Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 3.7.2013

“Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head.”

Shakespeare’s As You Like It [II.i.140-16]

Pisces: Birthdays are supposed to be good times. The good times are all but over; however, that doesn’t mean this won’t be fun. I trust a good Pisces, and you’re reading this, so you are a good Pisces, I trust a good Pisces to know how to turn a frown upside down. Make it a smile. Easy enough to do: find the humor therein.

It’s going to require that Pisces sentiments to full grasp the idea of the absurd.

Pisces dear, this is about the effects of Mercury in apparent retrograde motion. Still.

Aries: There’s one airport, I pass through it maybe a few times a year, and there’s still a magazine rack. However, with the decline in book stores, and most of the material all online, the idea of a long rack of magazines is less common. One place — now closed — had the most inviting display of tabloid, glossy, alluring, fetching and otherwise engrossing magazines. I could waste an hour or more, just peering at the titles.

While great fun for me, with the decline in readership and the upsetting new technology, the concept of the magazine rack is no longer a valid idea. However, in the magazine rack of life, there’s a solid metaphor lurking for Aries. Browse. Leaf through a magazine or two. Don’t buy. Look at the ads, see if the little “subscription” card falls out. Flip through a few pages and put it back on the rack. There’s Bass Fishing, Crappie Fishing, In-shore Coastal fishings, Atlantic Costal Fishing, Colorado Trout Fishing, Fly Fishing Ocean Waters, Fishing in Exotic Locations, and you get the idea? That’s just the fishing sections, there’s a hunting section which is further striated into rifles, firearms, bows, crows bows, I kind of expected a trebuchet section there.

Hunting and Fishing not doing it for you? No problem, move on down the rack. There are hundreds, if not thousands of titles in this Aries area of interests.

As Mars approaches, and eventually, as Mars enters Aries, we need a magazine rack full of ideas to look at. I didn’t say to buy a single thing.

Taurus: Tex-Mex is a culture, not a category. It’s isn’t just a food. It’s not just a kind of restaurant that specializes in greasy platters of fusion cuisine that might combine the best flavors but possibly most unhealthy elements across several cultures. It does, that term, Tex-Mex, does define a culture. It’s a good culture, it’s my home. I’m comfortable with the sway of the peasant skirts and the bright colors of the floral adornments. Culture, but category. As long as Saturn is frying through Scorpio? That makes Saturn opposite you. Think about the way I changed that up, “Culture not category.” Consider, there’s an item in the life of Taurus that needs similar adjustment.

“It’s a culture, not a category.”

Try it. Might find it fits and that would help ease your way through Saturn’s mess.

Gemini: Earlier this week, last week, maybe, depends on when you look at this, but either way, Mars moved into Aries. Good. Bad for some folks, but for Gemini? There was gentle sense of relief. More like a cry, like, “That’s over with, NOW!” Colorful language is excluded, and as Gemini, fill in as you deem necessary. Add verbal adornments as you so desire. The point is, it is easier this week, for you. There’s less pressure. Mars is no longer creating a tension angle. There’s still a ton of stuff, planets, and planet-like, energy kicking in Pisces. Makes it a little tough for you see clear of the obstacles. Sigh. Mercury is retrograde. I was hoping you’d stop with that. Let Mars lend you a little less irritation, and see if you can’t start moving forward. I have simple suggestion, try working on a single project, destination, goal, idea, concept, try doing one at a time, instead of the (typical) Gemini method. When one doesn’t work quite right? Drop it, move on, and be resolved to return later, after you’ve had a chance to, “Think about it.”

Cancer: It was long ago that I discovered the Italian delicacy called “Gelato.” Way back in the day, I also discovered an espresso float, made with gelato, typically, two shots of espresso, and scoop of gelato, a concoction purportedly of Italian origins. Got to love that about their culture, huh. There’s a picture of me, on the site someplace, with a seriously sill grin and spoon in the middle of an ice-cream cup. Affogato, real name, I think. Espresso float. Green background to the Hawaiian shirt I had on, gold earrings dangling, which indicates age and time, as a cultural artifact. The mixture of espresso and ice cream-like substance is both invigorating and calming. What we need for Cancer-Moon Children. Uplifting and calming. At least one of my Cancer friends would spin off into unknown dimensions with a sugary, caffeine-laden infused dessert treat like that. Maybe not for her. But the rest of you? Combine some comfort foods to make it through Mercury Retrograde. What’s left of it.

The (mighty) Leo: There’s a local coffee shop that I tend to favor and that’s this week’s inspiration. The have gelato, as an offering, besides expertly brewed coffee, locally roasted, fair-trade &c. (See previous horoscope) In the display case was some green gelato. Looked like Wasabi to me. The lime-green paste derived from Japanese horseradish, used to spark sushi and sashimi? Or the light green paste that is supposed to look like real Japanese Horseradish? That stuff. So I was thinking about a Wasabi Gelato-flavor. Stuck between Mercury backwards in Pisces, and Saturn in Scorpio, what choices do you have? From what little I know about food’s chemistry, and my long-standing love-affair with peppers? The sugars and creams in the ice cream would serve to accentuate that hotness of the horseradish. Careful with majestic Leo combinations, what with Mercury backwards and messing with your head. Wasabi Gelato? What were you thinking?

Virgo: One of the most valuable forms of communication, something I depend upon, is e-mail. There’s an added bonus, as far as I’m concerned. I had to write a poison-pen letter. It was a customer service issue that was not resolving in my favor. Not going the way I wanted it to go. Not getting results fast enough. It was a management company that has two extra layers of idiot-proof personnel in place to keep me and poison-pen letters from reaching upper management. However, after I carefully crafted the letter, bullet points with rather negative implications, no outright threats, just posturing, after that e-mail was poised to go to the whole board of directors, and the entire management team, I paused. I hit the ‘save as draft’ button. I didn’t send it. The first note back was “I’ll have my assistant look into this for you,” and the second note? Sweet, costly vindication. Paid up. In full. What I did, next? I deleted that poison-pen email from the draft box. Deleted. Solution arrived at because I didn’t send that note.

It’s like cocking the revolver, but NOT pulling the trigger, right?

Libra: I’m sure the “pile it” gene is a recessive trait, genetically encoded on my DNA. Someplace in there. I’ve defeated the behavior but it creeps back in, from time to time. It’s a strong desire to hold onto material, pile it up, and say, “I’ll get to that, later.” It’s more common with Libra than other signs. During portions of my academic careers, this file management system has served me well. Other times? Not quite as well. In the digital age, it’s possible to keep every scrap of computer-filed papers, and that can also be a problem. Periodically, we all need to go through our piles.

Toss, burn, toss, save, toss, shred, save for later, save for right now, and save for — OMG — look! I found it!

Digging is the clue and digging out from perceived mess is part of the idea. The biggest problem? What happens if you stumble across an item, a slip of paper, a pice of documentation, that you thought was lost? And yet, there it was. All along.

Scorpio: I alluded to a poison-pen letter in the previous Virgo horoscope. That particular piece of inspired prose, the letter itself, it was born out of an hour’s frustration with a situation, and then, a fitful night’s rest. Didn’t sleep much. Pissed off pretty bad. Angry. I wasn’t going to get even, not right away, but I did spin that anger into a useful energy. I put pen to paper, so to write. I opened up a blank e-mail and I let the thoughts — and feelings — flow. The first draft had some well-placed, justifiable, righteous indignation. That sentiment, righteous indignation? As a Saturn-infused Scorpio? You feel it. I felt it, too, a few weeks ago. I got over it before I did anything stupid, like actually send the e-mail. As a Scorpio, there’s a way to channel and successfully use that anger. Find the appropriate outlet. Here’s another hint: beating your fists against the sky won’t solve any problems, let’s look at solutions, not just ways to prove you’re mad.

Sagittarius: As a typical Sagittarius, travel is ingrained in my soul. As a typical Sagittarius, all that stuff in Pisces just irritates the bejeebers out of me. As a typical Sagittarius astrologer, I have a very Zen-like attitude about Mercury in retrograde and what it means.

Classic advice, that combines most of this? There’s (Virgo) client I’ve got who refuses to travel when Mercury is in retrograde because of that client’s fear. I don’t fear Mercury in Retrograde; I make allowances. Remember this, throughout the next week: we might not get where we think we were going, but we do end up where we’re supposed to be. True, might not be clear why our Sagittarius selves find ourselves at that destination, but eventually, it’ll be clear. Eventually.

Capricorn: Because I truly suck at marketing, I’ve been forced to study it some. What works, what doesn’t work. Stupid computers, only give us answers. There’s been a recurring theme, in the marketing material I’ve been exposed to, and the idea is to turn existing readers into rabid fans and then, have those rabid fans drive more customers to me. Great idea. The problem, I subscribed to an e-mail newsletter that addressed this, I thought much of the advice was a little underhanded. Not bad, just not good. Above board, sure, but still a little deceptive, like tricking plain, ordinary readers into being shills. Didn’t work for me. After a few weeks of this kind of message, I decided that the easiest course of action for me was to unsubscribe from the newsletter. “We hate to see you go, but…” Too bad. I can’t participate in frankly manipulative tactics. Simplest solution? Leave. Don’t participate.

Aquarius: For over two years, my home was a suitcase. At one point in my life, I was on the road, traveling for work, 3 out of every 4 weekends in a given month. I’ve slowed down, but the lessons learned from being a road warrior, those lessons earned and learned, hold up well. Here’s one lesson I’ll impart to Aquarius, just for this week, looking at those planets.

Leave a suitcase always packed. Make sure you have that suitcase, the one you need, already provisioned with toiletries, and perhaps, some sample clothing, in my example? Black t-shirts and shorts. Ready. Just in case. Some folks would call it an “Earthquake Kit.” Others, around here, or a little further north? It might be a “Tornado Kit.” Depends.

Be ready to jump. Mercury is highly unstable and there’s a good chance you’ll have to roll with a quick change, and you only have a matter of minutes. Like I suggested, I can change and be out of here, starting with a suitcase that’s already packed, at least, I’m halfway there before I left. You’ll want to adjust this as you see fit, but the idea is sound: pack a bag and be ready.