Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 4.10

    “Our purses shall be proud, our garments poor;
    For ’tis the mind that makes the body rich.”
    Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew [IV.iii.165-6]

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 4.10

astrofish.netAries: “Purpose driven Aries,” and “purpose driven horoscopes,” and I ran out of phrases to tack on to the expression, like this, “Purpose Driven (blank).” This next Full Moon, Mars in apparent retrograde motion, all adds up to tons of drive, but no direction. I’m here to help my fine, Aries friends. Time to pick a direction. The Pluto square Uranus square Jupiter aspect lends a clue as to the direction, the new Aries direction. I ticked off three planets. Three planets ticked you off, too. Instead of picking one direction, hold out your left hand (assuming you’re right handed) or right hand (if you’re left handed), and count off three possible goals. Three possible directions. Three. Not one, three. “But I only have one,” whines an Aries in the back of the room. My point. Pick three, not just one. Set three goals. Pick three obstacles to be surmounted. You have three times the power of other signs, so use that. Employ that energy. Get with the plan. Pick three, not just one. Pick three? We have us a “Purpose Driven Aries.” There’s a further clue, too: pick three. Not all three will happen, but that doesn’t make you a failure. Purpose-driven, remember?

Taurus: Yeah, yeah, yeah, “tis the mind that makes the body rich,” from Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew. While, taken both in and out of context, the comment means the same? While, the comment stands alone as a solid piece of advice? None of that matters, not now. Only, it might. Big, emotional roller coaster ride, this next couple of days. From bad, to worse.

Then back again, to good, to better, to that final spiral in the roller coaster, are you willing, as a Taurus, to hold your hands in the air and scream?

Me? No way. Matter of fact, if I could avoid the roller coaster itself, I will — but I’m not a Taurus, not now. The solar-lunar action, the pile up in Aries, all of this spells out nightmares and emotional roller coaster rides. The solution? Hang on. Hang on, and keep your mouth shut. Trust me, we both know that you won’t get thrown out of the roller coaster’s seat, but it certainly feels like you might. Doesn’t stop it from feeling real terrifying. “Hang on” as a suggestion refers to the emotional comfort derived from holding onto some part of the ride that feels solid and protective, and keep your mouth shut? If you open it and scream? Some of the spring-time bugs will fly in–an open mouth collects bugs and feet.

Gemini: Buddy of mine was recently appointed to a local Not-For-Profit board. As my fishing buddy, he’s a bit cagey, and as a business person, successful (hard work), and Gemini. The board he got appointed to needs one thing, more than anything else: cash. No manner of cost-cutting, business-minded deductions, and whatever else kind of mojo my buddy can conjure? None of that is useful in the face of an untenable position. The battle was probably lost before he ever showed up. Faced with similar odds, I was getting this from the back of the fishing boat, but faced with similar odds? What to do? As a Gemini, you’re faced with a similar position, untenable, un-winnable. Follow my buddy’s advice, as he was following my advice, “I begged off the meetings, as there was nothing I could bring to the table, yet. I’m working on a plan, I just don’t have all the details sorted out yet. We need a cubic infusion of cash.”

Get out of the way — can’t win right now — get out of the way and figure out an alternative.

Cancer: One my regulars, a Cancer, showed up for a reading, and immediately started to complain. Wasn’t a big issue, but, “You used to have a printer, a portable printer, you carried with you. You’d print out the chart and I would have a piece of paper I could study when you aren’t around.” Two problems, one, I’m instantly available electronically. Almost all the time. Even if I’m asleep, the books and websites are there. Then, number two? That time, since this was an arranged reading, I had a printed version of the chart, in hand. Here’s the deal, right now, you’re reading this, right? Email me, and I’ll email you an astrology chart you can print (some restrictions apply, see fine print for details). Secondly, careful before you accuse, try to intimidate, loudly disagree, or otherwise cause consternation. You might get caught short. Not all bad, as you can see, this did work to the Cancer’s benefit. Email me, if you’ve got questions.

The (mighty) Leo: I’ve exclaimed about this in the past. I’ve exhorted that you should be quiet, even now. There’s a tremendous pressure welling up inside your Leo soul, and that pressure is urging you to shout it from the roof tops, loudly proclaim and otherwise draw attention to yourself, your Leo self, this predicament, this problem, this issue that needs, no, that demands everyone’s attention.


Here’s how that plays out, you shout, you proclaim, announce and otherwise call attention to yourself and this problem? In about three days, you’ll start feeling sheepish. Turns out, it wasn’t the real issue, problem, obstacle. The actual problem, obstacle or issue? Something different. Turns out, if you’re quiet, it’s a problem you can easily fix yourself. If you’re quiet, at first.

Virgo: It was one of those situation, and I couldn’t resist. Buddy was talking about his task at hand. Virgo fishing buddy. “No, you don’t get it: I’m not afraid of hard work; I just don’t like doing it.” I’m not a Virgo, but as a token Sagittarius, I can empathize. Really, I can.

I’m lazy by nature. I’m not afraid of hard work; I just don’t like doing it myself. Which is too true, both you and me. Here’s the kicker, the hard work? That task you’re avoiding? I’m stepping out here, but I’d suggest you, me, let’s continue to avoid that hard labor. Simple enough. There’s another line, and you can borrow it from me, see if that helps any, “I’m not afraid of hard work; it fascinates me. I can watch it all day.”

Libra: This week finds my good Libra friends all befuddled and bemused. One, that I know of, is horribly upset with me, the universe, and the way things are going. Other than that one? Befuddled. Bemused. Couple of ways to approach this crap, right? There’s a kind of, seems like, sort of, like, a detached kind of air that plays into survival. I’m only interested in Libra survival, too. Not anything else, at the moment. Casual, refined, detached. Unattached. The trick is to not get wedded to the outcome, as I am prone to lecture. “Not married to what happens.” The obvious generalization is that no one has ever gone broke underestimating the general public gullibility, stupidity, or lack of taste. Might need to pause and think, but look around at craze after craze that sweeps through like a wildfire, only to burn out as soon as the next craze sweep the nation. Befuddled? Sure. Deal with it? Sure, bemused. Bemused and befuddled. Action required on the part of Libra? None.

Scorpio: There’s a quote either by Jack Nicklaus, or Jack Nicholson, I’m not sure. My notes are incomplete. It’s about luck. “The harder I work, the luckier I get.” Or, how about “Luck is hard work and preparation.” It’s something like that. I tried a web search but the results were just too cluttered. Why I like books and my own sources, on such occasions. Again, I took horrible notes. I got the luck and maybe the correct attribution. Maybe not. I spent a good half-hour scouring websites, attempting to come up with that correct citation. Hard luck and preparation make this seem like you’re the lucky one. If you play it right. Again, Scorpio, hard work and preparation make you seem like you’re lucky.

Sagittarius: “Sacred cows make the best hamburgers,” Abbie Hoffman, recalled at his death. Abbie Hoffman was Sagittarius, a very November Sagittarius, according to my sources. The connection is kind of flimsy, but the unofficial suggestion was Abbie Hoffman was hiding, he’s many long years in seclusion, “On the lam,” part of that time was spent at Kinky’s (Friedman) ranch in Kerrville.

Because the astrological weather is so weird? I have one suggestion. It’s a very Sagittarius-inspired idea, “Sacred cows make the best hamburger.” From one Sagittarius in this neighborhood to another. Something to think about. What would you grind and fry up, especially if it was appalling to the neighbors, maybe even some of your peers? Sacred cows do make the very best hamburgers.

Capricorn: The amount of attention a waiter pays to your table, in my case, a waitress, is largely a function of where the ice tea is in the glass. Some mornings, it’s the coffee, but anymore now, it’s just that afternoon ice tea. Place in Austin I used to favor, named a book for their Tuesday special, anyway, that place used to serve ice tea in the quart-sized plastic tumblers. Perfect. Still, on a really warm afternoon, I’d go through two or three of those. The relationship to the presence of the refill and attending server? There’s corollary between how far away that person — or refill — might be and how much tea is in the glass. Plastic tumbler. As the amount of the beverage approaches the bottom, the waiter/waitress disappears, just like the liquid. I’m stuck chewing on ice. If you’re the kind who gets all huffy and puffy when the server seems to be ignoring you? This isn’t going to work, not now. I doubt you’ll die of dehydration, but it might seem inconvenient, as the servers always disappear when you feel like you need them the most. As a rule, just a guideline, really, I tend to make an effort not to offend those who might be serving me food. So I don’t make a big deal when my water, or ice tea, or the other morning? Coffee cup, when it goes dry and unattended for a few moments. I’m sure there’s some cosmic rule that governs this, but watch for it. This week.

Aquarius: How this happened to me? I was working to help a buddy out, afternoons at his office. I got comfortable, even a little lax. He brought in another, new, employee. She had a large set of assets. I trained her, then she replaced me. My buddy, never would admit it, but I’m sure he replaced me with her because he had designs on her. I trained my replacement, so it’s not like I didn’t have ample warning, I was being replaced. Besides, that job was a temp position, just filling to help out a friend. Pause, stop, consider. There’s a change at work. Can’t say no one warned you, or, in my example, I was training my own replacement. I got plenty of warning. What’s funny, in the aftermath, my business doubled, and he never got to do anything more than look at my replacement. Bit of sour grapes goes with this week’s work warning, but there’s also the reminder that you’re getting plenty of warning, ahead of time. Heed the symbols.

Pisces: One of my fishing buddies kept telling me to soak fresh fish fillets in salt water. “Draws the blood out,” he would say, over and over. I finally got around to trying it, had some fresh Reds the other day. I’m sure I wrote about the trip someplace. So I tried something different. In the past, I’ve just dropped the fillets in the frying pan, covered with peppers and onions, and had fresh fish in a few minutes. The Reds tend to be a little on the “gamey” side, fish that tastes fishy? Sure, that’s as simple a way to put it as any other. So I was willing to try something different. For a while, I was using cocoanut oil, which has very little flavor itself. The Reds would taste a little more fishy. So I did try soaking the fillets in a plastic pail with a spoonful of table salt, dissolved. Turns out, that little trick of soaking the fillets in salt water? Tenderized and got rid of the game-like flavor. I’m unsure if it was pulling the blood out, or what the process was, but next time? I’ll be sure to do that, first. Seems to work. This really isn’t about how to prepare fresh-caught fish. It’s about a piece of advice you’ve chosen to ignore for a long time. Follow my example: try it. If it works, excellent, new and improved. If it doesn’t work? Go back tell them you tried. As a Pisces? You win, either way.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • anita dudek Apr 10, 2014 @ 10:10

    Kramer, these are great! You are on fire this week!

  • William Parker Apr 10, 2014 @ 16:36

    So, for us Virgo’s, Herculean labors shall go for naught?
    Is that the message?

    • Kramer Wetzel Apr 12, 2014 @ 14:19

      Well, some days, you know, it just seems that way.

      • Kramer Wetzel Apr 12, 2014 @ 14:25

        Hercules, he got a bad deal. Use his “stable” trick. ot hard work, at all.

        • William Parker Apr 14, 2014 @ 14:23

          I think he caused a river to change course and washed out all the muck..would that i could!

  • anca Apr 11, 2014 @ 17:29

    For Taurus–you mean a CLOSED mouth means no bugs or feet?

  • jose quinones Apr 15, 2014 @ 14:57

    As a Libra, the funny thing about all of this is that I somehow already knew of it before hand. Not only am I detached, but I knew I would be detached, and that morbid sense of dejavodoo, was all part of the plan. And get this, my horror story seemed to be myself answering those cosmic questions I once asked…Shocker!