Horoscopes by Fishing Guide to the Stars

“But love is blind, and lovers cannot see
The petty follies that themselves commit”
Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice [II.vi.41-2]

Gemini: I was in El Paso, working at an event. I was staying with friends, and in an effort to be nice, I bought some grocery store avocado salad, to wit, Holy Guacamole. Good stuff, rip open the plastic container, and it’s green goo, ready to be enjoyed. My hostess was upset. “You don’t like my guacamole!” I was trying to be nice. “Should’ve bought avocados, I’d made some of my own,” she said. I pointed out that I was trying to be nice, no work required, I open the package, we all enjoy, it’s good, right? Wrong. Somehow, I missed that one with guacamole etiquette. Who knew? As a Gemini, given what’s happening? Go ahead, follow my lead on this, buy the guacamole. Might not have the intended response, but the other folks can’t say you didn’t try to be nice. Recall that this week is about “guacamole etiquette.”

Cancer: One client of mine is high-dollar defense attorney. Really expensive. We were going to start a reading, and she peeled off a wad of cash, “Always pay first. She smiled and made a snide comment about my price. Her mobile beeped, she took a call. Motioned for me to be quiet, spoke briefly, then grabbed a pen, wrote something down on a scrap of paper, rang off the phone, pursed her lips, hit a speed dial, spoke briefly, then hung up again.

“There,” she said.

Time? Less than three minutes. It’s about who you know, and how much you get paid. I pointed out, in that short time, elapsed time about three minutes, she made more money that I would make all day. Slow week? Maybe more than I would make all week. Good attorney. As the planets unwind, or, in the example of Venus, backwards, it’s about how you approach this material. Someone needs you to pause for a few moments, that’s okay. It provides a valuable example. That call cost her client more than I’ll make. Doesn’t matter, can’t compare apples and pears.

Leo: In the fitness industry, like gyms and other places where one works out and gets subjected to torture? Turns out that there’s about 7 mile radius that works best. Location seems to be a big factor. Somewhere, somebody did a study, and that revealed simple facts, folks don’t, won’t, drive more than seven miles to work out. Me? I wouldn’t drive across the parking lot to go to a gym, but that’s me. I prefer an active lifestyle that includes plenty of exercise, and oftentimes, eating correctly. What’s your mileage? No, not just to the gym, but to work, to play, the distance you’re willing to go, in order to complete a certain Leo task. Me? I’m Sagittarius, distance and travel is nothing. I’m not Leo, which is why I’m asking this question before anyone else asks. Before anyone else asks, this week. How far are you willing to go? What’s The Leo Limit? No, seriously, what’s your limit? 7 miles? Ten Miles? Twenty miles?

Virgo: Buddy of mine was shipped off to training in Louisiana, gone for a few weeks in the spring. The company put him and the his crew up in bayou-facing building. Close to New Orleans, Bayou Country, I don’t what parish it was. A few days into the training, my buddy posted a hilarious comment on FaceBook, “They caught an alligator in the street this morning; I miss Texas.” Subsequent conversation revealed that yes, he meant that just the way it sounded. We don’t have live man-eating, over-grown lizards loose in the street. Matter of degrees and what one uses as a ruler to judge matters. I’m sure rattlesnakes bother the Louisiana natives. Neither bother me, both are good eating. With Mars forward and Venus retrograde, points of reference are important. Yeah, I’d worry about the alligators.

Libra: “Take the leap, you can build your wings on the way down!” Great advice. Probably a good bumper sticker, too. Probably good advice for anyone but a Libra. Soar with the eagles? Sure. Great aspirations. Let’s be practical and pragmatic, for just a little while. Your time to fly is coming along. This isn’t it.

The idea of “Taking the leap and building the wings on the way down?” While I applaud that sense and sensibility, I doubt that it functions as a workable solution for the Libra corner. Jumping and hoping? I am not saying that Virgo-like precision must be employed, hardly the case. However there is a sense that there’s a certain amount of planning that is required. I prefer to have plan A, plan B and a back-up, plan C. Just in case. Nothing ever goes as planned, but this way, you have parachute, with back-up, just in case the wings — or project — doesn’t fly.

Scorpio: In Texas, a pedestrian, the horse and rider, then a bicycle, then car, the right of way is determined in that order. By law. Texas Handbook of Driver’s Education or a similar tome. Pedestrians have the right of way. Means, in Texas, we should brake for pedestrians in the roadway, no matter where they are. However, many of my friends tend to think of pedestrians as “targets.” One man’s sport is another man’s walking way. I suppose. This week, as a Scorpio, you’re pedestrian. Means you have the right-of-way. Legally. In the eyes of the law, it is your Scorpio, god-given right to amble out in front of cars with no care. When this happens in a cartoon, there’s usually a splat-type of noise, maybe a highlighted “bang!” In real life, it gets a lot uglier. In order to get through this week, look both ways. In order to get through this week, man-made laws, like who has the right of way? Consider that against pure physics, two-tons of car versus under 200 pounds of Scorpio. Car wins, no matter what the law says. Look both ways. Just because the law is on your side, that doesn’t guarantee a win.

Sagittarius: I spent too much time in the hot, South Texas sun, and as such, I’m under the care of the skin doc. Dermatologist. Sees me every six months or so. He gave me a prescription for some kind of cream, and I dropped it off on Friday afternoon, with instructions. Not a common medicine, from what I gather. Available but had to be shipped in. “We’ll probably have it Monday, is this a current phone number?”

Yes.

“Look, it should arrive Monday morning, but don’t count on, like showing up at 9 and expecting me to have it, OK?” Got it. Like my prescription, I hiked on by that Monday afternoon, after they called me to let me know it was there, and like that? No problem. However, the pharmacist tech was quite clear: not too early. Don’t jump the gun. Don’t show up before we’ve unpacked it. Same message, repeated for you: freaking slow down. Wait until the (Sagittarius desire) has arrived at (Sagittarius desired location).

Capricorn: In the early days of blogging, back when I called it a “web journal” rather than the ugly term, “blog,” but back in the early days, I developed a style called “spit and post.” Spit it out — post the article. Don’t worry about continuity, grammar, spelling, style. Don’t worry about semantics.

I used to really enjoy spit and post style. It was the easiest way for me to find expression and artistic license to explore, experiment, and other wise play. There was an immediacy that is currently lacking in the online world, at least, to me.

This week, the way the planets play out, for Capricorn? Spit and post. Clean it up later, if ever. Get it out there. Spit and post, that’s the way to handle the energies, we can always, if need be, go back and clean up punctuation, grammar, spelling, all of that, and anything else, we can clean it up later. Spit and post. Aim for that immediacy. Spit and post. Details? Details later.

Aquarius: Two column or three column? Which is better for a web page? Does this matter? Yes. Two or three column? Pay attention long enough, and it’s obvious that I’ve wrestled with that very question, over and over. I’ve opted, over the years to make an effort to simplify my work as much as possible. Current version, current “best FGS practices” tends towards the two-column design, and in a bid towards more modern design principles, I’ve opted for the right-hand column to be the subordinate navigation & colophon. I’m not sure how up-to-date my design is, but I’m aiming for ease of use over sheer beauty.

Likewise, as an Aquarius, ease-of-use is way more important than sheer beauty. Besides, with most Aquarius, pretty though they are, the real strength is inner beauty. That shines through, no matter what. As the next few days unfold, fly in the face of convention and opt for elegance through comfort rather than conventionally “pretty.” Two-column, might be a good example. Less advertising, but then, more content.

Pisces: When the tide is going out, the place to fish is right out the edge of the outlets, like, a spot where the creek drains into the bay. The big fish are just sitting there, catching whatever comes out of the creek. This is usually inshore fishing, and with as much coastline as Texas has, that’s the place to be. In June, it’s hot. Torpid, summer heat, hoping that a hurricane can come and stir up the Gulf. Fishing is good. Not exactly great, but rather good, and it’s matter of waiting patiently until that tide turns. As Jupiter bumps — and grinds — into Gemini? The biggest problem with Pisces is waiting until that tide turns. You have a good, strategic location. You’re poised. Wait for it. It will happen. Takes a little longer for that tide to turn, but it will. Wait for it….

Aries: Lunch special at the local taco stand? Jumped in price from $4.95 to $5.45. That’s more than a ten percent increase, Less than 11, but close. In my budget, that ten percent increase didn’t affect me because I tend to round up when I’m looking at the prices. I tend to err on the side of having too much money rather than not having enough to cover my lunch, like one of my buddies. Always shows up and claims his check hasn’t arrived, or he has no cash, or whatever. The ten percent increase was nearly unnoticeable. Made it almost painless. As this week unfolds, think about that kind of increase in the Aries life. Charging a little bit more. Think about the way you can get by with small increase that has the most minimal emotional impact. Still adds to the Aries income, and I’m all about that, making it better for you. Ten percent, worked in, in a way that no one notices. Ten percent. Right off the top. Or added to the bottom, whatever that expression is.

Taurus: There are two main tales about the original source of chili powder. One is from Ft. Worth, TX and the other is from New Braunfels, TX. Both date to the turn of the last century and both have somewhat murky origins. One of the original concoctions was first called, “Durango Dust,” which, if I were asked, I’d vote for that type of name in stead of the generic and bland “chili powder.” The original chili powders were said to be healthful as they invigorated the kidney, helped the lympathic system and cleansed the liver. More along the lines of snake oil than necessary condiment? Sure, that was then. The murky history of the red powder is still buried with layers of “industrial secrets” obscuring some of the contents. Basically, it’s ancho chiles, ground fine, along with other herbs. Jupiter is moving along, exiting Taurus. How much myth, marketing, and general hype are you going to let yourself get caught up in, what, like my example of the story of Chili Powder? How much is fact, and what is pure fabrication designed to sell more Chili Powders?