Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 12.13.2012

    “We honour you with trouble.”
    Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale [V.iii.3-9] Sagittarius: The first, properly titled, rodeo in El Paso was in December, 1890. Two weeks of December, 1890. Real rodeo. In El Paso. El Paso was a great town, at one time. Still is. That first rodeo, the precursor to today’s PRCA circuits, with sponsors and bulls, all of that, the world-famous Houston Stock Show and Rodeo, San Antono’s Rodeo, Las Vegas and New York? All those have their initial roots in a cowboy event, took place in El Paso, two weeks, first two weeks of December, 1890. I’m going back more than a hundred years in history to get a point across to Sagittarius. This New Moon is it: the launch point. The beginning for something that could last, literally, hundreds of years. There’s another allusion, to the rodeo, and our Sagittarius selves aren’t careful in the coming days, well, it’s like getting bucked by the bull. Plan accordingly.

Now’s the time to get caught up on what next year will be like,
and do this before Mercury is Retrograde Capricorn: Threadgill’s, the original one on North Lamar, in Austin, ground zero for Austin music, in its time? The legend and mythology far outstrips the reality. Still, as a place for “home-style” veggies and a passable Chicken-Fried Steak, it’s a good stop. I was well-known in one of the locations as I did a fair number of readings there.

Holiday season, and we were all in the Threadgill’s on Lamar, the place with musical history. I asked the waitress her birthday. She was circumspect, “Why?” Other places in Austin, this isn’t even a question, “I’m a (insert sign here),” and the rest is history. The balking waitress, a Capricorn, it’s that cold, hard nature of Caprcorn. I can’t warm it up, no amount of charm worked. As a Capricorn, though, think about being nicer. However, some weird guy in a purple shirt, he’s asking you your birthday? I’d be a little circumspect, too. Caution might be advisable. Then again, it’s the end of the world? Be open and friendly.

Aquarius: The quote that gets bantered about? “Live every day as if were your last,” and then I think about hospitals and tubes in my arms, and those stupid hospital gowns that leave nothing for coverage in the rear. Better yet, if the world were to end in seven (7) days, what would you do? 7 (seven) days to make the most out of whatever it was you wanted to get done. Say “adios” to family and friends? Me, I’d want to fish one more time, one last day on the water, someplace scenic and fun for fishing. Then a good cup of espresso someplace. Maybe one last Texas coastal cuisine of some kind, one last plate of BBQ. Have to be good BBQ, and that can take on an argument of epic proportions, in, and of, itself. Only, I don’t see this as being our last days on the planet. However, there’s one issue, one thing, one journey, one task, one goal, thing you want to get done. Use that as an excuse, do that one thing, whatever it is. Doubt it’s our last days, though — but that does make a convenient excuse to do this.

Pisces: You’re Pisces. Shut your eyes. Shut your ocular orbs and open up the Pisces Third Eye, the Mind’s Eye. Next, week, after, week after Xmas, all still here, huh? Thought so. Between now and then, and as a trigger point at this moment? Look at your little list of items you want accomplished. There are three, maybe four that seem really important. Pick one. Doesn’t matter, pick what’s most important to your Pisces heart. Out of the three or four that you really, really want to get done this week? Again. Pick one. Concentrate on just one. The New Moon in Sagittarius makes it so you don’t want to concentrate on just one. However, follow my advice, meditate, close your senses off to the physical world — maybe not while you’re driving or something — and tune in to just one goal. Let’s start there.

Aries: “Line up ten guys in business suits, and one in camo?” Client relayed a decision making process to me, “and I’ll go for that one in camo, every time.” The camo is significant because it clearly stands out as a “redneck” indicator. Winter time in Texas. Camo, hunting, outdoors, fishing. Not so much on the fishing, although I went, not so long ago, but in the colder weather, I’m not a fan. No ice fishing for me. Camo is like a symbol, or a badge, it sets certain people apart from others. This isn’t worn in battle, not really, more like badge. Part of the “good ole boys” network, and no, it’s not limited to white males. It’s the easiest way to define a grouping. As an Aries, what’s the easiest, shorthand way to define a target group for yourself? This will vary from person to person. Define the target; acquire the target. Look for a similar shading or grouping, like attire. That’s how you pick this next target.

Taurus: I’ve heard about just about every romantic pairing. Every sign is capable of getting along with every other sign. I wrote one of my first books about this, as well, not that I’m an expert, but the book was a concise guide to what I’ve seen work — and not work. Romance isn’t so much the question as is the relationship issue in general and it’s less about a single relationship and it’s more about how you relate to people.

In the dark of the Sagittarius Moon, you’re going to want to withdraw. Holiday time, party time, party at the end of the world, party like it’s 1999? Go with your favorite phrase, but you’re getting the idea. It’s a time when some kind of interaction, even just casual interaction, something like that will be a big help. “I’m a Taurus and I don’t usually get along with (insert sign here)…” Look far enough and there will be a guide, some astrology text explaining why either you — or don’t — get along with a certain sign. These are not normal times. Overlook — or ignore — what the book says.

Gemini: Xmas is such a weird time. It’s the largest secular retail holiday ever. Solstice, Xmas, Saturnalia, call it what you want. The holiday mania, along with a fair sprinkling of the “end times,” leavened with some poorly translated Meso-American and Old French aphorisms makes for kind of craziness that, well, this is even better than Y2K mania! What Gemini doesn’t thrive on some chaos?

The only way to see your way through this mess is to find a solid touchstone. As a Gemini, I’d suggest a person as a touchstone. Find a rock-solid, grounded friend (Taurus comes to mind, as does Capricorn), but see if that doesn’t provide some of the calming effect you need. Really. This weekend. I’m serious. Grab the old friend, or new friend, whatever works.

Cancer: Music is, more and more, a calming experience for me.

As a Cancer, you, too, can find singular solace and refuge from the madness — the end times mania — in music. I’m thinking of digging through the copious stacks of old CDs, the variety of harmonies, and I’m thinking of one set of music, one kind, more an album than a CD, but only available as CD these days, and that’s the solution. Put in something old to help face the new.

Leo: Sir Douglas (Doug Sahm), I’ve got, someplace, I’ve got a song of his, “I Can’t Go Back To Austin Anymore.” “I can’t go back to Austin anymore/I don’t want to be punched out on the hardwood floor….” I can’t recall, and I’m too lazy to look for the lyrics, tabs and chords.

As a Leo, as The Leo, think about it. Sir Douglas (Doug Sahm) was a Leo, a mighty Leo. That song, and its message, good advice. If it hurts? Or if it might be painful? Then now is not the time to do it. Whatever ‘it’ refers to, if it is painful process? Potentially a threatening situation for Leo? Don’t.

As the song, goes, “I can’t go back to Austin, anymore…”

Virgo: I warned you; you didn’t listen. I told you; you didn’t listen. I begged you; you ignored me. Now that we’ve laid the groundwork, perhaps I can help pave the way for a better understanding. I was trying to convince a certain fishing buddy not to buy a new boat when Mercury was retrograde.

He didn’t listen. It’s been on the water once since he got it, last month. Had to take it back to the shop and everyone else was getting boats winterized, so he didn’t get his warranty stuff done. If he’d just waited until after Thanksgiving. Now that I have your Virgo attention, that boat? Now is a good time, or shortly. Like in the next three, five days? Think about a big-ticket item, for Xmas, for yourself, for the wife, for whomever.

“Look honey, I got you a new fishing boat!”

Libra: I live in South Texas. Palm trees, gently sloping coastal plains, barren and lush brush land. The Mesquite is a common life form. It’s weird plant, too, as it has two kinds of root systems. One is a thin, hair-like, spider-web network of tiny, delicate roots that can scavenge the slightest amount of moisture from the surface. Like, just a heavy dew, not even rain. Then, the other part of this plant’s root system is taproot, long, and deep, hearty. Bores straight to the core of the earth, or, at least down the aquifers hundreds, even thousands of feet beneath the surface.

Either way works.

Big root keeps the mesquite anchored and the little roots feed it. Mesquite also make for a weird yet oddly festive Xmas tree (that’s another story). One of the two root systems will nourish your Libra self in the coming week. Only question I got, which one? Or both?

Scorpio: Typically, I’ll carry between two, three, up to six poles when I go fishing. Some are identical, some are rigged differently. I have to adjust for changing conditions, and sometimes, just picking up a new pole that’s rigged differently is the quickest way to do that. As a Scorpio, you have to adapt to changing conditions. Quickly. Change quickly. Or, if you’re bright enough, and if you’ve read this scope in time, you’ll know that there will be a change in current conditions and an ability to adapt quickly is the key. What happened to me? I hooked a fish on the first cast. Line broke. Picked up another pole, same bait, same place, another fish, maybe the same fish, and then, the line broke a second time. Scorpio, like me, you, me, I’ve got six poles, I can go through five before I have to worry about it. Keep plugging away. One will work. It’s a big fish.

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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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  • Jonathan Richards Dec 19, 2012 @ 9:25

    Still no change yet, though with my Jupiter currently opposite transit Mercury it is probably not a good idea for anything new to start anyway. Hoping for something good to happen but with my luck – well we will see.