I pray you jest, sir, as you sit at dinner.
I from my mistress come to you in post:
If I return, I shall be post indeed,
For she will score your fault upon my pate:
Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,
And strike you home without a messenger.

Dromio of Ephesus, in Shakespeare’s A Comedy of Errors (I.ii.62–7)

Horoscopes starting 5.12.2016

Taurus:

Ever experience a situation where seemingly random events are clearly connected with a message? The series of events, definitely quite distinct and unconnected and yet, there’s a common thread that runs among each of the messages. “It’s the Universe’s way of letting you know,” one friend opined.

Coffee machine broke at work, spilling precious brown sludge all over the counter.

The coffee grinder at home, just a cheap blade grinder ceased to grind, and grabbing a bag of fresh-roasted coffee beans, the bag started to rip, with errant beans scattered across the kitchen’s floor.

Pretty clear message that the hike to a coffee shop was in order, at least, that’s how I understood it. Upon listening to my tales of woe and hidden messages that aren’t hidden any longer, one of my fishing buddies suggested I was supposed to be cutting down on coffee intake. I didn’t get that at all. A series of seemingly unconnected and rather random events are intent one making one direction quite clear. Looks like it might just be a course-correction, rather than a total new direction. Listen to the signs, observe what you hear, Mercury, Venus, and the Sun, they are guiding you in a new way. Happy Taurus Birthday, too!

Gemini:

Mercury is retrograde in your 12th Solar House, the Sun is in the sign before you (Taurus), Mars is retrograde in Sagittarius, opposite you, and the Moon is heading towards Full. You’re crazy. “No, you’re crazy,” is the rejoinder from one buddy’s 3-year old Gemini daughter. That was probably the best comeback I’ve heard in a while. Emphasis, inflection, tone, delivery.

That reply also captures a moment. It encapsulates a week’s worth of answers for Gemini. When asked a question? Reply with the same question, “What do you mean?” “I know, what do you mean?” The moment’s pause, the time to reflect, it’s matter of engaging Mercury and Mars Retrogrades in useful emendations. Repeat the question. Repeat the statement. Repeat the statement and make it sound like a question, “You’re crazy?” For the next few days? Repeat the question or statement. Reflect, but repeat.

“What do you mean, repeat.”

“What do you mean repeat?”

See?

Cancer:

“Throw back Thursday” was one of them “inter-web meme-things.” Quite popular in certain venues, and I played along, for a short spell. I have a, now plastic, shoebox full of old photos. Real photos, printed out photos. Film, developed and printed on archive-quality photo paper. Not my thing, and I make a serious effort not to collect crap like this, but I do have a few. I was thinking I should scan a few more, and dribble those images out over the next few weeks, as that captures the essence of Cancer’s feelings. There’s a touch of nostalgia, tinged with retrospective yearnings, plus a tendency to want to look over one’s Cancerian shoulder to see what’s there. Too much time spent in the past is not healthy, no dwelling endlessly on the past, but looking back, at times like this, like that “Throw Back Thursday” thing? I got out a few pictures, dropped them on the scanner, then saved them, put the pictures back in the box and forgot about it all until a Thursday rolled around, and I had a scanned image from 1995 or something. That’s not dwelling in the past, that’s just popping it up for a look. Great idea. Dig out some images from “way back when,” glance at them. We don’t have time to dwell int he past, though, as alluring as that might seem.

The Leo:

As a primarily self-employed person, I have to be fluid with my time. There’s always an “Emergency” astrology reading that I have to squeeze in, last minute. There’s always a few days when the phone is silent, with no clients calling for whatever reason. It happens. Part of this is the nature of “freelance,” and part of this is the whims of the planets. To help this, I keep at least two, ongoing, side-projects of some ilk or another. Always have something that I have to be working on. Always have an fall-back plan. Always have a “Plan B.” No good Leo likes to fall back on Plan B, or Plan C, or whatever letter/number combination we’re up to at this point, but it doesn’t matter. Shift your attention elsewhere. I can’t make the phone ring. I can’t make the clients stream through the front door. What I can do is occupy myself, with useful projects, until the steady stream of clients picks back up. This is a week for the back-up plan. This is the calm before the storm. This is the “Mercury is still Retrograde and he’s making it all go quiet, too quiet…” Got an image? If it’s quiet? Enjoy the solitude.

Virgo:

One girlfriend, it’s perfect for this, I got this one girlfriend, and we can road trip together. Do it with ease. Do it no problem. Got it down to a fine art, as it were, the two of us. It’s a road trip thing, too. From here, Marfa is a 6 or even 8 hours away, maybe longer on the “Southern” route, skates along the Texas-Mexico border. She’ ll bring an iPod full of music, I’ll have a phone of stuff, and yet, as soon as we roll out on the highway, either one of us driving, we start to talk.

The chatter doesn’t stop.

It is sublime. It’s erudite. It’s local gossip. It’s dirty. It’s high-falutin’. It’s a bit of everything. Then there’s the proper sense of adventure, “I heard about a place for (BBQ, Catfish, fresh veggie, breakfast-lunch-supper), want to try it?” Instead of looking for a perfect Virgo companion for everything? We’re looking for a good-enough companion for road trips. From either Austin or San Antonio, Ft. Worth (TX) is maybe a 4-hour drive. As a Virgo, when Mercury is like this, and Mars is applying pressure, like he is? Road trip. Grab that favorite road trip companion and run way, if only for a short time.

Libra:

I adore where I live. While it never cracked my “Top ten places to live,” my adopted home town fills me with inspiration. History, ethnic culture clash, constant innovation, and timeless monuments, all in one location. This local wealth, a certain kind of cultural richness borne out of diversity leaves me with a sense of wonder. Components include residents who have never left a few square miles of home turf to transient tourists, here only on a lay-over type of stay. International while being both parochial and colloquial – all at the same time.

Weird.

Get comfortable with some disconcerting artifact that’s cropped up since Mercury started this errant path. What works for me is a sense of wonder, sometimes at the smallest of things.

Scorpio:

In San Antonio, Pancho Villa is treated as a mythic folk hero. Further west, not ten hours away by car, he is treated as a bandit warlord, not quite the same. Part of that might be his attack on New Mexico, shortly after it became a United States State. Part might be stricter adherence to history. Perspective is important. In this situation, maybe 500 miles, perhaps more, or less, distance changes the way history is interpreted.

Distance yields perspective.

In Scorpio, distance is most important. Put some distance between yourself and the perception of a problem. I live in Texas. 500 miles still doesn’t always get me out of state. But the distance provides a perspective. Like the myths surrounding Pancho Villa, a short change of location can change outlook.

Sagittarius:

Spend enough time looking at people, and eventually, it gets easier to recognize couples. Even with married couples, there’s a kind of familial resemblance that starts to emerge. Part of this observation – totally unscientific – might be from years of shared diet and similar stress situations. Some of this might be my imagination. But some of it, I’m sure, my other Sagittarius brothers and sisters have observed as well.

Couple came to see me, and I’ll swear they’d been married for 20/30 years or something. Nope, just got together in the last decade, but, to me, they were starting to look alike. They were, at that reading, answering each other’s questions and finishing each other’s sentences. Look alike and sound alike.

To anyone else, not Sagittarius, there will be striking differences. To us? Seek the similarities. This is a terribly difficult time for some of us, and the easiest way make it through is to seek those similarities.

Capricorn:

Sitting, alone, in a coffee shop, I might’ve been waiting on a date, I’m not sure, but siting there alone? A woman with a wild mane of jet black hair, dark, flashing eyes, olive complexion, a certain roll in her stride? She had aging parents and I’m guessing high-school age kids, at least one high–maintenance daughter, all in tow.

No wedding ring or band on her left hand.

She looked at me and motioned to the empty chair in front of me. I nodded at her, my eyes never leaving her gaze. I was temporarily transfixed. The hair, the stature, the steely gaze, the heels she was confidently teetering upon? She asked something else, and I was momentarily frozen. Then I realized I better look down or would be in trouble later. While I’m a fan of the Latin/Hispanic/Mexican female form, I know enough to know I’m not a good match. I have to respect my own, known limits. Break off the eye contact. Glance down. Murmur, stammer, or, I got up and wandered off. With the planets where they are? I’m reminded of a decades old comment, “You looked her in the eyes for more than 30 seconds; she’s now pregnant – with your child.”

Know — and respect — our Capricorn limits.

Aquarius:

The recent, long-term droughts had a deleterious effect on my bass fishing habits. Just had to cut back some, as the lakes were more like salt lakes than real, live fisheries. Not as much fun. Fishing was tougher. Just means I had to adjust location and locales, so I could find other places to fish. It’s also cyclical. Goes around, comes around. Low water, high water, drought, flash flood, all of it is part of Nature’s bigger cycle. Adjust.

As an Aquarius-friendly astrologer, I’m not suggesting big changes, not now, but there are plenty of little adjustments that will help. Instead of the older waterways I’m used to fishing? I’ve branched out some, new playgrounds, so to speak. What’s been remarkable, even with Mercury and Mars retrogrades? “Transferable skill sets.” Dragging a top water lure across a boiling mass of bass in a bait-busting frenzy is no different from dragging a top water lure across a bait-busting boiling mass of sea-trout. Same skill set, different approach to unhooking the catch, and check it out, images are the web some place. Think about an Aquarius skill, just applying it in new, or just slightly different locations.

Pisces:

There’s a kind of resilience that a good Pisces has, and reading this, this week? Good Pisces, correct? That resilience is key element to making this week easier than the previous weeks. Bounce. Flow. Instead of looking to the right, for an answer, look to the left.

In almost every TexMex joint I’ve ever been in, the #2 Dinner is a combo platter with cheese enchiladas, taco, tamale, rice, and beans. The #1 and #2 are the most frequent menu items chosen because it’s easy. No guess work. Psychologically, customers tend to pick either the number one or number two item on a menu, anyway.

Be resilient. Pick something other than #1 or #2, much as I like that combo platter, on the other page, there’s a whole selection. Pick something decidedly different. That’s one expression of that resilient energy, now required. Don’t let the psychology of a restaurant menu manipulate your Pisces self. Be resilient. The planets are causing confusion, and the best way to face this chaotic array? Be resilient. Try something that’s not a #1 or #2 on the menu.

Aries:

“Can you get it yourself, or will you need help?”

I have a picnic table in my backyard, such as it is. Always wanted a picnic table, so I got one. Spring, fall, even some winter afternoons, I just figure it’s a much better place to do readings and work, far more enjoyable, just not in the middle of the summer. So the table is now painted, but before I got around to doing a thorough job on painting? I had to turn it over. While I can wrestle it over on one side, to actually turn it over really requires two people.

Neighbor asked, “Can you get it yourself? Or do you need a hand?”

I needed a hand. Not hard, super-easy with two people, just awkward by myself. As an Aries, can you turn it over by yourself? Or do you need a hand turning it over?