Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 11.14

    Aye, ‘bove the withering of old-lipp’d Fate
    A thousand Powers keep religious state,
    In watery, fiery realm, and airy bourne;
    And silent, as a consecrated urn,
    Hold sphery sessions for a season due.
    John Keats, “Endymion” Book III, l. 31

scorpioScorpio: There’s a real hazard to buying things on the web before I get a chance to fondle the purchase. I’m sure you’ve been victimized by this before, right? There’s a killer image, maybe a cool write up, you dig around there’s an article in a “magazine style” website, again accolades and cooing responses to a particular product. I don’t know what your price point is, but for me, anything under a $100, I would think, maybe look once or twice, but I’d buy. In the past. I’ve been less than pleased on a number of occasions. Product promised and product delivered has been two different things. Not really, but almost different. While the item described, does, legally, fit the description, what it looks like, how it feels? That intangible “fit” that can be so elusive? I’ve learned, most products, I’ve got to see it, feel, touch it, to know for sure. There’s a very practical side to this. You look at the picture in a catalog, on a website. Doesn’t count until you touch it. Not a good time for web shopping. Touch. Have to touch it; know that it is real.

Sagittarius: I call the stuff, “Filling Puller.” I’ve got a few, older cavities that were filled with lead, or mercury, or something. Hasn’t happened to me, but I’ve heard about from some of my friends who are older than I. So I call the stuff, “Filling Puller.” Comes in a variety of forms, and mostly involves sugars and sweeteners of that ilk. Saltwater Taffy is a good example, too, but not one that I’m terribly conversant with. The “Filling Pullers” are out in force. Could be just left over Halloween treats. Made for kids, but fun for adults, too.

The first, and obvious caution is to watch out for the “filling pullers.” Sticky, gooey, messy food, rich in sweets and high in tensile integrity? Might want to stay away from them. This is less about diet, though, and more about sticky stuff that seems to inconvenience our Sagittarius selves, at the worst time. There are ways to avoid this. Stay away from the sticky, gooey, messy, sweetness that has the annoying and cloying tendencies. There’s a time for that stuff. Now isn’t the time.

Capricorn: Art has been talked to death, in some situations, it’s just a picture. High art, low art, low brow art that becomes high art, and then, the pop art, and what’s the difference? Independent of art school, I arrived at some of the same conclusions that the pioneers in the fields of visual arts deduced. I might’ve been led by them, I might’ve been influenced, or it could be the general timbre and tone of the times. Might be I’m a really weird person, too, but that’s not even a question now, is it?

Talked. Talked to death.

Capricorn: less talk. More (your action verb).

Aquarius: Stuck in a motel someplace, I watched the news, and there was a short piece about UT. Raised as I was, in the backyard of Austin’s University of Texas, the letters “UT” have but one definition for me, the University of Texas. There is no other. Turns out, according to the news piece, there’s a University of Tennessee. Who knew?

Along similar lines, UNT stands for University of North Texas, but my association? When I hear, “UNT?” I think “Denton.”* These are my colloquial allusions and referents. Just letters that I assume carry only one definition — apparently untrue and clearly demonstrates a parochial nature.

So there is more than one UT, and UNT doesn’t just refer to Denton (TX). I’m showing you some of my stubborn stupidity to save your Aquarius self from making similar mistakes. In the next couple of days, be more willing to look at your definitions, meanings, connotations, compared to denotations.

    *Really unrelated trivia? Name of the town for the Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Pisces: With most the planets — and their orbs — no longer spinning out of control, there should be a huge sigh of relief in Pisces. There is — and there isn’t. Yes, there is some relief. And yes, there is a minor problem. You’re not going to feel good. You’re not going to be happy about the way the dress fits, or your winter jeans are too tight, or this color doesn’t look good, or one of the worst I’ve ever heard? “I bought this on the internet and it isn’t the same color as in the picture.”

    Haven’t you ever read all their fine print, terms of service, disclaimers and disclosures?

This tends to be around matters of taste, but as I’ve discovered — the hard way — matters of taste are more important than life and death to some people (typically girlfriends). So there’s a setback in the way you think, the way you feel, the way your Pisces self perceives a particular situation. Realize that matters of taste — and Pisces perception of taste — might be hindered just yet.

astrofish.netAries: Couple of weeks ago, I had to cancel a fishing trip. I didn’t cancel going to the coast; I just had to forget about getting out on a boat. The winds were high, and while it wasn’t raining, it was way to gusty to be an enjoyable outing for me. I had a choice, fight the wind and the waves, get pummeled mercilessly by the elements, or stay on shore, enjoy a nice rest and read a book. I don’t get to fish as often as I would like these days, between business and family, so passing up on any outing to a good fishing hole is serious. However, I figure a fishing trip should be as pleasurable as possible. That, and hopeful catch many fish. I’m just unwilling to be assaulted by high winds and tall waves while riding in a shallow draft bay boat. I’m not willing to get beat to have some fun. As an Aries, you have to ask yourself the same question, are you willing to get beat up to have some fun?

Taurus: South Austin got terribly hip and cool, after languishing as a relative backwater for many years. Overnight sensation, after many years of obscurity. I recall living in a trailer park, and waking up one morning to dirt-scraping earth-movers. The clank of metal on metal, the churn of diesel motors, mixed heritage workers clamoring in at least two distinct dialects, and tons of guys with hardhats, leaning on shovels. Are those guys required? Is there a law that stipulates every construction site needs a six-pack of tough-looking men, dressed in obviously soiled work clothing, leaning on shovels? Got to be. Maybe it’s tied to a Spanish Land Grant. Or an old British Charter.

I adjusted my sleep schedule, that summer in South Austin, to work around the construction site’s schedule. As a Taurus, when faced with a similar kind of inconvenience next couple of days? Adjust your schedule to fit with theirs.

Gemini: I got hooked on this one author, to the point that I now have almost every one of his books in my library — in hardback. I doubt, very much, that I will ever reread any of those books, but I am reminded that I like that one author’s work. His prose is seamless, and his work entirely devoid of style, or any stylistic affectations. I can’t say the same for mine. I intentionally break certain grammar rules, and other times? I just run sentences together because I’m all excited when I’m typing. Then, too, I’ve been known to be a bit creative with spelling. When I could afford an editor, I would cause no end of trouble for these very reasons. I’m weak on agreement. Strong on style. As a Gemini, what I was thinking about for you? The way this is working, even now? Imitate that one author, lose the stylistic affectations. Plain, simple prose woven with a tight plot line? Enough novelistic integration and attention to detail to fulfill the reader’s imagination, and yet, no style. Simple. Direct. Unadorned. Plain-spoken. Grammatically correct, too.

Cancer:I was stepping in the mall, not far from here, and the reason was sound. I needed an Apple store. I glanced up as a rustic family clambered out of beat-up farm truck, three, maybe four all riding in the front bench seat. “Look,” the apparent matriarch intoned, “I don’t have my phone. You’ll just have to find me. I’ll be in the Joske’s.” I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, looked down, no, no calls, just checking. How did we locate each other before we used phones? I have one fishing buddy, and he still carries little walkie-talkies that he uses for “Mall communications” when he’s with his significant other. Not sure if she keeps him on a leash or if it is the other way around. Before there was electronics, how did we communicate, stay in touch? “Meet back here, in one hour, do you understand me young man?” I think that’s an expression I’ve heard before. This isn’t about Mercury being retrograde, but it is about alternative forms of communication. Imagine life without a cell phone. Try it for 24 hours. If you can. Try it for longer, if you really want to wrap your mind around a new idea.

LeoThe (mighty) Leo: The Texas Gulf Coast is special, magical to me. Part of me likes being by water, and the Gulf of Mexico is akin to ocean. Then, too, it’s a resilient and fragile ecosystem. Fragile, as in the most delicate of flora and fauna abound, subject to even a momentary fluctuation, and a whole life cycle can be wiped out. Resilient because, as one marine biologist pointed out, the salt marshes have survived many eons with very little change. I keep waiting on another hurricane to come along and alter the coastline (again). Officially, the hurricane season isn’t over until a few days passed my birthday; however, unofficially, the Gulf season was over as of October. Timing is everything, mighty Leo. Officially, you’re still under pressure. Unofficially, you’re in the clear. You get to pick. Hint: I’ve had great luck fishing in November. In Texas, most of my “sportsman” friends are deer hunting now.

Libra: Buddy of mine has a trailer down near Corpus Christi (TX). It’s set up like a fishing camp, and last month we headed down there for a weekend of fishing. Towing a boat, we pulled through the second best grocery store in the world, (Flour Bluff Super H-E-B), and we picked up supplies. I pushed a cart around, and I found some locally grown tomatillos, bacon, eggs, ground coffee, bottles of water, couple of avocados. Food. My buddy? He picked up what he deemed was necessary: light beer and dark (Mexican) lager. Some limes. I bought food. He bought beer. The folly of youth? “No, dude, see? Light beer for breakfast and dark ale — with lime — for dinner, see?”

The only part of that equation that bothered me? The idea that I understood the logic and from my fishing buddy’s point-of-view? Made perfect sense. If I’m going to spend a day on the water, fishing, I want to be fortified with protein and propped up with coffee. Light beer? Works for some. This is about being unashamed of what works for Libra. For some people, light beer is a nutritious breakfast. Me? I need more. Libra? Whatever works.

Virgo: People who live in Texas will get this. People who don’t live here, or close enough to be under the company’s umbrella, they might want to adjust this metaphor as need be. As I understand it, In-and-Out-Burger is similar. I was attempting to explain why I liked What-A-Burger. Radioactive Jalapeños. It’s about comfort food, and one of my all-time favorite comfort foods is What-A-Burger, and one reason I love it so is because of the aforementioned radioactive japs (short form for Jalapeño).

Comfort food varies, and what I’m citing is a localized variation, perhaps not the most healthy decision, but in a situation where it’s preventable homicide, perhaps it is the wisest course of action. I like it because the pickled peppers are hot enough to burn — all the way through — burn in the mouth, burn down the throat, burn in the stomach, and as a Virgo, you can figure out the rest.

Comfort food. Local variations are limitless, but I prefer What-A-Burger. Go with what works.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • jose quinones Nov 15, 2013 @ 18:24

    Right now writing metal songs seems to be working. Let the rage out and then some!

  • jose quinones Nov 21, 2013 @ 12:04

    Is it a Libra thing to be using the worst case scenario recipe? Or is it that Virgo moon that keeps telling me the storm hasn’t even come close yet?
    A few days ago I finally let the rage out; no one got hurt except those in paper. Felt good for a moment there till the exhaustion smothered me once again. If I were a pokemon, I’d probably be snorlax.

    • jose quinones Nov 22, 2013 @ 13:57

      I could have sworn I submitted that previous comment on your latest thread. Must be Mercury being silly.

      • Kramer Wetzel Nov 23, 2013 @ 15:31

        Pesky planets, and the recipe is for the Libra, the Virgo needs exactitude.