Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 6.11.2015

    England ne’re had a king until his time.
    Virtue he had, deserving to command;
    His brandished sword did bind men with his beams,
    His arms spread wider than a dragon’s wings,
    His sparkling eyes, replete with wrathful fire,
    More dazzled and drove back his enemies
    Than midday sun fierce bent against their faces.
    Talbot in Shakespeare’s Henry VI, part 1 (1.1.8-14)

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 6.11.2015


geminiFollowing Shakespeare’s early works, we can see that he was talking about Henry V, the guy who conquered France and reunited a kingdom. This, of course, refers to historical fiction rather than historical fact, as Shakespeare and his cohorts rewrote much of England’s history. You know, adapted for stage, like adapted for film, like the line, “Based on a true story?”

You can’t see it right now, but the Sun and Mars are playing tag. Gives an extra, highly combustible flavor to everything Gemini.

This is where care and caution is more than advised, the times kind of demand it. Due to Mercury being part of this mess? The big caution comes when you play fast and loose with facts.

In a single expression? “Don’t.”


Patience will pay off. I promise you that. Patience will pay off for the Cancer Moon Children. Soon. How soon? Not quite soon enough, but it will pay off. I’m on your side, really I am. Look, Mercury starts to unwind from the retrograde pattern, Mars and the Sun align kind of closely, and nothing seems to be happening.

Things in Cancer about to get mighty interesting and mighty quick-like. Get prepared. Do the homework. Can’t anticipate everything, but you can get a few pieces ready to play. You can’t anticipate every action and reaction that’s up and coming, but there are some items that you can get ready. I keep a stack of books, regular, old-fashioned, ready-to-read books by my bedside. When I leave for a business, or when I travel for leisure, not that there’s much distinction, but when I get ready to go someplace, I shovel a couple of the books into the suitcase, the carry-on. I’ll always have something to read. Just one of my more practiced moves, like, always be ready. Briefcase, shoulder bag, to some? A Man-Purse, sure whatever, I’ve got one of those, ready, packed, can go at a moment’s notice. The immediate Cancer future doesn’t show anything, no need for a go-bag, or a book to read while traveling. Get ready. Be prepared. Do the homework, now. It’s going to change and “get real,” soon. Homework, now. You know what you need to do and you know you’ve been putting it off. Stop procrastinating.

The (mighty) Leo:

Mental fortitude. How about, the long and over-arching Leo memory itself? Will-power. Leo Will Power, which is stronger than regular will power? Sure, that’s the stuff. There’s a certain amount of discipline required for the next few days. A certain amount of Leo Will Power, the innate ability to see something for what it really is, and to see the solution to the problem and to know, in your heart of hearts, that this is the correct route, even though, it seems arduous and fraught with difficulties. Sure. It’s not “all bad,” as some would have you believe, but there’s a sense that there’s some steadfast determination required.

The more I twiddled with your astrology charts, the more I kept thinking about “will power,” as the answer. To some, this looks like stubbornness. Not to me, but I’m certainly Leo-centric, and we all know that. I don’t see this as a stubborn fault at all.

So summon the Leo Will Power, and get ready, because it’s going to get tested, and I know, you know, we both know that you’ll do fine. Just be prepared to stick to what you believe in.


VirgoCouple of years ago, I bought a “ceramic” knife, cheap, and a cutting board. Both were purple. Been three, four years now that I’ve been eating this “healthy” food, mostly prepared by me, mostly chopped veggies and free-range, cage-free cows, pasture-fed chicken, and so forth. All-natural and organic. It was a cheap set, the knife and cutting board. And now the knife is dull. I’m used to, years past, to sharpening the knife. But this is one of those that doesn’t require sharpening, and now, it’s nicked and starting to dull in spots. Less than ten bucks, then. Used for food prep for over three, four years, now? Chopped veggies, sliced tomatoes, pricked peppers, pared chicken from the bone, cubed meats for stews and chillies? All of that, and more. It has come time to replace it. The knife, the cutting board, apparently, doesn’t need to be replaced yet. It’s a simple hand tool just basic kitchen knife, and I only picked it up originally because it was supposed to remind me to use it for my — then — new diet.

In my world, time has come to replace a single, simple tool. In the Virgo world, as I lined up your charts, and twirled the planets around a bit, this Mercury thing, this Mars thing, this Gemini thing, this Leo thing. It’s time, in Virgo land to replace a simple tool — like that kitchen knife of mine. Big, butcher-blade looking thing, and I’m wondering, can I get a cheap one that’s pink, for the next few years?


As a frequent pedestrian, I’ve learned a thing or two about the “walk” sign. Buddy of mine works for City Maintenance, and he explained that the “walk” button triggers a relay. One push is all that is required. So standing there, waiting on the “walk” sign to come on, it won’t go any faster if I keep pushing the button. Relay switch has already been triggered. Nothing more is required. Mars, Sun, everything where it is? Libra impatience. Libra impatience, and then? You stand there, and I’ll watch as you repeatedly hit the button. By the time you’ve hit it about seventeen times? Light changes, “walk” sign comes on.

“See? Pushing it repeatedly helps.”

Not really, but I’m not about to argue with an impatient Libra.

“I’m not impatient; you’re just soooo slow.” Punch-punch-punch.


One place I eat fairly regular like, this one place, kind of a TexMex dive, downtown, I usually drop $5 as a tip. I tend to prefer less busy times, like after the breakfast crowd but before the lunch crowd. Or after the lunch rush, but before supper. Not busy, get to know the staff, get treated right, all the good stuff.

Pretty sure that a #2 Special is listed in a Spanish Land Grant, but it’s two cheese enchiladas and a crispy taco, beans, rice, hot sauce, chips. What I’ll usually get. I was meeting a girlfriend for lunch and she was running late. We arrived at that place at high noon and there was a bit of a line. However, one of the waitresses recognized me, and rushed us to a table — in her section — ahead of the waiting line of customers. Being a regular, and tipping well, that is like an investment in basic, human interaction.

Scorpio: invest in some basic, human kindness. Could be as simple as tipping well, and then, sometimes, you get bumped to the head of the list, preferential treatment. Make an investment in human kindness — it’s a Saturn thing.


SagittariusWhen I was growing up, Tabasco (brand) hot sauce was the single, the go-to, the only hot sauce available. I always thought it was a world-wide brand, but apparently, it’s more American and less international. Just an observation, not factual. I started experimenting with various brands of hot sauce many with names that cannot be spelled out here for the sake of decency.

The primary ingredients are peppers, vinegar, water, garlic, guar, and tomato (juice). Sometimes the peppers are exotic, and sometimes, like the Tabasco, more mundane. As I started experimenting with various pepper sauces, I started to notice that ingredients were remarkably similar, as were the general shape of the bottles. Colors were mostly variations of red, going from dark rust to almost a pink, with select few being “Jalapeño” in name, green in color, and certainly an unmistakeable “jalapeño” flavor.

This isn’t about exotic, or even not-so-exotic pepper sauces. This isn’t about cooking. This is about Sagittarius exuberance — and maybe, before dumping a bunch of that sauce on the plate? Testing the sauce. See how hot it really is. Tabasco? Not so much, but one of those green ones was really, really hot. Test taste a little bit before we do the typical Sagittarius thing and upend half the bottle on supper.


We can blame Mercury Retrograde. The actual cause require a complex analysis of several planets and their influences, but let’s just say it’s the Mercury Retrograde thing, OK? There’s one more “gotcha” coming along. Just when you thought it was safe, just when you read that Mercury is no longer Retrograde, just when you thought it was going to be cool, again?

One more “Mercury” event. Missed communication, missed notation, misunderstanding, or cues not followed? Any one of those can happen. The computer shuts itself down at the worst time. The server stops serving. Dig through my old examples of Mercury Retrograde stuff, and you’ll see. None of this is life-threatening, none of this actually endangers your job, but there is a sense that there is a problem.

The lesson, to help you, and maybe help you avoid the problem? You know about this. You know what you’ve been ducking. Avoiding. Trying to escape from, right? We all know, now, the problem is, it’s here. You tried to escape, and you know, last week? Or even this week, before it hits? You can take precautions. I’ve warned you. One last Mercury-inspired “thing.” Duck.


Business group I belong to, one of the “leaders” asked why I never volunteer. Military experience. I live in a military town, and I’ve worked in military towns most of my professional career. Ask anyone who’s served. “Never volunteer.”

Far from dangerous, it’s mostly because a volunteer winds up with a shovel, and some large pile of something that resembles organic male bovine by-product. So the guideline, for gentle Aquarius, for this week? “Don’t volunteer.”

It’s quite simple, as there’s a goal, a destination, a job, a posting, a “Can you do this for me for free?” Something pops up. No, you cannot do it for free, and no, you don’t have enough time to attend to all the necessary hand-holding, coddling, and otherwise herding of cats that required for this task.

One Aquarius will complain, “But I just had to volunteer, and now? See what happened?”

First off, I warned you not to volunteer, and second? Old bit of wisdom, handed down, over the ages? “There are no victims, not now, just volunteers.”

Don’t volunteer


PiscesBecause I was in Austin for so long, I became rather conversant with the State of Texas rules, regulation, problems, and how to talk to state employees. There’s a kind of patience and an almost Zen-like patience that helps. Pause, stop, ask politely, re-frame the question. There’s a very bored and possibly irritable person at the other end, and those people are trying their best to help us. As a Pisces, this is one of the week’s when you have to to call the state, I was trying to file a simple business form for taxes, and everything gets messed up.

Would’ve been simpler to just fill out a form and drop it in the mail, but deadlines and all, I forgot until, well, it was, it should’ve been, much easier to file online with the State. Took a couple of phone calls. Took a few minutes. I was NOT frustrated, but I knew what I was dealing with. With whom I was dealing. I’m also not a Pisces.

In the next couple of days, you have to make a call like this. Could be something as simple as just a check-box on a web file form. Could be complex, like high-finance, or the mysteries of how the car motor works, but I think it’s simpler than that. The problem is a minor functionary stands between your Pisces self and what your goal is. Be nice. Be polite. Consider reframing the question a time or two, to get to a point where the other person understands your question. The person answering the call? Not stupid, but after so many stupid people, how do you think your Pisces self will sound?


I was thinking, you know, it’s usual for me to admonish Aries to slow down. Take it easy, stop and assess, then take action. I’m skipping such lame advice this week, as it won’t work. There’s something that must get done, and it must get done right now. No, that’s not soon enough, more like RIGHT NOW, and does that convey the proper amount of urgency for Aries? I hope so. Regrettably, on the tail end of the Mercury Retrograde period, the synodic patterns of the smallest planet, there’s a requisite sense of urgency that this material has to be covered, like, sooner than soonest.

Haste makes waste, as you’ve been told before, and that’s going to apply, but I’m with you on getting this done quickly. “If it were done, were done quickly,” to misappropriate some of Shakespeare’s work (Scottish play allusion). Still, the problem being, we’re stuck with the confusion of the mercurial material, still left adrift. So you are moving faster, faster and faster, even more so, but the rest of us are dawdling, and that, my Aries friend, is the problem. You can’t hurry non-Aries people. So you’re going to have to work twice as hard to move half as fast, which, gets back to that sense of urgency, and you’re right, sooner isn’t soon enough. However, if you do hustle? You might make it happen faster.


As a Sagittarius, I’m quite used to travel. As far as Taurus, some like to travel, some don’t. I got one Taurus client, will not, ever, certainly will not travel by commercial air. Never mind it’s safer than driving. Rail or road, only way to go. Some folks fly easily. Others, not so much. This isn’t about commercial travel, either, it’s about expanding horizons.

For me, as a Sagittarius, I learn and grow when I travel, especially if it’s places I’ve never been. I gain experience, knowledge and education from the act of travel. As a Taurus, though, that doesn’t necessarily apply. Makes me suspect for writing this horoscope, but what I keep seeing is some kind of avenue, an opening, a chance to expand the Taurus horizons.

Me? I’d grab a suitcase, a back pack, a shoulder bag, and I would leave. “Another adventure, whee!” As a Taurus, though, are you ready to take off at a moment’s notice, bound for education and adventure, and who knows in what combination? After the last few weeks, though, any kind of challenging change is welcome, am I right? Are you ready to go? Might not be a big trip, but it’s time to be willing to explore what the limits of your Taurus comfort zone is.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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