Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 3.10.2011

“O, if [your girdle should break], how thy guts would fall about thy knees!”
Shakespeare’s Prince Hal to Falstaff in Henry IV, part 1: III.iii.146-7

“The transit of Uranus in Aries, thus begins.”

    Check the travel & appearances schedule for upcoming locations. Might be one near you, cf., the download page for free eBooks of most of the regular books in print. Pisces: One more round of birthdays, and a little relief is in store for my extra-good Pisces friends. Happy Birthday, darlin’! I used to date this one girl, and when I stayed over, as one might expect, I’d use the shower. The shower’s control handle-spigot thing, the temperature control for the water was always set at one spot However, when I would first run the water, and test it? That setting was all wrong for me. Too cold. No, too hot. No, way too hot. How could she stand it like that? Ice princess. What I learned from that girlfriend was to make sure and check the water’s temperature before jumping into the shower — seems like simple enough advice, no? Just check before immersing one’s self, correct? I’m unsure if this is about a sleep-over with a dear girlfriend, or if this some other watery situation. Just when you think you have the adjustments all made for the perfect temperature. Just when you think the settings are perfect, there’s a change. I’d blame the planets, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t check the water before diving in, first.

SXSW (Pisces) Special:
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Aries: I’m a big fan of software that does the automatic update. Or, in the past, I have been a big fan of this software. The message popped, “There is a new version of this software available, update automatically?” I would normally just click on “Yes.” You’re an Aries, you would normally not even think twice about this question, much less what to click on, much less what to do… Think twice. Uranus is a huge, can be quite good, unexpected influence. Use this influence wisely.

Last the time I saw that, “automatic update,” it was server-side software for my main place of business. There are periods of time when server traffic is higher. My first instinct was, “It’s okay, it’s just minor update, and it won’t take long,” and it will. You know how this goes, correct? That prompt, that update, that, “click here” button, all of that will wait. I’m not saying don’t do it, I’m just suggesting that now isn’t the right time. Not yet. Almost, but not quite. Timing is important. I waited until the web traffic slowed to a crawl.

Taurus: “Being a good Catholic girl,” one of my friends explained, “I gave up wine for Lent. I’ll bring beer.” Does this, can anybody, I’m at a loss for words. Me, without words. The multitude of images heap up and overrun themselves. Give up wine , but drink beer? I don’t understand, but then, there are eccentricities about that faith that I clearly don’t grasp. A set period of denial of certain pleasures could be good, I suppose. I see how the theory might work, although, I really just didn’t get that one. Could be me, and the Catholic School Girl always brings up a certain image, as well. That’s not really what this is about. I was thinking, after spinning your chart around for a moment, I was considering that the concept of Lenten self-denial, it’s not all bad. There’s a place in the Taurus life to cut back on certain action. Wine? Maybe. Other issues come to mind as well, more than one kind of way to trim something from your life that doesn’t quite fit. I’ve always suggested that Lent is a good time to get rid of excessive guilt.

Gemini: I’ve long admired Gemini, the sign, the essence of the symbol itself, for the inherent mental capacity that the symbolism brings to the proverbial table. Gemini? Usually smart. Smarter than most, way over the top with bright stuff. Usually. Mostly. Maybe not so much right now. While there’s a hint that relief is on its way, there’s still the persistent push from the Pisces flavor with Mars and the Sun still there, still leaning on your gentle Gemini self. Don’t do something stupid. Air is an admirable quality. I like my airy Gemini friends. The palpable, perceptible shift when Uranus crosses that line, into Aries? While this is a good, if not great, move for Gemini in the grand scheme of life? That benefit might take a few days, more like a few weeks, maybe a few months, to catch up with you. While we’re all waiting on this “beneficial influence of Uranus” to catch up with your wondrous Gemini selves? One word of caution: don’t be stupid. That’s three words, but as a Gemini? Three can count as one, right?

Cancer: I served, as a volunteer, on a Not-For-Profit board. Year was up and I quickly resigned. Being on that board attracted complaints, turned me into a target for activist activists, and, in general, lowered an already low expectation of humans and humanity. My heart might’ve been in the right place, but my head was clearly in another location. I can help save this kind of pain from happening to my little Cancer friends. Don’t volunteer. There’s a building pressure in Cancer, in all the cardinal signs, but especially in Cancer. Don’t volunteer. Noble cause. I’m all for helping the downtrodden. I’m all for improving the community. I’m all about helping mankind. Don’t volunteer. There are righteous fights that need to fought, demons to be battled and subdued, and so on. Stop. There’s a time, and a place, to do this kind of work. Giving back to the community is important, and as a Cancer, you care, possibly more deeply, that others.

The Leo: I was riding with a Leo fishing buddy, we were headed to a lake. To fish. Any surprise? Why else would be heading to lake? Spawning bass are fickle but fun. Pre-spawn, might’ve been. I’m riding shotgun, truck’s pulling the boat, my Leo buddy’s driving. The three lanes of highway narrow to two, and then to a single lane. Traffic slows to a crawl. Some kind of road construction. My buddy, The Leo, he starts cussing, banging on the steering wheel. Stop. Before you get all worked up over an obstruction in your good forward progress? Stop and think. You really figure that some flunky, a junior executive at the highway department, in this case it would be TXDoT, you really think that guy took a look at my schedule, then planned to arrange for as much highway construction, lane closure and maintenance, just to thwart your Leo access to the lake? Doubtful. However, behind one of the TXDoT buildings in Austin, on the south side of the lake there, I’ve seen one employee pull his boat to work. I doubt, though, that he has it out for you and that he’s scheduled this construction just to irritate your Leo self. There’s going to be an obstruction, a delay, something that impedes your good, orderly direction. I can’t help that. Thinking that there’s a guy pulling the strings to make this problem occur just for you? Little vain, isn’t it? However, in the example? I didn’t point that out, not me. I’m not that brave.

Virgo: Welsh Rarebit is basically toast and cheese. The first time I recall having it, a little Welsh lass was introducing me to the “delicacy.” Sounded like a full meal, and what I got that time? A piece of toast, covered in a cheese sauce. Like, well, like queso, only not so zesty. I was a little let down. However, over the years, I’ve learned that Welsh Rarebit is a variation on the theme of cheese fondue. Made it a little more palatable, as the version from Wales uses cheddar, not Swiss, cheese. There’s an addendum to this, as well, my own version. Born out of necessity and frugality, it’s Texas Toast Rarebit. Mexican Cheese. A couple of pickled jalapeno pepper slices. A cup or two of grated “mexican” cheese, which is usually a blend of Colby, sharp cheddar and jack. I like my version better. The bread, a slice of Texas Toast white bread. I usually get mine at the leftover grocery store, the outlet mall of baked goods. It’s also usually “duck bread,” as the kid would call it, or “fish bread,” as I would call it. What I’ve done is taken a barely palatable British dish and turn it sideways into a delicious full-meal deal for me. With taste, flair and spice. I’d like to think of my version as super-charged Welsh Rarebit, Texas Toast style. As a Virgo, there’s a situation that’s barely palatable. Think about adding your own flare, your own ingredient list. While it might appear to be one thing, the new and improved Virgo version? Much better.

Libra: The biggest problem with digital media? It’s too ephemeral. One minute, it’s there and the next minute? Gone. I had a friend — a talented photographer — take some bio-pics of me. Used them for years on the website, then, as process and underpinning changed, I lost track of where the originals were, and for that matter, where the website material went. I thought, once uploaded, it would live there, like, forever and ever. Apparently, this isn’t the case. Or maybe it’s the result of over-zealous house cleaning on the computers. I thought I had everything, and I mean everything, backed up. I wouldn’t erase digital images unless they were backed up onto a disk or something. Apparently not. It’s not like this a great loss, it’s a decades old image of me, thinner, younger, more ambitious, less talent, smarter than I am now, but still, as a historical artifact, it’s kind of fun. As anything else? Not really.

Scorpio: It’s almost the middle of March, and I had some tax documentation, a simple tax form, catch up with me. Mailed to the old PO Box, then forwarded, then lost, then found, and it gradually made its way to my hands. I’m no accountant, but the deadline was, like, the end of January, right? That’s like six weeks overdue. This made perfect sense, the six-week delay, if I’d been a Scorpio. I’m not, but who’s going to let that interfere here?

The six-week delay, “Is this about Mercury Retrograde? Or something else?”

It’s about something else. It’s about turning your good Scorpio attention to a little matter that you thought you dealt with, but, apparently, you didn’t. Or, here’s my favorite theory, you did deal with it, just someone else forgot, dropped the ball, didn’t do what they were supposed to do, something. While the fault isn’t with Scorpio, it is up to Scorpio to pull the details together and make this work. It’s about you shouldering the burden, one more time. Fortunately, for a Scorpio, this isn’t too difficult. Here’s the good news: do this once, for me, and you’ll get the credit. In a few days. Maybe a few weeks, but you will get the credit you deserve. Eventually.

Sagittarius: I’ve seen this referred to as a couple of different terms. I liked “Complexity Creep,” best, as the term “complex creep,” could be interpreted as the guy with the complex, or the guy at the complex, who is a creep. Or some guy who creeps you out. Which isn’t what I wanted to look at for this. What I was concerned with is the overly complex nature of some applications. Website, cell phones, cars. Any number of issues in our Sagittarius lives. Complexity creep. If I don’t talk to you about this, who will? The joke circulated some years ago, but it part of the punchline still applies, about entering a pass code on the microwave oven. Complexity Creep. Stop it now. Just say no. Something. Anything? It’s a matter of streamlining processes and procedures to fit a lean, acerbic Sagittarius style. It’s matter of working with what’s there, and not giving into the modern way of making any task, goal, job, more difficult than it needs to be. Avoid the complexity creep. Now, I suggest a detailed, 13-page plan of action to avoid this kind of problem….

Capricorn: I’m about six feet tall. I’ve tended, in the past, to gravitate towards shorter women. They are what I’m attracted to most frequently. It could be a dominance thing, it could be deep-rooted psychological issues, or, it could be, I just find the girls who are “short as a minute, cute as a bug” to be the most attractive. Again, could be me. Just the way I’m wired. Cold winter night, not that long ago, last month? The problem with dating short women is my feet get cold. Not as in euphemistically “cold feet,” I mean literally. The women who are closer to my height can help keep my bare feet warm. The short ones? Yeah, not so much. Warm feet are no longer an issue as it’s past time for shorts and sandals full-time in my part of Texas. However, the problem still exists. I’m wholly unprepared to take this any further, other than it’s an observation about my shortcomings in the selection process. There’s a simple solution. In the winter? Those cold nights with short women? Wear socks. As a Capricorn, there’s a thorny issue, or persistent issue, and we can spend all kinds of time worrying about the underlying source of the trouble. For now? Wear socks. Take the easier, less mentally indulgent route for the time being.

Aquarius: I’m always amazed at how stories — tales, myths — get spread. Part of the oral tradition, I’m sure. There might be a science to this, although, I’d be a little concerned with the veracity of the findings. One of my little friends ran into another, distant, “friend of a friend,” and by the time the news got back to me, I was a rich guy with lots of properties, here and overseas. Really, I was a guy living in a trailer park in South Austin, but let’s not let the facts interfere with the myth-making. Then, too, when there’s an absence of hard facts, soft facts, stretchers, and complete fabrication cut from the cloth of non-reality, all of these are admissible. It was last month, and I was dressed in a black t-shirt, jeans, boots, sports coat. Normal winter wear. The boots have ben re-soled a half-dozen times. Look exotic, but really, just worn cowhide that’s been polished a lot. The sport coat looks expensive, but again, discount shopping. While I might’ve presented an image of wealth, while I might’ve looked “rich,” I’m just me. However, the projected image? Have to be careful with that. Apparently, relative ease and grace makes me look a lot taller — and lot richer — than I really am. This is mostly about Venus, in your sign now, but there’s a hint, careful about how successful, you want to look.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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  • Sarah Smith Mar 10, 2011 @ 11:30

    Sagittarius scope started my day with a chuckle. Thanks, KW. As a good Moon in Virgo person (me) once said (just now) a little spice in life absolutely simplifies everything. Not doing Cheese Texas Toast, but Quesadilla for dinner. Close relative, no?