Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 8.6.2015

    The weary sun hath made a golden set,
    And by the bright tract of his fiery car
    Gives token of a goodly day tomorrow.
    Sir William Brandon, you shall bear my standard.
    Earl of Richmond in Shakespeare’s Richard III (V.iii.20-4)

Appearances in Austin and San Antonio, in August

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 8.6.2015

The (mighty) Leo:

5leo“Not tested on animals. Dermatologist approved.” It’s some lotion I picked up the other afternoon. In bulk, at the big box warehouse place. Not a name brand, not that it matters. I was perusing the details on the back of the bottle, and “Not tested on animals; dermatologist approved” caught my attention. In my mind, I had an image of pens of dermatologists, in harnesses, held almost against their wills, as robot arms came along and slathered various lotions, unguents and creams, testing to see if those creams, lotions and unguents were safe. Not tested on animals, but maybe they used dummy dermatologists for testing purposes.

My mind, let’s imagine I have a magnificent Leo mind, and that Leo mind isn’t safe place for wandering thoughts. Sometimes, we wind up with amusing incongruities like lotions and potions, tested on live dermatologists. Other times, this can lead us astray.

Up to my mighty fine Leo friends. Don’t let your mind wander too far, not like mine.

This horoscope was not tested on animals, although a large number of electrons were horribly inconvenienced.


I’m going to preempt a Virgo reading. Skip spending time and money for a consultation. Here’s the deal, Jupiter is now arriving in Virgo, good news. Venus is retrograde, now in Leo, bad news. The two pass each other. More bad news. I can hear it now, “Now is the summer of our discontent…” (made inglorious by the Sun in Leo). Having thoroughly mangled Shakespeare, and confused the Virgo group?

It’s simple. Stop. Pause. Wait. Mercury slides into Virgo and that quickens your mind, but except for a certain few, this Venus influence, slows it all down. Great ideas, bad execution. It will be good, the point is to keep you quiet and to yourself, minimal interaction, minimal comments for now. Sit down. Shut up. Hold on. simple advice and at least one Virgo buddy knows the reference point for that series of commands, but for all Virgo? Seems to apply, for now.


I’ve got to wonder, if catalog shopping has been replaced with online stores. Amazon and its tentacles, then, the other various brands that are available, all sort of depends, but shopping, via catalog, has that started to wane?

The idea of tangible piece of paper, some of those catalogs were expensive to produce with their glossy, heavy stock papers, and idealized photography. The settings, the lighting, the models and displays. Never worked like that in the real world. Never looked like that in the real world. What was offered seems to — almost universally — fail to live up to the billed expectations.

This week is like an ad, an image, in one of those old catalogs, glossy, everyone is happy, the kitchen — or whatever is in the background — it’s all neat and tidy, even if it’s an for cooking gear. The kitchen is clean the cook doesn’t have any splattered material, no flour or splashed eggs yolks. This week looks pretty. Just like a catalog picture. Just recall, if you will, that once we get this stuff home? Once that product arrives? It never seems to work like it does in the pretty catalog pictures.



Take a breath. Pick a new direction. Don’t look over your shoulder. Three simple suggestions, three simple steps, three simple concepts that can be turned into actions. The trick is to keep motoring forward. Momentum, in Scorpio has been lacking, as of late. Can’t fix that. Can’t fix that you don’t feel like doing anything but bemoaning your fate and looking backwards.

Can’t fix any of that. What I can do? Three simple suggestions. Breath, like pause long enough to catch your breath without telling me how wrong I am, as I don’t understand. Because I do understand. Breath. Now, let’s tick off a few options, about new directions, a change of pace, a slightly modified goal. Got that one? Finally, there’s the issue of not looking over your shoulder. I’m serious about that. No looking back. You get stuck, like the good Scorpio that you are, looking over your shoulder and, you miss a brilliant opportunity with the material that’s up front.

Take a breath, pick a new direction, and don’t look back.


One of the more engaging authors I’ve read, he seems to have an encyclopedic knowledge of various arcane sciences. Voodoo, the occult, magic and so forth. All good, right? I tend to enjoy the work because it treads that fine line between modern myth, Buddhist doctrine, and smattering of new age thought sprinkled on top. The ritual and underpinning of the works, though, is a solid foundation in conventional arts and sciences. That’s what makes it work so well for me, the bedrock upon which the trivial knowledge is built. There’s a deeper understanding of the material and while it frequently reads like flippant, insouciant academic knowledge, the core of the material is rock-solid. Likewise, in our Sagittarius brains, we’ve got some material that requires further research. More learning. More study. There’s a chance to add breadth and depth to our Sagittarius understanding. Me? I prefer, these days, an author who makes me look stuff up, corroborate and verify facts and fictions in a novel. More interesting to me. As a Sagittarius, this is our learning mode, catching up on our reading, studying. Looking stuff up, online, or, for real, in a book. Either way works.


When I write about “frequency,” what comes to mind? Wavelengths? Like radio and TV frequencies? Short wave, long wave, BlueTooth, wireless, whatever carrier frequencies? That’s not really the question brought up by this week’s Capricorn stars. It’s about what’s too much, what’s not enough and what’s just right. What is just right? Once a week. Twice a week? Every day? Depends on the action, and depends on the desired outcome. What I’ve discovered — I’m not a Capricorn — but my personal rhythm works best with a “Once a week” frequency. Not too frequent, but often enough to be a reminder.

I get an e-mail from one source, about once a week. Usually Thursday or Friday. Perfect as I’ll glance at it when it arrives, and if there is a leisurely, actionable item in the newsletter, I’ll be at a point when I can respond. Click, read, respond. Once a week, is about perfect for me. As a Capricorn, there needs to be structure, schedule, and routine. Not etched in stone, but certainly along a certain line of “strongly suggested scheduling.” Ritual and routine, and, this week’s big question, what’s the best frequency? How often? What’s too much? What’s not enough? What frequency for that action serves Capricorn best?



“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Favorite admonishment. Good one for my little Aquarius friends, too. The usual refrain is, “But I know what I’m doing!” Or, “But I’ve done this before, just like this.” Then everything crashes down around the Aquarius head.

I warned you.

Just because it was effective then doesn’t mean that it’s still a right answer to the question. Just because it worked before? There’s a little less luck and a few more opposing planets at this moment. Someone is going to tell you, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” and this is the time, as the good Aquarius that you are, this is the time to take heed. Doesn’t mean stop. Doesn’t mean don’t do anything, but that big commitment? That large gesture? That point that is so important to you to hammer home? Now isn’t the time. It’s simple, you have a binary decision to make, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” that’s my suggestion. The obstacle? Be gone soon enough, and if you do what I suggested you not do? You’ll either have to say, “I’m sorry,” or worse, “I should’ve listened to you.”


As a sign, Pisces is both mutable and water, which gives the sign the wonderful ability to feel. Emotions run high this week, and there’s a tidal flow of material washing back and forth, ebbing and growing, and generally creating a discordant stream of consciousness. Conversely, on the opposite side of the zodiac, is mutable, earth Virgo. Neat freaks. As a Pisces, though, this is a special kind of week, and a special type of Pisces flavor must be employed. Channel up that inner Virgo. I know you’ve got it. A touch of the mania, the insanity, the “I need to clean this right now,” and that cleanliness? It has to be surgically safe.

Simplest example that comes to my mind? A bathroom set for surgery. Happened with a Virgo date one time, the bathroom clean enough for surgery, not surgery in a bathroom. I’m not that freaky.

This isn’t about me, though, this is about Pisces and what’s occurring and how to deal with what is occurring. Channel up that “inner-Virgo.” that will help alleviate this week’s pressing and growing Pisces concerns. Inner-Virgo, I know you’ve got one.


Aries, right?” I asked.

“Yes,” she affirmed.

“No ‘off’ switch, right?”

“Wow, it’s like you really know me!”

I do. I love me some Aries. However, that fairly typical, “Go until you fall over” energy that is normally present in Aries? We need to modulate that some. Especially this week.

“No, I’ve just GOT to get this done, even if I don’t get any sleep!”

Let me know how that works out, and in the meantime, for the rest of the Aries who are willing to listen to a little bit of an idea? Instead “On/Off” as the default settings? We want to pretend, unlike most Aries, that there is a modulation switch. I kept thinking of a dial, like a knob, like an old-fashioned volume knob. Up. Down, increase, decrease. All easy as can be. Modulate the volume, modulate the Aries zeal, modulate the Aries reaction to events.

“This Aries goes to 11!”

Let me know if that works. It could, you know, if you modulate your earlier output, you could easily go to 11.

TaurusTaurus: Been a hot summer so far. While I doubt that the “summer crops” for Taurus are really in, I was thinking about another agrarian term, “winnowing.” “Winnowing” is separating the wheat, the good part of the wheat we eat, separating it from the rest of the wheat, the chaff. “Separating wheat from chaff?” That’s it exactly, but “winnowing” sounds so much more appealing, as a term. Single expression. Simpler, and that’ what this week’s process in Taurus is all about, making two piles of stuff. The part of the stuff we want to keep and the part of the stuff we want to “recycle.”

Me? I’m a big fan of recycling, in a number of sways and this winnowing process can be about anything the life a decent Taurus. This process, though, for Taurus, is more than two-step. Let’s separate the stuff we think we don’t want, over in one pile. Don’t haul it off yet, don’t throw it away, don’t unload it yet. Just a pile. A single pile of “stuff to keep,” and one other pile, “stuff to get rid of,” however you deem that fits you best. This is a winnowing process, and that’s what this week is all about. I didn’t suggest you toss anything yet, but get the two, distinct, piles started. “Save, toss.” Or, like me, “Save, recycle.”


This week is going to come at you like a conundrum. Two expressions come to my mind, to best illustrate the Gemini flavors. The first is that the energy is like a flowing stream, and you, like a rock, you let the energy flow around you. If you try and stop it, there’s a big splash, and then, the water boils up and gets angry and eventually drowns you. Not a happy outcome. Let it flow around you. Or, better, you’re like the stream and the rock is an obstacle to Gemini progress, and you flow around the problem.

That’s the first part of this week’s weirdness.

The second part is a little different, as the maxim suggests, “You can never step in the same flowing stream twice.” What this means, as the week flows by? There’s a tremendous amount of very stubborn energy, and at any given moment, the Gemini reaction to stubborn, bull-headed, stupid, unmoving situations? Flow around or get flowed around or, move. Or don’t. Be as adaptable as possible since the stubborn stuff seems to be unmoving.


One of the brightest, pinkest, and either most hideous, or most floral and certainly a former favorite shirt of mine? It developed a rip. Hard to imagine that I could wear out a floral print shirt but apparently I did. Wasn’t like this was a tear along a seam, no, this was a long gash, looked pretty bad. I have no idea how it happened, and that used to be a favorite shirt. Bright pink, purple flowers, green macaws, noisy and loud, tropical and most of all? Pink. Not exactly manly, but that’s not my problem. I never claimed to have good state in such matters.

Like me, as a Cancer-influenced person, this is not a time to shop for the replacement shirt. Because it was convenient at one time, I would walk through a large resale shop (Salvation Army) from time to time, looking for a deal on a replacement. Not many pink shirts with various other hues. Not many floral print shirts at all.

The way this works? Toss what’s broken. But for a replacement? Maybe now isn’t the time to shop for something that’s supposed to be pretty, unless, like me, you like “pretty hideous” as a pattern.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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