Horoscopes starting 10.13.2016

    Besides, the lott’ry of my destiny
    Bars me the right of voluntary choosing
    Portia in Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice 2.1.13–4

Horoscopes starting 10.13.2016



The Scales

One of the themes that shows up, over and over in Shakespeare’s work is the question of, “Just who’s in charge?” Fate? Odd gods? Catholic God? Shakespeare’s Portia bemoans her fate based on the lottery of destiny, implying fate is random. I suggest clues about one’s fate are etched in patterns described in the heavens, the stars above. The term “lottery” carries a mega-jackpot implication with it. Jupiter, currently in Libra, brings that same implication. While one Libra will suggest “Nothing is going well,” there are three who will see the upside, the bright side, the sunny side.

“So this is ‘sunny side up?’ Told you: fried.”

Allow some room for Jupiter to work his thing. Good stuff. Birthdays, all good – there is a lottery-type win in your Libra future.



The Scorpion

I was chatting with a Scorpio buddy, making an important point. She nodded, but there was that vacant look to her eyes. Not haunted, not distracted, but certainly not paying attention. Part of the problem. Behind her eyes, behind those usually piercing Scorpio eyes?

She was already making up her mind about which way this was going to go, framing an answer to question I never asked. It was the blank look that worried me, and it’s the blank look you give the rest of us, the other, non-Scorpio people. You’re already jumping to a conclusion long before any of the facts have been presented. Direction, orientation, answers to questions that I didn’t ask, and the usual Scorpio skill-set includes being able to direct this back around to hammer home your point.

I’m all about the Scorpio agenda, but hear me out. Before you leap to a conclusion, stop and listen to what’s being said. The information presented might be different from what you were expecting.

Wait, wait and hear me out before you frame your response.



The Archer

The sign said 24 hour video. I don’t dance, not in public, not where it might be recorded, then put on some video sharing site, and I would be mocked mercilessly. There is a hint for politicians, or aspiring politicians herein, as well, though very few politically minded take heed of my advice. Even when faced with mounting evidence that this “astrology stuff” bears fruit? Anyway, the suggestion, for Sagittarius, if we don’t want to be recorded taking some kind of action – in my example, me, dancing? If we don’t want to be seen, recorded, shared on a website, and publicly mocked, possibly humiliated, then don’t. Don’t what? Don’t do it. Don’t do it in front of a camera.

If we say, as Sagittarius, say – or do – this in public? Then it becomes part of the permanent record. Does not bode well. It’s not a bad time for many actions, but the stupid stuff? Restraint, especially if it’s one of those places, the sign made this obvious, “Video Camera in Use.”



The Sea-Goat

I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to prep Capricorn for the inevitable upcoming events. Gentle prodding in a single direction, some mindful preparedness, and warnings, not so dire, all of that is a subtle kind of preparation. This is set to be well-received, in the next week, provided, and that’s a big proviso, because there was some work you were supposed to do. Goals, accomplishments, targets reached, numbers crunched, battlements built, all, or some, depends on the individual scenario, but there was adequate time for prep work.

It’s go time. Or, perhaps a more relaxed phrasing would better capture the idea, “It’s ‘whoa’ time.”

This is the perfect time not to charge ahead, although, every fiber in your Capricorn body want to charge straight into the fray.

“Whoa time, not go time.”



The Water Bearer

I looked up a nutritional factoid on the web. I skipped the ads and rolled over to a – theoretically – trusted site. The site had the exact answer I was looking for, but alongside my search results were two more boxes that held suggestions. The next most common search term? “Chocolate Salad.” I’ve seen chocolate-dipped strawberries, matter of fact, I’ve seen many variations on the theme of fruit that is dipped in chocolate. Does that count as a fruit salad? I’m unsure. I’m still trying to imagine what a chocolate salad would be.

I have at least one Aquarius client with a sweet tooth, and her version would be a variety of chocolate bars unwrapped, and arrayed across a plate, some of the bars would be cut open, dripping and oozing sugary filling as part of the enticement. Imagine Snickers or Butterfingers, chopped up like carrots or celery, part of plate full of prepared chocolate treats. My vision for Aquarius, no, it’s not chocolate salad, my vision, though, is the springboard from one idea. One juxtaposition, probably a mechanical juxtaposition, where a search engine lands two items next to each other, and they don’t seem to pair up. Can you – Aquarius – make this work, two items that don’t belong next to each other, can you make this fit together? I think you can.



The Fishes

There’s got to come a time when there’s a decent change in the correct direction – for your Pisces self. The challenge is that there is an element of the mystic in this, too. Plus, there’s that ever-present Pisces sense that if we just think about it hard enough, put adequate wishing resources into dreaming big, just hope hard enough? That’s enough to make this dream come true.

Pisces: if it’s meant to be then it’s up to me.

Simple, easy to recall mnemonic. As a weekly message, there’s some action that’s required from Pisces. Action. Not wishing for action, action. Activity. Motion, movement, “doing things,” for gosh’s sake. Who is gosh, anyway? Never mind.

When that chance presents itself, it will, over and over, in the next couple of days? Take action. Failure to take action leaves you in the exact same place as before. Or? In other words?

Pisces: if it’s meant to be then it’s up to me.



The Ram

I don’t recognize the band’s name. If it is, indeed, a band. Might be one of those DJ mixer guys, I’m not sure, or made up band? The tune came in on the radio. I started nodding to the beat. It helped to find a rhythm, for working through this.

As an Aries? We’re looking for rhythm to work our way through this mess of a week. Weekend. Start of next week. Most near Full Moon, but it’s not here yet. Pressure from Mars as it aligns with Pluto. Pressure from a fast-moving Mercury in Libra, opposite Aries.

None of this is a buzz-kill, but there is a certain amount of tension. Free-floating, and looking for a place to alight, that tension doesn’t belong to Aries. Still, as a good Aries, you might get attached to that tension. Not a good idea. What worked, the song segued into the next tune, I don’t know what it was, but the first song had that correct beat, the right rhythm so that a person, like myself, can nod his head, more (or less) in sync. Whether it’s music or other, internal beat-machines, Aries needs some kind of a rhythm to keep moving. “Keep on, keeping on.”



The Bull

I’ve never been a gamer. Not part of the way I’m put together. Former girlfriends have accused me of toying with their emotions, but that’s not really true. Clients, too, again, not true. So the noises from popular games? Unknown quantity to me. However, as a mixtape-type was playing, it was an electronic copy, not really a mixtape, but as it was playing, the artist looped in some synthesized clip that sounded like a game. Might’ve been from a game. Might’ve been from a loop-making-thing so that it sounded like a game.

The game noise, or the retro game noise, whatever one prefers to call it? It echoes an idea. There’s an echo in Taurus, even now, and sometimes, this isn’t something that touches us directly. Like I started out, I’m not a gamer, so this isn’t about that. This is a topic about which I know very little. Way it is. But there’s a sense that there’s an echo. I hear that noise, and think about points, possibilities. Echoes. Listen for them, as those echoes are your Taurus clues about how to move forward in this next week. Echoes, by the way, are also defined as when sound waves bounce off a hard surface. Listen for the echoes.



The Twins

As a Gemini, you appreciate shorthand notes. A few of you wish my horoscopes were less cryptic and more clear. I try to be as clear as I can be, for Gemini, but there’s always a need for a double-layer, in Gemini, because, well, the Gemini brain demands it. At least two layers, maybe more. This week, I was looking through my notes, and I realized I had an incomplete set of notes for Gemini. I have this method of taking notes, where I’ll transcribe a keyword or phrase, and I’ll leave it at that.

The notes, anymore, just show up in a handheld, mostly a phone.

Perfect example? “Merch. Lottery 2.” That refers to the opening quote, picked for this week’s horoscopes. “Merch.” is short for The Merchant of Venice, clearly, “Lottery” is the phrase, and “2” indicates I think it was in the second act. The question being, a conventional search won’t ferret out this data because the Folio Text spells it as a contraction.

There’s a shorthand note to this week’s planetary arrangement — for Gemini — but how to get that information out? You’re going to have to rely on organic storage units, your brain, for some of the help. The shorthand notes only get so far.



Moon Child

One my little Cancer buddies, she sells real estate. Great real estate agent. If you want to buy or sell in Austin? “Hook a brother up,” right? However, this next week, good for a number of last-minute closings for Cancer, there’s also a few issues. “I’ve been thinking about moving.” No. Not for Cancer. Help us move, find us houses, sell us houses, arrange our houses, but selling then buying your own home? Not a good idea, not this week. By extension, not a good time to rearrange your own home. You can tell me where to put the futon, how to arrange the book cases, what colors look good in my bedroom, yes, you’ve got great ideas.

Amend that thought, “Yes, Cancer, you’ve got great ideas for everyone else.” I’ll listen. I’ll take note, I’ll take heed, I’ll even probably take your advice — but in this case? Think about my advice, not a good time for you to buy, sell, trade the home. Or plan renovations. You can plan the renovations, just don’t execute those plans, not no the Cancer home, not at this time. Leave well-nigh alone, for this week. Blame the moon. Blame Mars. Blame me. But save it for later.

The Leo:

The Leo

The Lion

I would like to think I mastered the art of the “Bacon and eggs” breakfast. Much to the chagrin of the girlfriend who like non-GMO, non-toxic, all-healthy foods, though the secret to my breakfast preparation? Bacon. Not just that, but bacon in a microwave, the horror, oh the horror!

Get a couple of strips of bacon in the microwave pan, nuke on high for a minute a slice, bacon is nice and crispy and there’s a layer of bacon fat, drain that into the skillet.

“Kramer, your breakfast is always better, why’s that?”

Made with bacon grease – old, Southern trick.

Might not be real bacon grease, but there’s a secret to making this week, and the rest of this unsettled time, there’s a way to make this work. Bacon grease. sometimes, the answer, is right in front of you. Other reason my breakfast tastes so good to her? I made it. But looks for bacon grease, howsoever you define it.



The Virgin

I do readings for her, so she qualifies as a client, but I think of her more as a friend, just one of many. I watched, with rapt attention, as she decided to unload several years worth of “Marketing Strategy,” “Business Strategy,” and “Self-Help” books. I picked through the titles themselves, and I noted that maybe one out of ten were books I read, or at the very least borrowed a copy of, only to return the text as it held little emotional value to me. I hold onto certain sacred texts, like a few astrology manuals, but even then, not too many of those, anymore, plus my library with all its weird collections. I’ve spent most of my adult life staying clear of self-help tomes, as the best self-help I get comes from meditation and spiritual practices.

One buddy – Virgo fishing buddy – his enlightenment comes from prayer and medication, as in, “Please don’t let me get caught again.” Whatever works, right?

With my friend, she first listed the books on eBay/Craig’s List. What didn’t sell in the first ten days, she then took to a local (Half Price Books) used book store. When she didn’t get much of an offer there, she eventually hauled, what was left, down to the Public Library because they will accept all texts as a donation. Pretty sure the library resells the books, but there are advantages, the books stay in circulation, and the proceeds benefit the library. Every penny counts. Oddly enough, most of the self-help titles wound up at the library while the rest sold at “pennies on the dollar,” maybe ten percent of the original cover prices.

My Virgo friend: unload that which no longer serves you. The three-step process seems a bit convoluted to me, but I’m not the Virgo here. Do what you got to do but lighten the load.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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