Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 9.27.2012

    “The devil hath power
    To assume a pleasing shape.”
    Shakespeare’s Hamlet [II.ii.434-5]

Due to its popularity, Hamlet has been translated into more languages than any other play. Including Klingon. Which kind of fits, if you think about it. Which worries me.

astrofish.net Libra: I love hopeful, helpful people. I love being able to help. I love it best when the heavens give me a clear indication about what is going to be going on. Hopeful. Helpful. Happy Birthday. All good. The teaser about happy, hopeful, helpful people? It’s what’s required of my little Libra friends. A courteous, friendly gesture, it could be as simple as holding the door open for someone, or hitting the hold button on the elevator door, not really a big gesture. With Saturn in its current position, right at the tail-end of Libra, it means a simple, token gesture sets the tone. The simple, token message, a single act of kindness — not a reach for a good Libra — that simple action causes a ripple effect, you’ll feel over the next year. In a good way. Finally.

astrofish.net Scorpio: Living alone and then, traveling with a girlfriend, it imparts a different perspective. There was an incident at this one motel, old place in West Texas. I’m used to showering with the bathroom door open. When traveling with an aforementioned girlfriend, I’d close the bathroom door. Same motel room, alone, take a long, soapy shower, try to wash a day’s worth of work?

Little smoke detector goes off. Rather annoying. Didn’t set off the fire alarm, didn’t wake the neighbors, didn’t alert the front desk. Annoyed me to no end. Same motel, once with, once without. As a message, it’s about a simple observation that requires someone’s help. If I hadn’t been in the room with a girlfriend the door wouldn’t be shut and that does prevent the alarm from being triggered. Presumably by the shower’s steam. Mars, in Scorpio, Sun, in Libra, some things are just better, less annoying, with another person along for the ride.

Sagittarius: The “Port of Seattle” is now marketed as the “Green Gateway.” The name is marketing hype derived from the fact that Seattle is one day closer to the Eastern Ports along the Pacific Rim, and that is one day less fuel to get the product to our shores.

Seattle is closer than LA, for example. No one commented on the amount of fuel still required to move that product from the Port of Seattle to its final destination, and whether Seattle is closer to, say, Texas, instead of LA. As a Sagittarius, now isn’t the time to assume cool marketing hype. Now isn’t the time to say, “Award Winning,” when there is no substantial evidence to support the claim. It’s not a time to make claims that, with further analysis, might not hold up. As far as Seattle being a green port? I’m thinking it’s green for money, not necessarily environmentally green.

Capricorn: Because I work with cell phones and cheap, digital cameras, I’ve never been able to get one of those long exposure shots. As I was looking at the Capricorn chart, charts, for the next few days, I kept thinking about one of those long exposure shots. One of the coolest ones? Point the camera at the North Star (Ursa Major-Ursa-Minor points the way), and let the stars revolve around the North Star. It’s a stunning visual that helps explain celestial mechanics. The long-exposure format results in a series of concentric circles, patterns described by the stars as they all ‘revolve’ around the North Star. I lack technical ability and technology to take such an image. As a Capricorn, there’s a similar, if not identical, image that needs to be portrayed. Long-exposure image. Something that can’t be described in a short period of time, but over an hour, maybe three or five hours, with the shutter stuck open, that Capricorn image begins to become clear. Can’t do it quickly. Can’t do it with cheap equipment. Takes time, and maybe, a little tinkering. Fiddle with the dials, see what develops.

Aquarius: I listened while one of my Aquarius clients intoned, in a solemn manner, “I have a bad feeling about this.” Situation that was up and coming.

Look for ill? You’ll surely find it.

Look for problems? They emerge.

Seek trouble? I’ll promise you can find it.

Flip this around, too, look for good? It’s there. Albeit, under a dusty cover, but there, nonetheless. Look for goodness, sweetness and light? Available. Just dig. Or, in many cases, just brush away that layer of grime on top, and there’s the good stuff. Just a matter of getting to it. What you’re looking for, this week? If you seek bad stuff, that will happen, for sure. Seek good stuff, and you’ll find it. Might not be as obvious, but it’s there. “Oh, no good will come of this.” As you wish. That’s on you, not me.

Pisces: As a challenge, for the next couple of days, try and figure a nice way to say it. “Say what? That thieving, cheating, rat-bastard of scoundrel? What? Nice to him? No way!” How about, instead of harsh words, we can work on, together, you and me, a nice way to call into question the married — or unmarried — state of the person in question, and whether such person is really illegitimate, in name or in actions.

There’s a cool kick, an alignment, between you and Venus — next week. Until then, take a pause, and let’s list some possible terms that are less likely to ruin an “All-ages” rating. You get a chance to speak your mind, speak your piece, or speak your peace, but in order to get the information across, correctly and with maximum impact, it’s the wrapper we need to work on. Venus. Neptune. Pisces. Full Moon. All of that. Think: packaging.

Aries: So strange to get two horoscopes together, one right after the other, and have me tease out completely different messages. In Pisces, it’s about packaging. In Aries, it’s about what’s beneath the layers. It’s about the anti-packaging. It’s about the core meaning. What’s at the heart. Not what it’s wrapped in. Strange how the cheapest, most innocuous stuff gets the most bullet-proof packaging. I was trying to get to a rather inexpensive computer cable, wrapped in shrink-wrap and secured to a cardboard back with wire-ties. I slit part of the package with a sharp knife, then some of the plastic slit my finger. Not a bad cut, just annoying because the injury pumped out blood. Blood was everywhere. Looked like a crime scene. Terrible. I think it was a two-dollar cable to attach something to a computer. The packaging was more costly than the part itself. Probably theft-proof material, water resistant to 300 meters, I’m sure. The packaging did more to piss me off than anything else. As this week unfolds, don’t let the packaging get to you. Also, don’t package anything up like that little accessory was packaged.

Taurus: I was fishing with a buddy. He pulled sharply on pole, setting a hook. Set the hook so well it snapped the line. It was an epic, “Bass Master” hook-set, like, on TV, the way he yanked the pole backward, the action of the pole as it bent double, the image of a large fish’s lip being pierced by the sharp hook. Snapped the line. Little bit of line came drifting back in the air, slack and gently weaving and waving in the breeze. The caution is using too much force. Mars, in opposition to Taurus, Mars inspires epic action, like that solid yank to set the hook. Mars also inspires action that is too strong. Lost the fish, but know where they are now. Needed to replace that fishing line on that reel, anyway. Careful with too much force — that just breaks stuff.

Gemini: Work. Work hard. Work hard with little expectation of tangible results. Work hard with little expectation of tangible, immediate results. Got the picture? As soon as Mars moves from where he is, in Taurus, he will trigger an avalanche of good stuff for Gemini. That’s still weeks away. So now? Work. A little hard work never hurt anyone, and I know, you’re tired of this message, but there’s s hint, if you put forth a super-human effort — every Gemini I know is easily capable of that — put forth that super-human effort and know, I’ve promised, results within the next month. 30 days. Maybe sooner, depending on your own chart.

Cancer: I was standing in line to get some coffee. An afternoon libation, a double shot of some espresso. Just a little lift. For some reason, the line seemed longer than need be. The person two people in front of me had a long list of coffee-based drinks, a sweet roll, a biscuit-breakfast bar, and some cake. Pastries are a big seller at most coffee shops. I’m rather cheap, and I tend towards day-old cookies, at half price.

The laundry-list coffee-shop goodies was annoying to the person in line, behind the long-list person, and yet they were all ahead of me. I sighed, inwardly, pulled out my phone and looked at some e-mail. Made a note that the timing was wrong, if I was in a hurry, but I wasn’t, and I relaxed. Shuffling, sighing, stomping my feet, none of that makes the line move any faster. Patience pays off. Another employee breezed in, either early or late for a shift, nodded to me, and started to make a drink for me. I didn’t sigh, shuffle my feet or act disturbed by the original delay. “All comes out in the wash,” as some would say. I’d just remind you, good things come to those who are willing to wait without acting impatient.

Leo: I’m innately curious about the cults of the saints. St. Joseph of Cupertino intrigued me, as the Patron Saint of Air Travelers. I thought that was a little bogus until I dug around on the inter-webs, and what I discovered, he was a bland fellow but he could levitate; therefore, he is the patron saint of air travel. One of the catholic sites also listed him as the saint invoked by unremarkable students. Weak scholars, call on him. Gives me hope.

I was unsure about the “patron saint of air travel” business, until I found out he levitated, since, according to what I read, he was sainted in 1767, long before there were any real, working airplanes (that we know of). I’m a student of the curious cults of saints, real, manufactured, or, in some cases, outright fabrications. As The Mighty Leo, the trick is, this week, dig a little. Pop that factoid into a search thing and see what happens. Can save you some embarrassment later. I’m all about making sure no Leo, especially you, get embarrassed over some stupid, made-up saint. Do you know who the saint of coffee is?

Virgo: “I ran into a chum with a bottle of rum, and we wound up dancing all night.” It’s a modified lyric from a popular singer’s canon. I’ve heard it, on stage, more than one way. I like that version because it’s almost what happened. I ran into an old-school, old school buddy. Hadn’t seen him in years. We had some catching up to do. He started drinking a dark ale, and I was sipping on ice tea. We all have our vices. He continued into the evening, we were there, one of the last tables, he was fairly polluted at the end of the evening. Still coherent, and the only part that was even remotely uncomfortable was watching him stagger off into the night to catch a train, or a bus, or a bus to a train, or something. I was afraid the beery, teary, alcohol-soaked good-bye. Needless fear. It was a pleasant and easy evening. In wine, there is truth, and the stories did get more revealing, about our collective backgrounds, as the evening wore on. There is a point where caution is advised. As the Virgo here, stop and think, you want to be more like me, rather than my buddy. Let some else get sloppy drunk. Not a problem, usually.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • Sarah Smith Sep 27, 2012 @ 12:45

    Yes, Kramer, Moon in Virgo would like to be more like you, marching to your own drummer. Oooh! Shiny! Is that a fife I hear playing?