Horoscopes starting 11.17.2016

    Where America, the Indies?
    Shakespeare’s Comedy of Errors (3.2.101)

Horoscopes starting 11.17.2016



The Scorpion

I’m sure I’ve written about this kind of a loop before. It’s circular situation, and I’m trying to stop the good Scorpio from getting caught in a similar situation. Before I forget? Happy birthday, and so on. Yes, so anyway, I was looking, I’m on a sales list for one place, and the ad was one of their items marked way down, approximately one quarter of the original, retail price.

Steep discount, no? Appealing price point, and then, because it was on sale, I clicked through to check, yes, even cheaper than I thought. The question being, is this an item I’ll really use? Do I need another? If it were fishing gear, then, of course, it’s not much of a question. Of course I need one. But it’s not, this is, shall we say, “Business related?” Be nice to have one, and the steep discount looks attractive, but if it was some item I really needed? I would have bought it by now, not worried about the price. Think that’s the question for Scorpio and Scorpio birthdays, if it was worth the full retail price? And you were willing to pay that? Probably is a needed item. Just because it’s on sale? Doesn’t make it more valuable.

Pause before you click “buy.”


Cause and effect? The Illusion of Fate? The illusion is one wherein we think that there is some divine, controlling force at work, a super-natural element at work, and in my example, I know it’s the effects of the planets. Saturn, in Sagittarius, and Mars, in Aquarius? Let’s look at those two planets. One extracts duty, honor, obeisance. In return? Saturn gifts us with Fate’s ultimate answers. Mars, to flip this around, adds an intellectual layer. That’s not always good.

There comes a time wherein the question of Fate, instead of sheer cause and effect, there comes a time when it’s hard to distinguish between the two. Or, in some cases, we don’t want to presume there’s a difference. Saturn, and Mars, will lay a path out. It’s not Fate. It’s not some super-natural, cosmically divined order, no, this isn’t the fates at work. This is the mere handiwork of our own Sagittarius selves. We’re figuring out how to get from where we’re at to where we want to be, and no one seems to be helping with this. I was born and raised in Texas, and as such, I have birthright that includes certain attitude, “Well, (bad words — swearing), needs to get done. No one around to help. I’ll just fix this myself, then. All-righty.” Imagine one of us, hitching up our britches. Up to us. No Fates, no super-luminary supreme being, no odd gods from the corners of the galaxies, none of that. Up to us.

Fate is an illusion at this moment. Going to make it happen? Up to us to do it.


One of my basic tenets is that astrology is nothing more than a language. I’m pretty fluent in “astrologese,” and get me around certain characters and we bust out our language, off into a spinning hot mess no one but us can understand. But jargon, like that, while imminently useful among kindred spirits?

Jargon, to an outsider, can be difficult to digest. Watch a couple of computer techs talking through problems, which, in the real world of computers, usually comes down to “Idiot at Keyboard,” more than any other problem. Watch the Electronic Engineers discuss troubles and trouble-shooting a situation. Once they enter that world of “Tech-talk?” No one but experts can keep up. The secret to Capricorn success in the next few days? Ascertain just where the person’s knowledge level, language skills, figure out just where the target’s skills are. Then talk to that level. Might want to skip the jargon, as not everyone knows the shortcut terms we tend to employ, those of us who work in this field.

In other words? No jargon this week, not for Capricorn.


Looking through the mail, the other day, I got a flyer, circular, advertising thing, addressed to the former occupant or current resident. I flipped open the pages, and it was an ad for a chain saw. My first thought? As the mediation and intuition teachers preach? That first thought is usually the right one.

    “I need one of these!”

I do not need a chainsaw. Most dangerous piece of equipment I handle is a fishing pole, and even then, yes, I have hooked myself. It happens. I know what I can and can’t do. Heavy, power equipment? Even with all the safety shields built-in? I really don’t need to be juggling a chainsaw. At all. As an Aquarius, you look at that ad, you see a shiny, new chainsaw and think, “I need one of these babies!” No, no you don’t. Neither you, nor I, need a chainsaw. Whirring blades, loud motor, ability to slice right through limbs? Tree limbs, sure, but also other kinds of limbs, and guess what? We really don’t need to handle one of those right now. Mars excites and adds healthy dose of enthusiasm. Good news. But do you really need a new chainsaw?

“I need one of those!”

I have no business operating one of those, and Aquarius? Neither do you. Not this week. Think about it this way, might help, was it a power tool used in a horror/slasher film? If so? Stay away.


There needs to be a palpable sense of the absurd to make it through this next few days. A sense of whimsey. A sense that, you know, as a Pisces, you might be able to see this, that there’s someone having a good laugh at you right now. Someone, someplace is messing with your poor, Pisces head. Someone is toying with you, giving you obstacles and problems, challenges, and none of these are dire. None of these obstacles are really obstacles, more like tiny hurdles that you have to overcome. One at a time. None of this is a huge deal, although, after a bunch of little deals, you start to wonder.

    Breaks down like this, you’re going to think someone is out to “Get you.” That’s not the case, but it will feel like it is.

Proper sense of the absurd. Easy as that. Simple solution to a complex set of Pisces circumstances.


I was at a (new age) business-type of meeting. Three of us were invited to speak about a topic for 20 minutes each. Sort of a mini-seminar. I’m pretty good at this, having taught, coached, and written about astrology for the last few years. I can wing it just fine. The problem being, and this is also an Aries problem, I get long-winded, like, I was about hip-deep in my topic and there were only three minutes left in my slot. The person at the head of the table held up her hand. A minute later, she made a “Let’s wrap this up” motion, and that’s when I made a beeline drive to the resounding conclusion. I finished with a minute to spare, but I’ve been doing this for some time.

I thought of this example, primarily, because the lady running the show was Aries, but then, too, there’s that “Let’s wrap bit up” motion. The hand in the air, a silent but poignant direction that time is nigh.

Me, to you, the Aries? “Wrap it up.” Shorter. More concise. Straight to the point. No messing around. We got three minutes. No, less than that.

Wrap it up.


“Kramer’s wicked ‘cold-brew’ coffee!” There were a few more adverbial phrases attached, and seriously, “wicked” isn’t a good description, but that’s not what this is about. It’s about a process I use to make a version of a summer treat that works perfect on cold, winter afternoons. Cold afternoons in Texas which might — or might not — qualify as “chilly” to some. The trick is the filter and the ingredients. I use a regular French Press, “press pot” for the process, and I use a coarse grind of coffee, then I let it sit overnight. If possible, I try for 36 hours instead of the usual 24, but that’s because I like a strong brew. Then, instead of just pressing the plunger down and pouring the cold extraction into a container, I use a filter that’s “salted” with a sprinkling of cinnamon and a few drops of vanilla extract. Flavor. Xmas spice-like, a little treat on top of a cold treat. The trick is that it’s on the filter, and even though coarse-ground coffee grinds shouldn’t seep through the wire French Press filter? Sometime they do and the harsh residue can take away from the cold-brew’s magic. Filter. Just regular, cheap, pour-over filter. Cinnamon regulates sugar, so say the homeopathic naturalists. Vanilla dissipates evil. Both are reminiscent of Xmas, holidays, and good times ahead. It’s way to kick-start Taurus.

My recipe, ask if you really need all the details, I’m sure I’ve posted them someplace, is nothing more than a couple of tiny tricks, a drop of vanilla extract and a sprinkle of cinnamon, all designed to make life in Taurus land better. Tiny tricks. Subtle. Doesn’t have to be a big deal to make life better by degrees. Change your coffee; change the way you see the world, and then? Life is better.


There was, from some point in my memory, a title of a literary work, something along the lines of, “Near-misses, and should’ve beens (something something something).” I can’t seem to locate it, and it might be one of those pieces of work, that referenced inside another work, and as it turns out, it might not be real. Think of a peculiar title of a book, mentioned in Vonnegut’s work, Venus on the Half Shell, which, if I recall was later published as a follow-up, or as a homage to the original allusion.

The phrase I’m working with for Gemini? “Near-misses and should’ve beens.” Simply put, this is a week for near misses. Great ideas that fall short in execution. Grand and eloquent thought processes that don’t quite yield what the Gemini was expecting. Close. Almost, nearly there, but not quite. Which is why, I was thinking, to help manage the Gemini mindset, don’t be too shy when it falls a little short of the perceived goal. Near-misses count as almost good enough, and while that won’t work for the long haul, you being Gemini and all? That will work for now. Reel in those expectations a little. Some days, when you fall a little short? You avoid getting your head taken off.


Ask for help.

Simply put, ask for help. There’s a chore at hand, and two bodies working on it makes it go much quicker. Ask for help. Buddy of mine, he’s not a really a good fisherman, as sales, he’s golden, I think and that would have to be his strength. Fishing? Not so much. Fun to take, interesting guy on the boat, but no, not good with certain aspects of fishing. He kept running a hook through a certain kind of live bait, tossing the bait out, then having the bait go one way while the hook, line and sinker went the other direction. Simple task, thread the live bait onto the hook. Simple — to me. I’ve done this, over and over, year in and year out. To me, this is almost second nature. To my buddy? The concept of threading a worm onto a hook, or, think this is about a critter called “sea lice,” but the idea of how to hook it in a way that the bait doesn’t escape? Left my buddy befuddled. After hurling a few bits of live bait into the bay? He finally asked for help. Made me think about Cancer, this week, “Do you know how to do this? Can you show me how?”

Ask for help.

The Leo:

Turn that majestic Leo focus on someone else. Try to step out of the spotlight. Let the adoration and accolades fall on someone else, perhaps someone that your Leo self thinks is more deserving. It happens. In truth, there is no one more deserving, but this is about sharing the spotlight, being humble, be willing to say, “Aw shucks, weren’t a thing,” and otherwise act demure.

There’s a big difference between humility and humiliation. I’m far from suggesting humiliation, but there’s a sideways nod, a gentle indication that the person standing next to you is who made it all possible. Between your humble Leo self and me? We know it was really The Leo who made all this happen, but a little bit humility plays a long way, long way in the next few weeks, and this is the time to embrace that.

“Shucks. Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without your help.”

See how easy that can be?


As a Virgo, you can keep track of details, and as a “modern” person, you’re more than familiar with looking up stuff on the webs. Quickest way to debunk a myth? Search for it and see what a consensus of websites have to say about it. Plus pictures, and probably a list of why it is, or isn’t, true. Best way to debunk a rumor that wants to be a myth and masquerades as a fact? Search for that term. See what the first couple of dozen hits say about the “Virgo Fact,” which, in fact, might not be a fact. Or might be. The trick is that this peculiar planet arrangement drives your Virgo self to needing more information. You can’t accept what I say as a fact. As one relative observed recently, “Even Kramer doesn’t believe everything he says!”

Take that previous accepted “Virgo gospel fact” and do a cursory search.

This is part of a different way of seeing the world, and this concentrates less on the individual details and more on a “Grand overview” way of seeing events, situations. Facts. Consider stepping back about two paces and seeing the whole thing instead of just concentrating on one of the tiny details and worrying about that. Macro, no micro.


I picked a quote, a query, an interrogative, for this week’s introduction because it conveyed an open-ended question. As the Sun gradually fades into a winter sky, as the days are markedly shorter, northern hemisphere, as the winter constellations rise in the night’s sky? Time to think about some open-ended questions for Libra. This is less about individual, focused, laser-like questions with a goal and direction, and this more like the wide-open general and sweeping questions, like a philosophy question. This is less about mechanics of a situation and more about the thematic underpinning to the deal.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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