Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 6.19

“Earthlier happy is the rose distill’d,
Than that which withering on the virgin thorn
Grows, lives, and dies, in single blessedness.”

Shakespeare’s Midsummer’s Night’s Eve [I.i.81-3]

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 6.19.2014

Gemini: My morning walk, I don’t do this every day, but most mornings, especially in the summer, I’ll walk in the predawn twilight. My destination is usually coffee, more for the social aspect as much as for the caffeine-infused beverage. My preferred drink, remember, it’s still almost cool before the sun’s rising, so I’ll get a couple of shots of espresso topped with foamed skim milk. That used to be my choice, a dry, triple cap. More like a large machiatto, a shot of espresso with dollop of foamed milk on top. I switched, and that caused some consternation, “You know, non-diary Kramer, because my humor is dry?” I was getting an americano, just espresso and hot water. “It was a joke, ‘non-dairy Kramer’ get it?”

Girl laughed at me, more giggle than a laugh. “No, but I’m not awake yet.”

Gemini, me? Sure, Good joke, no one gets it. Or, like the pretty little girl making coffee? “No, I don’t get it, but I laughed.”

Cancer: I’ve seen an ad for a hard drive, shows a cutaway image of hard drive, with gleaming platters waiting on data to be encoded. I liked it because the image is almost universal, and yet, to non-techie people, well, yes, even to them, that image of hard drive, cutaway, like that, it still shows what it is supposed to show.

The little sticker on the side of the box said, “No user serviceable parts inside.” that’s up there with, “Warranty void if sticker is removed.” The cut-away diagram, ad, for the hard drive? The “No user serviceable parts inside,” and related warnings? It’s about what we know is inside the box, right? Now, when the hard drive doesn’t work, ripping it open on the coffee table won’t work. That cutaway diagram is cool-looking, I know what it stands for. It is not, however, an exploded diagram for disassembly to fix broken parts. The warning is, when you encounter that sticker that says, “Warranty void is sticker is cut open,” know what I’m talking about? Get an expert to fix it. Despite what the picture shows, that cute ad, there’s nothing in there we can fix. (Not even Bubba, and he can fix just about anything.)

The (mighty) Leo: I never get what works on some fish. In a murky lake, not far from here, there’s a kind of plastic worm, not really plastic, but for all intents, and as far as I’m concerned? Call it “biodegradable plastic,” although, I’m not entirely sure of its composition. Anyway, the trick is to use a black or dark brown, with no metal flakes, nothing sparkly. Black plastic, no color at all. What gets the fish’s attention? Movement. Not color, not sparkly bits, not flash and flare, but movement. Just movement. It has something to do with the way that kind of plastic worm shakes and shimmies. All about action. Motion rather than appearances. How we present ourselves as a dancer rather than the clothes the dancer is wrapped in, or, like my example, the action of the lure. Motion, movement is what gets the attention you want. Sitting there doesn’t do a thing. Jiggle it. Cut, clarity, color? None of that matters, not now.

Virgo: The world cannot be neatly divided into two piles, but it’s nice to think so. “There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can’t.” Joke didn’t work but I gave it shot. Two piles of people. Two Virgo problems. One errant Mercury. No way to resolve the issues. This about “agreeing to disagree,” which, to my untrained ears, sounds like an open argument. Sounds like an open, ongoing discussion that will bear no fruit. Or bare no fruit, either.

The obstacle in just about every Virgo’s way is Mercury and the associated fall-out from the retrograde pattern. What to do? Nothing. “But I have to do something,” wails a favorite Virgo. No, no you don’t have to do anything. Neither side matches up with the other, correct? Quit trying to make it fit. Everything will rebound back into place at the correct time, but until then? Quit trying to force something that really, really doesn’t like being forced.

Libra: I like watching the early, easy camaraderie between a half dozen cops having breakfast. I’d guess it was the overnight shift, and I’d guess they were having their supper, at 6 in the morning. One was a plainclothes, as plain as it is with a badge on his belt and weapon on his hip (two spare clips on the other side for balance, in a worn, leather holster). The affable, easy-going jocularity of exchanges. Another cop rolls up and puts a hand on a familiar shoulder. “Hey! I didn’t recognize with clothes on!” Laughter, backslapping.

Been more than a dozen years since I’ve heard that comment, “I don’t recognize you with your clothes on.” Austin, back when I could swim the creek every day. Still, watching that early morning friendship among officers, there was a brotherly bonding energy present (two of the officers were female, this isn’t sexist, just a shorthand version), and the moment of cops joking, that was broken when my breakfast arrived. Still that easy camaraderie? That is what, as Libra, we’re all looking for now. Look for it. Might not be here, but it could be at the table right next to you.

Scorpio: What is your Starbucks name? My Starbucks name was given to me by a little Sagittarius, hoodlum kind of a guy, who, as the fates would have it, no longer works at Starbucks, because, well, Sagittarius. Hoodlum. You know how we are. Easy to see how he wasn’t stable enough to work that out. However, for me, the name stuck. “K-Dawg.” I think I was immortalized and elevated to a status that I wasn’t really deserving of, with that name, given credit for more street smarts than I really have, or more of a gangster allusion than is truly deserving. Still, I’ll take it. My Starbucks name.

What’s your Starbucks name? I’ve got one client, she calls her self “Sparkles,” and there are stripper implications without any overt allusions. What she wants. It’s matter of crafting a short, easy-to-remember handle, something the tired and bored help at the local coffee place is willing to write on a cup, and the name might bring s smile, or a smirk. What’s your Starbucks name?

Sagittarius: The T-shirt was on a model, a mannequin, positioned outside a store. The outer shirt was pinned in place, in the letters visible on the t-shirt read, “I’d UR That.” What does it mean? I gently elbowed my date, “I’d hit that?” Making a hopeful reference to later action, and full of urban slang. Between the two of us, the only caption we’d come up with? “I’d hurt that.” It fit. Well, doesn’t fit me, but I know some folks who would like it that way. No judgement, just observation. “No pain, no fun.” That’s so not me, but never mind. On the last lap past the mannequin, I peaked under the shirt, lifting it up like a tent flap. “I’d SURF that.” Oh, Kind of boring and anti-climatic. Careful with our flights of imagination and where those take us. Missed that by a long shot.

“Yeah, and you’re the psychic, you should know what it says.”

Astrologer. Fishing Guide to the Stars. Mercury is still retrograde. Never said I was psychic.

Capricorn: “I corrected that — I know I did!” Preaching to the band, brother.

“I fixed that bug, I know I did!”

I believe you.

“No, really, I corrected that; it was a simple typo. I fixed it!” I believe. In one case, I watched as a software build went out with a very simple error. In one line of code, “template” was spelled “temlate.” A single, missing letter. Caused tons of problems. It was certainly fixed in the next version, and it was a stupid problem, and the errors were compounded as they showed up in a seemingly unrelated function call. Software behaved badly, in the wrong place. Made it a difficult error to track down. I came across this error when I was researching a patch to fix the error.

Mercury Retrograde kind of issue, as that version of the software was excellent except for one line, one letter in one line. One missing letter in one line. Once the software hits the distribution channels, it gets flung far and wide, and the error gets multiplied, over and over.

“‘I wish you’d fix this…’ I did. I did.” That’s what happens when Mercury is backwards like this, a small error gets too much attention.

Aquarius: I had this one weird girlfriend. I’ve probably had a lot of weird girlfriends, but this one comes to mind at this moment. She used to be abysmally bad at directions, and even interactive maps on phones didn’t work.

Think like an Aquarius.

So what she would do, as often as need be, she would “pre-drive” a route. Like, a new job? New location for a project, a party or something? She’d make the trip, get lost, get found, have adventures and weird encounters, and then, when the time came for the real deal, she would drive just like she knew what she was doing. “Pre-drive,” her term. I can’t make this up. Given that it takes two times, at best, to get anything done this week? Consider test runs, or consider her “pre-drive” to insure that you know how to get there from here.

Pisces: In trying to encapsulate a whole week’s worth of astrological lore, and attempting to boil that down to one, coherent theme, I’ve learned much. No where were my lessons more obvious, to me, than in my attempts at a weekly audio, then audio-video file. Three minutes. Five minutes, maybe. Depends.

I taught myself audio-video production, podcasting, and any number of other skill sets that work into that kind of production work, over the years. Sometimes, this comes at the expense of my readership. Some of the loyal followers like the video. Others don’t. What was important? The ability to make mistakes, week after week, and with no fear, keep doing it. Make a mistake, blow it, do a better job with production the next week. Audio went live in 2003, 2004, something like that, and video followed shortly thereafter, sort of a fortuitous mistake.

As we look at new beginnings with Mercury still in apparent retrograde motion? Don’t be afraid to learn on the job, don’t be afraid to be wrong, but keep trying. Gemini, twins, remember? Two. Takes two steps to make one step forward. It’s process, not destination, process.

Aries: Some years ago, an old girlfriend snapped a quick picture of me, emerging from Barton Springs, in Austin. I was wet, it was a summer’s day, the water was cold, I was tan, slim, fit, in good shape, and I still have that image.

A few weeks back, I handed my tablet to a friend, she flipped through a few images and came across the that old shot of me, standing at the edge of the creek. “Wow, beefcake shot!” Other than a few pounds, a few more gray hairs, a little less hair, and more laugh lines, I’d like to think I look the same. I don’t, but I’d like to think so.

The laugh lines I’ve earned, and the extra weight is from good food that I enjoyed. Earned recognition, is the way I’d like to think of the miles from that picture. Stop and look back at where you were, a few short years ago. What is improved? What is better? What leaves room for improvement? What can you do about that? I’d set about picking one destination, one goal, not everything at once, although, as the Aries type, you might want to do that, but I’d figure one area that you can work towards getting back to the way it looked in that picture.

Easiest thing for me? I could just find a neighbor’s pool to hop in.

Taurus: As Venus gets ready to move into Gemini, then does make the leap, along with the Sun jumping into Cancer, we get this calming effect in Taurus. “I don’t like it when it’s this calm, means something’s up.” I get that, too. There is something up, only, it’s not going on with Taurus. I heartily recommend you re-check the “Mercury is Retrograde” material I’ve previously published. Good notices in there. Stuff to work with.

Ways to work around the retrograde, which, if times are the way I think they are for you? It’s going on around you. It’s not “getting” Taurus, but you read my material on regular basis, and you’re equipped for this astrological pattern. It sucks but it doesn’t. Warned you? You did pay attention?

I’ve covered all of this before, just for you.