Horoscopes by Fishing Guide to the Stars 6.14.2012

“A sceptre snatch’d with an unruly hand
Must be as boisterously maintain’d as gain’d.”
Shakespeare’s The Life and Death of King John [III.iv.140-1]

Gemini: I followed a discussion about e-mail marketing, Twitter, FaceBook and so forth. It was for a BBQ place. How does online contribute to the BBQ joint experience? Good BBQ lacks atmosphere and ambiance, well, an ‘air’ all its own. There’s the picnic tables, and the oil clothe tables inside, and the smell of smoke, either green mesquite or oak, whatever the pit-master prefers. All of this is part of the package. All adds to the flavor, in more than one sense. However, I fail to see how any of this can add up to more traffic for a BBQ place. The best places are almost secret, and the best way to find them is to follow one’s nose. Ask. I tend to question the local folks to ascertain what might be best. As a Gemini, talking to other people isn’t a problem. As a birthday gift, to yourself, consider asking the local people for a recommendation or two. Then follow one, or more, of the recommendations of others.

Cancer: I was in El Paso, at one time, a frequent stop on my circuitous journeyman astrologer route, and I was listening to a client answer a question. “No, that’s in Texas,” she said, then motioned in an eastward fashion. Which is, strictly speaking, true. It’s about language and place. I used to call El Paso and its environs “Far West Texas” while “West Texas” was east of there. Consider the Mountain Time dividing line as the cut-off point.

The other comment I recall, from the same place, was “That’s East Texas.” What was defined as “East Texas?” “That’s easy, anything east of Amarillo.” Interesting points. It’s about place, a sense of place, and in one way, about naming conventions. East, west, north-south, which way is up? As Cancer (Moon Child), you get a chance to pick a new direction for yourself. This week, next week, early next week, but for now? Start thinking about that new direction. I was thinking, it’s time to go to the coast and do some inshore fishing.

Leo: Old girlfriend, she was telling me about her upbringing, one of a large family. “I used to have chocolate ice cream for breakfast,” she claimed. “No really?” I asked. Yes, it was just easier than arguing with her, I’d guess, and she could fix it herself, and then, there’s the idea that it was made of milk and as far as nutritional content goes, not much different then a bowl of Chocolate-Coated-Sugar-Bombs cereal. Might be cheaper, too. She turned out fine, if you ask me. Can’t see any harm in it. While this might go against whatever conventional wisdom dictates this week? I’d suggest that something, if not identical, is the answer to the Leo woes. Might give you a leg up on the rest of the the other signs, too, start the day with a bowl of ice cream. I heard that it works. She turned out just fine; although, she doesn’t eat that much ice cream anymore.

Virgo: I looked over at a buddy’s iPhone. The front screen was cracked. Not too badly damaged, just sort of cracked in one corner, I asked how it happened. “Cow stepped on it.” This probably doesn’t happen in other parts of the country, although, I’m unsure and that’s not a challenge. “Cow stepped on it?”

Seems my buddy lost his phone in a pasture and when he realized it was gone, they went back out on horseback, looked around and there it was, the iPhone, now damaged. “Only thing out there was cattle. Cow must’ve stepped on it.” I don’t suppose that the damage could occur if the phone slipped from his pocket while chasing cattle on a four-wheeler, or maybe a dirt bike? “Nope, cow stepped on it.” So we let that one go. What are you going to let go? Or does that sound suspicious, to you, too? Since it worked once, you can borrow that excuse, this week, “Cow stepped on it.” Your efficacy might depend on circumstance and evidence, though.

Libra: “Uncle Jim” (not his real name) has been married for over 50 years. I asked him what the secret was. “Lots of good sex and drink plenty of whiskey.” He grinned. His wife, Aunt Susan, her face soured and she sneered, a feint hint of discord. “Maybe that’s good whiskey and plenty of sex,” he amended. He grinned again. Aunt Susan sneered. In that generation, sex was not table talk, much less something broadcast to distant family. Nor was it a joking matter. There’s a point where boundaries have to be respected. There’s a point where we have to understand what is dinner conversation, and for that matter, what isn’t supper talk. As a Libra, the line between good tastes and matters that should be more private, that line gets blurry. I’d urge you, as Libra to err on the side of good state and proper decorum. Unlike me and Uncle Jim.

Scorpio: As long you don’t do something horrendously stupid this weekend, then we’re good for a new start in Scorpio. The stupid part? Around here, the phrase is obvious, “Hey Bubba, WATCH THIS!” Or, in the telling of the tale of the purported deed? Another catch phrase? “No lie, true story!” These are typical, in my world, these are very typical forms of announcing that there is either an improbable situation, a tale that stretches even my expanded belief system, or a deed that is foolish and dangerous, with the inevitable outcome of bodily damage. Those are the things to watch out for, and you’re goal is to make through this weekend without doing something stupid.

“Hey, watch this!” Can’t say I didn’t try and prevent this from happening. I still recall an emergency room nurse, a client, “You wouldn’t believe what came in the ER last night….”

Sagittarius: I’ve done enough readings that I’m fairly adept at the cold reading. Pursue a task long enough, and I get good at it. I’m also, when I do a cold reading, dependent on the other person’s reaction. I can read the damn chart well enough that I don’t need to do “client directed” sessions, but I’ve found that it is much easier.

Hit me with a question, ask for a specific direction, give me a hint.

Love? Money? Romance? Good time to fish? Ask.

Hint. I can do this well enough as I’ve done it for a long time. But you’re not likely to run into a person like me, thoroughly acquainted with the cold reading, you’re probably not going to stumble into one of us this week. That means, when presented with a multiple choice set of options, choose one. I don’t care which one. Fish. Cut bait. Stand on the dock and watch. Multiple choice questions. Pick something, can hardly pick the wrong thing, although, given a preference, I’d rather fish than watch or cut bait.

Capricorn: There’s a psychic reader, she pretends to read the Tarot Cards, but she’s really just a straight intuitive, and I’ve worked alongside her for years. Her intuition is frequently bolstered by my astrological analysis. I’m all about helping each other. When a client sits down, she point-blank states, “We can look at three questions.” More detailed is better. On a typical Saturday, next to her, I’ll hear that statement, over a dozen times.

Okay, my Capricorn friend, three questions. “Well, there’s love, money and work?” That’s not a question, those are topic areas. Drill down a little, pick three areas, then hit a vein, open it up and see where that leads us. The up and coming astrological events portend well, and I’d start with three questions, three areas, then develop three questions. I’d also be happy if you got one of the problem areas resolved to your satisfaction. The other two areas, the other two questions? Leave it hanging for now.

Aquarius: It’s possible to reduce a whole week’s worth of astrological insight to a simple line from a song. Could even be as simple as bumper sticker wisdom, although, it might be a bit long for a sticker here in town. Too much time reading bumper stickers can be fatal. Don’t get distracted with this. The message, reducing a whole week of Aquarius Astrology into a simple phrase? Imagine, it’s also a 60’s lyric, if that helps. Might not. Might be lost on some. “If you can’t be with the one you love/Then love the one you’re with.” Before you misread, misinterpret or misunderstand, this is a simple guideline, not a rule, and its meaning might have to be adjusted for individual tastes and situations. But that’s the basic idea.

Pisces: San Antonio boasts one of the best vegetarian, even vegan, restaurants in the world. It’s almost a well-kept secret. Never heard of the place? Greens. Close to downtown, just a few hundred meters north of downtown. Probably never heard of it, except from me, but there’s a sister place that everyone has heard of, Lulu’s. Home of the 5-pound cinnamon roll. Same family, same organization, same cook, at one time. Lulu’s was sold, but Greens is still in the same family. Hard to bridge the gap between diner food at Lulu’s and the damn-near macrobiotic vegan (yet oddly tasty) meals at Greens. Same family. “I grew up on mama’s cooking,” the owner told me once, patting his belly, “and being vegetarian? Still didn’t help.” He smiled. Change. Change is good. Pick something that sounds a little different. There are two options, already outlined. Pick one.

Aries: Southern Jazz from several decades past. That’s the answer to the question. The answer and the musical entry properly coveys the way my Aries friends could slide through these next couple of days. Jazz plays with tonal and atonal beats, and there’s a chance of an odd rhythm, the stuff I liked was originally “jazz-space-fusion” as far as its name, or taxonomy, or whatever. Experimental. Electronic instruments in an analog (musical) world. I don’t have a specific direction, well, I do, but it’s not going to be apparent at this very moment. Part of this is a throwback, and part of this is casting forward. Start with classical jazz of some form or another, whatever suits your Aries tastes, then follow that as there’s an improvisation or two. You can adapt. Get to a starting point and be willing to adapt. It was just, I was trying to follow that song, the band? You know?

Taurus: I have an idea for retail stores. Like the big grocery stores? Warehouse stores do this as well, the “demo foods.” It’s nuts or candy bars or shots of a smoothie, or a slice of bread, something that is being demoed.

I’ve just thought, this is a stray thought of mine, for years now, it would serve me well if they had demo food in the meat section. It’s no secret I prefer my beef rare to raw. Bloody, the way Nature intended some beef to be eaten. So why not have little cubes of beef, for those of us who can sample it raw, why not have little cubes of the best cuts, like, right up on the counter. Cookies and cookie pieces in the bakery, shouldn’t the meat market try something, too?

Rudy’s BBQ usually slides me a slice of brisket, a rib or a piece of sausage to gnaw on while in line, shouldn’t the regular butcher department do the same? Just a thought. I want you to sample some wares. Doubt it will be raw meat, although, remember, I do prefer my steak medium raw and BBQ ribs smoked to a jerky-like consistency. This isn’t about me. This is about sampling something. Getting a taste instead of diving into the whole thing. Get a picture, here?