Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.22

    "As jewels lose their glory if neglected,
    So princes their renowns if not respected."
    Shakespeare's Pericles, Price of Tyre [II.ii.14-5]

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.22.2014

geminiGemini: I, personally, have an absolute aversion to June weddings. Bothersome, quarrelsome, noisome, at best. Then, too, think about attempting to erect a permanent structure on a Gemini foundation, the first three weeks of June, or so? Love my Gemini, all of them but as whole, they are not noted for assiduous attention attempting to finish the project, much less long relationships. Not without exceptions, but June? Gemini? Seriously? After the summer solstice, sure, things get much better -- then. Until then? This next couple of days, getting ready for the new moon in Gemini, and Venus headed towards, then into Taurus? We're picking, choosing, selecting, dumping, reselecting, and then jettisoning, then gather back up, and then, dumping again, only to pause, reconsider and go out to collect a last time, all the pieces of the fractured Gemini psyche. Instead of getting married to one idea, though, consider group hug for the Gemini ideas. Instead of trying to hatch just one project? Instead of getting ready to launch one thing? Several. Multi-faceted. Lots. Launch lots of stuff. Get it prepared. Lots.

Cancer: As Shakespeare notes, "As jewels lose their glory if neglected," so do my dear Cancer friends. Feeling neglected? I adore you, but other than reading that, from me, that's the only place in the next couple of days where you feel like some one cares. Some weird astrology writer guy down in South Texas. Cool. Or not. Two big deals going on, maybe three, depends.

Jupiter and the giant cardinal cross that affects your life in so many ways, that's still slowly floating by. Then, too, there's all of the crap in Gemini. That's what leaves you feeling neglected. I can't fix the neglected part, but I can point to acts of "self-care" and otherwise pampering yourself because it feels like no one notices? Good use of this week's energy. There are, also a few details that still require your undivided attention. Maybe it's not such crime to be ignored at this moment. You can do that stuff done, uninterrupted.

The (mighty) Leo: "I've got too much I've GOT to get done. Now. I don't have time for this nonsense!" Poor, poor Leo. I feel your pain. Not really, but I'll act like I care. I do care, but you're not seeing this quite correctly, and I'm making a serious attempt to help. You hold up one majestic Leo paw and start ticking off problems, situations, and issues that are causing Leo stress. Whoa. I agree, lots of problems, lots of stuff. Here's my idea. The first item? Can't do anything about it right now. Stop. Second item? You can address that with a bit of concentrated effort. "But there's the third, fourth, and fifth items!" Then you have to use your other hand to list those items. Stop. What I'd suggest, the first item on the list you can do something about? Address it. Stop. One item. Not all of them. One item. Simple. Maybe not easy, but you're the greatest sign, you can do it better than anyone else. Go down the list to the first item you can do something about. Stop. Hit that one item. It won't fix everything, but repeat this process, throughout the week. Little bit at a time. One at a time. Yes, all of it together, way too much for a normal human to handle. Good thing you're the Leo.

Virgo: One of the more fascinating aspects of my job is that I can look at any number of astrological theories for testing. I've also watched as an equal number of theories have floated passed, only to be debunked. Time is on my side. Observed behavior, cause and effect, is more reliable than the latest and greatest theories. However, I like the constant learning, refining, testing, and more learning, as I try to bend the situations to fit the facts and so forth. There's always new stuff, is what it amounts to, no end in sight for the learning curve. I don't "know it all," ever. Can't. Fun to try, constantly learning new theories.

In Virgo-land, we have some new theories to test, refine, perhaps a new approach to an old problem. Test, refine, test again. Re-test. I've yet to meet a Virgo who doesn't like testing it, over and over, "Just to make sure, you know!" Right, just to make sure. I can roll my Sagittarius eyes at that one. There's a trick, one my less-than-Virgo-precise eyes miss: subtle refining. Each test, it's a little different. Not a big difference, a little difference. Trying, over and over again, but making tiny changes between efforts? That's the process that moves Virgo forward.

Libra: While I've employed this technique -- frequently -- for Leo, with a small adjustment, this will work for Libra, just for this week. "Act as if there is an invisible tiara on your head -- at all times."

In a similar vein? "I didn't ask for the crown, but if it fits?" There's a regal style that I like. It suits you, too. This about being the boss without being the boss. This is about how to act like you're in control, how to "Keep Calm and Carry On," even in the face of unsettling odds. Pause. Hold up your left hand. Give me the closed finger, "parade" wave. The royalty do that. The beauty pageant wave? What this is about is leading without leading. Asserting your dominance without being assertive. Make your position known without forcing upon us. Make a point by merely presenting the idea. Lead by example? Sure, that's it. Practice the parade wave, as that embodies this energy best.

Scorpio: Ever watch a new couple interact? This is not restricted to "young" couples, and that can be anything you want. I mean couples that just getting acquainted, the first blush of young love. Happens in a range of ages, not limited to just young people, body parts entwined, lip-locked in public places. I watched one couple, obviously much older, but the coy looks, the furtive hand-holding, little nudges, it was an obvious new affair of the heart. I know you've seen this. It's not gender or age-specific. It's about that new-found love feeling. It's about that new-found love feeling, observed by Scorpio. This is where you are the observant one, the seemingly disinterested, dispassionate observer, looking, noting, but not interfering. I like the little "in love" couples as it's a more pleasant image. I like Scorpio observing, because, come on now, all that Gemini crap? Look. Observe. Don't touch. That's not a challenge, the "Don't touch," it's a strongly worded suggested. Look. Observe. Smile, if it is a happy scene. Don't touch.

Sagittarius: "This town has always had its share of crazies. I wouldn't want to live any place else." (From Richard Linklater's movie, Slacker.) That film, wonderfully weird in itself, is a series of random vignettes, drawn from the streets of Austin, with one of the best pieces of fine print at its end: "The character depicted here are real; any relation to a fictional character is purely coincidental."

Getting a story, then a decent Sagittarius horoscope for this week, drawing that all out of a movie filmed almost a quarter of century ago? Fail to see the connection? It's collection of seemingly random incidents. As a Sagittarius, random events are going to appear less and less random, if we step back long enough to look at the whole image. The movie, all the way through. This week's random events, connected by a dotted line, a dotted Sagittarius line. We're the thread holding this together. Watch how the transitions seem to appear unconnected when there's really a connection. Sagittarius: we are the connecting threads, thin that it might be.

Capricorn: Because I've worked on (fruit) branded hardware for so long, I'm used to the "intuitive" software. Load the software and go, start blindly clicking on stuff, and making things happen. Easy as can be. Usually. I was working with some new material, new stuff is usually fun, and I got passed the installation. Stopped cold in my tracks. Couldn't go any further without -- ominous music -- reading the instructions. There was a single command missing from the last installation, I was required to read through the whole set of "read me" instructions to figure out which step I skipped. Don't click one place, don't enter the correct serial number, user name or some other arcane and next-to-useless stray data? Nothing works. I had to back up a few steps, erase my previous work, then start over, after I finally consulted the instructions. One step. One entry. Simple, easy, all worked just fine. Stop. Pause. Read the stupid instructions even though, especially like me, we don't have to read the instructions. Stop. Read the stupid "read me" file before going on.

Aquarius: The first time I remember hearing Gipsey King's rendition of the Eagle's "Hotel California," from the cult favorite, The Big Lebowski? First time I heard it and realized what was happening, I was in coffee shop in Austin. Gemini barista. I asked, she told me, with that slightly exasperated look, "Gipsy Kings," (duh, dude.) I looked the song up on the free WiFi, located a mp3, downloaded it on the spot, legal copy (please), and I've enjoyed it as part of my weird music ever since. Coffee shops in old Austin, when it was less than desirable portion of town, a little seedy, maybe, and I don't think that Gemini will even remember me. An Aquarius would recall the exact time and place, but that's the difference between the air signs. As we motor forward, maybe not making great strides, but as we all start moving forward, there's an issue, could be something as simple as me discovering a great version of a song, and the original source, like, we all know I should've know that, but I didn't, because I live in a cultural vacuum, and none of it matters. The secret, the behavior that best suits Aquarius? Should come naturally, but here's a reminder, 'kay? Don't roll your eyes. Don't say, "Well, duh!" Don't act as if the other person is stupid (even when I was culturally illiterate).

Pisces: You know how the newspaper horoscopes, in fact, every horoscope just about everywhere, how all of those places have the dates for the signs, listed along side the sign? For example, "Pisces, Feb. 19 - Mar. 20?" I almost wrote March 21, as this year, the shift occurs around March 20, late at night. Varies, though, with location on the planet, year, and other factors -- like time zone. Early in my career, I used the exact dates out of the acknowledged source (book, ephemeris) for the particular year I was writing scopes for, and that annoyed a great number of people.

"I thought I was a (insert sign here) instead of (insert sign here); you must be high, or just not very good!" Which is why, if it isn't obvious, I don't publish dates. One columnist I've read uses the term, "Approximate dates" for the sun signs. Little bit of a fudge factor there, if you ask me. So I don't commit to dates for my data, and I always encourage a full chart report to get some idea. So think about it, Pisces, you're used to working with intangible items, feelings, and data that might be inexact, but not always presented in a manner that, "normal" people like. As such, right now? Need to be as exact as possible. We can't rely on the usual "fudge factor" to get us through.

Aries: I, jokingly, gave out this advice, but I fear it was misunderstood.

"If you don't start drinking in the morning, you can't drink all day!"

Next thing I know, I'm wondering if there needs to be an Aries intervention. The problem -- the point -- start now. Won't get accomplished right away, might take longer, but if you don't start, first thing in the morning, nothing will get done. Got to take action. One foot, in front of the other. Do something that moves you forward.

"If you don't start drinking in the morning, you can't drink all day!"

taurusTaurus: One "healer" I worked alongside had a different way of working with clients. The first session was $259, for about an hour. The second session was $179, and the third session, plus any follow-up sessions were, if I recall, around $120 per hour. The first time, a "get-to-know-you" session, that would run close to two hours, the price was understandable.

After that, the question of the second "healing session," then the subsequent follow-up sessions, all of that, the sliding scale pricing, I always thought this was a good idea. Excellent idea. I'd like to take a couple of hours with a client, the first time. I liked the model, but unfortunately, I couldn't ever quite implement it. Close, but not quite. What I opted for, instead, is a flat fee for a session. The problem is that price is a barrier that not many customers are willing to break. Last time I heard from that guy, he went back to a day job doing something else because the "light worker," "healer," and sliding scale didn't fit. As a Taurus, what can you adjust to suit your Taurus-friendly market place? Simple price adjustment?

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person.