Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 11.3.2011

“There is no virtue like necessity.”
Shakespeare’s The Tragedy of King Richard the Second [I.ii.282]

Look for all of us in Austin this weekend. Scorpio: There’s a very uneven quality to the way this next couple of days flow. Or don’t flow. At the crest, you will be exhilarated, enthused, and flush with that first blush of Scorpio victory! The high has a concomitant low. Up one minute then down the next. The moon is getting full, and that will, ultimately be compounded with Jupiter and the “Jupiter effect,” which I’ve written about in the past. You know, that’s the up and down, good, better, great, awful, then good, all over again. Emotional roller coaster.

If you learn this in a timely fashion, like, early on, you realize that this is what’s going on. Get a grasp on that. Good, better, great, totally awesome and then, awful, terrible, no hope in sight, then wait, it’s good. Feel like a Gemini, huh.

What to do? Understand that the good news and bad information washes over you like a big wave breaking across the bow of the good ship Scorpio. Won’t sink you and there’s a promise that the next run-up the slope of Scorpio promises to be better than it was. Happy Birthday! Sagittarius: A typical Sagittarius comment, a succinct way to sum up the energy in the noble archer? Premature. The exact meaning and the emotive baggage is even worse with that single word. Doesn’t mean what you think. Or maybe it does mean what you think. What are you thinking it means? Yeah, I thought so, too. An errant but not errant Mercury combined with Venus and a Full Moon….

The present energy is one that we, as Sagittarius, we would be inclined to try and finish other peoples’ sentences. Stop that. We are ready to go when every one else just got here. We’re moving onto the next big thing while folks are just digesting what’s right here, right now. The planets are pushing us to new levels, that’s good, Venus, especially, in my mind, she’s a strong influence. That’s good. However, there are times, and this would be one of them, there are times when we should reel it in a little. Slow it down. No, don’t slow it down, just cut back on the exuberance. No, don’t cut back on, just temper the way we display our excitement. Yee-something-haw!

Capricorn: It’s been many years since I’ve done any kind of mechanical work. I lack current skills. I lack current tools, and I certainly lack a desire to work on greasy, motor things. However, as a leftover tool, one of the items I’ve long held onto was a BMW (motorcycle) tool kit screwdriver. Perhaps one of the most functional of all the multi-purpose tools I’ve ever seen, Leatherman, et al notwithstanding. The screwdriver is apparently German (West German) hardened rust-resistant steel, just a shank in plastic sleeve of a handle. Still one of the most useful screwdrivers I’ve ever used. It’s the right size, with a Phillips head on one end and a flat head on the other, and that good, German steel, with the tips, it’s a reversible-style, with each tip hardened. That Phillips head has opened and operated on several computer cases, a long way distant from its origins as a roadside emergency tool. Usually, one size does not fit all. Usually, one is not enough to cover everything. In this simple example, one is enough. Use that tool correctly, and it can fix anything. For a Capricorn, I hope the allusion is obvious.

Aquarius: “It was ‘bacon jam,’ no seriously, really good stuff!” Aquarius buddy, waxing rhapsodic about a recent food find. “Think about it, you know, bacon and pancakes with maple syrup? A little syrup touches the bacon? Think how good that would be!” I’m white, or a certain age, and I should pay closer attention to anything with cholesterol in it, like bacon. Sweets, doesn’t matter what kind, but sugars, too, another target to reduce. Health concerns. So ‘bacon jam,’ that has two items that we should stay away from sugar and bacon, right? What are items that would surprise us if they went together and yet, like my friend pointed out, are surprisingly good together? Bacon jam. Mars isn’t out of Leo yet, almost, but not quite. Things that don’t belong together and yet, not so odd, provide us with comfort on one level? Find some kind of item doesn’t have to be bacon jam, but find something that does work well to scratch that itch. We can worry about health concerns, next week.

Pisces: We live in world where the idea seems to be to complicate a situation, the more complex the better it is. In software terms, it’s “bloat.” Perhaps this terms works elsewhere, too. The idea that the best solution is needlessly complicated is untrue. Especially now, and especially for Pisces. Less complicated, less problematic. The more pieces and parts that introduced, the more points where failure can occur. In the simplest of terms, with some of the fishing I do, instead of a fishing reel with a line attached, and then, at the end of that, a swivel with another piece of leader, then weights, hooks, leaders, floats, sinkers, everything, instead of all that? A simple wide-gap, worm hook. Simple. Easy. No complicated rigs tied on the end. Gear heads don’t like this. Gear heads thrive on complexity and arcane choices. Fish thrive on being set free, usually by arcane and complex gear choices. More complexity means more likelihood of a problem, and more problems mean equipment failure. This week, as the stuff unfolds and the moon gets full? Less. Less complexity. Do like I do: tie the hook on the end of the fishing line.

Aries: One of the coolest things about technology and the inter-webs? I can go online and find just about anything. I was looking for a weird piece of old Apple gear, if you have to know, it was an Apple Newton. I had one. Several. Bleeding edge tech and it gave birth to the portable industry, more or less. I found one on eBay. Its listed price was $750. It sold for a fraction of that. New, in original box. Looks like it sold for $40 or $50, less than the price of a reading with me. This is all about perceived value that is compared, face-to-face, with real value. That dead-tech toy is only worth as much as someone is willing to pay. I’m not really interested in an old Newton. I have a curator’s interest in the device itself, and I have a novelist’s sense of curiosity about how it wound up on eBay, the blurb said it was a piece of over-looked inventory in an old warehouse, and that’s where it came from. Allegedly. It went for a fraction of the cost, and I’m unsure if it was used, or just stuck in a warehouse someplace, again. Me, I got an idea, I had a moment of intellectual fun, a fond remembrance, and a quick jaunt down technology nostalgia lane. I didn’t buy anything — I committed to nothing. I looked. I didn’t touch. I satisfied my curiosity long enough to realize it wasn’t what I needed again. As an Aries, can you look and not touch? Fondle and not buy? I’m just suggesting this is a good time for just that, shopping, but maybe not buying.

Taurus: Full Moon, but the problem? There is always one, just one in this case, but there’s always one who holds out. One who is the obstacle. One person. A single object. A single person, a single item. One. Not two, or three, just a simple, single root, the only item that stands in the way between your Taurus self, and the stated goal. One, simple obstacle. Object. Thing. Person. Buddy of mine worked for the phone company, then the cable company. Pulled wires, strung stuff up, connected things and did other stuff. He used to set out cones around his company vehicle, and it got to the point that he carried the cones, the standard safety orange cones, with him, in the back of his truck. Sets them out, to this day, out of habit, I guess. Makes it look official, you know, and he could probably park in a fire lane, what with the cones and the tired, working man’s look, like, “I’m here, and you can’t stop me, so I can fix this thing…” Only, see, his truck is no longer labeled thusly. Still, it’s a good idea. Parks here, he uses the cones, or one, anyway. No one parks behind him. That’s how to get around that obstacle. Carry it with you. Be part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Gemini: BBQ place I frequented had the most amusing T-shirt slogan “Make sure the fingers you are licking are your own.” What made it more amusing is that it was tag-line take-off of another tried and true marketing slogan. You know, “Finger Licking Good?” There’s a tertiary element, the last time I saw that t-shirt slogan? Shirt was on a nubile young female, and the males in our group made unwanted, unwarranted advances. Might have been warranted, but not exactly welcome.

All I could do was shake my head. Hope springs eternal. This started as an examination of marketing slogans. The simplest of terms, the easiest of melliferous and dulcet Gemini sounds, the proper pairing of words, in a single word? Poetry. Crank up the Gemini word machine. Pair the right words with the correct sounds and get this all packaged up neatly. Seriously. There’s a chance that a lot of hard work would yield a term as valuable — and long-lasting — as “Finger Licking Good.” Another BBQ place I tend to favor? “Horrifying Vegetarians since 1988.” Good marketing slogan, and that’s what this is about, building the right marketing slogan for Gemini. Might take a while, but I’m sure you can do it.

Cancer: The ability to procrastinate is a cherished skill. One I’m good at, I know. I can put off a mundane chore for weeks, months, even years. Some items, I’ve been able to put off for over a decade. This isn’t an easy skill to master. Takes time, effort, patience, and a little ingenuity. The inter-webs make this a lot easier, too. Easier skill to manage and master, the ability to put off important details until a later date. Or not even at all. You know I meant to do that but I didn’t get to it. Yet. Not now, either, next week? Not looking good for the completion of the given task. I can spend more time making up excuses and getting distracted, perhaps it’s a chemical imbalance in my makeup or perhaps, let’s look at your chart, there’s another reason for this.

Maybe, like me, you don’t want to do something. A given task. An onerous job. Whatever it is? Put it off for the time being. No one gets it on time, anyway. Maybe I live in place where schedules and deadlines are largely theory, too, but nothing is ever done on time.

Leo: Reformation Sunday, I think that’s what it was called, the birthday for 95 Theses. Right? I’m a little weak on Protestant History. Not really, I just remember the stuff I like to recall. So I wasn’t sure about the exact date. Fell close to Halloween. Exiting the church, the majestic organ was cranking up Bach’s “Toccato and Fugue in D Minor.” I’ve used that musical reference as a signature line before. Perhaps the name isn’t familiar. It’s “mad scientist” music. It’s Vampire Music. Dracula. Frankenstein, in black and white? Phantom of the Opera? Bueller? Anyone? I cracked a broad smile when I first heard those opening notes. I stepped back into the sanctuary. The organist had a sense of humor. The big, mighty, booming pipes made the building quiver with the bass line, slow, ponderous, ominous. Or funny, to me. “That’s the ‘mad scientist’ music,” I giggled. “No, it’s Reformation Music,” a matron hushed me, with that look. I know my mad scientist music. The ominous overtones are obvious. The holy triumvirate is behind us, Halloween, Saints’ Day, Dia de las Muertas. Up ahead, for Leo, Mars is just fixing to exit. Could’t happen soon enough, and that’s part of the problem it won’t happen soon enough. You’re going to get one more Mars irritation before this is all over. I’ve warned you. Maybe, with me, step back into the sanctuary and listen to the pipes of that organ shake the building. Don’t worry what they call it, we know what it is.

Virgo: John 8:32, “The truth shall set you free.” Guy obviously wasn’t a Virgo, huh. Truth never set anyone free. Tell the truth and get in trouble, isn’t that the Virgo experience, lately? “Tell the truth and get screwed,” according to one Virgo buddy. He used to work at a big company. Sounds a little brittle and bitter these days. The bitterness is attributed to Saturn in the Virgo Solar Second House. Some of the brittleness is due to Mercury/Venus in Sagittarius. The kicker is next week we all have a full moon. “Oh, great, day late and dollar short.” Turn that sour note into a happy note? I can’t do it. Not for Virgo. What I’d like to do to help, though, is suggest a very Sagittarius (and hence, unwelcome) suggestion that you take a look at the large picture. The big image. The over-all view. If I can’t tweak you a little, get you to step back from the microscopic view you’ve been using, you’d see the whole thing, better, and more clear.

Libra: There’s a stained glass, this is old family lore, but the stained glass in the church, it’s (somebody) crossing the river. Probably Jesus, or Moses, and probably the River Jordan. Again, I’m not too sure about the antecedents and referents. The lore was, Sister, she looked at the stained glass, heard the title, “Crossing the River,” and asked if Jesus had gone to South Austin. The river that runs through Austin, the Colorado River, it divides the North from the South. I’m a South Austin kind of guy. Fit in just fine. Don’t bother a soul in South Austin. The line is more illusionary rather than a serious point of demarcation. North and South are different, but not by much. When the stained glass was first installed in that church, though, the story is Sister looked up, in awe, and wondered why Jesus, Lord and Savior, was moving to South Austin. Depends on who you talk to, whether the Messiah is more in need on the South Side or the North End. Each might think the other side needs more help. As a Libra, you need the help. As a Libra, the best way to help yourself is to help others. I can’t exactly explain how it works, but a little selfless devotion to someone else, a little (anonymous if possible) assistance to another human being? Might get the message across. Like that guy crossing the river.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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  • Sarah Smith Nov 3, 2011 @ 11:38

    “We are ready to go when every one else just got here. We’re moving onto the next big thing while folks are just digesting what’s right here, right now.”

    Probably the story of my life. Completed preparations and ready to go–and everyone else is just sitting there, with their fingers in their ears. The worst fallout is that stuff gets submitted too early and lost by minions who aren’t ready for it; or the requirements are changed and the stuff has to be done all over again with new parameters; or it gets lost after submission.

    And now you want to counsel me to temper my exuberance? Well, I can try, but good luck with that. Mostly I’ll try to possess my soul in patience until everyone else wakes up to what’s going on.