Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 12.17.2015

    “You never spoke what did become you less than this.”
    Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale (I.ii.282-3)

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 12.17.2015


SagittariusIt’s such a fickle time, the week before Xmas, the Winter Solstice is all upon us now. This is the darkest days of winter, in the Northern Hemisphere, sort of depends, but yeah, let’s go with that. It’s also that merry time as we all close out Sagittarius. Before Capricorn marches in full of pomp, splendor, and circumstance, let us all pause.

It’s a short line plucked from Shakespeare’s Winter’s Tale. In, or out, of context, the implied meaning is simple, at a glance. It’s about karma, or what’s due, or why what happened. Before we wrap Sagittarius for the year? Before we get to the end? The planets suggest we take one evolutionary step forward, one step towards making our new year, around the corner, better. One step forward, this week, before the end of Sagittarius. Simple solution. One step.


CapricornPerfidy and infamy precedes me. Know what I mean? I get blamed for much that I am not responsible for, at all. Lies, lies, all of them are lies! I realize I’m getting a bit dramatic on the eve of Capricorn, on the eve of Xmas Eve, and right before the first of the good Capricorn birthdays start. Yes, I’m being a little dramatic. See how that plays out?

The drama queen material, the act, the hyperbole, the excessive use of certain vocal and facial expressions, just trying to make a serious point? Doesn’t work. It can work, but read my opening line for Capricorn. Know the sense? Here’s the deal, soon it will be your birthday time, as soon as the Sun moves in Capricorn, and then? That sense of evil and foreboding will slip away. Xmas! Party! Etc.


AquariusMeditation can take many forms. I was asked, at the last minute, to fill in for a lecture on Meditation, in its various forms. How to Meditate. As an Aquarius, the expanse of the inner mind is no strange area. As an Aquarius, the inherent mysteries are not so mysterious in their ways. And as an Aquarius, this is the week that requires, absolutely demands that some form of meditation be practiced by Aquarius. You can sit ZaZen for three hours. You can do my nine minute taped meditation. Included with some of my material, I’ve added two and three minute clips that are artfully adjusted so the audio tracks force the brain to disconnect from normal wavelengths to accommodate and track the audio. Any of these will work. This is less about technique and more about finding a quiet space for the Aquarius mind to rest. You need a break. As we get closer to the solstice, the break is more and more needed. In the next seven days, some type of Aquarius meditation, from a full-on Buddhist retreat to just three minutes of my audio pablum, either one works. You need a break. Listen to the inner voices, not us, on the outside.


PiscesPull on the Santa hat. I found them at a dollar store, so the hat itself, a small square of crunchy red material, with a dubious, inorganic white fur-like substance? Sure, works great. That’s the exact idea. Pull on a Santa hat. You’ll be surprised at how many people react in a nice fashion, looking at the hat. As a Pisces, you like nice. As a Pisces, you’re ready for folks to be nice to you. As a Pisces, this season needs a small bright spot, and your Pisces self will be surprised at what joy a simple gesture can bring.

Some days, it’s not the big things, some days, it’s the little things. As a Pisces-compliant author, I know that you need a hint. The hint I’ve got? Pull on the Santa hat. I won’t promise that will fix everything, but a small, outward gesture? Goes wonders in making the Pisces world a better place. I’m all about making the world a better place. In order to help? Simple gesture, like pull on the Santa hat.

“Ho, ho, ho.”


AriesI’d suggest that this is the time for Aries to “Give the gift of fruitcake,” but I’m unsure how that works. I’ve never given — or received — fruitcake at the holiday season. No time to start now, no thanks, I’l just toss it in the compost. Do those things ever biodegrade? Is there too much artificial crap in them to keep them from composting? I don’t know, and I’m not in the mood the find out. However, as a guideline for Aries, last minute shopping, frantic, “Uranus-inspired” panic?

Find a gift item that is not costly, not expensive, and can withstand the test of time. I’m thinking, this is like a gift that you give away at Xmas, only, next Xmas? It shows back up, same package, same gift, just re-gifted back at you. That’s the problem with this kind of gift giving. That’s the problem, really, with the planets, but think long-term.

I started a family tradition of a certain brand of gift card. Each year, that same gift card gets cycled around to each other, from Sister, to me, to Mom, and back again.


Taurus“Look,” she said to me, “that’s the way we’ve always done it. Means, in case you’re not clear, we’re still doing it that way.” Taurus is oft accused of being stubborn. I ran right into the fixed nature of a Taurus with that exact problem.

“Way we’ve always done it (this way), not changing,” is a very clear message. Try arguing with a person who is dead-set on his or her way to accomplish a goal. Not going to change. It worked before; therefore, it will work again. There comes time when it’s easier not to argue. As a Taurus? This is one of those times. While it was me, face-to-face with a certain Taurus, and I wasn’t winning even though I had an easier route? Some days, the time spent arguing and trying to prove that my way was better? Some times, that energy is best left for other tasks. There’s a long routine I get into when I’m in person, talking about change and not changing the established order. Not changing the established way, or not trying to change a bureaucrats mind. Some battles are best left unsought. As a Taurus? This week?

“It’s tradition. We’ve always done it this way.” Don’t argue. Just because we’re right doesn’t make us winners.


GeminiVegetarian restaurant, not far from here? My favorite uniform shirt, these are just t-shirts, not like it’s a big deal, but the usual, “Vegetarians are better lovers?” That doesn’t always sell well. It’s about what you’re selling, this Xmas season, and how you want it sold. It’s about the Gemini pitch, as opposed to the Gemini advertising.

How are you selling whatever it is that you’re trying to sell? That’s the big question. The t-shirt at that veggie place, the one I liked so much? “Rock the Beet,” obviously, with a single, kind of cartoon beet, raw root beet, purple top with green leafs? Get an image of that in the Gemini brain? That was the shirt that “sold it” for me. Vegetarians may be better lovers, but I’ve dated too many Texas women who are not the least bit vegetarian, and my results, informal poll, shows that the first shirt, sex sells, doesn’t sell it as well as a play on words. Go for the Gemini brain. What sells it, this week, for you? With Venus in Scorpio? Might be something that “Can’t beet our veggies,” or something like that.


CancerXmas tension is everywhere. The ads beg you buy, to upgrade, to make your life better if only you have “This product, now!” Item, toy, jingle, bauble. Jewelry. All depends on where you look and what the message might seem to be, but the idea is that there is something better, and you should get the “New, improved, now with Blue Tooth” version.

This causes tension. This causes frightening reactions, from pulling out dormant credit cards, and digging up old stashes of cash, to the point of just sitting there, rocking back and forth, unable to move as the “New” seems to mesmerize you, while the Cancer brain goes around and around with the yes/no question. Tension.

I blame the season. Really, it’s more than that, it’s Mars in Libra, Pluto in Capricorn, and maybe even Venus in Scorpio. One, or both, or all three? I can blames the planets and their positions arrayed against the poor Cancer quadrant of the heavens. The easiest way out? Buy nothing. Save your money, credit, save yourself the headache and heartache of getting something “new and improved,” only to find out that there is a newer one next week, and available at the “After xmas price of much, much less!”

The (mighty) Leo:

The Leo“It’s a (medical thing); I looked it up on Google,” said the Leo. The Leo. A short glance at a few articles that do very little on the real-deal problem and just help sell drugs for (medical thing)?


Still, that’s as good a place as any to start. I’m less sure it’s a real (medical thing) and I’m more inclined to see it as a planetary symptom of the current disarray of planets, and how none of this is really bad for the Leo; although, it might not be great either. The first step to making this all better for the Leo? Go ahead and do a search on the (medical things) but add the phrase “symptoms and homeopathic cures,” too.


VirgoWhat goes on inside the Virgo brain is a masterpiece. It’s like one of those finely detailed clock-pieces, with all the intricate works, gears, levers, springs, ratchets, and so forth, and all of that machinery is what makes a Virgo tick.

The irritant though, is that something seems to be amiss: there are no problems. To be sure, no Virgo day can get by without some issues, and minor irritants. There is always holiday traffic, and the news always carries at least one story about the stupidity and gullibility of the average consumer, that poor, much put upon soul. Still, the biggest issue with Virgo-land is there are no serious issues. That’s not a challenge, no, it’s the opposite. Let the good times be good times.

“Oh, no good will come of this.” Not with that attitude, it won’t.


LibraOne of the great secrets of modern therapy? “Talk about it.” Century or more back? This became known as the “Talking cure.” Sure, call it what you want, but the idea is that we’re supposed to “talk about it,” and I’m not even sure what “it” is for each Libra.

However, Mars, in Libra, and Mercury, in Capricorn, are conspiring to make you want to talk too much. Talk about everything. Buddy of mine is amusing when he drinks as booze dissolves his filters. He’ll talk about anything, and usually, repeat the funny lines too many times. Which makes it un-funny, and ultimately, he is boring when he drinks like that, usually someplace around his fourth to seventh beer. The filter disappears on him, the verbal/mental filter, the sense of timing and propriety, the sense of what we should, and should not, talk about. As a Libra, the two planets? They can easily, especially after the Solstice? This two planets eventually “square” each other and that can cause a Libra to talk, and often as not, like my buddy, with no filter.



ScorpioI do adore my Scorpio friends, but this is a long and strange season. I’m not going to argue with you, as even if I’m right, against a Scorpio, I’ll be wrong, no matter what the answer is. There’s a sense that something is dragging out this holiday season, making it longer than it needs to be. As a Scorpio, though, there’s a certain amount of mirth that should be let loose at this time. A certain amount of cosmic, “I told you so” that you can enjoy. Then, too, there’s nothing like seeing a silly Sagittarius suffer at the hands of his (or her) own making. Destiny, I think that’s what they call it.

So here’s the deal, Scorpio: Venus is making nice, but the problem is there is spiritual gain but not much in the way of financial gain, not yet. I’ve told you about my buddy who owns a fireworks stand, right? Makes money twice year. Right after Xmas, for New Years, and that’s not the big one, with the last week of June up to July 4 being the biggest winner. Got to look long term, Scorpio. Got to look long term. Like own a fireworks stand. Little bit right now.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.