Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.16.2013

    “Value dwells not in particular will;
    It holds his estimate and dignity
    As well wherein ’tis precious of itself
    As in the prizer.”
    Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida [II.ii.57-60]

taurusTaurus: I’ve always loved Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida, in part, because I came to the play and its tale backwards. I read Shakespeare’s play first, then I worked my way through Chaucer’s version, the source for Shakespeare’s play. Often called a “problem play,” Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida presents unique issues.

When I first read the play I just labeled it as black comedy. Never went past that, not for me. It’s a weird tale, about love and betrayal, set against a backdrop of a mythical war that was about love and betrayal, and the play itself holds several well-written passages. This tail-end of Taurus isn’t about “problem plays,” or romantic comedy, it’s about the duality of life. Mars and the Sun are in Taurus, but there’s a pile of planets in Gemini, as well. Difficult, high-blown language that is hard to decipher? Good for the Gemini influence, but for a Taurus? Stick to plainspoken, even now.

Gemini: I want to get you ready. There’s a really fun time, just up ahead. The biggest issue, even now? Jupiter, Mercury, Venus, in Gemini. Mars and the Sun headed this way, but not here, not quite yet. Which means? You know where I’m going with this, right?

Not now. Or not yet. Or almost, but not yet. I’ve got two Gemini clients who will read this, carefully, a read it a second time, and they will assume that, “not yet” doesn’t apply to them. However, as they proceed? They will encounter distractions.

I went to giant sporting goods store to buy a very specific type of fishing line. New stuff, all hi-tech and high-end everything. I wound up spending hours meandering the aisles, and I almost bought a tent. Good marketing. Bad idea for me, as I have zero use for a tent. But it was cool to look at. Three hours, or more, for a ten-minute trip. That’s what I mean by “Not yet.”

Cancer: Partly, this is because of the springtime, and a few weeks back as I was working on this material, I happened across the sweet, sticky smell of magnolia trees in bloom. It’s a heady aroma, decidedly southern yet I would hope, universal enough everyone gets it. Sugar Magnolia, by the Grateful Dead. The clue is that there’s a lyric, just a few lines, out of the middle of that song, and those lines tell us what to do.

LeoThe (mighty) Leo: My pet (astrological) theory is that a full moon is a good event, no matter what sign you are. It’s coming, and it’s in Scorpio (when it gets here) — the full moon. That’s next week. This creates some tension along the back of the Leo neck, the nicest neck I know. Ever watch some roll his or her head, and you hear that cracking noise? Imagine the Leo doing just that. Real or metaphorical. Stretch, roll your neck around once, maybe crack your knuckles, whatever the individual Leo symbolism is. There’s a stretch and sense that there’s an overburden on your mighty Leo shoulders. I can lessen that load, you know I would if I could, but I can suggest a well-timed pause, and certain, make it look like an inability, to act fast enough for some. Stop. Stretch, maybe make it look like a laconic feline . Get ready, but there’s a certain lack of immediacy that serves your majestic Leo self way. Wait. No, wait for it.

Virgo: I want to be really clear, for my special Virgo friends. Don’t needlessly complicate this situation. Avoid overt and covert obfuscation by eschewing expensive and long, drawn-out phrases. Simply put: keep it simple. There’s a Virgo quality that I greatly admire, the deep, analytical side. Love it. Adore you guys. Don’t needless complicate this situation. Paralysis by analysis is a typical problem, but what’s worse, building on that frozen condition, while the little Virgo mental gears are turning, churning up one more bad scenario?


Don’t needlessly complicate this situation.

Libra: It’s always amusing, to me, to quietly observe little pockets of humanity. I was sitting, it’s here, near a mall, texting a buddy about fishing and computers, while I watched, there’s a “nutrition” store with vitamins, supplements, and everything else, brand name and other. Must’ve been a slow afternoon, as the worker at the store stepped outside and lit up a cigarette.

Health store. I’m not prepared to argue the plus and minus of smoking, but doctors have assured me, over the years, smoking is bad. Not healthy. Seems a little, what is the word? Health store guy, he is supposed to be a picture of health, stepping out to grab a smoke. There’s a kind of hyper-aware attitude in Libra. Like me? Let’s keep our judgements to ourselves, after all, there’s still no definitive proof that tobacco is harmful.

scorpioScorpio: The quote, the first, non-Shakespeare quote for this week? For Scorpio? Targeted right at you? “No man can walk out of his own story.” I can’t think of a better time to try and walk out of the Story of Scorpio, the Epic Adventure. Regrettably, no one else will see it this way. Here’s the catch, you can’t just drop everything and run away. Nice idea. It’s rough to be reminded — by a cartoon character, no less — that you can’t pick up and leave. You’re not even halfway done, and it looks like an arduous and tortuous road ahead. The simple wisdom of the comment belies the source and context, but still, its sentiment holds true. I love me some Scorpio, but at this moment, I’m alone in my reverence and high esteem. Seeing as how it’s just me, and you? Remember the line, “No man can walk out of his own story.” Can’t leave, not now.

Sagittarius: I’ve spoken of “Moon Magic,” which isn’t “magic” at all, just timing. Timing by the phase of the moon is common for me. The lunar cycles are easy to navigate. However, there’s more than a lunar cycle at play. There’s one other hint, about picking up the pieces of something, some shattered object, or a splintered psyche. Picking up the pieces and either treating them as new, or piecing them all back together. Either way works. Old stuff, shattered parts, trashed and broken bits? There are a few scattered images that can be gathered up. Collected. Pulled into a pile. Ready to reassemble. Or, in some cases, assemble for the first time, in a new and different way. Still, the sentiment is about gathering up a few leftover shreds and shards of previous material, pulling it together. Stacking it up. Repair and prepare. Maybe, in that order. I like that one, nice ring, repair and prepare.

Capricorn: I was swapping some music files around with one of my buddies. We tend to exchange CDs, on occasion. “Hear this yet?” Then he plays the first few bars of tune, hits pause, or eject, and we move on. Last week, I texted him about some business, then I asked about a certain artist, band, really. “Got any of that music?” I brought a jump drive to see if I could garner some free samples. Here’s where it gets weird. My buddy? Bit of an audiophile, extremist. He had the tunes. On vinyl. You know, big, 12-inch plastic disc with grooves, and required a turntable that actually could damage the music? The part I lament about the relative demise of vinyl, the lost artwork on the album cover. A CD jewel case just doesn’t do the artist justice as it’s too limited of a canvas. This isn’t about art, this isn’t about archaic and eccentric friends who still use turntables, this is about expectations and facts. I get to my buddy’s place, and yes, he does have a turntable, and yes, he can plug that into his laptop and make the song into an mp3. Just seems like a lot of extra work. Worth it? I can’t answer that for sure, as I never got around to downloading the songs.

aquariusAquarius: “There’s an app for that!” There is not an app for everything. Maybe there is. Maybe not. I was toying with something on the smart phone, and I got to thinking, on my iPad, yes, I use one quite extensively, I had apps — unused — for various “social media websites” that I’m linked to. Or rather, linked from, as I don’t do a lot of pointing to the outside source, I let them point back to me. However, I realized, on my iPad, I don’t use a different app for each of the social media sites. I just use one — the web browser. Same on the laptop I still lug from town to town. Instead of getting burdened by new software and new apps to do what I can already do? My web browser logs me in, the window is familiar, and I don’t have go through extra effort to get what I want from the online experience.

Make it easy. This message is about keeping it simple. I know, I know, there’s an app for that, too, to help you keep it simple. Stop. There may be an app for that, but that’s not what this is about. It’s about simplifying, not complicating.

piscesPisces: One of my little European friends was trying to explain something. French, broken “street-Spanish,” and I don’t know, some other, not Russian, but one of those slavic tongues, I think that’s her native language, so English, with its mash of colloquial terms and dual meanings? Bit rough, especially after the other languages. She said something in — even for me — a cryptic tone. I muttered a, “What?” sounded more like “Wha…” She explained, “Men, you check on your stomach. We have feelings, men check on their stomachs.” Kind of sexist, I thought. My first image was me, face first, on the floor. “Checking on my stomach,” as it were. It was really about a sense, a feeling, and perceptions rather than factual material. Guys, do a “gut check,” which means, see what your subconscious tells you. “I got a gut feeling about this,” is the term. Women? Or perceptive, attuned people? Feelings. It’s all about using your feelings to determine what works best. “This feels right.” Or, as my friend suggested, “check on your stomach.”

Aries: I have one fishing lure, it’s a topwater lure, and it was once painted light blue with gray stripes and dots. It’s mostly clear now. I’v retired the lure, but I really didn’t want to, as it was, at one time, the lucky lure. The fact that it was just clear plastic and still worked? The hint is that the paint, the skin, the color on the outside doesn’t matter. It was the way that lure would shimmy and shake that was so important. Color, cut and clarity? No meaning whatsoever, not with that lure. Started out light blue and ended up mostly clear and gnawed upon, repeatedly, mauled, even, by fish after fish. The goal and purpose of the exercise? Color doesn’t matter, not now. Action, that matters. All in how you shake and shimmy, not what you’re wearing.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • Rhubarb May 16, 2013 @ 9:58

    Sagittarius this week exactly right. The old order passeth, giving way to new. And God fulfills Himself in many ways, lest one good custom should corrupt the world. That just popped into my head. Source? I’ll have to go look for it.