Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 7.9.2015

    Then follow thou thy desp’rate sire of Crete,
    Thou Icarus; thy life to me is sweet.
    If thou wilt fight, fight by thy father’s side,
    And commendable prov’d, let’s die in pride.
    Lord Talbot in Shakespeare’s 1 Henry 6 [IV.vi.54-7]

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 7.9.2015


Some tales are insane in the twisted and convoluted flips, turns, and lack of coherent strategy that those stories take. I was with a buddy in South Austin, think trailer park, and then, along the lines of me, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, got an image, normal day? A certain Jimmy Buffett tune comes on my buddy’s iPod plugged into a speaker. It’s a Grateful Dead song off of a Buffett album that is more than 20 years old, song would’ve been a B-side, to use the old terms. I never heard that song before, not by Jimmy Buffett. A decade earlier, chronicled elsewhere, I was floored to hear Buffett cover another Grateful Dead song, and he did so in an epic, loving manner.

It was the older one, old album, and I thought I had that album, as a CD, if nothing else. Furtive scan of the digital files, no song. So, I never ripped the CD, but I thought I had it. Eventually, I dug through my old pile of CDs, and I found the CD cover. Opened it up. No CD. Quite probably with an old girlfriend’s younger sister, now.

This week, in the Moon Children’s camp, our slice of the sky? Dig. Dig deeper. Or, like me, just find a download and get caught up. The most fun, though? It was like finding some new old music.

The (mighty) Leo:

This was a while back, okay, not that long ago, I lived someplace else. Wasn’t a trailer park, but could’ve been. I watched as a young, female neighbor (not a majestic Leo) dragged a box full of, apparently, a recent male roommate’s dishes down a set of stairs. The first step, she could easily lift the box, but she set it on the pavement, then dragged it down a short flight of stairs. There was a resounding “crash” with each step on the short flight, and it sounded like the box was, at the end, full of shards, with no plates left intact. Looks like another relationship that was destined to fail. With Venus slow in Leo? Next to Jupiter?

This is exactly the wrong time to “Piss her off.” That expression, in the example, it was clearly a woman scorned, and she was slowly, deliberately, dealing with her angst, in what, I would consider, a relatively healthy manner. After all, she was helping him move out.

Venus is moving slow and in a position that sets up a need for delicate balance, and that example? Slowly and methodically, helping an ex move out? Managing to shatter everything? Should’ve seen the way she hoisted, clean-jerk, that box into the bed of the the pick-up. What didn’t get shattered on its trip down the stairs? The heavy landing at the end served as punctuation. It’s simple, “Don’t piss her off,” not this week.


At the tail end of the local (not here) traffic update? Almost like a rote recital disclaimer? “And don’t drive over there to see it.” It was one of the smaller towns I’ve visited, but large enough to have a burgeoning traffic issue, and along with traffic is a comical traffic announcer.

As a nice Virgo — you’re reading this so you qualify as a nice Virgo — that means there’s a warning, to dip into a tired metaphor, this is a shot across the bow of the good ship Virgo. You’re all kinds of worked up over an issue and then, as this issue gets announced to the public, like, in the example, the traffic announcer saying, “And don’t drive over there to see?” That is neither an invitation to the curious Virgo to drive over there and complain about all the onlookers doing nothing, see the irony? Or, this is a mistake you’ve made and it gets some public attention. Again, this isn’t all bad, and there’s another remark that comes to mind, attributed to Oscar Wilde, “The only thing worse than being talked about? Not being talked about.” However, as this week’s most important message? An imperative statement, a command, a direction? Might want to follow with the instructions.

“And don’t drive over there to see it.”


“Learn more about ADHD!” E-mail header was in the junk file, and I left it there. I was wondering, though, how to write about that, “Learn more about ADHD or click here, and see something else that is pretty cool, and besides, wow, would you look at that?” Maybe the humor doesn’t carry well in this medium, but the idea is certainly there. The web fostered that short attention span, and in many respects, the old way of the web (World Wide Web, inter-webs, or “the Web”) rewarded that short attention span. For me, that works well, too, because I can write a short note about a sign, that is supposed to cover a week, and like Libra, and that junk mail about ADHD, there’s a short fuse and a short attention span working, even now. In the next week, as the Moon gets smaller and then disappears before the next horoscope is mounted? There’s a quiet frustration, and matching short fuse, and with that. There’s also a shorter attention span.

To make the most of this? Embrace that sense that there’s short attention span, and would you look at that?

Links don’t always carry meaning.


This is a fun one, for me, as I get to sit back and watch. Too bad, as Scorpio, you can’t adopt my attitude and style, the “Sit back and watch” kind of approach. Might want to give it a try. The deal is, Venus is going to “square” an almost stationary Saturn, at a late degree of Leo, well, Venus is in Leo, slow, and Saturn is in Scorpio, slow, and Jupiter is headed towards this match, too, which just makes the whole mess even messier.

It’s about relationships, and not necessarily the romantic kind, but that could be part of it. It’s also about how you, as a Scorpio communicate with that other person, or other people, in that relationship, and how you plan to make this work. Work it, as with Saturn’s previous lesson, look over the last three-four years, right? As with Saturn’s previous lesson, this is one that can’t be avoided, but studious, strenuous, assiduously sticking to the problem and working for a solution? That will, eventually, get you a big reward. Eventually. Got some work cut out for you, now, and no one can do this better than you. Looks like it’s that relationship thing, and looks like, you, as a Scorpio, need to communicate more effectively.


A slow, metered response is the secret to a successful next few days. There’s a little bit of a clean-up, like after the holiday and everything, some kind of sweeping, straightening, picking up the pieces that were scattered about. Slow, metered response from Sagittarius. Not my usual style. My style is gesticulate, waving my arms around, talking in an excited manner, loudly making statements that I might, or might not, be able to back up.

The slow and metered response makes us look ponderous and perhaps unwieldily, which can be a problem, as I’d like to think that every Sagittarius is lithe and light on his or her feet. Hooves. Whatever. The trick is to pause, stop, pause, look around, act a if we are considering our options instead of leaping on the first possibility, grabbing it, then running off at the mouth, or just running off, with the first available.

Slow, metered response serves us best. Doesn’t mean we won’t latch onto that first idea and run with it, just means, we look like we stopped, paused , and considered the options before running, no, walking away with the idea.


It’s like a fortune cookie horoscope, you know? “Great forces oppose you now.” That’s what the little slip of paper says, then there are digits on the back. Beats the usual, and almost maudlin, “Something wonderful is about to happen” crap that one finds in a fortune cookie, right? There are great forces that do create obstacles in the Capricorn life, but a life without some obstacles, that’s too scary, even for the milder Capricorn’s I know. No, there has to be some fear, some urgency, and some sense of dread. Without that? Why bother, huh? So here’s the deal, Mars and Mercury make a perfect union and together they both exactly oppose Pluto, now in Capricorn. Means there’s an obstacle, a metaphorical brick wall, in front of you. How you deal with that? What you do, while all of these planetary influences are in Cancer, opposite from you? Flow. Work with the obstacle, not against it. There’s a sense that the obstacle, let’s just say it is a brick wall, let’s consider that, rather than being a force that opposes Capricorn? That brick wall might be holding something back, a greater force that would run over your Capricorn self. Again, the fortune cookie warning was, “Great forces oppose you,” with ,my addendum, “Right now.” Wait.


Not long ago, I was motoring along one of the streets on the largely low-income, gently (urban) decayed South Side of San Antonio. Hot summer afternoon, blistering hot. AC in the tiny car I was in, the AC was overtaxed. I watched as a laconic urban youth pushed off the sidewalk, riding on his skateboard, and he hit a patch of uneven pavement. Gentle disuse, not really outright decay, and as he hit that, right in front of the car, he fell on his butt. Hard, from the looks of it. Not paying attention, not familiar with the terrain, or not aware that paving stones, when the asphalt is peeled back? Those paving bricks are not exactly modern-wheel compatible, and, yes, his forward motion was rudely interrupted. He never acknowledged the fall, didn’t look over, didn’t seem to be too ashamed or worried. He flip kicked the board upright and carried it across the street, setting it down and pushing off on the sidewalk, which is newer and smoother.

Get the image, Aquarius?


Disruption isn’t always bad. Disruption to the Pisces “norm,” as if there really ever was a “normal” setting for Pisces? Anyway, a little plan to rearrange your regularly scheduled events and life happenings? Is that really so bad? This is like a “re-org,” and one Pisces will scream in horror at that expression. The last company “re-org” saw her out of a job. I don’t think this is nearly that bad, just a little shake-up to shape-up. There is work to be done, cleaning, fixing, preparing. Clean, fix, and repair as need be, this week is a good time, to get this out of the way. We hit a symbolic point in the next week, right about the time I launch the new horoscopes, there’s symbolic “beginning to the end” time up and coming. In the meantime? Go through the old boxes. Get that stuff done. It’s a shake-up to show what needs to be shaped-up.

One Pisces client, you know who I’m talking about? Her clue, in the next week? She’s finally added some stuff to her office, more than a cubicle, an office with actual windows, and for the first time, she added pictures of her kids. Simple action but that type of shake-up to shape-up? Brings much happiness for that Pisces. Simple, not really disruptive, except, well, she’s been in that office for over a year now.


“Let me tell you one more thing,” says the Aries. “No, let me tell you just one more thing,” the Aries loudly declaims, again. “No, I mean, one more thing, I’m not happy about this!” I understand the frustration, and I share some of your angst for the up and coming events that will transpire in normally compliant Fire Signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius), but all I can do is tell you I’ve heard this one before.

I’ve been in this business for some years, and yes, I’ve heard it all before. That Aries complaint, irritation, angst-driven problem? Nothing new, not for me. I can’t change what’s happening. I don’t have that kind of power, although, to believe what some of my friends say, they seem to think I do. I don’t — you’re Aries, I’m being totally honest here. Now, the deal is, we can’t change this unsettling, upsetting course of events about to unfold. What we can do, together? We can fail to get as upset as we usually do. We can fail to get too invested in a situation that, in a normal case, we’d throw our little Aries selves right into.

The clue? As soon as you hear yourself with the “Let me tell you one more thing…” That Aries, excited and agitated tone? As soon as you hear that? Let’s stop. You’re allowed to scream at me, but in general? As soon as you hear yourself with the, “Wait, just one more time, let me explain this!” Soon as that comes out? Shut up.


I’ve noted this before, and it always amused one of my fishing buddies, when I got a strike, I’d start to back up. On most boats, this isn’t a problem, but in the one, little bass boat, I can only take about half a step backwards without going over the opposite side of the craft. He kept worrying that I was going to fall in, by stepping backwards. I was careful. That stepping back came from years of fishing in one lake, and was just habit, and more a function of local form than anything else.

I remember my buddy commenting on that stepping back, sure I was going over the edge. Never happened. I’m careful on watercraft. As Jupiter squares Saturn and as Venus works into this mix? One step back. Instead of the epic, hard-yank, hook-set? Try my trick, stepping back half a pace, or, in some cases, I would take two step backwards to set that hook. A step or two backwards from the problem? A step or two to the side? Instead of the epic “Bass Master” hook set, like on TV? Try my softer, gentler approach. Easier, simpler, and with all the astrological crap that is flying around, but not flying around specifically, in Taurus? Gentle step back. Careful, though, as other folks might be worried, like my fishing buddy, that you’re going over the opposite side of the craft into the water.


Don’t take the bait. It’s a simple expression, and the meaning is quite clear.

“Don’t take the bait.”

There’s a number two hook in the bait, and while that one lure rattles, shakes, shimmies, and has bright colors? Maybe that’s the lure with feathers, too? Don’t take the bait. A traditional interpretation suggests this is about work, but the more I’ve talked to individual Gemini peoples? I get the distinct impression this is a relationship issue. Like, the Gemini significant other, looks like a significant other, or workmate, someone important to the Gemini life, looks like that person is baiting you. Teasing. Laying a verbal trap. Setting up a situation where, no matter what, the Gemini can’t win, or, at the very least, can’t talk your way out of the problem. Imagine that, a situation where the usually glib Gemini tongue can’t find the right words to make us believe you.

Here’s the trick over the course of the next six weeks? Don’t take the bait. It’s a trap. You see it’s a trap. “Don’t go there,” as some would say. Better yet? “Don’t take the bait.”

If you get caught up? Can’t say I didn’t warn you.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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