“Too marry him is hopeless,
To be his whore is witless.”

Shakespeare’s The Two Noble Kinsmen [II.iv.4-5]

4/23 — Shakespeare’s alleged birthday, from various sources.

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars beginning 4.23.2015

Taurus:

“Domestic bliss, or things we do for our girlfriends?” That tag line might have to be amended, but pause, and change as need be to suit your current conditions. In my situation it was a handyman task for a girlfriend. Good thing I like short women. She needed a tall one, that would be me, to help change the shower curtain. I hopped up on the tub’s rim, unclipped the shower’s liner, and unhooked the a shower curtain. I started to grab the new one and stopped. Consider every scary murder-movie, and a few TV series, as well. The dead body is always wrapped in a shower curtain. My suggestion, before I finished hanging the new curtain? Here, let me take this old one out to the trash, first. Why? So I won’t be wrapped in it and dragged to the curb.

“Oh Kramer, I couldn’t drag you to the curb, not like that. My neighbor would have to help, then she’d be in on it, too.”

Good thing I can only offend them one at a time. Besides, for Taurus, this is a cautionary tale. Just because I’m a bit paranoid? That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be too cautious, too. Like throwing away the old shower curtain before you hang the new one.

Me? I’m not too worried.

Gemini:

“What’s the Gemini Birth Stone?” I’m not sure what it is, but I know what it should be, at least, for most of the Gemini I know. Some would suggest Opal, as that’s basically Quartz, SiO4 with some water in it, makes it shimmer and change, but no, that’s not it.

Gemini birthstone should be “meteorite.” Why? Isn’t is obvious? Gemini, out of this world. Regrettably, I’m about the only one who will agree with Gemini that Gemini is, Gemini are, indeed, “Out-of-this-World” wonderful. Our weekly conundrum, for Gemini is that I think you’re out-of-this-world wonderful. Guess I’m about the only one who thinks like that, right now. You’ll agree, at least, in part, you’ll agree. With the planets aligned thusly, though? There’s a problem with other peoples’ perceptions of Gemini. Again, I’m voting for “meteorite” as your birthstone. Not everyone agrees. Keep that in mind, as you push ever onward this week, other than me? Not everyone gets how wonderful you are. Helps if you’re quiet about it, too. Just saying, don’t say anything.

Cancer:

New Age Buzzword? “Accountability.” As in, “Hold one’s self accountable, striving towards goals, hitting the targets, and making sure it gets done.” Accountability. The local guru groups adapted to this new word, and really, it’s not a new word, just used in a slightly different context, as in getting headed towards goals, and then, checking those steps towards the goals as the items that get checked off the list.

Someone needs to hold your Cancer self accountable for actions, accountable for getting you going, and accountable for seeing that you finish this one. What I do is break it down into minute steps that are tiny, easily digestible parts of a process, that, as a whole, gets the job done. The goal, the process, the possibly onerous task at hand that needs to get finished, and maybe, if you’re like me, you’ve been putting this one off. The question, and only you can answer it, is how you hold yourself accountable? What’s the way you gauge this progress? Push a little maybe get a system of check boxes to help remind you what the real goal is, and what steps have to be taken to get there from here. Little bit at a time. Figure out your own, personal “accountability.”

The (mighty) Leo:

There are three planets in Taurus, well, two planets and the Sun, but let’s just say, three items of interest in Taurus. This creates tension for Leo. What to do? Move over, slow down, pay attention. I was on my way into Austin and a pickup truck with a more than a ton of cinder blocks weaved passed on the outside lane, then weaved into my lane. I slowed down.

The truck was dangerously overloaded with bricks, bags of cement, and towing a cement mixer on a trailer. The truck’s hood was in the air, so there was too much weight on the back axle. One of the truck’s tires, left rear, suddenly shredded. There were spark flying from the rim, dragging on the pavement. I shifted down a gear, nailed the accelerator, zipped by on the outside and then watched as the truck limped to the side of the highway, never lost its load, but it could’ve.

It was potentially dangerous situation. I passed on the outside shoulder as bits of the shredded tire were still flying through the air and bouncing off, and it never does well to catch one of those. I was paying attention. A hazardous situation presented itself and, I reacted properly. As a mighty Leo, a hazardous situation will present itself. I’m trusting you to react properly. Pay attention, like, when that truck swerves in front of you? Get ready.

Virgo:

Valuable lesson, have you learned it yet? Know when to stand up and know when to shut up. I’m thinking, looking at this week’s array of planet’s, mostly based on Taurus, but there’s also a Gemini and Sagittarius set of influences, I was thinking, for Virgo, know when to stand up and know when to shut up. This is a time to do both. Stand up and shut up. There is more than one way to make a stand, take position, not sell out your Virgo principles.

Stand up and shut up. Know when.

The problem with Sagittarius and Gemini influence? That’s an urge to be very vocal. The problem with Taurus? That’s an urge to sit down. Know when to stand up and know when to shut up. Sometimes, there’s a solemn sense that comes from the mere act of standing with someone, when actions speak louder than any word. Stand up. Now, there’s a also part of that where Virgo actions speak louder than words, so know when to shut up and let the act of standing speak for itself.

Stand up and shut up. Know when.

Stand for solidarity. Shut up to not attract too much attention to yourself. Know when to stand up, and know when to shut up.

Libra:

There’s got to be something that makes this interesting. There’s got to be something that makes this pop.

There’s got to be some portion of the scenario that makes the Libra go, “Wow, I never saw that before.” I’m looking for the little item of interest. The curiosity.

The small point that gives a moment’s pause, and then, “Wow, I never saw that before.

Scorpio:

I got absolutely fascinated with a particular piece of equipment. I thought I really, really wanted one. It was a cool thing, an add-on for an iPod or iPad or iPhone thing. Accessory. Big one, too, and for that, not cheap, either. It was, in the truest sense of the expression, an adult toy, for me. I played with one in the store. I messed around online, read some glowing reviews, which, in turn, just served to fuel my interest in it. I went from passing desire to fervent need for this new toy. Price? Too expensive to justify as a legitimate business expense. Value? Seemed invaluable to me, at the time. I wanted, no I needed, no, I deserved and needed one of these.

A few days later, I realized there was a problem with usage, storage and actual, realized income from such a purchase. The realization was that it wouldn’t make me money, it would be a drain of time, and it would cause problems with my already flighty attention span. From wish list to “no list.” It’s matter of thinking about this kind of purchase, or any action, while all that stuff is in Taurus? For Scorpio? Think this one through a little further.

“Need?” More like, “I think I want,” which isn’t the same thing.

Think it through before you purchase. That thing? Now available on — used — for about a third of the price. Glad I didn’t get it. No way to store it, either.

Sagittarius:

Dedicated, hard work pays off. Eventually. What’s important, critical, even, is to stay on point, stay on task, stay focused. Sometimes it’s not all that glamorous. Sure, we’re showy Sagittarius, and sure, we like to see and be seen. Sure, we like everyone to notice that we’re working hard, here. Sure, we’d like all of that. Not so much, not now. It’s a function of Saturn, then Taurus influence, and then, to make this even weirder, Venus opposite us, in Gemini.

What that means? Hard to stay focused and what’s most important? Stay focused on the task right in front of us, that drudge work that no one else can do, or no one can do it as well as Sagittarius, or maybe, no one want to do and the task has fallen to us. Roll up the metaphorical sleeves, grab the allegorical shovel, and start putting some back into it. What we have to do. Manual labor isn’t always pretty, but it gets the job, and right now, that’s what’s required. No one will seem to notice, and, in part, that’s okay, I mean, for now. This week, anyway.

Capricorn:

A local psychic came to me for a reading, and that person was complaining bitterly about the recent spate of readings. I listened to the sad Capricorn lament. My short phrase? “Digging ditches and pulling teeth.” That’s what I call it when I have to work like that, like the psychic described.

Some days, I sit down and this stuff is easy, flows like honeyed-wine. Some days. Other days? It’s just hard. I struggle to make the connection, and then, I struggle find the correct words, and then I struggle to make the client understand the intended message. This week, maybe not all week, but part of this week? For my little Capricorn friends? You’re going to find yourself struggling. You know the right expression, you just can’t seem to get it across. It’s like, it’s like, “Digging ditches and pulling teeth.” Has to be done, and no one is better equipped than you are.

Aquarius:

A few months back, like, maybe in January, I was grabbing some coffee to go, and an age-appropriate woman did the once up-and-down, then looked me in the eye. “Nice boots,” she said. I live in Texas. Cowboy boots are part of our daily attire, well, for me, in the coldest of months, sure. I’m sure it was an opening line, and the more I thought about it, I was probably being flirted with, or hit on, or whatever. I don’t care. I also completely missed it. I nodded, smiled, and muttered, “Thanks!” I was getting black coffee, dark roast, dark swill, dark day, and me, in long pants, not a happy place, but still. I missed an opening. It happens. I’m not an Aquarius, and you are. You’re going to get a similar expression, a similar opening. Unlike me, I want you to respond. Unlike me, something more than a mattered, “thanks,” and tip of the hat.

“Really? Like these? They are Lucchese Hand Made European Goat skin, more than a dozen years old, now, I’ve had them repaired a few times, last shine was in the airport in El Paso, did a better job than place else….”

If they feed you a line this week? There’s an Aquarius moral obligation to follow up. Unlike me.

Pisces:

“Cookbook Astrology” refers to typical astrology texts that have a long lists of astrology situation, like “Sun in Pisces,” then a definition of what that supposedly means. I’ve steered away from that kind of material because no two — especially Pisces — no two are alike.

Pisces: All generalities are false.

However, I was thinking along the lines of cooking, and how that might help Pisces, with the way things are. I’ve tried a number of different spices, blends, herbs and whatever to add that extra dimension to my cooking. The real secret, for Pisces, for this week? I used a sprinkling of fresh ground coffee. What it really is? The dust left in the coffee grinder, after my single pot of morning coffee. Just a dash, a sprinkle, a tad, a tiny amount. Sprinkled into the frying pan, with the olive oil and whatever else in there? Works wonders. Imparts a nutty flavor, without burning or anything.

The trick? This week, to survive and even thrive? The trick is a pinch of ground coffee. It’s not really that tricky, some cooks use a splash of breakfast coffee. Whatever, get the idea? Something, easy, something at hand, and something that is slightly unconventional; although, the roots to this trick go back to “Red Eye Gravy,” my mama’s mama used to make.

Aries:

Ghosts. Haunted houses. Ghosts. We all have some ghosts in our past. Sometimes, this is someone who has passed over, and sometimes, this merely a thought process that evokes the ghosts. Ghosts, I’ve got several “ghost-busting” professional friends, as well as folks who clear entities, and whatever. Not unheard of in my line of work. But that’s not what this is really about. The ghosts, real or imagined, pop up, especially now, and how your Aries self deals with the ghostly images of the past, back to haunt you, that’s what’s so important.

For me, I carry a “glo-in-the-dark” rosary, rather inexpensive one, less than two bucks, and I have that handy, usually rides in my carry-all baggage. That rosary, when the ghosts come back to haunt? I just pull that thing out. Scares them away. I’m not Catholic, not even close, but when the scary apparitions appear? That is a usual token to drive them away.

Useful token, whatever works, right? As an Aries, there’s some ghosts. How you deal with them? That’s up to you. You can hire a ghost-buster. I also use a St. Benedict’s medallion, supposedly good for exorcism. Again, whatever works.