Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 8.13.2015

    Poor painted queen, vain flourish of my fortune!
    Why strew’st thou sugar on that bottled spider
    Whose deadly web ensnareth thee about?
    Fool, fool, thou whet’st a knife to kill thyself.
    The day will come that thou shalt wish for me
    To help thee curse this poisonous bunch-back’d toad.
    Queen Margaret in Shakespeare‘s Richard III, act I, scene iii, lines 240-5

Hello San Antonio, this weekend!

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 8.13.2015

The (mighty) Leo:

Happy birthday to the best Fixed Fire Sign ever! I’m a compatible fire sign so I should know just who is best, right? This is the start of a new cycle in Leo, for Leo. This is the beginning of some new incidence of a new cycle. Wait, with Venus backwards and playing tag with the Moon and the Sun? That inconstant harlot of a Moon? What this does is set up a delayed reaction. This is about short — and long — term goals. The short term, the pretty stuff, the material that is here and in your face? Slightly problematic, due to the way Venus moves in apparent retrograde motion. The longer, further reaching goals? The over-arching, long-term, big-picture stuff, for Leo? That looks very good. It’s this next few days, next few weeks, next couple of hours from when you read this, please, please, please excuse our insouciant attitude that comes from non-Leo people. We’re not really that bad, it’s misconception foisted by Venus. Remember, look further down the trail. let’s plan big for this year, but let’s not hurry this week. Happy belated birthday to that one, special Leo.

Appearances in Austin and San Antonio, in August


I was thinking about a particular time and place, and then, I got to thinking about an ex-girlfriend. Crazy ex-girlfriend. Really, the relationship itself didn’t last that long, pretty long-term for Sagittarius like myself, but no, it wasn’t like we dated for more than few weeks, maybe it stretched over a month or so, couple of months. Venus started her retrograde pattern in Virgo, barely in Virgo, but Virgo nonetheless.

Over the next few weeks, there will a crazy ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend, depends on what you prefer), who will show up and be difficult to deal with. Maybe, in my case, it was my own family asking me about that one ex, as it turns out, she really was “crazy” as in she did a stint a ward usually reserved for mentally unstable personalities, and she was a little “off” until she found the correct balance point with medication. Why would I date a crazy person? I was much younger, and the crazy ones are fun. Were fun. That one person, reason this momentary reverie pops up? There was a single moment, a series of images, and one ill-fated trip that worked out to be really good for me. It was that one event that changed me forever. Crazy — or not — the folks who’ve been in our lives resurface for a reason. Dredged up faulty memories, but there’s also a poignant understanding, now.


I used to commute via commercial air, back when travel like that was fun and amusing. I’m used to scooting through busy airports, so this is a weekly “Counter-intuitive” hint. Mostly this is about Venus, but there’s other factors at work, too. I get off the short, commuter flight and everyone is going towards baggage claim and the exit. Me? I need to use the bathroom, so I go the other way. What happens, this is basic foot traffic patterns, the bathroom on the way out? It’s filled with everyone who just got off the same plane.

Libra: Go the other way. Very simple, kind of counter-intuitive, but it works. Look at the pattern, look at where the herd is going and simply put?

Go the other way.


The easiest way to hide something is to leave it in plain site. I was once given a task of picking up a rare piece of art, and transporting it, it was small statue-like thing, and I was supposed to hand-carry it back to its new display. I was much younger at the time. Funny thing happened, as I was toting the masterpiece out of the building, I ran it an old girlfriend, and that forced me to set it down, give her a hug, talk about things, then I wandered off.

I was halfway to the next destination when I realized I left the “art”’ in the hallway. Turn around, dash back, and there, right where I’d left it, the object d’art, it was still there. No one even noticed. Hide stuff in plain site. I’m not Scorpio, so this is an example of my Sagittarius dumb luck. However, as I was trying to think of a way to explain the details, it was the best example of hiding something in plain sight. No need to cover up, do the Scorpio mystery thing, none of that is required. Hide it in plain sight, right where an observant person might find it. Hint: they won’t.


There are any number of locations on the inter-webs where funny signs live. I was looking and bemoaning the inexorable march of time and its effect on normally happy Sagittarius — one the one side is Pluto in Capricorn and Capricorn, a Saturn-associated sign? Saturn is in Scorpio, but headed our way at a fast clip. The funny sign I kept thinking about? It involves a pen, and where that pen is located. The “Pen is Retrograde,” would be the proper exclamation. While I first borrowed that expression, it does merit consideration, and it does effectively capture the Sagittarius sentiment.


Listen to a one year-old snore. Simple suggestion. I’m a default, go-to “grandpa,” think, “Bad Grandpa,” for one of my fishing buddies. Not often, but every once in a while I get called into a service because, apparently, I’m more dependable than the regular, blood-kin grandparents. Fishing buddy, he’s got the boat, I got the know-how, I’ve got a fluid schedule, he’s got kids.

Think this is number three, and might’ve been a surprise, Capricorn, about a year and half old, maybe a little more. Listen to the kid snore. Have him sleep on me. It was one of those amazing situations, and then the light little snores, not serious, not window-rattling, but delightful in its own right. As a comforting thought. Seriously, that little guy, I’m sure he’ll grow up to fish one day, and until then? My greatest memory is that kid asleep, on me, the light snores making me drowsy, too. As Venus slips and slides around? It’s not the big things, no, it’s the little things — like that child and his snoring.


I remember, getting a call on my phone, I was on the dock, pole in hand, line in the water, fish was nibbling, got an image? I got a call from a buddy’s wife, as they were both supposed to be joining me for the weekend. She was hopelessly lost in a tiny fishing hamlet with maybe two roads. Mired in the instructions, which, apparently weren’t clear enough.

I had an undersized red on the line, so I was juggling a fish and the phone. Couldn’t have been simpler, right? Just follow the first road, and stay on it until the road hits the water. Hotel, motel, really, right there, on the left. Dock out back, I’m there. How hard is it?

Wife was driving, husband was navigating. Might be a problem. So the wife was talking to me, not the husband. It’s about communication, it’s about directions, it’s about, I was busy I had a fish on. In this situation, no answer, from me, was correct. I gave the wrong directions, the phone gave the wrong directions, the husband, who was not driving, gave the wrong signals? Me, between a fish and handling incoming guests? Again, no right decision. As an Aquarius, the next week will have a similar riddle. What’s the right answer? Depends on which player is involved.


I am Sagittarius. I do tend to concentrate on “The Big Picture” like a grand overview rather than minute details. I’m not good with finite, limiting details. I’d like to think I invented the blow-dryer approach cleaning out trailers in South Austin, back in the day. I ‘borrowed’ the lawn crew’s leaf blower and I would use that to sweep out the trailer. Took less than a minute. Wasn’t a big place. No vacuuming, no sweeping, and the place was clean in a single blower-inspired frenzy. Less than minute. About 37 seconds with a leaf blower. Bit loud, but who cares? So I’ve demonstrated that I’m not a detail person.

The deal is, as Pisces and with similar planetary assignments, Mutable, Jupiter, and honey? You’re not a detail person either. To be sure, there are exceptions, but mostly? Not a detail person, are we? Herein is the weekly conundrum for Pisces: how to be detail-oriented when it is not in our nature. The “attention to detail” message is simple, as a person who insists on looking at the whole of the situation? This is time to get in and fret about the details. Someone needs to do it, and no one is better than the Pisces, for now. Details now, big picture? Later.


Hot summer evening in Texas, I was rolling out of Austin, south on Interstate 35. Stopped off at Herbert’s Taco Hut in San Marcos for some, well, as the name implies, tacos. Good, if not outstanding, tacos with grease-soaked filling that was meat, lettuce and chopped tomatoes, refried beans, and rice. I looked around at the crowd. Half the customers were off the river, Blanco or San Marcos, maybe Guadalupe, who knows, for sure, but there is a river landing, literally, across the street from Herbert’s. Could be there. The sun drenched, slightly musty dank stank of Texas river water, sun burn, salt, and beer. After my youth, I haven’t attended many Willie Nelson shows. Once, in true form, for the 4th, as that was a bucket list item. The story goes, and my personal observations bear this out, the Willie Nelson fans are a unique breed of folks. The more I looked around Herbert’s, on a late summer’s eve, the more I saw the similarities. Similarities, not differences, despite the aggressively divisive politics of the time, similarities are what we’re looking for in Aries.


I’ve run many “Special Deals” on my various websites. One of them I’m not sure if the audio file is still around, but when I looked at Venus, Retrograde, and Saturn, in Scorpio, plus Jupiter, Mercury and Neptune, the message was clear: meditate.

Now, I’ve toyed with a variety of methods and this week, I seem to be fond of a kind of secular Buddhism. I might change my mind at any moment, and I’ve been in Catholic churches recently, too. Just showing my lack of conviction towards any one faith. Now, the little audio file, it’s 9-minute mp3. Three gongs, 8 plus minutes of silence, then 3 more gongs. It’s a 9-minute timer, so that the way to use it, swipe the file, burn it onto a phone or computer, and play it while seated. Concentrate on the Taurus question. 9 minute mediation. Works wonders. Lowers blood pressure, increases the body’s immune capacity, brings focus and clarity, plus, most important? Give Taurus a chance to stop, pause and think about the question. There is an easy answer, but the first answer might not be the right answer. Meditate on it. As a service to the Taurus community, I’ve included a link to the audio file.

Give it a listen.


I tend to favor the couples that have been married a long time, and I always ask how they met. “We were at a church social, and I said, ‘he must be from out of town,’ because he didn’t have wedding ring and he didn’t have a wife with him, so I just figured he was married and cheating.”

Because he was “From out of town,” and since he was, to her, good-looking? Meant he was married and cheating? Kind of a stretch, but that was how they met. She would have nothing to do with him, which only meant, he had to double-down on his efforts to impress her. Since this was many, many years ago, the fruits of those efforts, I think they have grand babies now, I think his work speaks for itself. Plus, they still seemed like they enjoyed each others company. Cute-meet with a bit of an edge to it, right? That’s the problem, and the challenge, to Gemini. It’s a cute-meet time, only, remember where that pesky Venus started her retrograde pattern, right? Virgo? So there’s going to be some effort required on the Gemini part to get this project to the finish line.


Venus in this condition? She has a tendency to make your everyday surroundings drab, dreary and less palatable. Kind of upsetting, unless, of course, you’re aware that this is Venus and her current, retrograde, motion.

Problematic? Only if you don’t grasp what’s happening. One of my Fang Sway people suggested that the easiest, approved, White-Hat Feng Shui way to address the “chi” of a particular place?

Quickest, easiest, cheapest way to improve any location, 100%?

Paint. Paint the room, paint the house, change the color, get an “approved” color scheme, or just repair what’s there. None of this is a big, new idea. However, with Venus where she is? I can easily see a Cancer Moon Child painting the inside of the house, the whole inside of the house, “Battle Ship Gray.” See the problem? Maybe, understand that this is Venus and, and then? Maybe understand this isn’t a good time to change the color scheme, not yet.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • Cat Schutzel Aug 17, 2015 @ 19:40