Horoscopes starting 1.7.2016

    “Know, thou sad man, I am not Tamora;
    She is thy enemy, and I thy friend.
    I am Revenge, sent from th’ infernal kingdom
    To ease the gnawing vulture of thy mind,
    By working wreakful vengeance on thy foes.”
    Tamora in Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus (5.2.28-32)

Now at the Harry Ransom Center at UT, Shakespeare in Print and Performance. Hopefully, some questions answered.

    Mercury in Retrograde?

Horoscopes starting 1.7.2016

CapricornCapricorn: Lessons from a two year old — priorities. Respect priorities. For that guy? Two F’s. Food and Family, in that order. At two years old? Mostly non-verbal but learning language — point and speak. “Food!” Kid belongs to a fishing buddy. Kid knows how to say, “More,” in sign language. Non-verbal, and yet, able to communicate. As a Capricorn, what are the priorities as this new year, and the birthday energy — this week’s coverage include a new moon — in Capricorn?

Time to start afresh. In order to start new? Think about my buddy’s buddy, the little guy. Priorities. Pick those priorities and make sure we understand them. Food and Family, in that order, so it seems. I always respected that kid because he did seem to have it simplified to two categories. Two, easy to understand sets of priorities. Simple. Think about my buddy’s little buddy, the little man of the house, the small child in charge. Lessons I’ve learned from observation, passed from one Capricorn onto another. Food and family, and probably, in that order.


One buddy of mine worked on an herbal remedy to a common ailment. He managed to work out an “all-natural, drug-free” cure-all. However, his remedy can’t be sold with “cure-all,” or similar terminology because the stuff is all-natural, and really, it’s nothing more than herbs and spices. Works well, but there’s essentially nothing really magic about the mix. What the herbs do?

The herbal blend is like a cosmic “reset” button, taking the original programming back to what it was before. In essence, it’s like detox, or a cleanse of sorts, but more along a brain-wave scale. I’m unsure how much of this is real and how much is pure made-up crap, but my buddy had posted some terrific results; albeit, I’m unsure of the real scientific validity.

Perhaps this can be accomplished in another fashion, and for Aquarius? This is the week to look at the lost “New Years’ Resolutions,” and think, “that didn’t work.” However, there is a time for a reset, and now the the new year clouds have parted? Take stock of what works, what didn’t work, and what would be the next best course of Aquarius action. Now’s the time to take that new first step forward.

Herbal blend or otherwise.

PiscesPisces: “Satisfaction guaranteed or double your garbage back,” way it read on the side of a dumpster truck. Fun line, no? Vaguely amusing, and to some of us, hilarious. Not everyone is laughing, but there’s sly smirk from a Pisces that would be helpful about now. Sly smirk, wry grin, wan smile. It’s not a big thing, it’s a little thing. It’s not major problem it’s a minor problem, it’s not a huge ordeal, it’s a small incident. Thin smile. The way it looks, Mercury is going to dredge through the garbage of your mind. We all have some, left over material we would all really like to unload. This is the time to do. Look at what Mercury dredges up and then decide.

That garbage truck’s slogan? Made me think about this Mercury situation with poor Pisces in the fray; it’s about dealing with it now, even though Mercury is backwards, and doing so, now, makes it easier not to get twice as much crap back. There is a double your garbage back guarantee on this week’s scope. The situation. Look what Mercury dredges up and deal with it properly.


They passed a “no cell phone while driving” law. Think it was overdue, but no one asked me. I don’t have troubles driving and answering questions on the phone, but that’s me, and clearly, a great number of other drivers do have problems with this. Not me, but as good, law-abiding citizen, I respect the law of the land. I wish everyone did. I was motoring up to Austin, for work, and I got a call, and I couldn’t get the “hands free” thing to work so I missed the call.

I cussed. I pulled off the freeway, and stopped briefly in a driveway, to look through the call list. Sales call, which annoyed me even more. I took moments out of my precious morning to find out it was a call I should’ve avoided in the first place. Supreme discomfort. Irritated the bejeebers out of me. I’m sure you’re familiar with my irritation as this is happening soon, to Aries, if you haven’t felt this internal wrath already. Part of this in merely internal. Part of this has no outside source. Understand that part of this is a very-Aries reaction to external stimuli, but the reaction is based on Aries ire.

TaurusTaurus: Couple of my buddies were stopping by to pick up a cable I had. It was simple computer-audio link, not a big deal, but my buddies just needed it for a minute, and it wasn’t worth buying one, when they could just borrow one of mine, for a little while. They stopped by early in the morning, and I was, this is January, I was dressed in mismatched flannel pajamas with a tattered white robe over my ensemble.

Cold nights. Warm flannel. Mismatched, as is my style. I was a disheveled mess, to be honest. Previously, my buddies had never seen me in anything but shorts and Hawaiian shirts. My bed-head, fresh up, cold-winter night look was a shock. Garnered some “not praise” chatter. I forgot about it. Few days later, I had to go and collect the cable back, and one of my buddies was telling me how awful I look, first thing in the morning. This is not news. The jumper cable worked, the audio was back on track, and they ripped whatever it was they were trying to accomplish. The mis-directed ribbing I took about my morning “look” seemed disproportionate to me making an effort to be polite and helpful.

Mercury’s retrograde pattern? As a kindly Taurus, there will be some polite, or “not-so-polite” ribbing, chatter, supposedly good-natured banter. There seems to be an edge to it. Can’t take this personal, not with Mercury Retrograde. Besides, with Mercury Retrograde? Those guys will be back to borrow that cable again. Don’t get worked up over perceived slights. Seriously. They’ll be back.

There’s the phone, “Oh man, I need that jumper again.”


I can’t have an accurate prognostication each week, for Gemini. Not going to happen, I’m just suggesting. However, as a thought for this week, I was wondering, the difference between the digital version of a book and the paper version? No, I know the difference, but I was looking through a digital library, scrolling passed a number of titles, on a shelf, that would’ve taken up room after room of books. To me, those were “throwaway” titles, like cheap paperbacks. Read once, recycle. Good library books. However, there are few books that I like as tangible pieces, something to hold onto. What divides my way of thinking, as a consumer, what differentiates between the the two purchases? What will be digital-only and what do I like as a “book-book?” The divide between what’s best as “digital-only,” and what’s best as a real, hold-in-your-hand book? In similar train-wreck of a Mercury is Retrograde thought, the difference between some current TV-Cable offerings and “Movie theater-only” shows? Sometimes the quality on the small screen is better than some of the stuff on the big screen, these days. The Gemini filtering mechanism is currently in a hampered state. Not broken, just not as effective as it usually is when it comes to judging “good” from “bad.” So how do you tell? There’s one author, his birthday is coming up, I buy his books online and in the store. One for the shelf, my library, and one to read while running around. But how do you, as a Gemini, divide this up?

CancerCancer: For many years, coffee was my forte. I know what I know. I’m not an expert, but having consumed some of the very best — along with some of the worst — I’ve acquired a certain quantity of knowledge about coffee. So this is about Mercury Retrograde and tea. I don’t know a lot about tea. I like ice tea, but that’s sort of an industrial brown liquid, locally it is frequently sweetened too much, and it is, again, this is local, invariably iced.

So one cold January afternoon, I wanted something different, and I tried tea. White China Tea. It was from a specialty purveyor, and it had some vague instructions that the tea needed to steep for only two minutes. Ok, sure. I poured hot water on, started working on a projects came back five, ten minutes later, and the tea was good, but there was an acrid bitterness. For fine, China White? Not good. I drank about half the mug, and dismissed the idea. “Stupid tea drinkers,” I thought.

However, next afternoon, still January, still cold, still wrestling with a number of astrology questions, and Mercury was still Retrograde, I tried that tea again. This time? I let it steep for only two, maybe three minutes. Much better flavor, much lighter, more delicate sense of the tea. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t know a lot about tea, but the flavor, in this situation, speaks for itself. Delicate, hint of jasmine? Maybe a smokey, woodsy essence? So the realization, to make this a satisfactory week, for the gentle Cancer Moon Children? Think about following the instructions, maybe, like me, the second time around. Just needs to steep for a few minutes, not too long.

The Leo:

The art of negotiation is not really a Leo strong point. As this week gets ramped up and as the new year seems to unravel as fast as it moves forward? There’s a thematic element I teased from your planets, “negotiate.” I don’t negotiate with Leo friends. I do as I am bid to do, just easier. I ask, nicely. I am but a sole voice in the sea of Mercury in his retrograde position, against the actions of the Sun and Moon?

As the majestic Leo, you’re used to saying, declaiming, “This is it. End of the deal.” With the planets this way?

Negotiate. Be willing to bend and flow, ebb, overtake, ebb.

One of my tricks, and I’ll pass this along, in the coming week? When you’re asked a question, like, asked for an estimate? Go way over. Ask for too much. Ask for everything. Everything and then some more. That way, you’ve got room to negotiate. You can give up stuff you didn’t want, and in the long run, you look like the better person.

As a Leo? You really are the better person. But be willing to negotiate.

VirgoVirgo: Start the new year, all over again. Let’s take a look at the new year resolutions, plans, hopes, fears, and let’s rewind this mess. Had great plans and most of those have already been thwarted by Mr. Mercury. This about relaunching the Virgo new year with a different set of goals, plans and unlimited possibilities.

The secret to using this energy correctly is the get the ideas all piled up, and there will be a certain amount of Virgo “I did this to myself” attitude. Put that on hold, humor me, put that on hold, the “I did this to myself” attitude, just shelve it for a minute. Most of the Virgo I know like lists. Get a list together of what has worked in this new year so far, probably not much, and then, let’s re-examine those goals, directions, and then, one step further? What needs to happen to make those “new” new years’ resolutions happen? Plan, evaluate, then make a new plan. What this week is about, that new idea since so much faltered so quickly. Still hope, still a chance. Plan, test, then plan a new one.


I am a Sagittarius. I paint in broad brush strokes. I tend to see the big picture. I can’t be bothered with too many details. Yes, “The Devil is in the details,” but that’s not my strength. I understand that. I embrace it. Which would, at one time, explain my proclivity for dating Virgo types. Not germane to this prognostication, no, not at all. The way this one falls out? Stop obsessing over certain details. Can’t control it? Can’t control the way some other sign keeps repeating a mistake? Not your problem? I understand that it is, sort of, all of ours problem, but in this week’s example? You didn’t start it, you can’t clean it up, maybe, just maybe, leave it alone.

The trick is to not get caught on one issue. Think like me, for a little while, borrow my brain, my expansive, Sagittarius, “I’m really just the idea guy” way of looking at this. Shoot a few ideas, spitball a solution or two, and then? If it doesn’t work? Stop obsessing about it. Can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed, right?

There’s an obsessive quality that comes out, and trying to hang onto something that doesn’t want to be held onto? Doesn’t work.

ScorpioScorpio: Almost one hundred percent of home accidents happen at home. With that statistic firmly in place, we should be more careful, for the Scorpio flavor of this week is “Accidents at home.” In some situations, an accident at home is a mere mis-calculation. After many years in tight, confined spaces, I’ve grown into a larger bedroom with larger bed and nice, cushy mattress. Pillow top, yet firm. As I was rounding the corner of the new, bigger bed, I slammed my leg into the bedstead. Hurt like hell. No skin was broken, no bones were damaged, just an ugly bruise, well-below my knee. Shin bone, off to the side, a little. Not a big deal, a small injury.


SagittariusRight before sunrise, Saturn and Venus conjunct, and in the words of Shakespeare’s Price Hal? “What says your almanac to that?” Saturn and Venus are connect like this most nearly once a year, or thereabouts. Varies, due to the perturbations and orbits within our solar system, so this isn’t that rare. Does, however, indicate a starting point. A beginning, a new start, or better, this is a Saturn influence, see, and with a new moon in Capricorn, the Saturn sign?

It’s about a final issue that comes home to rest. A final deal that we need to deal with, if that makes sense, and at least one Sagittarius will nod his head, “Yeah, I get it. Really?”

Yes, really. Saturn/Venus, make nice with our demons, or they will haunt us.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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