Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 8.15.2013

    “I do defy him and I spit at him,
    Call him a slanderous coward
    And a villain…”
    Shakespeare’s Richard II [I.i.60-1]

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 8.15.2013

LeoThe (mighty) Leo: I know bicycle messengers are a commodity in certain urban locations, like the Left Coast or cityscapes, like NY. Bit of an oddity in San Antonio. So I was amused, it was early in the morning, the requisite ink was visible, and the guy, he’s a serious bike messenger, was sitting at an otherwise empty outdoor cafe, a cold cup of coffee in front of him, and three devices. Smart phone (iPhone), smart phone with attached keyboard (BlackBerry), and a tablet (iPad). He was looking something up on one phone, scrolling through a list, and his other hand was poised over the tablet’s on-screen keyboard. Way too busy for my tastes. More work that it was worth, to my way of seeing it. Shorts, a bicycle at his feet, the store he was in front of, not open yet. Typical really early morning image. Except for the bike messenger part, but otherwise, kind of normal. Are you trying to do too much when it’s birthday time?

Virgo: Shakespeare’s Richard II is possibly a seditious and yet, also, most lyrical of the plays. It supports overthrowing the monarchy. It has some lovely poetry in it, too. The play, not the monarchy. Well, it is in the monarch mouth, but that’s just an actor playing king. As Venus exits Virgo this weekend, and as the Moon gets more and more full, there’s a unique combination of elements that help Virgo. The poetry, like Richard II’s speechifying? You have that. A certain eloquence is possible. The biggest obstacle, to go along with that Venus infused “golden tongue?”

What you’re saying. I’d encourage you script it, type it up, put it on notecards and practice before you give your motivating speech. Practice what you’re going to say before you say it.

LibraLibra: For the sake of ease, I switched to an all-electric appointment book, back, the last time I bought paper refills for my paper calendar was in the previous millennium, so it’s been more than a decade. I was sitting in with a local group of business owners, and I watched as the IT guy, “I build websites and computer infrastructure for companies,” I watched as he wrote down an appointment in a paper organizer. A young, presumably credentialed tech guy, and instead of a smart phone, instead of tablet or laptop, he used a pen and paper organizer. Anyone who’s booked me in the last couple of years has found out that my calendar sends out an invitation. Tech stuff, not really cutting edge, but it does well to double-check. As a Libra, stop and think about what I’m trying to address here, a tech guy using analog tools when the rest of us use digital?

Goes with another piece of advice, from one of my books, “Never trust a skinny cook.”

Scorpio: While the original chain started in Dallas, I used to frequent the Austin stores more. The name of the company is “Half Price Books,” and they sell, oddly enough, half price books. Used books. My own wee Scorpio mum claims she is listening to my horoscope and voluntarily downsizing. Haven’t seen any evidence of that. There is a little more bookshelf space available, but that’s only because — last time I visited — I took the books to Half Price Books and got a few bucks. Doubt it even paid for gas.

However, that is more that is back in the literary food chain, and she can rest easy, knowing it wasn’t just tossed out. Like my wee Scorpio mum, it is time to downsize some of the Scorpio material. Instead of of whole sale slaughter, though, think about excising one (1) item. One book, as an example, that no longer serves a purpose. One item that no longer is useful. Carry one item, this week, in homage to Saturn in Scorpio, carry one item to the curb. Or one book to the second hand bookstore. Whatever works.

SagittariusSagittarius: One of my neighbors has a couple of lines of “Ode to a Grecian Urn” as a tattoo. “That takes a real man, you know, to get Keats as a tattoo,” he pointedly remarked. Sure it does. Manly man, assured in his own skin, etc. I’ve often thought about a tattoo like that, but I’m kind of fickle, what I want now and what I wanted earlier, those desires have changed. There’s still a lick from a country song, I’ve always figured that it would make a decent tattoo, “On the muscle of my arm/There’s a red and blue tattoo/Sez Ft. Worth I love you…”

Probably not going to get that one, either. Quote from Shakespeare? Yes, but which quote? Which play? As the Moon gets full, there’s a similar question burning in the Sagittarius brain, might not be a tattoo, but some kind of question with a permanent outcome. Maybe this isn’t the time to render that decision.

“I’ll get my girlfriend’s name, sure…”

(Girlfriends’ names as a tattoo art are notoriously unlucky for relationships.)

Capricorn: I don’t go to the movies that often, but when I do? I try to hit the good theaters, a chain that started in Austin and has since spread. There’s a similar place, here in San Antonio, the theater has a liquor license and what could make a barely bearable movie better than some kind of adult beverage? Glass of wine? Maybe a bottle of good merlot? Maybe two bottles? Some of those dubious comedies? Enough libations and those would be palatable. It’s a matter of being in the right place and with the right frame of mind. The Alamo Drafthouse Theaters are zany, with excellent cuisine and in some cases, food tailored to the movie. This is all about change. Situations are in a constant state of flux in Capricorn. Events, people, places you thought you could count on? On which you could depend? Might be there. Might not. Or, in my way of seeing this? Might be a good movie; although, most critics panned it. Therefore, go see the movie at the Drafthouse. Even marginal films are good there.

Here’s the deal: when faced with a decision that might be less than palatable? Opt for comfort to pad the nature of the experience. For me, that suggests going to watch a crappy movie at the good theatre experience place.

Aquarius: The original term “hacker” is derived from model train guys at a certain university in the (American) Northeast. They “hacked” on toy railroads, which, aren’t, as it turns out, that dissimilar to tubes that connect your web browser to my web page. That’s where the term originated. I was thinking about hackers, not the malicious kind but those guys who modified and engineered new stuff to answer a need. Me? I’m more of tinkerer. I’ll mess around with the parts, but I do very little, if any, “engineering” to speak of. Imagine me, though, tinkering with your chart. I’m poking, prodding, nodding my head, looking, examining, and thinking about it.

Best course of action? Tinker with it. Maybe not a time to make a big commitment, just give a it tiny push, see what happens.

Pisces: Best opening line? Anyone know the source?

Source and connection to this week’s horoscope? Anyone? Anyway, read your Moon Sign, and if you don’t know which one that is, email me, and I’ll let you know.

Aries: Turns out, according to one source, Aries is not the god war but the god of irrational and destructive conflict. Which, to me, sounds like the definition of war. Sometimes, the conflict has a purpose, be ideological, religious or political, maybe even financial. Other times? Not so much. If, according to my new definition from old mythology, if Aries is the god of irrational conflict, how much of that are you going to cause? Now, how much can you prevent? As an Aries, there’s Uranus, Pluto, Venus, even Mars, all layered into the mix. How you react to that? It’s a choice. Fight? Flight? Fight then flight? Run away scared to death? How about, let’s try something different, emboldened by the light of the Full Moon. Stand your ground, say your piece, but don’t cause conflict. State the issue and let it go. Let other people squabble over the details about who is right and who wrong, and what it all means. If you don’t pick a fight, then there is no problem.

Taurus: Quick hat tip to one of my Taurus buddies. “Hey little buddy, thanks for the tip!” Instead of saying, “I’m too busy to undertake such a task,” try his line, “that task requires more time than I am willing to devote to it.” It’s about how you manage your time, and especially this week, it’s about how you allocate your time-bound resources. You got so many minutes in an hour, so many hours in a day, and only five or six days to the end of the week. How are you going to spend that time? More important, how are you going to say, “I’m too busy for that crap now?”

Phrase to avoid? “Not enough time.”

Phrase to employ? “That task requires more time than I am willing to assign to it.”

When you’ve got some free time, you can send me a thank-you note.

Gemini: This is going to piss off one particular Leo, but other than that? Good, solid advice for my little Gemini friends. “Always act as if there is an invisible tiara on your head.” Very simple advice. So simple, even a straight Gemini buddy of mine can understand it. I hope. Carry yourself into this weekend with calm, self-assured poise, knowing, in your Gemini heart of hearts, knowing, feeling, like there is an adornment on your head that marks you as royalty. It has to do with the relative position of several influences, but this doesn’t go smoothly, not at first. Take a lesson from the Leo, THE Leo, and learn to act as if you can’t be bothered by insignificant troubles. A gentle, dismissive wave of the paw, the gentle Gemini hand, dismiss us all. See how well this works? Act like there is a tiara on your head. There will be one bump in your road, but once we get Venus into Libra, this gets better and better. Act ‘as if,’ and see what happens.

cancerCancer: “Oh, man, I’ll bet she’s really high maintenance. She’s got that look, you know.” Buddy of mine’s comment about certain girlfriend. Yeah, looks little out of my league, but if we use that definition, just about everyone is out of my league; I’m in a group all by himself. Works for me.

However, I must point out, a man’s expectations must exceed his grasp, or, what is a penis for? This is about perceptions, looking at a couple who may, or may not, belong together. I can be articulate, intelligent, a ready command of matters astrological, ornithological, and other logicals. Plus I used to be quite handy with a fishing pole and baits. How do you think I landed this one? What one man considers “high maintenance,” is just fun and games for the next guy. That girlfriend in question? No work, whatsoever on my part. Nothing. Not a damn thing. So as a Cancer, right now, what’s the perception? And what’s your reality?

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • Wendy Aug 15, 2013 @ 6:13

    Who is John of Gaunt?

  • Wendy Aug 15, 2013 @ 7:08

    Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles. John Gaunt acts as a spur to Richard ll’s court of trendy yes-men.

    that it?

  • anca Aug 15, 2013 @ 17:57

    What if Pisces IS the moon sign

    • Kramer Wetzel Aug 16, 2013 @ 8:12

      Look at rising and then, if the question is Mars or Venus, look to that sign/symbolism. Pisces itself is lost this week.

  • Jonathan Richards Aug 19, 2013 @ 8:22

    Source for Pisces quote: “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe” 1980. Follow up book to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” 1979.

  • jose quinones Aug 21, 2013 @ 13:38

    Libra: “I’m the human oxymoron!”