Hung be the heavens with black, yield day to night!
Comets, importing change of times and states,
Brandish your crystal tresses in the sky,
And with them scourge the bad revolting stars

Bedford in Shakespeare‘s Henry VI, part 1, Act 1, scene 1

Mercury is stationary, turning retrograde in Gemini. Twice the fun! “And with them scourge the bad revolting stars” — fits, no?

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.14.2015

Taurus:

As I’ve continued to study Shakespeare’s canon, I’ve had a renewed interest in the stories of the earliest plays, the Henry VI trilogy. There’s a bizarre kind of history, and the academics are still fighting about order of composition and order of performance, thinking that Part 2 came before Part 1, and Part 3 was just left dangling. The academic material, see, the listing of the performances is a matter of record, and the publication dates for the plays, again, matter of record, but everything else is supposition. Less fact, more like inference. Realize that this is the earliest word attributed to Shakespeare, and there’s some suggestive evidence that the plays might’ve been collaboration rather than just Shakespeare himself. That opening quote is from the beginning of the trilogy, when there were dark stars over England’s future king and empire. Birthday Taurus, yes, we’re slowing down for Mercury, but are we really going to let this stop us? Like the ongoing debates about Shakespeare’s plays? Maybe this is good time to dig back through the existing evidence and see what we really know.

Gemini:

This really is less about Mercury Retrograde and lot more about Mr. Mars frying his way through your sign. Mars is all, “Up and in your face,” while the mercurial message is less about anything up and in your face, and lot more about what’s behind your face, the Gemini mind. The Gemini mind, I must admit, I admire. Mars versus Retrograde Mercury it’s a “Cage match,” to the death, who wins?

For starters, remember that this is a mercurial situation and you know what that does to you. Then there’s Mars. I was given some “Organic, Free-Range, Cage-Free Diet Pills” to try. Some kind of herbal supplement. I didn’t have my reading glasses, so I just started popping two pills in the morning and two in the afternoon, like the basic instructions suggested. Worked fine, curbed hunger, I felt more energetic, nibbled less in the afternoons. I finally got around to checking what it was, in the bottle of pills. Just caps filled with “herbal remedy powder,” which, after I started to read the ingredients, it was basically caffeine in several guises, plus some other — think flower petal — to fluff out the remedy. Green tea extract, green coffee extract, fluff. I can’t recommend the pills, which was what they wanted, but I can say that it was exactly what this Mars and Mercury thing feels like. Herbal diet pills, which, in all truth are probably nothing more than about three cups of coffee in an herbal supplement. Enjoy Mars. Watch the Mercury Retrograde.

Cancer:

Venus makes nice, but the other two? Not so much. Mercury, heading into an airy retrograde pattern and that combines with Mars, and his war-like energy, to make this a rather discomfiting and seriously disturbing pattern for Cancer. The gentle Moon Child is “rent asunder” by dream, memories, reflections of the past.

Ghosts, real and imagined are here to haunt you. I’ll tell you one of my secret fears: I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep on an airplane, and then, in my sleep, I’ll do something embarrassing. If I’m tired, I have no problem sleeping on a commercial jet. Done it all my adult life. I tend to take short naps, but rest is rest and any rest of the exhausted person is good, am I right, or what?

So this Mars and Mercury, even leaven some Venus on it, this is about a worst fear scenario. Like I wake up on the plane, drool trailing out of the corner of my mouth, as I’ve been snoring, only to find that I’ve got a an attractive seat-mate. That’s how this plays out. Can your Venus influence overcome that drooling snoring, bedraggled first impression? I doubt I could.

The (mighty) Leo:

The problem is Mercury is in its Retrograde Pattern, and that spells irritation, and befuddlement, for The Leo, the mighty, majestic Leo, laid low by the smallest planet in the system. It’s just not fair. All right, then I have some solutions. Single-source, hand-roasted coffee. Cage-free, ergonomic, all-natural, whatever, the organic, the expensive stuff, the way I see it. Little “dime-bag” of coffee cost, like, $20 or more. Might’ve been roasted bean-by-bean if you believe what you read on the internets about that stuff.

I’m not sure. Still, the little bag of expensive coffee from a Third-Wave micro-brew coffee-roaster, preferably, someone local, some of that stuff. The good stuff. I have a small French Press, makes a little over one cup of coffee. That’s perfect for this kind of set-up, maybe a tablespoon of fresh ground coffee, then a cup of boiling water, then squeeze out a single cup of expensive, delicious coffee, with caffeine and everything.

The ritual is almost as important as the results. This is a simple, yet useful, way to deal with the reluctant energies that abound. It’s just tough. When the going gets tough, the Leo needs to stop and savior a cup of coffee. “Don’t interrupt me, not for the next half-hour, I’m having a cup of very expensive coffee, and I don’t want to be interrupted.”

Perfect Leo excuse.

Virgo:

One of my fishing buddies, he worked at a mega-corporation for years. Got fired. Or let go, or RiFed (Reduction in Force). There was a certain amount of bitterness, but it’s not like he didn’t have adequate warning. “What’s my horoscope say, now, Fishing Guide to the Stars? Huh?” First thing, we went fishing. Second thing, we fished a second time, because, after applying, he found out he could make more money at another location, same kind of job, with less hours, more structured work environment. Another big corporation. This does not mean you’re about to get fired, or let go, or RiFed, just means that there is a change. In my fishing buddy’s case? It was better. New gig paid more, worked him less, and what most Virgo folks crave? Structure.

Not that a good Virgo can’t find something to complain about, right? With Mars and Mercury — in Gemini — and Mercury, well, you know the drill?

Turns out my buddy had a problem with the new boss, and my buddy? We almost got to fish a bunch, again, but a good Virgo knows how to say, “I’m sorry, you rat-bastard,” with the epithet quietly held back.

Libra:

I had a plaid, flannel long-sleeve shirt tied around my waist. “From the back Kramer, it looked like a kilt, or a skirt.” Very funny, to me. Not like I haven’t heard the comment about long hair before, no, that’s not new, either. However, this far into May, seems like I shouldn’t need a flannel shirt, still. However with the “climate controlled” places, yes, a warm, long-sleeve shirt is a good idea. Not all the time, but it was one of the days, movie theater, ice-cold ice-house, place with the AC set to “Freeze his nuts off” kind of temperatures.

This is about mistakes, Mercury in apparent retrograde motion, and what to do with what’s here. There. What’s there. My example was simple, easy. I tied a casual, flannel shirt, kind of a lightweight one, around my waist. Had it if I needed it. Which, as the climate control people will tell you, this time of the year, it’s hard to gauge the best setting for AC. So, to prevent Libra discomfort in the coming days, between Mercury and Mars? Take an extra shirt to wear. I’m sure yours will be much more tasteful than mine. However, from my way of seeing this? I was totally comfortable.

Scorpio:

There’s a historical marker, down in old San Antonio, and that plaque pays homage to the idea that the most graceful dancers were not “Northern European” heritage. While its dated for events more than a hundred years ago, that historical note still stands true, even to this day. Locally, in my world, anyway, the “Straight, white guys” tend to be the poorest dancers.

Like I’ve noted, all generalities are false, but as a guideline the anglos don’t dance as well as the more fluid Latino counterparts. It’s not a condemnation, and it’s not true, all the way across the board, but again, as guidelines and generalities go, this one holds up well. With Mercury backwards, and Mars — the Scorpio planet — figuring into the mess? It’s about admitting that maybe, as a Scorpio, this isn’t the week to dance. Never hurts to practice, if that’s your choice, but no, you don’t have to be an anglo like me, I mean, I’ve got no rhythm and poor fashion sense. I know that. Understand what the limits are, especially with this Mercury Retrograde/Mars thing, understand what can — and can’t — be done.

Sagittarius:

As a Sagittarius all we can do when Mercury does this to us? Only course of action is to limp along. I turned around, I was standing in front of my desk and I spun around to answer a question, grab a phone, fetch some piece of paper off the printer, something. Quick action and I landed wrong on the ankle. Slight sprain. Not much, doesn’t hurt too much, not a big deal, ouch. So, as Mercury spins backwards, and as Mars compounds this pain, what can we do, as Sagittarius? Limp along. Years ago, I inherited my father’s collection of canes. Walking sticks. Mostly ornamental for me, but right now? If you see me walking with a cane for support? You know what it means? It means, with Mercury Retrograde, I’ll probably walk off and leave one of those sentimental canes someplace.

Later, this week, someone will be running along behind us with a stick, as we limp off in some direction. Now you know the rest of that story.

Mercury, in apparent retrograde motion — in Gemini — opposite from Sagittarius? Wouldn’t be surprised if someone comes waving a walking stick at us, and we started to limp away quickly, not realizing that the person was trying to return the stick, not beat us.

Capricorn:

There’s inherent symbolism in this week’s stars. For Capricorn? I’m serious, this is about work. Career stuff. Pay attention. I know, you’ve prepared for the final days, and this nothing like that, not really. There’s just, see, it was like this. Client of mine freaked out with a note from IRS, suggesting that the client owed a boat-load more money, as one of the forms was filled out incorrectly.

After playing with the phone tree, and after finally, getting up the Capricorn courage to talk to the agent, or an operator, or does the IRS outsource to India? After a couple of phone calls, the first one took a couple of shots of courage, but after that? Turns out there was merely a supporting piece of documentation required. Wasn’t an audit. Wasn’t an IRS colonoscopy, didn’t even cost more money. Got some back, after the minor freakout that turned into a major pain, as I had to coach this guy through the process.

“Did you call them?”

Call. It’s a simple process. It’s at work. It’s a problem that is easily amended and thereby corrected, if you just call. Might take a few shots of courage to get around to it, but you’ve got the idea, right? Call.

Aquarius:

“Things were going so smoothly then my computer quit.” Lost everything? Phone, computer, tablet, some electrical device just decided to cease working, for no apparent reason? Even though I do believe in the efficacy and warnings about Mercury in its retrograde pattern, I can’t honestly blame the mechanical failure on Mercury. Mercury Retrograde just indicates a time when there appears to be a higher probability of such a failure. Usually, though, there’s an underlying cause, and it’s not like the planets conspired to make the Aquarius lose the work, or the paper, or whatever it was that was lost when the device ceased to function. Since you know this is an ongoing threat over the next few weeks? Back up, be prepared, make sure you do everything in duplicate, check that automated back-up software thing, make sure it’s working. This is a clear case of checking to make sure the emergency protocols are in place before you need them. I’m just your friendly reminder. Mars plays a piece in this, too, but that’s a little later.

Pisces:

Buddy of mine has one of the best T-shirts I’ve ever seen. “We’re guys,” is the first line, and underneath it in all caps? Smaller, but all caps? “SORRY.” “We’re guys. Sorry.” Kind of sums up this week’s reluctant energy. This isn’t sexist, either because ask anyone, stupidity, or stupid guy moves are not limited to a particular sign or gender. Still, there are some “guy” activities that makes us all wonder how, over the aeons, we’ve been able to move forward, as a species, as long as there are the dumb ones, or, apparently ones who are struck dumb for a period of time. Think about that T-Shirt, “We’re guys. Sorry.” For me, it covers a multitude of sins. Forgotten birthdays or anniversaries, missed appointments, missed cues, missed obvious gestures. Still, this most definitely is not gender specific, nor is it sign-specific, except, of course, as Pisces. With the planets and their reluctant energies flowing this and that way?

“We’re guys. Sorry.”

Have to be willing to forgive the stupidity. Blame Mars, blame Mercury (retrograde), but be prepared to be astounded by behaviors.

“Really?

Yes, as the T-shirt says, “We’re guys. Sorry.”

Aries:

Garlic is one of the secret ingredients in a number of my local, ethnic-branded foods. Originally, I thought it was just the auspices of the French, but as it turns out, the Italians and most of the Northern European cuisine uses garlic in one form or another. As such, that’s how it made its way to America, and from that, into my local cuisine. Then, too, as fusion food, it’s going to be almost everywhere. There’s a particular Tex-Mex chain located in Austin, and the hot sauce, the table-side, fresh blended salsa? The secret ingredient is a ton of garlic. That’s part of the “burn,” although, to be fair, peppers augment that sensation of “almost too hot.” Flavorful, yet, with a decent little kick, the correct balance of peppers and garlic.

The trick to this week? A smidgen of garlic powder. I don’t think this requires even a portion of one clove, I think this requires a single shake from the garlic powder condiment container. Just a little dab, just a spot, the barest amount, say, just a pinch?

As an Aries, there’s a tendency to go way overboard. Not that it’s bad, or not that it bothers me. I’m just saying, this isn’t the time to peel the cap off the shaker and dump the whole thing in. Just a pinch. Too much renders us unfit for human interaction, and that will never do.