Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 9.19

    “Duncan is in his grave.
    After life’s fitful fever he sleeps well.
    Treason has done his worst. Nor steel, nor poison,
    Can touch him further.”

Shakespeare’s Scottish Play III.ii.24-8

    There is the Star Trek version, too, “He’s dead Jim. I’m doctor, not a miracle worker.” Poor Red Shirts.

LibraLibra: Happy Birthday! Libra starts this weekend, might as well get a jump on the party, right? Right! One Virgo will complain that I missed the very tail end of Virgo, but let’s move on, if there isn’t a Virgo complaining about me, someplace, then there is something very wrong with the world.

Here’s the birthday message, see, fishing buddy of mine wanted me to try this new, ‘hybrid’ fishing line, the taut feel of woven line, and the light weight and easy casting ability of monofilament. Best of both worlds, and super light, too. Casts farther, last longer, catch bigger fish. Great stuff, he swore up and down. I spooled some up. Had some on a reel and we were fishing. I hooked a big one, and “Pop!” Line broke. Maybe it was me, maybe it was the way I spooled the stuff onto the fishing feel, maybe it was a really big fish. I tried it again, and I lost another fish, and that second fish, it really wasn’t that big, or it didn’t feel big. I might’ve gotten a bad spool of fishing line. I might’ve spooled it onto the fishing reel wrong, adding kinks and twists. Or might not be what I was looking for. Hit two failures like that? Line breaks, lose a fish? Switch. That simple. Just switch. Maybe go back to what you know works. Better yet, birthdays and all? Stick with what you know works, not a time to experiment. That way, I’m sure, you’ll have a happy birthday.

scorpioScorpio: It’s all about the fights you pick. You can, if you want, pick a fight with me. I’m a Sagittarius, and I’ll eventually grow bored and walk away. Personally, I’ve been in two fights with Scorpios, one male, one female, and I don’t “walk away,” I back up until I’m at a safe distance, then I turn tail and run. I try not to look back, too. Unfortunately, you’re not going to run into the likes of me this next few days.

If you did, being a great, big chicken? That’s the most effective way to “fight” with a Scorpio. Run away. Run far, run fast. Sounds like I’m scared of Scorpio? I am. Healthy, well-earned respect. Regrettably, I’m but a lone voice in the wilderness. Here’s what’s happening, there will be a number of people who are on a mission to piss you off. Certainly won’t be me, but you will encounter several, maybe a whole horde of folks, all determined to irritate your good, Scorpio self.


You’re not going to win this fight, not this week, not next week.


I didn’t say what happened wasn’t right, or you don’t deserve to be pissed off, but as a suggestion?


If you can’t win a fight, is the battle worth it?*

*Hint: since you’re asking? No, the battle isn’t worth it.**


Sagittarius: I looked at the mess of this week’s planets, as they align — or misalign — and all I could think of was distant experience. Weekend like this, as we’re going into it? Sun is still in Virgo? Unresolved tension, not bad, but lingering Full-Moon energy, and as a Sagittarius? What happens?

I woke up, I don’t know exactly what happened the night before, but I woke up in East Austin with no pants. Shirt was half on, and the rest is a blur. My body seemed basically intact, and I can’t recall the details of the previous evening. Ran into an old buddy, I think. Rest is blotted out.

It was some years ago, but that describes the exact energy, and the way the planets look. That’s one option, drink heavily to erase the memories. As I’ve got gotten older, I’ve realized there are better uses of time, and easier ways to deal with such exigencies. Time heals much and this weekend? Wait until Libra starts before we start the party.

Capricorn: “Forget Kramer, he doesn’t know anything,” really? “He said I was ‘going to win the lotto,’ and look: nothing,” really? “I got raise and looks like I’ll get hefty bonus, but where’s my big win?” Sounds like I predicted a big win and raise, isn’t that a win? When I say, “Lottery win,” I don’t always mean an actual lotto win of many millions, I mean something from out of the blue drops in your life. On the karmic scale, I figure that “lotto win” is an earned reward. You deserve it.

It’s coming, but I can’t say from whence it arrives. I know it’s almost here. The question is, as an Earth Sign, Cardinal Earth Sign, will you be willing to recognize a glimmer of good fortune as it soon arrives?

Aquarius: Not long ago, I got to where I was sleeping until, like, almost noon. That’s not a problem, but as a fishing weekend approached, I realized I had to adjust my schedule. Get up earlier so, when the fishing trip got here, I’m looking at three days of coastal inshore fishing, I like to be able to get up at “dark-thirty” to get out on the water as soon as the tides shift. Matter of a simple adjustment. I used an alarm clock. Not really, I used an alarm clock function on the phone. Still the idea was the same. Started getting up early, like, really early. At first, it was difficult, but by the end of the week, I was ready to roll at “oh-dark-thirty,” which was the plan.

There is a simple adjustment to the Aquarius time-table. The schedule you’ve been keeping, it doesn’t work as well as you’d like, or, like me, you have big event coming up. Adjust your alarm now, so next week? You’ll be ready.

Simple adjustment.

Pisces: I have this one Pisces “friend,” a nurse. Her paperwork is never in order. She shows up for appointments with me, I can count on, at least half an hour late. After a few years, I’m used to it. “1:30 PM (local time),” that really means closer to 2 or 2:30. I’m not upset, I know this. I build in allowances.

Forgiveness is important, especially when dealing with a Pisces.

I don’t worry about it. We’ve discussed the problem and I finally capitulated, she wins.

I’ve never been a patient of hers, so I don’t know what it is like, but despite the problem with time? She’s a (typical) Pisces healer. Five minutes into a reading, and I’m wondering if I should pay her, not the reverse.

Forgiveness is important in Pisces land.

I wonder how she manages to do things like get to work on an empty tank of gas, or pay her cell bill, as they cut those things off in a hurry. Never did understand that. Sort of a mobile disaster area. I’ve long wondered how she gets by, I mean, other than being half an hour late to meet me for a reading.

Forgiveness is the clue that Pisces should take away from this example.

Aries: Fact of modern life — I don’t know my own mother’s mobile phone number. It’s about number three on my phone’s speed dial. I have no clue what the real number is, though. I think I know the area code, but she’s in one of those large urban centers that now has three or four overlay numbers, so I might not. I wouldn’t even guess. When I mentioned this to my mother, her immediate response was, “Get out a pencil and I’ll give you the number.”

Makes no sense. If the electrical devices don’t work? Then I won’t be able to call, anyway. Computers, tablets, phones, I’ve got that number scattered across all the devices. I did her up some business cards, got it there, too, in the portfolio.

Is her number a series of digits I need to commit to memory?

This is an example of information, probably data that is no longer required, rattling around in your Aries brain. Some days, it’s OK to forget.

Taurus: I bent up an old coat hanger and fashioned a hook. From the Mexican Market, I had a tourist-trap, souvenir set of wind chimes (five hollow metal rods). There was a tacky “State of Texas” hanging from the center pull string with that set of chimes. I replaced it with a simple “fishing spoon,” looks better, cost about a buck, and the spoon isn’t as tacky.

In some Fang Sway circles, the five hollow, metal rods are good luck. Or something. Brings harmony? I don’t recall, consult a local expert, to find out just what it means. Anyway, the whole arrangement was substantially less expensive than a certified “Fang Sway” accessory.

Did it change the “chi?” I have no way to verify that. I know I felt better. A very simple adjustment, to the household, it’s really not complicated. Mine is an old coat hanger, a tourist trinket, and an old fishing lure. Be surprised what you can come up with, if you need it. Simple adjustment. All it takes, simple adjustment, to make Taurus feel better.

Gemini: That I miss “album” artwork is no secret. The big, 12-inch by 12-inch vinyl album covers, a full square foot of canvas for an artist to work with? 20-30 years ago, album art was a distinct and separate genre, worth of the name, “Fine Art.” Now days, it’s a tiny square on CD jewel case that is digitally delivered, and the “cover art” never really gets its full exposure. I was thinking about a specific band, and the tiny images I see online, those images make me think that this art work would be “fine art,” if only it was on an “album,” instead of tiny image for digital delivery.

There’s a kind of feel, baroque, highly-stylized, ornate and delicate scroll-work, sepia, and subtle hues, all play into this. That kind of detailed, edgy and busy artwork is what a Gemini should be doing. Softer hues, very detailed, lots of intricate designs, building, echoing, repeating, and stretching forward. The highly ornate design is what a good Gemini needs to get through these next couple of days. Think about something that would look good, all blown up.

Two-Meat Tuesday – Kramer Wetzel

Cancer: If you read this before the weekend, stop and pause. If you’re reading this after the weekend? All you’re going to get from me is, “I told you so.”

Before the Sun slips into Libra, the Autumn Equinox, there’s a Cancer, Moon-Child directional change that I want you to think about. Consider.

Maybe not make the change, but consider making a change in directions. Pause long enough to figure out that where you’re heading might not be in your best interest. It might be. It might not be. Stop and think about it. If you catch this at the last few degrees of Virgo, there’s a good chance you change as need be, safely rearrange matters so that there isn’t an abrupt shift in direction.

After the weekend? There’s a good chance, soon, very soon, there’s going to be a necessary shift (in direction). We can make this painless or painful, it’s up to you.

Hint: sometimes, even though I suggest a change, maybe the biggest change is not changing. Again, consider the variables.

The (mighty) Leo: I stopped by my post office, to drop some business correspondence in the mail. Had to see the guy at the counter, get a registered letter thing. I walked in one day at noon, and there was no line. However, when I stopped in when I had to go to the counter? There was a long line of people ahead of me.

Seems like they all waited until they just knew I was going to be there, and then, they all got together, probably on the phone, and said, “Let’s annoy Kramer, meet me at the post office, Kramer’s just about to get there.”

I’m Sagittarius. Line didn’t bother me, and I wasn’t in a hurry. I’m not Leo. You are Leo. Mightiest of the Fire Signs, trust me. You don’t suffer being in line very well, especially when everyone seems to be doing it just to piss you off.

Mars makes you impatient. How you deal with that impatience? I’d suggested you borrow page from my Sagittarius play book, “Cool, I meant for this happen.”

Virgo: The way I run my horoscopes, Virgo is now at the bottom of the pile. Again. Happens every year, at the Fall Equinox, Libra starts, and Virgo gets regulated back to the bottom.

At least one Virgo buddy will bitterly complain. “You don’t like Virgo, I know, see?”

But I do. It’s just an easier, friendlier way to display the horoscopes. When I started, I broke each sign down to individual entry. That was tedious, and it left me open for 12 times as many mistakes.

Problem, that.

However, as this weekend, Virgo is now at the bottom. I prefer to think of it as Virgo is just quietly waiting, off to one side. Out of the spotlight. Might be better, if you quietly observe, instead of drawing unneeded attention to yourself.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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