Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.29

    "The lady bade take away the fool,
    Therefore, I say ... Take her away."
    Shakespeare's Twelfth Night [I.v.50-1]

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Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.29.2014

geminiGemini: At a narrow point in its career, the coffee shop was known as "The Penny University." The price of admission was a penny, for a cup of coffee, and the university education came from the ensuing discourse. Get me at the right time, the right coffee, and I won't shut up. Same thing. Mercury is moving into Cancer this next few days, so there's a tad bit of relief, but this new moon is highly symbolic of "new stuff." I'd suggest, maybe, the way the Gemini brain tends to work? Penny University, where you're open to new learning, only, not in a structured environment. The informal class, the quick, one-shot workshop, the weekend seminar, all of these are valuable Gemini tools. Good stuff. For your birthday? Give yourself something that will help. Penny University, or something like that.

Cancer: Me? I like to take this one week at a time, but in this week's episode, I want to look further along than that. I see something, two, maybe three weeks away. Bad? No. Good? Potentially. Need to be prepared?

What I'm all about. There's a sense of showmanship, a sense of the dramatic, a sense of making a big deal out of a little deal, and that's where I can help. Ham it up. Practice your lines. Maybe there's a move or a step that goes with it. I'm so used to extemporaneous work, I don't really rehearse, but I will run over possible lines, items to remember, bullet points I want to hit. Not so much a rehearsal as a way to reinforce what it is that you, in your Cancer brain, what you think you know. Rehearse, add some stage direction, choreograph, maybe some stage pyrotechnics? Okay, maybe no flashes of flame, but still, rehearse a little. When that "impromptu" speechifying time comes, you'll want to be ready, anywhere from ten days to two weeks, be my guess, maybe three weeks.

The (mighty) Leo: The "groundlings" were commoners who paid a penny apiece to watch the shows at the Globe. The fun part of many of the plays, the good stuff includes references to the groundlings, and there is usually some ribald humor, pointedly drawn, just for the commoners. Crude humor seems to never go out of style. High-brow for the lofty seats in the bleachers and low-brow for the cheap seats -- really SRO -- on the ground.

We all need a dose of both, but as I was spinning around the Leo chart, I kept thinking, a little crude humor works best. I couldn't think if a crude joke, but that made me think about the commoners, the groundlings, and while I think of no Leo ever as a groundling, let's imagine that all of the Leo energy has that kind of connection with the groundlings. No Leo is so exalted as to be devoid of the touch of the common man. The first way to reach that common touch is a crude joke. Shakespeare successfully employed that gambit. Good way to go. The other touch that might work, as well? Swear. Sometimes that works as well. Looking for common ground with the groundlings, this week.

Virgo: Currently, there are at least three major-brand grocery store chains that feature "all-natural" in some capacity. Trader Joe, Central Market and, of course, Whole Foods. The price between stores doesn't vary much, except, there are some items, I just don't get how this works. One place had quart-sized jugs of "extra-Virgin" olive oil for just a few bucks. Quart, not even liter, the over-sized jar. At the other two or three stores, the same stuff was usually twice as much, for a smaller container. I don't know the reason for the difference, other than marketing, branding, or maybe, just a loss-leader. Take a loss on one item and make that back with all the other over-priced material. Anyway, as I was pouring a spoonful of oil into the frying pan, I was thinking about that price point. The one store, I don't shop there very often because the "all-natural" and "organic" brand of staples tends to be too expensive. Still, I'll get the coffee and that cheap olive oil there. It's a (Virgo) matter of picking and choosing what we want. There's a loss-leader available to you, this week. Figure it out. Don't fall for the trick, though, of making other purchases along with the loss leader.

Libra: "Back in the day, I worked at a Top-40 station. Every time 'Stairway to Heaven' came on, we'd all go up to the roof to get high." A signal, a sign, a memory, faded that it might be? Sure, I'm good with that. I was considering that image, the song, the message, the person, I heard this in a professional presentation, not like it was confidential, but it meant that there was an obvious sign. A clue. Some symbol that meant something at the time. Statute of limitations is bound to be up on that one, besides, I'm pretty sure, it's legal in Austin. Not what this is about. This is about an obvious symbol, sign, song, some kind of trigger that gets a reaction. Like everyone trooping up to the roof to share some herbal remedies. I'm not advocating smoking dope, but as a signal, you'll hear something, that one song, and you'll know what it means. Might not be faded rock from a previous century, but there will be something. It's a sign. It means it's time to take action.

Scorpio: I tend to do my own laundry. At a certain point in my own life, I was in a position where I felt it was more important to sub-contract services like laundry, and so forth. It's not because I'm a cheap person, not exactly, it's just, the time spent getting a pile of dirty clothes to a washer-person, then going back, and paying, all of that? I can do it myself, faster. Besides, in the summer months, I tend to wear very little. Shorts, t-shirts, about it. Maybe a fishing shirt, or Hawaiian print shirt, but still, not much. I can go, literally, weeks at a time without the need of washing clothing. So what's the deal, Scorpio? Sometimes, I've been assured, it is better to hire someone to do chores, tasks, handiwork, I've been told, it's better to hire that out rather than do it ourselves. Not so, not now. Sometimes, as I was folding last week's t-shirts (both of them), sometimes, there's a rhythm and cadence that comes from manual labor, and sometimes, I derive pleasure from putting order into a chaotic situation. Granted, this only laundry I'm using as an example, but I thought it carried forward nicely. Simple tasks that turn chaos into Scorpio order. Little bit at a time. Or, in my example, those t-shirts, freshly laundered and nicely folded. Chaos into order, a little bit at a time.

Sagittarius: "When we each left home? My daddy gave me an antique bracelet. He gave both my sisters handguns." Idle conversation, over a meal at some point. I'm unsure of what the message was, but the way I'd frame this, especially, with a reference to Sagittarius? Which one is better over time? I can see how, especially for the immediate future, I can see how the handguns might be better protection for young ladies, just about to make their ways in the world at large. Sure, easy to see. Typical rancher or farmer gift. However, over the years, the message was more clear, as that bracelet held more than just expensive jewels, emeralds as it were, no, the real value was the heirloom quality and the story that was embedded with the bracelet, going back to covered wagons, and a great grandmother pioneer woman who always wore that as a Sunday-best article. Deeper connection. The value of things, gifts, in this example, parting gifts, the values vary. Each one was appropriate as the eldest sister? She already owned a handgun. Her daddy was a smart guy. What is your unique Sagittarius gift for us, this week?

Capricorn: I was trying to explain that San Antonio (Gemini) is weirder than Austin (Capricorn), and I was looking for an immediate example. "Crawfish. They had live crawdads at the store here. No (grocery) store in Austin would carry live ones." Perfect example. Person I was talking to was momentarily dumbstruck. She looked at me, though, "I'm from Louisiana." I understand that, but normal grocery stores in Austin don't carry live crawfish whereas they do in San Antonio. Part of that is proximity, part of that is size and demand, and part of that is just weird, with a huge tub full of Louisiana Mud Bugs crawling around on themselves, in the middle of the meat aisle. That does qualify as weird. Weirder than Austin. Which both proves the point and bears out the hypothesis. As a Capricorn, what do mudbugs in the store have to do with you? Nothing. What does the point make? I was right. I had recent, supportable, backing evidence that held up the hypothesis. As a Capricorn, all you need to do is present the evidence.

Aquarius: There's an art -- and science -- to writing a good headline. Here's my hot tip, not gender specific: Cosmo. The magazine? I see it while I'm standing in line at the grocery store. I'll have my bag of free-range spinach and wild-grazed bacon, and instead of the "ten items or less" check-out line, I'll stand in a regular one. Behind a large woman with an enormous amount of groceries. Then I'll have a chance to scan the headlines. That one magazine, with its lurid covers and suggestions that are almost questionable? Works. That company has the art and science of headline grabbing fine-tuned. Here's are a few of the observed components: a number, a process, a desired result. Example? "10 diet tips for a sexy summer." Number -- process -- (desired) result. For Aquarius, I wanted 9 tips that make this week flow smoother. What I got, instead, was an Aquarius writing the headline for themselves. I'd suggest a number less than ten, and I'd suggest a process easy to accomplish in less than a week, and the desired result? That's up to you. I see 7 easy steps to better communications with your mate.

Or, 1 easy way to communicate with the author. (astrofish.net/contact)

Pisces: Several years ago, it was an April not unlike this last April, my phone, I'd been walking and talking in the spring sun, the phone overheated. Shut itself off in the middle of a call. The phone was in a rugged, water-resistant case that was black. Absorbed the sunlight. Overheated. As a result, I switched to brightly-colored cases, less prone to overheating the phone. Little girl (early teens) looked at my most recent case and made a withering, snide comment that impinged my manhood, invoked an image of sterility, and was, to some, quite disconcerting. I almost blushed. Then I recalled my phone case was a choice I made, on purpose. Call it what you want, but this one doesn't overheat. As an added bonus, females tend to find me slightly effeminate and therefore, more understanding, and "manly" men are less likely to try any contests that ultimately, although maybe metaphorically, involve measuring manhoods. Takes a really tough man to strap on a pink hello kitty case. My choices are based on a number of factors, but what other people think are not part of the question. Follow me, just for the next few days, doesn't matter what "they" think. "They" don't matter.

Just as a sidebar, one buddy did tease me about the case until I succinctly pointed out I was getting way more action than he was.

"Measure that."

Aries: In college, I had a class that used the text of the King James Bible as a reference. I've carried that text with me ever since. I like the poetry and deliciously archaic yet elegiac tone of the grammar. Then, too, as textual references, I've found a King James Bible can be used to prove just about anything, as there will be a passage contained therein that can prove what needs to be justified. King James and his "English" bible come from the same era as Shakespeare. They fit together well. I prefer using Shakespeare's canon, to the bible because there are fewer knee-jerk reactions. Doesn't mean that my copy of the King James text is ever far from reach, but I don't have the text annotated on my phone. I do have Shakespeare's Complete Works as an app. There is a voice of discontent brewing, maybe voices of disgruntled folks, perhaps a showdown is about to occur. Step one: have adequate resources for your self. I'm thinking adequate documentation that you are, indeed, correct. Step two: prepare. (Do your homework/research.) You can see this coming, be prepared.

Taurus: Lithe, slim, darling boy works at an eccentric place close to me. He works in a coffee shop. He wears a bow tie. I had to inquire, I was just so curious. Taurus, oddly enough. The female working alongside him asked if I wore bow ties. I allowed as how I haven't worn a tie since, and I rattled off a year, it was a family funeral, some time in the past. I named a year. She looked at me funny, "That's the year I was born." As long as she's been around, I haven't worn a tie. It's a choice I've made. I do have a collection of decent bolo ties, and I'll wear one of those from time to time as situations dictate, but those aren't the same. I started, some years ago, a "War on Ties," and so far, I've been lucky enough to stand firmly on my belief that conventional ties are the work of the devil, and I don't wear them. I don't give in. It's a principle. It's also, in my mind, a waste of time, energy and valuable resources, although, on some occasions, I can understand the male-peacock effect. Doesn't suit me. I'll stick with my "Uvalde Tux," and let it go.

The connection with ties and Taurus? The lad was a Taurus (Sun Sign), and his associate was born the same year I last wore a tie. This is about choices, in Taurus land, choices that include taste. Venus -- your planet -- is in the first degrees of Taurus. It's about choices and tastes, and consequences.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.