Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 8.1.2013

    “When ‘a was naked, he was,
    For all the world, like a forked
    Radish, with a head fantastically
    Carved upon it with a knife.”
    Shakespeare’s Falstaff in King Henry IV, part II [III.ii.289-91]

Old Sir John is describing the character Shallow, a country rustic and bumbling justice.

LeoThe (mighty) Leo: Happy birthday and yes, I do love Leo more than any other sign, even my Sagittarius brothers and sisters. Way it goes, we must always recognize greatness. We have a small problem, and I thought I’d pitch it like this, the two Henry IV plays, which make way for Henry V? I’ve long since had naming problems. There doesn’t seem to be an accept convention. Is it Henry the Fourth, Part One and Part Two? Henry IV? Rev. 1 and rev. 2? I’ve had the distinction of seeing a father-son (in real life) act as Falstaff (Father) and Prince Hal (Son). It was great fun, as the Falstaff would like to think he’s the boy’s father, but in the play’s reality, he’s just a boyhood playmate. Never mind that. This is about naming conventions. I did a quick web search, trying to see how it was done in the First Folio, to no avail. You’d think those pages would be scanned and indexed online by now. Important stuff, and a virtual form is far superior to a brittle piece of parchment. Which doesn’t solve the problem the naming convention. I have at least two “Complete Works” texts here. Neither one uses the same names. Happy birthday, again, and when you arrive at a decision, I’ll agree with the Leo’s wish.

Virgo: You feel good, you look good, you are good. The deal with astrology and where I earn my keep? Now isn’t the time. When would be a good time?

Soon. Very soon. Just not yet. I have a special client, long-term person gets a reading from me. My readings have been — more or less — accurate over the years. For one, I dated more than my share of Virgo girls, and for two? I like the Virgo mind. Best fishing buddies are usually Virgo guys. I’m not going to date anymore Virgo girls, no, that’s not the question. The question is timing. Take a pass on the excitement, activity and rush. Stop. Take a little bit of a pause. I’m guessing, you just completed a big deal, obtained a goal, like a phoenix, rose from the ashes, or something like that. Right? Don’t make a big deal out of it, not yet. Wait for a little bit better time. When?

Soon. Very soon.

Libra: I was on foot, in front of a San Antonio Police Department sub-station. There was a constable’s car, pulled over and there were four officers questioning a couple. The female looked very dazed. Heavy make-up. The guy was wiry and nervous, in a baggy pants and a wife-beater undershirt. I turned off the phone as I walked passed, so I could hear. The guy had his hands on his head and one officer was pulling a small, plastic bag of white powder out of the (alleged) perp’s pocket. The cop partially opened the baggie, touched a tiny amount to his tongue, “Heroin?”

No comment. Here’s the part that gets me, OK? In front of the police sub-station. Right in front of the cops. Don’t get me off on a rant about police, laws, or illicit drugs, which ought to be legalized, no, not that. For the record, I don’t do drugs. Again, not the question.

In front of the police department? Where is a smart place to do such things, and then, where’s not a smart place? Illegal. In front of the suburban cop shop. Are we clear about our messages?

scorpio Scorpio: There’s a store, now a chain, started in Texas. Sells organizational crap. The current catalog, I ripped a page out as a referent, it shows a workspace, desk hutch, with matching shelves, pens, pencils, and wall art, all color coordinated. This place preys on the cluttered soul. The part that tripped me up was the color-coded file folders, all neatly arranged with pastel documents inside. I have vanilla folder with charts, manuscripts and scribbled notes. No where have I ever seen a desk so neatly organized. Why this one chain preys on the cluttered soul, and also, it sells the idea that you can be organized — if you just purchase enough of their products. Some of their materials are truly good. My book shelves came from there a long time ago. Still, color-coded, organized beyond belief? Does buying something like that really work? What does that store — chain — really sell? The hope, the dream, the possibility of being organized. Before you buy the dream? Consider you still have to do the work, courtesy of Saturn.

Sagittarius: Women have “Female Intuition,” and men have “a gut feeling.” Terribly sexist terminology, but times being what they are, the words fit. If the words fit, the sentiments properly follow. That’s what this is all about. It’s that clear, ringing Sagittarius Sixth Sense that spells out a specific direction, over the next couple days. We get an inkling, an indistinct message, and we’ll all ignore the message.

I watched while the gentle coastal breezes stirred the tip of a fishing rod. Be nice if there was a big fish on that, maybe a mammoth Red. I thought the breeze twitched the pole’s tip again.

Inkling, twitch, hunch.

Minutes later,the pole bent in half and the drag on the reel was screaming in sweet agony.

What do you know, wasn’t a breeze but a fish.

Intuitions and hunches are nice, but we’re best served by the obvious.

Wait for it….

Capricorn: At least one, serious, noted scholar elevated Shakespeare’s Falstaff to the level of archetype and maybe even the more modern anti-hero. The opposite of the good guy, especially in that historical, fictional world of Shakespeare’s invention? It’s “Point — Counterpoint.” The malignant side of good, or the beneficial side of bad. Looking at your chart, there’s a tough, near impossible balance point approaching. Good and bad? Yes. Mean, obstreperous, vile? Sure. What’s the answer? Thinly veiled epithets? Probably not. While I’m sure you cold get away with some sotto voce grumblings that are, indeed, spiteful comments, and while I think you could get away with that? Is it in your best interest, especially, these days, everyone can record a comment? What is the recoding misses then intended trenchant wit? I’m trying to save you the pain.

aquariusAquarius: I was reminded, not long ago, why I liked the canon of Shakespeare as source material. What drew me to the works, to begin with, the plays are shot through and through with astrological references. Then, too, the plot, subject and points of the plays convey universal themes. It’s common round foray shaving a human experience. There has to be commons ground, shared experiences. As an Aquarius, there isn’t always a lot of common ground. Find it. Celebrate that common, shared experience. What this week’s all about, common turf. Shared experience. Look for the similarities, not differences. There’s a hint that the Heavens are looking for the shared portions of the experience. Look for what’s in common, not differences.

Pisces: Wished I’d used a Hamlet quote to start with, but alas, not this week. Nor is next week looking good for the Dane, either. Still, why a Hamlet allusion? It is the most performed tragedy — in the world. At any given time, sure, it will be on stage in the UK, but also in playhouses and theaters across America, and in at least one version, in Klingon. According to the Star Trek world guide, yes, the Klingons loved Hamlet — probably for a different reason — but does it matter? Performed properly, there’s an element of catharsis that occurs in the tragedy. Not like it has a surprise ending, but some shows sneak up and catch the audience unaware. Even though we know how it ends, the release it still there, waiting at the end. There is a very similar and equally valuable purge and regeneration that occurs in this next couple of days. Embrace it, sweet Pisces.

Aries: I collect scraps of paper. Usually, this is an age-old habit, it is in the form of cash register receipts. I save the bits of paper for tax reasons, always have to have documentation. There is another use, too, furtive notes to self. “Look at this,” or a snippet of conversation, or other tidbit of miscellany that might make a good point or simple observation. On occasion, I’ve scribbled a note that is clearly, days later, illegible. It happens. I’ll look at the note and wonder what brilliant insight to human behavior is now lost. The idea of recording your notes and notations, as you go, that’s a good starting point. Decoding the data later? That’s a question for later. Right now? Remember to record that note, notation, notion, or observation. Now.

Go on, go write it down. Any scrap of paper will work.

taurusTaurus: The “Golden Age” of TV might’ve been just a few years ago. The networks censored more, and the production values were less. It ushered in, my favorite, the sound of tires squealing (pavement) on dirt roads. Other than badly dubbed Golden Age TV, I’ve never heard tires squealing on gravel.

Doesn’t happen in real life. TV is not real life. Hint: I’ve been on a “reality” show, and I know, it’s not real. There’s an auditory line to this week in Taurus Land. It’s going to sound like one of those Golden Age sound tracks, a little off — tires don’t squeal on gravel, yet oddly appropriate, too. Instead of making a big deal out of it? Sure, the sound track is all wrong, but it’s TV, or something like TV, and we don’t care. Well, no one else notices. Taurus does. Think about not mentioning it.

Gemini: I graduated from high school in the south east corner of New Mexico. Over the years in my careers, I’ve bounced back and forth between Texas, West Texas, and New Mexico. I have a good grasp of the terrain, the countryside and the people. The oddest division, to me, is that line between West El Paso, Anthony and then Las Cruces, NM. Food changes — right at the state line, and once in New Mexico?

It is that chili-infused cuisine. Depends on the farm and the year, rainfall and weather, as to the heat quotient of the peppers. I finally, after several decades, also grasped that this varies from cook to cook, less about a specific kitchen and more about who likes to prepare, what, and how. Some of the distinctions are subtle and require a refined pepper palette. Others a fiery enough that the differences are obvious. Love me my Gemini friends, but as a whole, you’re not big on subtleties. It’s taken me several decades to discern some of the differences. As a Gemini, you can discern the subtle nuances, too. Slow down. Look, listen, taste. Nuances, not broad strokes. Stop with the big picture.

Cancer: In Elizabethan theatre (Shakespeare), a play could have upwards of 50 speaking parts. With a rotating cast core of about 15 main players, all those roles could be covered by a single troupe, doubling and even tripling the roles. Some influences leave the Cancer stage. Some other roles need to be covered. To go against some conventional astrological wisdom, with an eye to making things way better for Cancer? Think about playing more than one role.

Why hire more hands when you can do it faster, easier, cheaper yourself? Like the acting troupes in the days of yore.

Hint: there’s more money in it for you if you play more than one part.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • jose quinones Aug 1, 2013 @ 11:16

    Is that part of the guilt trip? Always knew better, just that once life seemed like a dream. It still does actually.

    • Kramer Wetzel Aug 2, 2013 @ 7:01

      It’s about some choices. Me? I never caught. Well, not too often.

      • jose quinones Aug 7, 2013 @ 13:29

        Oh, I don’t make ’em bad choices anymore. Saturn really made sure I would get the message this time. The best way to get at a libra is through his pockets and his / her pride. I often wish I could strike down the greek gods, then I remember the reason for ancient Greece’s downfall….I think it had something to do with that very idea.

  • Rhubarb Aug 1, 2013 @ 15:18

    So…both Sagittarius and Virgo counsel waiting for it, whatever “it” is. Inspiration? Bad news? The Second Coming? OK. I’ll wait for the obvious, oblivious.

    • Kramer Wetzel Aug 2, 2013 @ 7:02

      Now why are you in an all-fired up hurry?

      “Wait for it…”