Horoscopes starting 1.28.2016

    “We’ll all assist you; he that flies shall die.”
    Duke of Norfolk, in Shakespeare’s
    Henry VI, part 3
    (act 1 scene i, line 30)

Horoscopes starting 1.28.2016

Aquarius

Aquarius

Aquarius

“You know, I meditate. I drink herbal tea. I practice random acts of kindness and forgiveness. WHY do I feel like I need to smack the crap out of some idiots right now?”

It’s Mars, in Scorpio. It’s the phase of the moon. It’s a lot stuff, really, but the sum total? Smacking someone — no matter how richly deserving — and richly rewarding? It is probably not the correct answer in times like this. Not now. Well, unless you’re into that sort of thing, but that’s a different question and a different reality. In our current “It’s Aquarius birthday time?” This is not the correct time to smack, slap, or otherwise physically discipline a miscreant. The Aquarius offender? I think you’d be surprised to learn that your Aquarius ire wasn’t the goal, and therefore?

Have a happy birthday but maybe, just maybe? Don’t smack the crap out of someone who thinks he needs a good, a good, a good (whatever).

Pisces

Pisces

Pisces

I love clarity of purpose. Know a direction, then know, for sure, in our bones that this is the most correct course to take? Know that it is best for all involved? Know, down in our heart of hearts, at the very core of our being, resonating with every fiber in our body?

There’s an essence, a sense, a pervasive — very Pisces — intuition that this is the way this should be.

That is the clarity of purpose that I suggest comes through, for Pisces, in this next few days. The problem, it’s a Neptune thing, the only obstacle? Distractions. There is a distraction, or two, along the Pisces route, on the way to clarity of purpose. Can’t say I didn’t warn you about losing sight of the original goal, and that clarity. It’s there, if your Pisces self persists.

Aries

Aries

Aries

Mistakes are an important part of progress. We have to make mistakes. Errors in judgement, miscalculations, guesses gone awry? All part of the process. No Aries, let alone a good Aries like yourself, no Aries likes the idea of failure. However, without some setbacks, without obstacles, without some one — or thing — pushing back? There is no opportunity for growth. Expansion, growth, learning. The only niggling little problem with this week’s “lesson,” the obstacle, the person or thing that is pushing back against the Aries? This isn’t exactly a new scenario. We’ve seen this before. It’s not really a rerun, but at some moment, in the next few days, faced with this new learning opportunity? It’s going to feel like a “re-run.”

When faced with the prospect of certain failure, perhaps a doomsday (appearing) situation, there is the simple of idea of capitulating. Give up. “Can’t win, won’t play.”

As we’ve determined, though, you’re not an average Aries. The lesson is there, and the simple secret to beating it? Remember that we all fall down some days. Have gob willing to pick ourselves up and move forward, perhaps in a different direction, and that’s the secret.

Taurus

Taurus

Taurus

I have an affection I can’t shake, it’s for the high desert. In the winter, the high desert of New Mexico, maybe eastern Arizona, the “Llano Estacado” of West Texas, there’s a barren beauty to it all. Pick a portion of it. It’s high and dry. Occasional winter storm blow through and dust the mountain tops with snow, a light icing, but where I’ve spent my time, there’s not a lot of snow or mountains.

“How can you like it here? It’s brown. Dry, brown, brittle. Nothing to see, nothing to do!”

I find beauty in the barren, almost remote feeling. As a Taurus, this week, we have to find the beauty where it is, not where it’s not.

Gemini

Gemini

The Twins

Spend enough time in certain areas, and patterns start to emerge. It’s always rocky in a trailer park in Las Cruces. Las Cruces, NM, which was, at one time, a frequent stop for me. I could easily say I was out-of-state, when the real distance is, like, only 20 miles north of El Paso.

The news items, usually local news, almost always carried some notice of violence, shots fired, meth labs, something, in a trailer park in Las Cruces. I’m not sure I quite understood the connection.

This isn’t about an impoverished state, the home to the US Space Program, or Virgin Galactic’s headquarters. It’s about Gemini, and spending enough time someplace to notice the patterns.

The last Mercury Retrograde was about patterns, and now is a time to break free of the patterns. I still adore the high desert, but when I’m there? I try not listen to the local news.

Cancer

Cancer

Moon Child

What’s new in vintage fashion?

I was curious, if the fashion is “vintage,” then how can it be new?

I’m not sure if that’s right. It’s one of the modern-day conundrums, or might be. I’ve only owned one pair of “distressed” jeans, and I was in hurry, so I grabbed what I thought was my size, off the rack and I didn’t realize, until I’d worn them, that the jeans were designed to looked “worn,” when, in fact, they were new. Always a cheesy alternative, if you ask me, but the fashion industry rarely, if ever, consults with me for fashion tips. The trend is towards “old” that is actually “new.” “Old” is the new black? Not sure if that was what they meant. However, and as a Cancer-influenced sign, my Moon Children will agree, old that is old is much preferably to artificial aging.

“What’s new in vintage fashion?”

What’s wrong with the image, and then, what can we do to correct that discrepancy, at least, for now, in the Cancer life?

The Leo

The Leo

The Leo

I used Apple products for many years, and I’ve had very few times I’ve required tech support. In traditional tech support, a certain telecommunication giant was notorious for this, the tech support calls would be routed to the sub-continent of India and answered by someone who pretended to be next door, the accent kind of a telltale giveaway sign of a problem. So for many years, Apple had this big presence in my native Austin, with a call center just a few block north of some of my family. Quite literally, in the same neighborhood. On an infrequent tech call, I was talking to a person who was located in my old family’s neighborhood. Made for much more pleasant exchange. Instead of pretending to be from Des Moines, the person answering the support call really was from the old hood. This establishes continuity and rapport.

Continuity and rapport are what’s required right now, and continuity and rapport is in short Leo supply. However, not letting the Mars irritant get to you? Exacerbated by Sun in Aquarius? Before proceeding any other part the call, the interaction? Establish continuity and rapport.

Virgo

Virgo

Virgo

I’m not an expert on “The Long Form.” Not my area of specialty. Not one of my strengths. I do well with shorter, soundbyte-style material. Maybe two bites, chew it up, and I’m onto the next item. So the long form isn’t what I can really be the judge of. However, as a good Virgo, there’s something that you want to get accomplished, and the best medium isn’t a short form. Think long form. Novels, in my experience, tend to range from 50,000 to over 100,000 words. Why most of my work is the short form. The best way to get the Virgo message out there? The best use of your energy, especially right now? Think in “Long form.”

Like, one of my fishing buddies? Virgo guys make the best fishing buddies, and anyway, he came back in one day? No fish in the box, but he had several good tales about “The one that got away,” which, in turn is what this is about. Extenuating circumstances, flukes, hardware problems that were not apparent at first? All part go the deal. Excuses that were novel-length, and in this week’s edition, novel in and of themselves.

Virgo: Think long form.

Libra

Libra

Libra

There is an eternal hopefulness that can be found, humming through Libra. This is sense of well-being, or, at the every least, this is a sense that “Everything will turn out all right.” Which it will, before the end of of this scope.

Mercury and Venus, punctuated by Pluto, are going to try and upset the Libra equilibrium. The loss of balance, this is like an old circus act. The high wire act. Halfway across the stretch on the high wire, the performer stumbles. The crowd gasps, the performer shimmies and appears to lose his, or her, balance.

    It’s a long way down.

Everything is going to turn out all right was the premise for this week, then the planets try and upset the Libra balance, but like that high-wire act? The apparent stumble is for dramatic effect, makes it look difficult. There’s really very little chance of a Libra slip and fall, but to those of us on the outside, it might seem like you’re precariously balanced.

It’s going to work out all right, just remember, poise and balance.

Scorpio

Scorpio

Scorpio

When I started working this morning, I had a goal of trimming my prose. I wanted to remove the extra fat, cut the excessive use of pronouns and adverbs, go for the lean and meaty form. Hasn’t worked.

But I’m not a Scorpio.

The goal — my goal — was to trim way at excess. Excessive use of white space, excessive use of light and frothy prose. Excessive use of bad grammar. Excessive use of improperly punctuated sentences.

I failed. This one is running too long, but I’m not a Scorpio.

As a good Scorpio, trim away at the excesses. Like, instead of a long e-mail telling me I’m right or wrong, that this is, or isn’t, about trimming the fat from the Scorpio prose? Instead of that long note? A simple “Yes.” Or maybe, “No,” but the idea is easy, keep it simple.

Trim the excess.

But I’m not a Scorpio.

Ah yes, but you are.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius

Sagittarius

My next life, I want to a be weather forecaster. The reason this has to wait until my next lifetime is that very few of my shirts will display properly against a green screen. The weather forecasters I’ve watched, the one who are the best? There’s a flair, a sense of entertainment and joy in describing what the high air mass, and the low pressure zone, and the frontal boundaries, and pushing down, or blowing in, or whatever the weather is doing?

Makes that entertaining. Those are the good ones. The element I was thinking about, though, was that this type of news has evolved to the point that it is all done in front of a green screen. All I need, stand there, manipulate the remote control and point to areas of low pressure, high pressure, and frontal boundaries, to make errant predictions.

As far as real weather forecasting goes, my own version of stepping outside and looking, then feeling, what it’s like? That works better than most of the weather forecasters I’ve watched. Besides, who can be that wrong, so often, and still have a job? As a Sagittarius, we’ve got some heavy weather ahead. While I’m suggesting, this week, we be prepared? I got a funny feeling, like the current crop of weather guys? I might err on the conservative side.

Capricorn

Capricorn

Capricorn

Buddy of mine is — to an untrained observer — a complete slob and total mess. What I’ve learned, through the years, and careful observation, this isn’t a total mess, it is an artful arrangement of abstract design and seemingly chaotic expression. It’s not a hot mess, it’s an art form. What’s weird, to me, he can find stuff, in its exact location, in that mess.

Makes no sense to me. While I’m not really a clean person myself, I am a “tidy” type. Years in a trailer park, tight quarters and all, years on the road, living out of suitcase, all of that taught me a certain amount of discipline about being tidy. Not really clean, but appearing clean, and certainly being well-ordered.

Which on are you? Hot mess? Looks like a hot mess, but it’s an artful arrangement of chaotic elements that blend together to make sense in a very special Capricorn way? Or, like me, but I’m not Capricorn, a tidy one?

There’s an element that requires a tidy hand to clean up, and that’s what you’re called upon to do, this next few days. Remember, to an untrained eye, it still looks like disaster.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • Shannon Jewell Jan 30, 2016 @ 21:12

    Great advice and timely too. How about verbal smack-downs though?

  • Matthew Alexander Feb 1, 2016 @ 10:43

    don’t smack some one? how about several? All at the same time? I’ll try.

    Line jumpers and tailgaters beware. But not aligators.

    Verbal may not be enough.