Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 11.1.2012

    “A stone-cutter or a painter could not have made him so ill,
    though they had been but two years o’ th’ trade.”
    Shakespeare’s King Lear [II.ii.58-60]

During her reign 1558-1603, Elizabeth I made England the captain of commerce through naval superiority. History is always more fun when Mercury is Retrograde.

astrofish.netScorpio: There are a couple of basic principles in “Feng Shui,” or, as I frequently refer to it, “fang sway.” The orientation of the domicile, the building, structure, in question? Which way is north? Simple, a compass, or just a needle and thread, just a clear indication of the direction north. Me, I’m used to timing with planets and the sun and such, and that way, I use the Sun the and Moon, to give me a sense of direction. Stars, at night, if I can see them. Some cities have too much light pollution to be able to effectively navigate by the stars. Can be done, though, or, at least, I have an understanding of the celestial mechanics. As Saturn starts poking along, and as Mercury starts retrograding, headed back towards you, this easterly direction of the planet highlights a time when your Scorpio self needs to know which way is your “true north.” Moral compass, true north, the correct way, whatever you want to call it. Truth, honesty and integrity. All that’s required to brave Saturn’s woes. This week. Which way is true north for your Scorpio self? Sagittarius “Oh, good lord, would you just snap out of it?!” Loathe as I am to use and abuse punctuation marks to make a more effective point, I will, as need be, like today. The use of both an exclamation mark and question mark? That means it’s either a question or a command, or command that’s also a question. Which one is it?

Should be clear. You can snap out of it. Can’t say this Mercury Retrograde caught you by surprise. I’ve been discussing this particular synodic Mercury period for well over a year. Warning, threats, dire threats, caveats, and the usual suggestions all follow Not news. However, since I’ve long-since warned you about this? Try something different. There’s a host of planets in Scorpio, and this Mercury Retrograde will be about Scorpio stuff. As a Sagittarius, let us gloss over, look at the Scorpio stuff in general and not in detail. Leave the details to other signs. Virgo, Scorpio, they’re good with the details, let them do it.

Capricorn: Yuck. It’s not bad, but as soon as I start with a “Yuck” comment, it all seems to go downhill. This is a weird time, weirder than usual, for Capricorn. Weird good? Weird Bad? Just stranger than usual. The point to the Mercury Retrograde is to pause and learn to listen to the voices in your own head. Not me, not someone else, your own, internal guidance.

Embrace that internal guidance system. Love it. Nourish it. Then, too, realize it’s probably wrong. With where this Mercury period starts? Means you’re going to be misguided. Can be me; can be by your own Capricorn self. Can be Mercury. I think you have to buy my book if you’re going to blame Mercury. Either way, listen to the internal voice but be prepared to scrap solutions that create more problems.

Aquarius: I was fishing, caught a fish. No surprise, what fishing is all about. The problem being, it was little undersize for a keeper. I could’ve, in a pinch, kept the little feller, but I’m of a mind to let them grow up in bigger, more tasty versions. Live and let live, catch and release, as need be. The issue with this one fish? He swallowed the hook, whole. Hook was caught deep down inside. Made it past his throat, and lodged deep within the fish’s belly. No blood, so nothing was damaged. I snipped the line, let the guy go. He flopped back in the water, probably did the fish-equivalent of giving me a single-finger salute, then swam away. He kept the bait and got his (figurative) belly-button pierced. That fish now owes me money.

With this Mercury Retrograde? In Aquarius, there’s a time when you should just cut your losses. To me, it wasn’t a loss at all. The hook and steel leader are packaged by Eagle Claw hooks, maybe five in package that costs three dollars. That fish’s hook was under a dollar. Rather than risk permanent, possibly fatal, injury to the fish? Cut it loose. Costs me less than a dollar, but means there will be a fish in the future. Think. Time to cut one loose, Aquarius.

Pisces: Top of this horoscope, it talks about the Queen of England, and how in her lifetime, the world saw England rule the globe — an empire built on marine superiority. History is amusing when Mercury is retrograde. That was the era that, “The Sun never sets on the English Empire.” We (America) were a bunch of upstart rebels, and one would have to wonder if things had turned out differently. They didn’t, and history belongs to the winners. In more modern times, we’ve discovered the fluid nature of human history, how the books, the language itself, conveys different meanings over time. Then, too, there’s the idea that the winners get to write what happened. In the Pisces history, there’s a little burp. This week, next week. Doesn’t last long, but the easiest way through this is to take the long, historical view. Looks like you lost a battle, or will, soon. Doesn’t mean the war is over, or that there is no hope. Just a little delay tactic, that’s all.

Aries: Halloween really snuck up on me this year. Not being involved with that tradition, it escapes my purview. Outside of Xmas, it’s the biggest retail holiday there is. As such, it’s quaint how Samhain, All Saints’ Day, the two collectively became the Day of the Dead, in my culture. Venerate those who have passed before us. Remember our ancestors. Celebrate the lives of souls who have passed on to their rewards int he great beyond. Whatever. I’m unsure of how that ties to candy, especially free candy, but never underestimate the power of targeted marketing. Works, and works well. With this Mercurial period, as the Aries person you are, think about that targeted marketing. Panders to children or adults who want to reclaim a childhood. That’s my guess. As a high holy day for some cults, there’s that angle. I’m not sure. Look at the marketing and think, “That isn’t going to work on me,” and watch as you behave like an animal and stand in line to buy candy — half of which you might yourself eat. Chocolate doesn’t cure Mercury Retrograde, but it does offer a decent respite. I’m not condoning your actions, just observing.

Taurus: Last time I was in a resort, I mean, this was a high-dollar place, last time? I ate at one of those “Big Name” restaurants. Got the guy’s name on the place, and it’s good super-pricey food. Casual dining in an elegant atmosphere. I had “tuna tartare” and then a wood-fired pizza. Pizza had “oven-dried tomatoes,” olives, dried olives and prosciutto, probably the real thing, ham from Italy. It was good. Wasn’t worth the price, but then, in a place like that, I’m sure all the “all-natural ingredients” have to be flown in. Not bad, just different. When I got back to south Texas, I had a very similar pizza, in a place that prides itself on good food, and it was, almost the same. Similar. Cost less by two-thirds. Not quite as good, but it did, let’s say, it was 80% of what the fancy place was, with a much lower cost. Part of that was because I was home in South Texas, and part of that lack of “big name” brand. What works, especially well for you, my little Aries friend? Stick to the cheaper alternative. Costs much less, and it’s almost as good. With Mercury backwards in Sagittarius? Who can tell? And you save money.

Gemini: I was doing OK with Mr. Mercury Retrograde until one of those e-mails bounced into my sight. Pissed me right off. Nothing I could do, not immediately. Fire off a hasty retort. Wish I hadn’t answered so quickly, but there it is, I sent it out, anyway. Needed to be said, given the contents of the e-mail, but maybe I could have used nicer words.

As a Gemini, you understand my need to answer quickly, hastily, and perhaps a bit brashly, or brusquely. You’re with me on this, fire of an instant response. “Let me say this about that,” kind of comment. Maybe it’s not a good idea. Mercury starts out its pattern, its retrograde pattern, opposite Gemini. In Sagittarius. Like me, you’re prone to hasty, clipped, short and terse comments. Like me, you’re inclined to say the right thing, in too short a space. It will appear combative. You’re not, but it might appear so. It will sound argumentative. You’re not, but you might appear so. Get the picture? Pause. It’s only Mercury, and he’s just suggesting a second look instead of an immediate response.

“Immediate? I needed to answer that yesterday!”

Cancer: I have shoulder bag, made by a well-known manufacturer, that I can’t get rid of. Not that I want to unload it, but I just can’t bring myself to let it go. Waxed canvas, with a worn, weathered look because the thing is well over a decade old. Since when is ‘ten years’ old? I use the bag as a catch-all for some of my day-to-day show stuff, when I’m working at public events. Functional, after a point. The inherent problem is I’ve got too much emotional baggage caught up in that one shoulder bag, too much “we’ve spent time together” invested in that one bag. I can’t seem to give it up. As Mercury turns retrograde, there’s an issue, like my baggage, that you can’t seem to give up. With Retrograde Mercury, it’s okay to re-consider that issue. However, like me, I wouldn’t throw it away, not just yet.

Leo: There comes a time, and now this burden has been shifted to my shoulders. There comes a time, loathe as I am to be the one to do this, but there comes time, you know what I’m about to suggest? There comes a time when the best action for the mightiest fire sign of all (this is coming from a Sagittarius, another fire sign), there comes a time when The Leo needs to shut up.

I’ve said it. Shut up. It’s that simple, Mercury is retrograde, not in a bad way, not yet, not for Leo, but it will be. Anything you say in the next five days is bound to be misunderstood, misinterpreted, or worse, quoted out of context. The review, you will be quoted as saying, “Riveting excitement…” What you really said, “I’ve had more riveting excitement sitting in the bathroom.” See how that can get turned around? Why I suggested you shut up.

Virgo: I got tapped by one of my clients for some kind of astrological prognostication on, and I quote, “The market.” I’m the wrong guy. Not my deal. Not what I do. I read charts as they affect individuals. I read a chart for personal growth, not what the stock market is going to do.

The analysts and economists? Their stock and trade is more like what I do. Or, worse, more like the guys who just make stuff up, or pull it out of the thin air.

Me? I rely on the orderly forward march of the planets, with exceptions like Mercury’s current backpedaling. Much easier, and even though it’s a people thing, humans are easily predictable. That whole, “What way will the market turn?” I have no idea. Not my area of strength. Not my field of expertise. I can point you to a guy or two, I’ve read. Again, not my deal. If you’re looking for expert advice? I’d think that your money is safer on a Roulette Wheel (36:1) than in a shaky market. One day up, the next down? I’d bet it all on Red. Need an expert? Now is a good time to find one. Bet big, like with a retirement fund, on the market? Bad idea, especially now.

Libra: I looked at the guy behind the counter. He smiled back at me. He’s Libra. I know, I’ve asked, but he did have that typical, jovial Libra attitude. Nothing seemed to phase him. I asked, “Always this hot in October?” I’ve lived this far south for many years. Dozens of years. Matter of fact, I know it’s always this hot in October.

I’ve been swimming in the springs, in Austin, as late as November. Not an issue.

The question, the guy looked at me, this was, like, last week, and he smiled a Libra smile, “Yeah, well, gets cold for Halloween.” Then it warms up again. This isn’t about the weather, other than the astrological weather, this is about Mercury. Retrograde Mercury. Someone, maybe me, or like me, will ask stupid questions. Be patient, answer correctly, and wait. You’re right, but it might take another three weeks before this Mercury Misunderstanding stuff is over.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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  • Sarah Smith Nov 1, 2012 @ 14:22

    I do so wish I could gloss over the details, but I’m hounded incessantly by this moon in virgo thing. Except housework–never have been detail oriented in housework. A lick and a promise, and I’m done.