Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 9.26

“Down, down I come;
Like glistering Phaethon,
Wanting the manage of unruly jades.”
King Richard in Shakespeare’s Richard II (3.3)

And how the mighty have fallen.

LibraLibra: One of the better expressions I’ve heard? “Bad decisions make the best stories.” I’ve lived my life in such a way as to be testament to that expression. I’ve added my own version, too.

“Bad decisions make the best stories, and a second date.” I’m just observing what works. Mercury heads out of Libra, leaving the only serious influence the Sun itself. That means, it’s still birthday time in Libra, but that also suggest that there is a little bit of an outside influence. I’m not saying that someone is pushing you to do something that you’re not entirely comfortable with, but there is a suggestion. If there’s a question, a situation, a problem and you don’t like the answer? The solution doesn’t fit your ideals? Not comfortable with the answer to the question? It’s still birthday time, remember? You don’t have to accept the answer. Here’s a suggestion: take the answer, the proffered solution, the deal that is on the table, at the moment?

“I’ll take it under advisement.”

Good as any way to stall.

Scorpio: Signature line, for e-mail, and related contacts, those have been with me a long, long time. A while back, I got in a funny mood, and I added the ubiquitous “Sent from my iPhone” line to the end of all my e-mail. I picked the idea up from a marketing guru, and while I didn’t do it for the same reason, it has changed my correspondence.

That’s the idea, for Scorpio, too. Some simple change. The place were I read about it, the author, he wanted to cut down on his e-mail load, so he changed all his signatures to that. Since the “smart” phones are so common, and that’s the default sig file, the expression is common enough to be seen by all.

I did it because I have malicious sense of humor, and I’m a bit strange. It did an an air of urgency to all of my communication, which was odd, because none of my mail sent from my phone had that sig-tag-line.

Here’s one better: add that to your e-mail signature line, even if you don’t have an iPhone. Think how that would look, really, sending the wrong message?

One, tiny, little change, this next few days. See what happens.

Sagittarius: I’ve been looking in the weekend ads, lately. I kept seeing promotions for various handguns. Deer rifles, too. Plus a few “sportsman” rifles, which, to me, look like soft assault weapons. I’ve been to the firing range with some buddies, recently. One of them had a new M-4, kind of fun to fire. I think I hit the center ring most of the time. At the range, though, wearing the “mickey mouse” ear protectors? Takes way part of the fun of handling firearms. Not much noise. Then, too, the idea, what attracted me, what I was looking for, what I thought I wanted? Nine mil, to keep in my bed stand. Or a .38, something small, innocuous. Personal protection, of some sort, right? Only, here’s what would happen, I’d get a weapon, then go the range faithfully for the next few months, then leave it in the drawer and forget all about it. Toys. Abandoned toys. I keep a large dowel, think baseball bat, bedside. All I need. Have to ask yourself, if you think you’ll really use it, whatever it is that our Sagittarius selves might be thinking about. Do you really need another toy — that you won’t use?

Capricorn: I live in the American SouthWest. To be brutal about it, I live in South Texas, and that really doesn’t qualify as either the “South” or the “West,” but whatever. This is about typical Southwestern cuisine. The hot, fire-hot, peppers and sauces, and the “Northern New Mexico” style, “Red or Green?” It’s their universal question. I’ve lived around this cuisine all my life. It’s part of me and it’s part of my bloodline. As I’ve traveled, I’ve been subjected to, part out of courtesy, part out of curiosity, what other people think “Mexican Food” is all about. Peppers and their uses? That’s a topic I’m familiar with. When I’m in my native lands, I know the food is correctly prepared, and the condiments, the spices, are right. There are subtle variations, but the basics are hard to get wrong. However, outside of my turf? I have low expectations that the “TexMex” will turn out even OK. Not a problem, I don’t go to foreign lands expecting it be like it is back home. While I appreciate the effort, in my example, the more “Northern” palates can’t take the South-West style heat. Not a problem.

What are you expecting, right now, and is it even a reasonable expectation?

“It’s not like they do back home!”

aquariusAquarius: I got one of those automated e-mails, “Kramer Wetzel you still have a credit of $0.00 in your account, would you like to use it now?” There was the usual link back to the retail site, and I laughed. To me, it looked like an auto-generated mail piece, at least, at first. Which was the source of the idea for the Aquarius scope. However, the more I think about it, that might’ve been a clever link, a hook, of sorts, to get folks to spend more money on that one site. What’s real? What’s not real? What’s a mistake? What’s an intentional mistake? What’s a clever advertising ruse perpetrated as a mistake, when, in fact, it is about making a sale? With $0.00 credit in that account, for a brief moment, I thought about logging in and looking at the deals. Nothing was really on sale, everything is the lowest it will be, price-wise. So what’s the deal? Is it real? Is it just a bit of clever material that is designed to fool you into thinking there’s a sale going?

The stars don’t lie, but some e-mail is frankly misleading.

Pisces: Some days, this is easy. Same for Pisces. Some days, these horoscopes write themselves, an adequate metaphor exists and, “presto!” There it is. Some days, for Pisces, it’s as clear as can be. Some days, you have to do a little work. I kept thinking about smokey situation, like, say, the smoker my friend Bubba has in his back yard. Can’t tell, right away, when the cover is lifted, whether — or not — the meat is fully smoked. Can’t tell if the smoke is ornamental, or if the smoke has done its job, not at first glance. With a cigar in hand, Bubba has to wave the smoke away from the meat. Visual inspection. Sometimes? Stick a fork in it. Depends on cut and clarity. The problem with this week? No clarity for Pisces. There are extra steps involved. Extra steps, extra moves, a little extra effort is required. Doing so? Guess what? Extra work is well-rewarded. It’s just, like that BBQ pit, can’t see anything at first. Or can’t see clearly.

Aries: Early next week the Sun will — briefly — be opposite Uranus. It’s a symbolic position, as this is the moment the the Aries becomes “activated.” Is this good or bad? Yes. I’m not going to trot out Hamlet’s old line, but you know the one I’m talking about, right?

That occurs under a “balsamic” moon, and to me, that is suggestive of salad dressing, nothing more. However, there’s a very real influence, and very real, timely matter that needs your attention — Aries attention. The problem being, what you think needs your attention, and the real matter? Might be different topics. What to do? Ask for help, ask if this is the right issue to look at, or maybe, consider that you might be focused on the incorrect issue. Try to get that corrected, before next week.

Taurus: One of my buddy’s, it was his girlfriend, she wanted a clearly astrological answer. She wanted me to answer a question, “Yes or no,” and she wanted this answer for free. Additionally, this was about a future adventure, which, to me, looked doomed. Looked doomed to him, too, but with rose-tinted glasses, anything can appear better.

I was being asked to give a blessing, for free, and then, when — if — the venture failed, I could be blamed for the answer. Which is why I charge for my services. If I have to carry the burden of someone else’s decision, I want to be properly recompensed. This is a long-winded way of getting around to the Taurus riddle, for the week. Got a situation that needs an answer. Could be as simple as “Yes or no,” but I doubt that. Here’s the real problem: every fiber in your body wants, yearns, desires the one answer while the rational brain screams for the other. Your Taurus self would be best served, I’m doing you a favor here, listen to the rational voice. Logical. Makes sense. Might not be what you think you want, but it is the right course of action.

In my buddy’s girlfriend’s situation? The bank didn’t approve her loan, so she didn’t get the deal. Which was for the better. Only, I didn’t have a say in it, and I didn’t.

Gemini: There’s an old picture of me, in Paris (France) and I’m wearing a straw cowboy hat. There’s a feather in that hat, from the Hike and Bike Trial in Austin (TX). Old “Mexican Blackbird,” a bright, articulate scavenger fowl. Feather was from a common (male) grackle. Still, it was a feather. I still have both the hat and the feather. Deeply symbolic on more than one level, too. Besides, that hat has been across the pond, more than once. The hat, with its feather, are in semi-retirement. Hat was from a trip to Ft. Worth (TX). The feather, one would expect I would have an Eagle feather, or bird of prey, like a Red-Tail Hawk, something. No, the most common form of bird? The grackle. That’s the symbolism. What’s with the feather and the stories behind the feather, and trips to Europe and stuff? Gemini: you have to put your own feather in your hat. Whether is it real and symbolic like mine, or whether this is more like a larger symbol where you have to call attention your various Gemini merits, either way, stick a feather in your hat.

Cancer: The Texas Lottery ran an ad campaign some years ago, “You can’t win if you don’t play.” What they failed to mention was that the Texas State Lottery is nothing more than tax for people who aren’t too good at math. Makes more money, puts more money in state coffers than it pays out. Thank the odd gods for government, huh. While the campaign is advertising history, a small memory on the pop culture landscape, the idea lives on, and it lives on stronger than ever in Cancer. My favorite Moon Child: do something. Do something tangible. “I want to start a band,” no, that’s not it. Pick up your guitar and play. That’s tangible.

The (mighty) Leo: I’ve, begrudgingly, graduated from one piece of software to a more “robust” program. This is for digital image manipulation. I don’t require anything fancy, me, being a big fan of the “less is more” school of thought. I just wanted a simple program to handle the myriad of images — started with fishing photos. Over the years, the library has grown in size, if not in complexity. I resolutely refuse to bow to convention and get a “real” camera. Phone art, iPhone Art, it’s a whole new area worth exploring. “Less is more,” as good a mantra as any. Only, as my needs have grown, so have needs for software. All I wanted was a way to sort, collate, and store the images. Some qualify as fine art, while others are just odd snaps from over the years.

As you, the Mighty Leo, might expect, my upgrade process didn’t go smoothly. However, the more “professional-grade” program does handle the decades of digital images much better.

With Mars, and the other stuff? Maybe you don’t want to learn a new way to handle a growing problem, but like me? Time is now. Better upgrade. For some reason, this is a “Less is more” kind of transition.

VirgoVirgo: There’s a very symbolic element at play within the Virgo psyche. There’s the ever-present, marching-drummer, with his little message, “You left it unfinished!” Annoying little noise, isn’t it? The bigger problem? No one else, besides the good Virgo, can hear that annoying drum major, and his incessant reminder of unfulfilled promises. It’s “A Virgo thing.” No, kidding, right?

In order to go fishing this weekend, I need to wind some new line on the fishing reels, so I get them out, then I dig out a tackle box with extra fishing line, and I realize that the remanent of the old spool is (way) out-of-date, so I need to make trip to the sporting good store, and while I’m there, I look at some other gear, and then, I’m back, and the tackle box is a mess, so I start, I’ll be using mostly spoons this weekend, and I put them all in the top tray, but the other tray is confused, so I pull everything out of it, and soon, there’s a mess, littered across the floor, and I’m no closer to putting line on the reels which was the first goal. Which means, there’s another trip to the sporting goods warehouse store, and more expense, and I still have fishing gear all across the living room.

If I fix another pot of coffee, I might be able to get all of this cleaned up. All for a fishing trip.

Here’s the deal: we don’t have to go all “Uber Virgo” with these preparations. That drummer? He just said to put new line of the reel. Can yoy stop at that?

I can, but I’m not a Virgo.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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