Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 2.13

    “It’s all Greek to me”
    Casca, answering Cassius, in
    Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar (I.ii)

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 2.13.2014

aquariusAquarius: I took a road trip to get ready for this. Oh, my dear Aquarius, you owe me large for this one. I wandered into a Wal-Mart SuperCenter. Research. Been a while since I was last in one those super stores. I was in there for all of about three minutes before I had an urge to start filling up a shopping basket with crap, cheap crap, cheap crap that I don’t need.

It’s birthday times. It is the most romantic time of the year, according to what I saw at the super store. Everything was painted red, or cherry, or pink. Mostly hearts, but also chocolate was evident. Not the good stuff, the cheap stuff. Most romantic, my sweet ass. As a megalithic retailer, I’m sure the store, the company, the chain, the corporation has its fingers on the buying public’s pulse. As a birthday Aquarius, take a few moments to pause, look at it, then let the urge slide right off —

Enjoy the birthday wishes, and don’t get caught up in the misguided marketing messages of the times.

Portable Mercury Retrograde

Pisces: Mechanical pencils. What good is a clipboard if you don’t have some mechanical pencils? Simple enough solution. My choice in writing instruments has almost come full circle. From primitive, to precise, to fancy, back around to the almost crude “sharpies” that I use most frequently now. I emptied out one of my road bags, and I stumbled across two mechanical pencils. One was out of lead, and sometimes, I’ve wondered, if these are less “pencils,” and more “lead holders,” in the proper taxonomy. In my mind?

They are all still pencils. Useful for both precision and shading. The finer leads are excellent for a tiny script and miniature notes. The blunt leads are better for shading larges portions of diagram with gray.

I looked at the pencils. One was empty. I set it aside. I’m about to throw it out, but maybe, not quite, maybe now isn’t the time. However, it’s time to overhaul a portion of the Pisces life, and all those empty mechanical pencils? I don’t even have lead (graphite filler, really) in that size. Time to think about tossing some of that stuff that no longer is remotely useful. Part of that doesn’t even fit in the way I work.

With Mercury where he is? The onset of Pisces Birthdays? Broad strokes are required, not the precision in the lead holders, and second? That stuff you think you want to toss? Wait until Mercury is no longer retrograde before you toss it.

Aries: Client, possible client, I guess, prospect, e-mailed me for an appointment for a chart reading. We set a time, and I marked myself time out in the schedule. Maybe six hours before, I get an email saying, “I can’t make it today, can we reschedule?” Sure, I just move the appointment around, suggest another time. That was OK, until about three hours before the reading, I get that e-mail, “I can’t make it, can we do another time?” I shoot back a note, saying something to the effect of “pick a time.” We pick another time. Reading gets cancelled by her again. “Can we reschedule?”

You’re on my last nerve with the constant changes. I have a policy of pay first, then we’ll pick a time. I’m pretty lenient about it, but in this case? That’s the way we move forward.

I didn’t answer with that. As an Aries, with Mars, still where he is? And Mercury, where he is? More civility goes a lot farther than strict adherence to the (self-imposed Aries) rules.

Taurus: I’ve built two software “buttons” that I’m exceedingly proud of. One was a bit of a chore, and I’m not happy with the inelegance of the code, but it worked, after a fashion. It was a single, reasonably large button I ran it in a side-project weblog, and the button played a rimshot. “Ba-dam bum, DING.” Simple enough. I can’t locate much of it now, so no link. The second button was really just a small web-banner, in the size that was, at one time, most common. I had two “buttons” (circular objects) at each end, and the catch phrase, “The love buttons. Push one, see what happens.” Kind of a cheap trick, it was just banner that led to my book about what signs get along with what signs. It does, however, answer that questions, since, at this time of the year, especially this week? Big question.

However, that being noted, with Mercury in apparent retrograde motion? Maybe we don’t want absolute answers, not this week.

Remember my old trick?

“Happy Valentine’s day to the only girl I ever loved (or current resident)…”

Gemini: One buddy calls this romantic holiday “National Extortion Day,” as he’s bit bitter about the whole “girlfriend experience.” The term professional term, “girlfriend experience,” that might be the cause of some of his ire, but I can’t speak to that. I can look at the Gemini chart and warn you that week will not go like you think it should go. Make plans, counter-plans, contingency plans, and then, allow some leeway for exigencies. Exigent emergencies. Whatever. Something is going to rile you up. What action should you take?


For once, maybe, try it my way. Write an angry blog post. Do a YouTube video proving you were wronged. Make a statement, but before you push “publish for all the world to see?” Before you hit that button, think about editing it, in about 24 hours. Staggering and staging can save the Gemini is this next couple of days, especially with the romantic holiday so close at hand.

Cancer: It was a slow day on the bay. Fish weren’t really biting. Not even nibbling, last fall, I think. The legend of the “First cast, catch a fish,” which I’ve demonstrated on numerous occasions, didn’t work. I was thinking of that experience because I started toying with a cheap camera I was carrying at the time. I wasn’t really trying much, not messing with filters or settings, just trying to fill up what looked like it was going to be an empty camera card with images of waves, water, wind, sky, and, the way it was looking that morning, no fish.

Fishing isn’t about catching fish, not all the time, and the ancillary task of grabbing a few images, my favorite trick is to hold the camera over the boat’s slim bow, and get an image that included the bay’s water, or chop, as the baseline. Otherwise occupied, I almost missed a nibble. Pole twitched. I thought it might be the gentle wave action, no, it was definitely twitch, as the line moved again. I’m sure I uploaded those fish pictures someplace, and that the proof. If I hadn’t started messing with the camera, I still have no fish. It’s Mercury Retrograde/Mars still in Libra message. Plan B? Then back to Plan A.

The (mighty) Leo: Cardinal energy is about starting something up, and the phase of the moon is about cleaning up a previous mistake, and the rest? Just not all that bright and cheery for Leo, not at this moment. Gets worse, too. While that is certainly NOT the horoscope you want to read right before the big romantic holiday, maybe a small dose of the real world will help.

This current Mercury Retrograde has dredged up all kinds of old hurts. Can’t see the Leo Love for all the passed indiscretions by others. That sucks.

You have a choice, my little Leo friend, the best of the best. You can wallow in self-pity, all you want, but that’s not going to change anything. A single action, a single step forward, well, maybe two or three steps, but start moving. You can move forward. Mercury just messes with little stuff, and — in theory — no one can stop a majestic Leo. Certainly not letting a little planet get in the way of your royal self.

Virgo: One of my more bitter fishing buddies, old line, but he was half-serious, after his last attempt at online dating? “Looking for a girl who likes to fish and has a bass boat. Send pictures of boat.”


Why drag out an old joke, actually, a true story, but why drag that out, for Virgo, right before, in the time of, the big romance thing? Holiday? Whatever? It’s reminder that there are those less fortunate than Virgo, in the romance arena. There are those who are having more trouble, more woe, and more heartbreak. Little setbacks, which there will be because Mercury is, you know, doing his backwards thing, little setbacks? Don’t let them get you down.

“Send picture of boat.”

Feel better, now? Sure you do.

Libra: It’s only the middle of February and the year has already started to get away from us. I need more hours in the day to accomplish all that I want to get done. I’m sure you’re conversant with that sentiment. I was standing in a long line at the post office, ready to mail something. Might’ve been eBay, or, I think, it was just a reading. No big deal, needed some stamps or something. A short Libra was standing next to me. She started to fume. I could easily detect metaphorical smoke coming from out of her ears. “You would think,” she started, “you would think they could put on more people for a busy time like this.” I agree. I desperately tried to turn her attention from the long line and talk about more pleasant topics. Nice outfit, pretty scarf, whatever. Distract.

Mercury is a long line, and Mars is a short Libra fuse. Since I can’t add any more hours to the day, there are two points. One, be aware that you’re like the little Libra standing next me at the post office, concerned about the long line and only one worker. It was lunch time. Two, It’s not all Mercury’s fault, but that’s the easiest way to play this: blame the planets. Not enough time on the day. Can’t get it all done. Find some Sagittarius to help with a way to ease the Libra impatience.

Scorpio: I know it’s a very romantic holiday, and I know you want to show your Scorpio love. This is time, though, let’s just blame Mercury, but this is a time when greater than usual self-restraint pays big dividends. The problem with that, the promise of big dividends, like I just suggested? Won’t see that immediately. It will happen, but this week, more than ever, a little restraint.

Curb your enthusiasm. I’m more in favor of curbing enthusiasm in an outward manner, not necessarily on the inside. But adapt and adopt that Scorpio trademark pattern of not showing this in an outward fashion. Smile. Don’t grin like an idiot (like me). Keep it to yourself. Play the Scorpio ™ Poker Face.

Sagittarius: “We tend to use a proactive approach with leadership which is data-driven, and cloud-hosted.” I’ve been writing horoscopes long enough that I can spot organic male-bovine by-product. Tech/Sales guy started with that opening line? I shut off my ears. Didn’t listen. Didn’t pay attention because it was going to be a complete waste of my time. Which it was. Trigger phrases used by tech-sounding people? “Cloud.” “Data-driven.” Certainly before my time, there was a cop, I think Friday was his name, “Just the facts, ma’am.” That would be right, just the facts. Stick with supportable claims. Stick with replicable results.

Between Mercury, the last of the Venus cleanup, no longer full moon, and Mars, not quite in Scorpio yet? The planets are stacked against our good, normal Sagittarius outlook. Layered on top is a level of personal frustration having to do with a false holiday about romance and stuff.

Stick to facts, reliable results. Hardcopy. Data-driven — so that you can see and touch the data.

    N.B. Joe Friday, not Sky Friday

Capricorn: Old couple, were seated in a waiting area. I inquired about the birthdays. Old guy was Capricorn, with that wee glimmer of mirth in his eyes. His wife got called for whatever it was, and she — unceremoniously — slapped her purse into his hands. She flounced off in a huff. I asked how long it too him to get to the point where he would willingly hold her purse. “47 years. Took 47 years to get to the point where I’m comfortable holding her purse.” “How long you been married?” I asked. “47 years, next June.”

He smiled, crinkled up and there might have been a hint of laugh, and then he let out a long cough. Sounds about right, though. Something in relationships happen quickly. Other things, it takes a while. As I was thinking about that guy — Capricorn — kind of grandfatherly looking type, I kept thinking about the way the planets weigh heavy one way and the peer pressure weighs heavy in another direction. Then, too, there’s the context of the social presence, and everyone is thinking hearts and flowers, little cherubs with wings and pointy poison arrows tipped with hearts.

47 years is long time, but for a relationship? About right.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • anita dudek Feb 19, 2014 @ 12:15

    I have really missed reading your scopes. You were the first astrologer I read. Never paid attention to anyone before. Happy to be back. I remember we could chose statements about you when we ordered reports. Mine was “I really love you, Man”