A visual outline of what steps are required. I used that software once. Didn’t really use it, just played with it some. I outlined a project, looked at how the interface didn’t really work for me, all those steps to take steps, and I decided my method of scraps of paper and spurious text documents on computers was more effective. For me. All a matter of what works. What doesn’t work. The Aquarius birthday challenge, is to realize that there’s a simple, stated goal, and getting there looks easy, at this moment. Leave room for someone (something) to add some extra steps. It’s all part of the Aquarius process. My little stack of notes? Scribbled instructions? Seems to be growing. I know you understand that.

Pisces: Late this Thursday afternoon starts the beginning of the “Pisces Extended Dance Mix.” I have a theory, an astrology theory, based on years of observation and little bit of chart twiddling, that Pisces, as whole, enters an extended period of bliss and happiness, starting, like, maybe a month before the Pisces month really starts. This is usually reserved for Aquarius birthdays, but as I’ve discovered, gregarious and magnanimous to a fault, the Aquarius types are willing to share the good times. There’s really a lot more technical data involved, but let’s keep this simple.

As a Pisces, I’d start feeling good and start birthday-style-theme party plans. Here’s an example: I used to buy iTunes cards, 3 x $10 gift cards. One for my sister, one for my Mother, and one, sort of a little left over, one for me. I’d drop those gift cards into, like a Valentine’s Day card for them. Mom rents movies, Sister listens to the audio equivalent of maudlin crap, but that doesn’t bother me. Each person gets what they want. Includes, if you noticed, a little something for your Pisces self. Early birthday time. Doesn’t have to be a high-dollar item, just something fun.

Aries: I like Jupiter. As an Aries, you like Jupiter, too. He’s a good planet, as planets go, and good planet is hard to find these days. Jupiter comes careening into your sign, and he’s going to bring a huge amount of good will, good feelings, and good energy with him. He’s packing Aries heat. There’s an issue, though, just one that stands out, and that issue is illuminated by Saturn, turning retrograde, across the way in Libra. The way to benefit from Jupiter is to launch a renewed attack on the problem. However, just as a suggestion, think about a different way of hitting that single issue. You tried a frontal assault. That didn’t work. You tried to scale the walls; that didn’t work. With the renewed vigor imparted by Jupiter? Try a flanking maneuver. Takes longer, you have to go around the side. Jupiter gives that extra boost. Might seem like the long way around, but works. No more “head first” attempts to solve the problem, try my longer, more arduous, yet successful and rewarding route.

Taurus: In my past, as a tinker, one task I undertook was to build a web page for a client. She was a dominatrix at the time. I can’t even make this stuff up. While it was borderline, it was a one of those business propositions that paid well, and I had a chance to learn about another aspect of sexuality, other angles of web skills, and lore about knots. Plus some other stuff. The problem being, every time I mentioned the page, I got the knowing nod and wink. I’m not into any of that. No bondage, no spanking, beating, whips, chains, handcuffs, none of that. Got it? What I discovered, at the time, in the online world offbeat sexuality, the worse a web page looked, the better it was received. That’s the lesson. Clean, sleek, no flaws? Doesn’t work. Looks like something a 14-year old put together as a class project? Yes, looks like something an individual with no artistic aptitude hammered together? That worked best. Not stuff that looked good. I think I was using a black, dark brown, background with white and orange lettering. Not my finest work, but what sold, what attracted attention was material that was less refined. Not up to current web standards. There’s clean and crisp. Takes a while to get to the refined look. There’s quick and dirty, kind of a kludge. That’s what works best. We’re in Aquarius. Hammer something to together. May not be your finest work, as a Taurus, but that doesn’t matter. What seems to sell is quick and dirty.

Gemini: Anyone else probably won’t get this, but I was with a buddy, and he was buying pickup truck accessories. The sales girl, not dressed like a lady, not old enough to be a lady (in my mind), she was working in the sales department at an aftermarket truck store. Racks, brush guards, spare tire covers, all manner of stuff I didn’t even know existed. All for sale. That sales person? Stiletto heels, about four inches, maybe more. In a truck retail store? Sales people, on their feet all day? In those heels? I thought it was crazy. However, whatever makes the sale, right? Apparently, those heels worked. My buddy was looking for one of the trailer light attachments for his truck, it’s a light harness that plugs into the truck’s wiring so the lights for a trailer can be easily plugged in. Those heels? He bought a light harness. He bought tube lighting for the rack of the truck. “Click-click,” those heels, back and forth on the smooth concrete floor. Rope lighting for his overhead. New floorboard lights. A set of “fog lamps,” bolted to the rack. More striping for the bumper. What was a simple task got compounded by a set of heels. That’s what it looked like to me. I have to ask my Gemini friends, are you willing to wear the heels? Or, just to be fair, you’re not going to fall for that trick, are you?

Cancer: “I was thinking about my first kiss, behind the Civic Center, in Uvalde…” Heck of a lead in, if you ask me. Kid was, maybe, 20 years old. In Austin, working at fast food job. Long way, lightyears, really, from Uvalde. He was referencing a song on the radio, at that moment. Slightly dated rock. He wandered off to empty a trash can, and put in a new liner. As he wandered back, wiping his hands on his red apron, I asked what his birthday was. Cancer. Uvalde is half way to the Mexican border, from San Antonio, and as such, Uvalde is a sleepy little backwater of a town. Good hunting and supposedly, good fishing, although, I never found it. Both Mars and the Sun move into Aquarius and what that does? Brings a small amount of relief. You have a chance to stop, listen to the music, think about that first kiss, where was your first kiss? Stop, pause, reminisce, and then get on back to working. There’s still trash that needs to be hauled out and don’t forget to put a new liner in the trash can. Then, unlike that one worker? Maybe wash your hands, too. As Mars and the Sun move along, you get a little break, but that doesn’t mean you can stop, just pause.

Leo: “It’s the suede denim secret police,” that’s the lyric. I’d ask for the singer’s name, but the inter-web and its search engines have made that a moot point. It’s been a decade since I’ve managed to hit the correct question that doesn’t have an easy accessible (inter-web) answer. Part of the answer to the question, is that lyric played as I looked at The Leo chart. Between the fallout from the Full Moon, and the ingress of the Sun and Mars in Aquarius — opposite your gentle Leo self — there’s tension. Problems. Issues. Insurmountable? Hardly. Big issues or little issues? I think it’s stupid stuff. You get stuck in line behind an old person who insists on counting out exact change. You are hampered by a boss who is clearly disassociated from consensual reality. You pull through the drive-thru bank teller thing, and the other line moves faster. That’s three examples. Does that provide an adequate image? I hope so. None of these problems, in and of themselves is a real problem, but as this week unfolds, and worse, like Monday or Tuesday? I’ll bet you hit all three at once, a trifecta of stupid. Solution? Realize Mars and the Sun are opposing you. The other signs, the Lesser Eleven? Just not moving as fast as your regal Leo self.

Virgo: I was chatting up a client. Nice enough looking woman, Virgo, if you have to know, and she was going on and on about some issue. All Virgo’s got issues. (Sidebar note: no issues in Virgo land? Hurry, go out and get some!) I made one of my typically sexist jokes. For the record, I’m a male piglet. Chauvinist to the extreme. Patriarchy is on its way out, but I’ll maintain my position as long as I can, even in the face of overwhelming odds. Stop, this isn’t about me. It’s about Virgo. “Yeah, I’m liberated, as long as it is to my advantage.” Liberated to the point that the advantage is lost. That got my curiosity going, as I scribbled down a note. There’s a point where it is no longer an advantage to be liberated, or patriarchal, as in my case. There’s a time and place for grandstand gestures, a good time to use that energy. As the next couple of weeks unfold, there’s a political point where it’s better not to push a point. Or, in my case, I can make a sexist joke as long as it’s clearly understood that I was making a pass at humor. Not making a pass at Virgo. Nope, not me, not any more. No more Virgo. Just not man enough, but that’s not what this is about. It’s about knowing when to stop pushing the point. Liberated, only as long as it’s to your advantage (and that’s NOT gender specific!)

Libra: Last Xmas, there’s a situation, happens in all extended family situations. I was just thinking about the Xmas vacation and what happens. “Here, can you just look at my computer?” It’s the family tech support. It was better when I had a sister working at Dell Computer. Although she was in sales, nothing to do with the computer’s inner workings, but she was assailed with a myriad of questions. Complaints, issues, problems, and the favorite, wait, it’s back, “Can you just look at my computer, I know, it’s not a Dell, but maybe you could fix it?” Some skills are transferable. Some skills aren’t. I’m a mac guy, so it doesn’t mean anything to me. I have a built in excuse, usually. Unless it’s my own, wee mum, Scorpio mom, that is. I have to answer her tech questions, and her descriptions, they leave something to be desired. I don’t get the questions and this leads to frustration. Not unlike my Austin sister at Dell (she’s no longer there). So this week, as the planets march inexorably along their preordained pathway, those pesky planets are foisting a situation just like “family tech support,” and “can you just look at it?” Fosters some indignation, and I’ve lost the ability to say, “I’m just a mac user,” so there’s some level that I’m assumed, Y-chromosome, notwithstanding, wherein my gender makes it possible for to fix stuff, like balky computers. That sense of frustration, and starting at the beginning, “What were you looking at when it broke?”

Scorpio: Life is like a bowl of cereal? Sure, I can spin that for my Scorpio friends. Stay with me on this one, okay? It’s not the bowl of cereal itself, it’s the box of cereal. Big box, mostly air, has some wax-paper, plasticine covered wrapped inside the thin cardboard box. The box was made for reading. Ingredients, mostly sugar and refined grain products, with flavor and more sugars. The part that I like? The stuff at the bottom of the bag. The broken chips, the flakes, the sugar dust, the flavors all powdered and mixed together. That’s the good stuff. That with some milk? It’s more like a soup than crunchy big bites of toasted, shredded fiber. More sugar and sweetness, less of the important nutrients required to help growing bodies grow. When I read that label, I wondered about how important it was to have that much sugar. Might be me. As we get to the end of this month, it’s like that stuff, that dust, in the bottom of the cereal box of life. Personally, I like it better than the regular cereal. But that could be me. However, as a Scorpio, you might want to think about enjoying that left-over dust, as there’s more flavor and more of the enjoyable stuff at the end.

Sagittarius: Last time I bought T-shirts, there was a big bin of shirts at a local market. Sign read, “5 T-shirts, $10.” I’m not always good at math, not when it comes to items that I just want, but this was a good deal, that’s about $2 per shirt. Plus a little tax, but who’s counting? I dug through the big box full of shirts. I found my size, and I found three of the shirts that carried a good label, too. 100% cotton, American-made, fade-proof, and so forth. Two more were unknown label, and I’m not sure I could tell the front from the back. Ten bucks. Money well-spent. I was careful and I shopped a bargain. In this situation, three of the shirts are still good, one shrunk on the first washing, and the other one fell apart at the seams, almost literally, when I stretched it over my head. Still, that’s three shirts for less than about ten dollars, and I figuring with 40% failure rate, at that price, we’re still well-within the predefined “cheap t-shirt” price. It’s numbers, plain and simple. What this week is about. Out of five shirts, two became unusable in a short time. However, three are still with me. Overall, I’d say I got my money’s worth. Shop smart, be wise, but realize there will be shrinkage, you just have to figure the odds to come out a winner. Every Sagittarius should be a winner.

Capricorn: I want a T-shirt that just says, “Self-parody.” Currently, the only planets in Capricorn are Mercury and Pluto, and there’s the ongoing discussion of Pluto’s status as a planet. Not part of this equation. Those two “stellar objects” are in the tropical zodiac sign of Capricorn and that’s close enough. Technically, in my location, the Sun was in Capricorn when this started but that changed before Thursday morning, so it’s all good. The symbolism sticks. Looking for a self-deprecating message, like a T-Shirt with a witty comment.