Horoscopes starting 9.15.2016

    My lord, they say five moons were seen tonight;
    Four fixed, and the fift did whirl about
    The other four in wondrous motion.
    Hubert de Burgh in Shakespeare’s King John (4.2.182-4)

Jupiter in Libra.

Horoscopes starting 9.15.2016



The Virgin

There are times, I have no idea where this comes from. A link on a history site sent me off into the Viking World, and to make it even more curious, I was looking at Danish sites about Viking Long Houses. It was a form of Viking dwelling, several families, cattle, kids, winter grain stores, all piled into a single room. Look it up, “Viking Longhouse.”

The historical depiction of life inside the Viking Longhouse? The cattle, the grains, I suppose the mice, the kids, the babies, the adults, whole families, all piled into a single room with fire in the middle of the floor, and no fireplace? No chimney? Warm against the Viking cold winters, but I can’t think that it’s a situation I’d thrive in, nor, for that matter, would a typical Virgo survive in a situation like that.

The rest of this Virgo week feels like that. Everything you need is right here, but it might be a in chaotic, everything-piled-in-the Viking Longhouse style. It’s all there, just might not be ordered. That can drive a Virgo, especially with recent Virgo birthdays, that can drive a Virgo crazy.

Mercury, tail-end, but still mercurial. Like that Viking Longhouse.



The Scales

So close. So very, very close, and yet? Not yet. Venus is finishing her lap, but Mercury isn’t undone yet. There’s more to come. Yes, Jupiter is in Libra, and you know what that means, right? Wait, still Virgo time.

Virgo birthdays signal a great time to fish. One recent Virgo fishing trip is exactly telling for Libra, as this captures the short-tempered exasperation of Mercury deshabille, the poor Virgo lad? “No fish-catching fool in the back of the boat.” Fairly clear lake, I was using a black plastic lure, looks like a worm to an untrained eye, and that was all I used. Pictures, as proof, on the site someplace. Virgo buddy tried them all, Torpedo, Rattle Trap, Zara Spook, switching to spinner baits, then spoons. Nothing. Apparently, nary a nibble. The Libra lesson? Stick with one. Doesn’t matter what it is. I tended to catch fish while the Virgo buddy was swapping out baits, which, from the list, was frequently. Less time fiddling with the tackle, more time with Libra lines in the water.



The Scorpion

I was on the freeway the other afternoon, coming in from a fishing trip. I got behind a slow-rolling trailer, and to me, it looked like a vintage trailer, I’m guessing, from what I know about living in trailer parks, it was mid-century modern, early modernist take on what the future would look like. Terribly retro now, and did I mention, Mercury is retro, too?

Eventually, I passed that trailer, as it was low and slow, the age easily seen by how low and few the brake lights were. Not even sure if they worked. some modern updates are nice, like a higher, brighter, more visible brake light. There was a Benz pulling the trailer. If looks are correct, the car could afford to pull the trailer faster and the car could afford to update some of the safety, unless, of course, this was a one-way deal. One trip to the next resting home.

I followed that trailer for a little ways, because I was curious, the tail lights had that sculpted look that speaks to a certain era, and not here in time. It was also moving slow, but when I finally zipped around, it looked like it was a driver who just being cautious because of the tenuous grip on the older model trailer. My curiosity won. As you’re faced a similar (Scorpio) obstacle? Take time to examine the root problem, and don’t rush to be judgmental.

Scorpio: “Wow, would you look at that? I never saw one of those before.”



The Archer

The more we — as Sagittarius — the more we avoid “it?” The worse “it” gets. Avoid it all we want, ignore it, place it out of our mind? Forget it? Don’t look at it, don’t play with it, don’t give it any energy?

    All typical Sagittarius moves.

Typical expressions, even now. The problem with “it?” “It” doesn’t go away. The solution? Cozy up to “it,” whatever it is. Get friendly. Maybe put a Sagittarius arm around it, give it a friendly, A-Frame hug, no bump and grind. Just “bro” hug, for example. The idea, this week’s energy, all that Virgo, Mars making a square, Mercury backwards, and then, Jupiter’s recent movement into Libra? No serious commitments to “it,” but we’re going to have to acknowledge that it’s there, now.



The Sea-Goat

There’s a some free-floating anxiety right now, we can pretend to blame Mercury. It’s really rooted elsewhere but as a common term, “Mercury in Retrograde!” That seems to stick, right? The problem with the free-floating anxiety is that it’s just that. I’ve found that no good, free-floating anxiety goes un-nurtured, not if there is a good Capricorn handy. You’re reading this? Means you can easily attach your Capricorn self to some of that anxiety, if you let it happen.

    “Oh! No good will come of this!”

That’s where I differ in opinion. The secret trick isn’t so much of a secret. There’s a mantra, good for this week, and this week only, “I don’t know how this will work out, but it will. It always goes like Kramer says — always good!”

See how right I am — in a week or two?



The Water Bearer

More than a decade back, I travelled with a dear friend. Female friend. We were not lovers, certainly not at that time, but we were, and still are, dear friends. Love her like a sister, really, love her more than family, family being what it is. Awesome lady. Large chest and pretty blue eyes, and most males, and some females, never notice the blue eyes. When we are together, there’s an ease of a long friendship that carries onward. More than one person has commented that we sound like an old married couple. I find that amusing. We tend to bicker a bit, and snarl, in a good-natured way, and like I said, we’re just friends. No big deal. No harm, no foul. Friends like this are what’s best at this very moment. Folks who are bluntly honest.

    “Does this show too much cleavage?”

    “Honestly? Not really, as long as you’re looking for babies to nurse.”

Friends. Good friends. The ones you can trust to be honest. Now, this week, more than ever before, got to have the ones you trust implicitly.

“Does this dress make my butt look big?”

“Yeah, it kind of does, too tight at the waist.”



The Fishes

“Kramer, can you see what I’m writing then erasing? Sure seems that way!” No, in the real world I can’t see that. In the real world, I have no such powers. However, on some occasions, it would seem that way. I make no claim, whatsoever, no claim what-so-ever in having such powers. I am a patient observer of humanity, and I do follow the course of the planets, which, in their own way, describe actions. But no, I can’t see what’s being written, then erased.

But what’s written in Pisces, then erased before it gets sent? That’s what’s most important. It’s not what’s there, it’s what’s subtracted. What’s been omitted? What’s been said without saying it? There’s a curious dynamic, and to some, this “Reading between the lines,” and while that’s a good idea? Careful about drawing conclusions that are based on what’s not there.

“Can you see what I’m writing then erasing?”

Not really, but it’s a good guess, based on the planets at this time.

It’s not what’s said, it’s what’s not said, but felt, emoted, or, as I started out, “Written and erased.”



The Ram

My favorite expression, especially as it applies to lovely Aries?

    “Can’t hit a moving target.”

Which, technically, isn’t true at all. Got one buddy who used to shoot skeet, that’s a moving target. However, this isn’t about shooting with a firearm at a moving target; although, sure, if that fits in your world, whatever. No, the expression, “Can’t hit a moving target,” in my parlance? It refers to trying to obtain a goal, and the person setting the goal keeps moving the goal further and further away. Or moving it to the left and right. For a straightforward Aries, this is a problem. “Would you hold still,” or, “at least, make up your mind,” are common Aries retorts in this next week.

Aries: A better idea? Wait until the dust settles, or the target calms down and quits moving.



The Bull

There are some days when you’d rather just sit this one out. This week has a spot of “ugly” in the middle of it.

Taurus: It’s not you. But it’s around you; it’s next to you. It’s trying to be in your face. Maybe you want to sit this one out.

There are fights, scenarios, battles, reason, and so forth? “It’s the principle of the matter!” Me? I’ve hollered that more than once. Fight the good fight, stand up for what’s right, and valiantly go to battle against the evil. Might run into some stacked odds, liked stacked against you, and there might be some information you’re still not privy to. What you pick as a stalwart underdog in apparently desperate need of Taurus assistance? Might not be the real situation.

Might want to sit this one out.



The Twins

I want it easy. I want it easy and flowing for Gemini. I love my Gemini brothers and sisters. We’re so alike in many different ways. The problems of the last few weeks are still upon us, that’s all. “That’s all?” Frequently, that “That’s all” commentary is followed by a litany list of foibles, troubles, Mercury Mishaps, mercurial miscues, and so forth, a list that can stretch ad infinitum for Gemini. You were warned. You had clues. I suggested alternatives, and still, there’s the Gemini’s list of wrongs. Misdeeds.

Be aware that we’re still operating in a weird situation, and this is more about Mercury and Virgo, and less about that sense that there’s a break about to occur. Which there is. But it’s not here yet.

That’s all.



Moon Child

Pick one Cancer task, pick one, onerous, troubling, bothersome, noisome task that is pestering your wee little Cancer brain. Pick one task. Can it be outsourced? Delegated to lesser employee? Fobbed off on someone else?

Avoid the work. This is one task that needs to be outsourced. Needs to be delegated. Needs to be handled by someone who either gets paid a lot more or gets paid a lot less.

“It’s above my pay grade. I can’t do it.”

That usually works for me.

The Leo:

The Leo

The Lion

I tend to be very Sagittarius, as in I’m blunt. I’ll say the absolutely most correct phrase, at possibly the worst time imaginable. It’s a talent I ascribe to being rather Sagittarius. That’s me. Given where the planets are at this very moment? The problem is, the challenge is, for The Leo? Maybe don’t try to imitate my “best possible comment at the worst possible time” action.

The gentle shift in Jupiter’s location presages good stuff ahead for Leo. The reluctant planets still in Virgo? It’s not time yet. It’s like me, I think of a perfectly witty reply to a snarky comment, like, 24 hours later. Leo, The Leo, you usually aren’t thusly tongue-tied. However, be aware that you, just for the time being, and this isn’t the time to point out what should be perfectly obvious to everyone.

Think: you want to wind up like me? Best possible comment at the worst possible time?

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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