Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 8.20.2015

    And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover
    To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
    I am determined to prove a villain
    And hate the idle pleasures of these days.
    Gloucester in Shakespeare’s Richard III, (I.i.28-31)

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 8.20.2015

The (mighty) Leo:

LeoKnow when to stop, my fine Leo friend, know when to stop. I’m not the one who can be any kind of example in this situation, except, possibly a bad example. I’m an good case where it’s obvious I don’t know when to stop, which is part of the problem. With Mr. Mars cooking in one direction, and Miss Venus, rolling along backwards in another direction, there’s the obvious up and coming contact point wherein the two planets, their energies anyway, collide. This energy will — most likely in Leo — be interpreted as “Full Speed Ahead!” Which is why, I’m just suggesting, know when to stop. When is enough, enough? There’s an antique cartoon left over from the days of yore, when the main character would exclaim, “I’ve had all I can stand and I can’t stand no more!” As a majestic and regal Leo? When have you had enough? I’m not suggesting anything excessive, other than a little bit of restraint. When is “enough” actually “enough?” It’s mostly Mars. And Venus. In retrograde. Blame Venus in retrograde, sure, that’s the culprit. So when should you stop?

Virgo:

The very British term, as I’ve heard it, is “Zebra Crossing.” Refers to the white lines on the black pavement, designating a pedestrian crosswalk, usually in the UK. In my mind, I see “Zebra Crossing” as something else, more like a sign indicating that a herd of zebra might be crossing the road, just up ahead. I live in a place where there’s ready access to real open range, so the thought of a wild animal crossing isn’t unheard of. The days of the real trail drive might be over, but the term “Zebra Crossing?”

Locally, that has a totally different meaning. At least, to me it has a totally different meaning, like, there will be transplanted herd of wild African zebras, crossing the highway, just up ahead. Part of a made-up migratory route. Are zebras migratory? I don’t know. One of my favorite zebra crossings is Abbey Road, in London, a popular tourist spot, based on its use as the Beatles’ album cover, same name. Buried on a site someplace, there’s an image of me in the Abbey Road Zebra Crossing. Now?

It’s about naming and conventions, how words vary in meaning from one location to another. As we get ready for the Virgo birthdays? It’s about making sure we’re extra precise with the meaning of the meaning of the words, the definitions, the implied meaning, and then, the actual meaning. Birthdays. Mars in Leo, before Virgo. Venus backwards, what does it mean? It means our Virgo-ness, and our Very Virgo sensibilities need to be hyper alert for the meaning of words.

Libra:

I’ve grown leery of shopping on line. Sure, for certain known quantities, it’s a safe bet. Still, not long ago, I got a sweet deal on batteries, like the Double-A batteries, used in so much of my disposable electronics? I used to use a set of rechargeable batteries, but that got to be too much of hassle, and I went back to regular batteries. So the sweet deal was cheap, hundreds of batteries, the right size, looked like the correct label, for mere pennies apiece. I noticed, though, over time, that the cheaper batteries burned out faster than the regular, name-brand batteries. Not much of a difference, but a small, detectable amount. Looked like a name-brand, but I don’t know, might’ve been boot-leg batteries, for all I know. Can they sell that on the internet? I would hope everyone was reputable. Apparently not. As a Libra, there is point where it helps to see, touch, and feel an object, prior to acquisition.

Scorpio:

8scorpioOne of the fruit markets where I will pick up groceries is an open-air affair, kind of like a farmer’s market. Recently, I started to get “peeled tomatillos.” Instead of the usual way I get them, which includes a sticky, flaky skin of some kind, the peeled ones have that removed. Makes it much easier to spot bruises and avoid unwanted mushy tomatillos. This late in the season, too, there’s slightly less to choose from, but I tend to look for whatever is fresh, fresh-picked, and in season. Had some good watermelon the other day. So with the tomatillos, I use them as a variation and a chance to switch up the food a little, the problem I’ve always had in the past? Out of every, let’s say, dozen or so, there’s been two or three that are “unusable” to me. I cook for a picky eater, at times, and mushy, worm-eaten, over-ripe, tomatillos don’t work. So the peeled ones were an adventure and a lucky find. After carefully selecting my groceries, one afternoon at the fruit stand, I found out that even peeled? Some of the tomatillos had glaring imperfections when sliced open. Back to a ten to twenty percent reduction, when prepped for cooking. Not bad number, if I know about it. As a Scorpio, you know know that, between Venus and Mars, there will be a ten to twenty percent loss due to shrinkage, spoilage, or just worm-eaten fruit. Not bad, just be aware. Maybe buy a little more to be prepared for the loss

Sagittarius:

The “Netflix” model is one that appeals in a weird way. I have to wonder how much time I’ve spent looking over whatever is available, knowing that it’s not usually first-run, just a group of lesser-known films. How much time is spent browsing instead of watching something? To be sure, there were several series on Netflix that worked for me, with a Shakespearian hat tip to Kevin Spacey: he toured with Shakespeare’s Richard III before he stepped into the role on House of Cards. Brilliant, and as it turns out, who could be almost laugh-out-loud evil like that? Richard III. Shakespeare’s Richard III. As a Sagittarius, what we’re doing is looking for free, inexpensive, or free, stuff. I was looking online for an ebook, and my first keyword in that search? “Free.” More than twenty years ago, I started out in “print” media, but I adapted to digital rather quickly as it allowed for more freedom with my style. The problem, as a Sagittarius, is that we can spend too much time looking for something for free, and that is time that might be better wasted elsewhere, like consuming new data. Less time looking, more time viewing. Less time trying to find the right one that is free, and maybe more time spent studying, or viewing, or reading, or whatever it was we were supposed to be doing.

Writing horoscopes?

Capricorn:

Early one morning, I tend to walk in the mornings before it gets ridiculously hot, I happened across an image on the sidewalk that captured some essence at the moment. Later, when the sun was high overhead, I managed a quick phone-picture of the image, limited by the hardware. The image didn’t turn out the way I saw it in my mind’s eye. Too much glare, South Texas Sun, hot summer afternoon, sure, easy to understand. I figured I could manipulate the image with software, fix it up. No luck. While I’m sure a whiz-kid could’ve teased the image out, the amount of time and effort required wasn’t justified. What it amounts to, there are some things in life that just can’t be fixed with software, not if the original image isn’t sharp enough. As I’ve suggested, an expert with a super set of tools might’ve been able to fix it, filter, frame, resolution, reduce the glare, punch up the background, but when my rudimentary tools didn’t work? I gave up. Not a loss, just an exercise. I know what to watch for, next time. It also pointed a singular Capricorn message: there are some things, in life, that can’t be fixed with software.

Aquarius:

AquariusA common military, might be USAF, I’m not sure, but the common term? As I heard it? “Find out who their First Shirt is. Works every time.” A buddy of mine, ex-Air Force, has a few rental properties. In San Antonio, there’s a large and mobile military rental pool, and my buddy never had any problems with renting to military. “Find out who their First Shirt is,” were his words of advice. He explained that, in the rare instances with a bad renter? My buddy would go through channels to reach out to the bad renter’s First Shirt, next person upstream from the bad debtor, and that would apply enough pressure. Let the process work the way it is supposed to. The trick was knowing who the “First Shirt” was. Commanding officer, or platoon leader, or maybe just the First Sergeant, I’m unsure of ranking and designations. The trick, and this applies in any hierarchy that Aquarius encounters in the next few days, the one trick that jumps to the top and gets the situation finished, once for all? Ask for the “First Shirt.” If the frankly military terminology is too illusive? Think, “Who is your manager?”

Pisces:

I’m a big fan of various herbal remedies. This isn’t a euphemism for possibly illegal drugs, no this is about true herbal remedies. Think about it as old-fashioned medicine. Some of it works. Some of it quite effective. Some of it is pure “Organic Male Bovine By-product.” This week’s stars indicate that Pisces needs a does of “White Chestnut.”

I’m unsure of what it does, exactly, or how this stuff is ingested. Make a tea? Eat a pill, spread it as a salve? Stuff it up an available opening? Again, totally unsure. Might not even be “White Chestnut” that is required, consult a real herbalist for directions, but as a Pisces?

There’s a simple solution for what ails you, and that simple solution is right outside of traditional methods. One step. Maybe just a tea that has 11 herbs and spices can fix this problem. Again, not my area of strength. When I was working through your chart, though, I kept thinking about one of my business associates and her success, which was built upon increased strength and stamina, which, in turn, was based on the Chinese Herbal remedy, “White Chestnut.” I’m not even sure of what the ailment was, but she had her husband on it, too, now and there were smiles all the way around. Something was working correctly.

Aries:

AriesThink about an “Off” switch for Aries. Jokingly, although, there’s more truth in the humor than we would care to admit, I tend to describe Aries as “The sign with no ‘off’ switch.” More than once, some random Aries has jumped up and agreed to that comment, “Man you are SO right about that!”

I don’t want to curb Aries enthusiasm. I don’t want to slow you down. I do want you to get enough rest because of what is up and coming. More than one Aries, I’ve seen this up close and personal, time and again, so I know all about this, anyway, more than one Aries will just go until the point of exhaustion. That doesn’t work, not this week. Go until you fall over? Drop dead, figuratively — or worse — literally? Have to be a bit melodramatic for Aries. Install an “Off” switch, just for the next seven, maybe ten days. Which, in Aries parlance works out to about three days, which, still, is an improvement. Plenty of cool stuff is going on, it’s just, that “Off” switch? Need to rest up for the good stuff. You don’t want to stop.

Taurus:

TaurusSocial grooming is the catch-phrase for Taurus, especially this week. Especially under these circumstances. The way I understand it, language and filler like, “Honey, sweetie, darling, sugar,” and so forth? Those are a kind of social grooming. The Southern (American) has the marked habit of saying, “Bless their hearts,” or “Bless his heart,” and so on. That works in much the same way. This is the same thing as putting motor oil in four-stroke engine, the grease that keeps the parts lubricated, or engine oil mixed with gasoline in an outboard motor, 2-stroke. Grease that helps lubricate all the moving parts. That’s what the fillers are for. I spent a portion of an evening talking with a deeply Southern woman, and my date assumed the slow, Southern drawl was indicative of diminished mental facilities. No, the slow, Southern twang was about sounding nice, even if there was baited edge to it. I never took the hook, but I’ve been around Southern women all my life. “Yeah, Shugah, what evah you thank is raaight.”

The simplest way to make it through this weird week? Adopt a Southern Drawl and call everyone “Honey.” Sugary sweetness goes a long way in making the more uncomfortable astrological lore easier to stomach.

“Poor Kramer, doesn’t understand the nuances of the language, bless his little heart.”

Gemini:

If I can get just one message across to the Gemini buddies?

Think it through.

There’s a message you’ve been trying to communicate, not for lack of efforts with that communication, heaping words upon texts, with a phone call, then e-mail, leaving messages, notes, letters, airmail, all of that? Nothing seems to be getting through. Pages. Remember pagers? Funny story about me in grad school when I had pager, the other students were sure I was drug dealer. Long hair and pager, all it took. This isn’t about grad school or pagers, though, this is about Gemini and communication.

Think it through.

Before you start yelling, consider what message you’re trying to communicate. Also, consider what message someone might be taking from what message you’re trying to communicate. Like me, long hair, pager, jeans, relaxed attitude? The facts fit the role, although, that’s a role I’ve never really played. Still, it could work. What’s the message and how we, as Gemini, going to convey that message?

Think it through.

Cancer:

Looking at your chart reminds me of the good, old days when I had a long-bed pickup truck. Small motor, big truck. I helped, at one point, a buddy move about half of his household goods into a storage unit. He was doing something to his house, going to do something, or having something done, I can’t recall the specifics. Girlfriend, maybe? It’s also why I no longer own a truck, as I become everyone’s best friend at the end of the month, when it’s time to make a hasty move. So we moved about half of his household belongings into a shabby storage unit about the size of a regular garage. Maybe two or three months later, we moved it all back.

Boxes of books, clanking, leaking boxes that had plates and kitchenware. To this day, I can’t recall the reason for the exercise, but that’s what it was, exercise. Not much else. I doubt he got anything accomplished as I don’t recall paint on the walls or anything new-like. No new carpet. I never can remember whey we shuffled everything around like that. It had some purpose.

Just because I don’t understand the purpose, my dear Moon Child? Just because “we” don’t get it? As in I have no idea why we’re moving household goods around like this? Just because the non-Cancer folks are clueless? Does that make your efforts any less valid?

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • jose quinones Aug 24, 2015 @ 20:24

    And here I was about to order a Russian online bride!!!