Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.31.2012

“One size of sorrow,
Proportion’d to our cause, must be as great
As that which makes it.”

Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra [IV.iii.7-9]

The up and coming Sagittarius (partial) Lunar Eclipse is a focal point. As is the ongoing relationship between Pluto (in Capricorn) and Uranus (in Aries). What does it mean? These horoscopes are here to explain everything in plain language.

Shakespeare coined the word, ‘vulnerable.’

Gemini: Happy Birthday, once again, to the best of the mutable air signs! I pulled a load of laundry out of the laundromat machine, looked at the cotton (10x thread count) sheets, then I looked at the matching pillow cases as I folded them, then the not-so-matching pillow cases. I’ve used four pillows since I can’t recall. Most sheet sets come with two pillow cases, so I’ll buy, at the discount linen store, king pillow cases that are really soft, with a 10x thread count, and this last time, I got one with decorative little trim at one end. Cheap. The wavy thread pattern at one end? I know why these were discounted. They’re ugly. However, it’s allegedly Egyptian cotton, like a a thousands threads per square inch — or whatever — and soft. Comfortable, and tasteless. If I were worried about it — I’m not — I’d put the pillows with the ugly cases on the bottom. Or inside out. Or something. But I’m not worried. Comfort is more important. As we make our way through Gemini, comfort is more important. Can’t worry about what it looks like, they were cheap and good. All that matters, right now. Cheap and comfortable.

Cancer: “I’m from Lubbock, man, I’ve seen it rain mud.” Well, I’m from Austin, but I spent a portion of my life in Arizona, and I did see it rain mud there. Spend any length of time at all in West Texas, and it the idea of “raining mud” isn’t so far-fetched. I’ve seen it rain mud. I’ve seen it rain, in El Paso, and watch as the rain evaporates before it hits ground. Kind of cool weather stuff to observe.

That’s what I was thinking of, that rain where the effort, in this case, like, with the windshield wipers, the wipers just streaked great cakes of mud across the windshield rather than any kind of real protection. Like the rain that evaporated before it hit the ground? Like my friend from Lubbock, who claims to have seen it, “Raining mud?” Part of this week, the timbre and flavor, for a decent Cancer is the “raining mud” comment. Part of it, like those windshield wipers in the mud storm, does it really pay to go through the extra effort? Or does that just leave a bigger mess?

Leo: “Be careful backing up,” said the sign. It was in a USPS, right-hand drive mail truck. Not a fast vehicle, but considering that most of the utility is inner-inter-urban deliveries? I was ambling past, and I noticed the big, yellow sticky-letters, above the wide steering wheel. Thought about Leo, a big sign like that. Right across the dash, subtle, but against the nondescript interior color? That safety yellow stood out and the inch-high black letters of the message did seem to pop out some. Successful warning. I learned a trick from one girlfriend, she always uses a “pull-through” parking. “I break things when I back-up,” she explained. I drove a long-bed Ford pickup for years. Don’t tell me about parking issues. I’m still known to park halfway across the parking lot if there’s even the remotest amount of shade. Is this really about parking? Not so much. It’s about a simple, tactful piece of advice for Leo: don’t back up. Don’t go back to something that was before, i.e., and to wit: don’t back up. Like the fine print says.

Virgo: She sashayed, sauntered and was swinging, as she approached our table. I asked, point blank, Virgo waitress. Single mom, in school, older than the rest, but still had it going on. There was a problem with the service, though, she was quite overwhelmed. Me and my friends, we’re not exactly high-maintenance but we do require certain assistance. Turns out that the poor, beleaguered Virgo was working a whole section that was usually spilt three ways with two assistants — 5 people. She was doing the job of five people.

Ever feel like that poor girl? Doing the jobs of five, all by your lonely, yet chipper, Virgo self. Because the service was, as one might expect, shoddy, slipshod at best, I mean, that was job that usually had three servers, a food runner and a busboy, easy to see why the drinks were late and the food wasn’t always on time. Was as specified, but not always prompt. The swing in her Virgo step, and the snippets of garbled conversation between orders and deliveries, my friends left a poor tip, a flat 5 bucks, but I added something and one of my business cards. Never heard from her again. Feel like that’s how this is going? Doing the work of five people with no support from management? There is one, that would be me, who understands and tries to help. Don’t count on many of me around this week.

Libra: Client calls me up, and I answer the phone. These days I keep semi-regular hours, so I was available for the call. Must’ve been about three or four in the afternoon. The language was strong, like sailor-strong, and the enunciation was slurred, as if there was a heavy consumption of adult beverages. I think most phones should have a breathalyzer installed. A little strange, that early in the afternoon. Turns out, yes, it was a case of mistaken speed dialing, but I can’t emphasize this enough: don’t drink and dial. I listened to the rambling bit, got blamed for the sorry, no-good lout of a boyfriend she ended up with, and then, it was my fault he left, too. Not happy with him, not happy without. Logically, it makes no sense. Drunken logic, though, early happy hour? Made perfect sense to that one Libra. Please don’t drink and dial, and if you dial, don’t dial me. The real message is about making hasty decisions, perhaps a Libra decision that isn’t in your enlightened, Libra best interest. Well, really, don’t drink and dial.

Scorpio: What-a-Burger is a Texas chain. As the name would imply, burger joint, started in Corpus Christi, late 1940’s, recently migrated to San Antonio, however, the emotional home is still Corpus Christi, TX. As fast-food style goes? I prefer What-a-Burger to everything else. Ask for Jalapeñoes? They layer on enough heat to make it hurt really good. “Hurts so good….” While it’s still a sanitary, fast-food experience, there’s a hint that the place is less “corporate” than other chains. It is good food, and even non-Texans add a stop at the local What-a-Burger as a necessary part of a visit. Could come under the heading of guilty pleasures. That’s what this is about, given Mars and Venus, thinking about a guilty pleasure that you would rather keep secret? Or not, as those burgers and fries, as far as fast food goes? It’s better and arguably better for you, than say, other guilty pleasures.

Sagittarius: The Comal River in Guadalupe County, between Austin and San Antonio, it’s one of the shortest real rivers, anywhere. It issues from fissures in the limestone, and drains into the Guadalupe. Summertime favorite for the “river rats,” “toobing” on the river. The Comal is clear and cold, and frequently mis-identified as the Guadalupe, which it does join. The natural springs were both a resting place, and at one time, a jumping off point for the westward expansion. The town is named New Braunfels and owes much to its German heritage, indeed, the European settlers left an indelible mark. One of the biggest problems, in the rush of modern society with all its concomitant ills, we forget what kind of mark we leave behind. The Comal River in New Braunfels, allegedly the river is named for a broad, flat Mexican cooking dish, a “comal,” and supposedly, that’s what the river’s valley, at the edge of the Hill Country, that’s what it looks like. Don’t forget, despite warnings and woes, what kind of a permanent mark we leave behind. Like names of places. Or other things.

Capricorn: As the Sun traipses through Gemini, the real pressure is on from the little planets that align and light up the Venus in apparent retrograde motion. Work with me here, there’s some heavy symbolism and I can’t draw it out any more clear, but the planets, like the Sun and Mercury, those two tend to illuminate the Venus (associated) issues. Means, if you were trying to dodge a problem, it’s here. If you were trying to avoid a certain, uncomfortable conflict, it’s going to show up. I’m warning you. I’m reading the planets and what they portend.

Do with this what you will.

I just figure the the little planets are going to highlight an issue. Probably something you wish would stay dead and buried. Probably long-forgotten. Like the zombies, though, this week’s energy breathes new life into the dead issue. Lurching forward to meet you, head on. Shhhh, you can hear them now, “Capricorn brains…” Can’t escape the issue and sometimes, it’s better to just take it head on. So to speak.

Aquarius: I got one business issue, just been “eating my shorts.” That’s a colloquial expression used to imply I’m wrestling with an issue, should be a cut-and-dry, black-and-white business decision, and it’s not. There’s too much emotion attached to the business decision. While it should be simple, should be a simple “Yes,” or “no,” it’s not that easy. There’s a level of intrigue, and there’s a level where my ability to justify a decision, I make a living as a writer, I can easily justify any course of action, but I keep rationalizing, over and over, what to do with this one problem.

Can’t let it go, can’t sink more time and money into it, let it limp along? I’d consult an Aquarius for an objective, and hopefully enlightening, look at this particular problem.

It’s not really a problem, just too much of my own emotional baggage is wrapped up in the best decision. As an Aquarius, are you really being objective? I know I’m not.

Pisces: Shakespeare handily rewrote much of England’s history. See the opening quote from a few weeks back. Another place where this is most evident is the way Shakespeare created a rather ugly King Richard III. Turns out, historically, R 3 might not have been all that bad, and the “hunchback toad,” completely fabricated by the playwright. The power of fiction instead of fact. The power of words and what’s said instead of what is really fact. As planets turn and evolve, or push evolution, or whatever you believe, what this week is about? What you believe, what you saw on TV or read on website someplace, and what you take to be fact, and how much of that is fact, and how much is the work of an author? Perhaps an author with a diseased brain?

Aries: “Yeah, that will happen when pigs fly,” she said. Always the smart guy with an answer? Maybe pigs will have wings yet. It could happen. I did a quick search, after I grabbed that graphic, and I did discover that those are available as truck hood ornaments. Like an 18-wheeler kind of hood ornament.

So maybe pigs will have wings and maybe they will fly before too long. Renders the Aries comment that started this dialogue, renders that mute. With all the crap flowing in other signs, I’d be very careful about what is rhetorical and what is literal. Be literal. Be very literal. No toying with words or impossible scenarios, like “When pigs have wings,” because, there it is.

(Mute, unable to comment; moot, unable to reach a decision because it is no longer necessary. In this example, renders the Aries unable to speak to the problem. Mute.)

Taurus: In my world, in the computer world, there used to be two kinds of consultants. Suits and t-shirts. I’m a t-shirt myself, and I tend to trust the t-shirt guys. Suits are salesman and upper management who all have no clue about the real world. Untrustworthy. So I was in a computer store, and the clean-cut, wearing-a-tie guy asks if I need help. I pass. There was surfer-looking dude, hair way over his collar, bleached out, thin waist, big arms, yes, a real surfer-looking guy.

I asked about a piece of hardware, he correctly guessed that it was from near a decade ago, and we got into a conversation about what works, what doesn’t work, what parts the store had, what parts would work, what wouldn’t work, and where to get an adaptor that would probably work best. Quick, concise, to-the-point, frank advice, and a sale. I bought cables and stuff. Bought what worked. Frank advice. Stick with what works. T-shirts or suits? We all know the correct answer to that. Or surfer dudes. Or even fishing guides.