Horoscopes starting 12.15.2016

    One word more, I beseech you. If you be not too much cloy’d with fat meat, our humble author will continue the story, with Sir John in it, and make you merry with fair Katherine of France, where (for any thing I know) Falstaff shall die of a sweat, unless already ’a be kill’d with your hard opinions; for Oldcastle died a martyr, and this is not the man. My tongue is weary, when my legs are too, I will bid you good night.
    Rumor in Shakespeare’s Henry IV, part 2 (epilogue)

Horoscopes starting 12.15.2016



The Archer

This is about distractions. This about staying “on point,” and not letting clicks, and links, lead your wonderful, happy birthday, Sagittarius self astray.

We’re not known for being the most focused of signs, as a rule. Not that we’re quite as easily distracted as certain other signs (air signs come to mind), but given the way this one lines up? We’re a little scattered. Stay focused. Stay on point. Keep the primary goal in mind.

Simple way to do this? Scraps of paper with various notations inscribed therein. I tend towards cheap post-it notes. Instead of a whole slew of these things across the bottom of the computer’s screen, then a few more clogging the tablet?

Two. Two post-it notes. One says, “Focus.” The other note, it can say whatever you want it to say. Whatever is paramount in the epic Life of Sagittarius, at this moment.



The Sea-Goat

Nostalgia is a risky endeavor. Nostalgia is particularly risky, particularly now, especially for my fine Capricorn friends. The cloying scent of holiday miasma, the over-used scents of apple-cider, Pumpkin Spice is enough to initiate a gagging reflex.

No, no, no. Occasionally, a pine-scented candle, or a wreath that has a smelly thing attached to it so the plastic leaves give off a fragrant blend that suggests “pine-fresh and clean,” sure, that’s not too bad. But there’s too much and it would seem, everyone in the Capricorn life at this moment is trying for too much. Be nice if you could shake some of these folks, and ask them, “Really? Is that what apple-cider, pine-cone, pumpkin-spice crap is supposed to smell like?”

Scents trigger memories. Memories trigger nostalgia, for “The way things used to be.” That’s where I’m warning you, a little caution, a little too much yearning for the days yore, when life was simpler? Nostalgia, it’s a luxury that is a slippery slope for Capricorn.

“Slippery slope?”

Yes, only direction is down.



The Water Bearer

Fall out from the Full Moon? Yes, there is that. I have two piles, here, stuff that no longer fits, I no longer use, and no longer serves me — in any capacity. I will donate that to charity. The second pile is easier, it’s the “Stuff I keep,” because, for some reason, I can’t bear putting it in the other pile. There’s a ragged, old T-shirt with a logo from a business that’s long-dead, and a location that’s long-gone, but I still hold onto the shirt, more like a rag, for sentimental value. Cherished memories. Now, there’s actually a third pile, “Stuff that should be recycled, but won’t go until after the holidays, maybe next year, and then, maybe not at all, but really, I should consider tossing this crap, sooner or later.”



The Fishes

There’s an old joke, only need two items to fix anything, WD-40 and Duck Tape. If it moves, and it shouldn’t? Duct Tape will hold it still, at least for now. If it’s supposed to move and doesn’t? WD-40 will fix it right up. Neither solution is intended as permanent, but then, with where things are, as Mars enters Pisces? Permanence can’t be counted upon; so, therefore, the two, quick-fix, solutions.

If it’s supposed to move and it doesn’t? Light oil from a can, specifically, WD-40. If it’s not supposed to move and it is? Duck Tape that sucker. Neither solution is a long-term answer, but the way this week works out, we’re limping towards a big holiday. And Mars? Mars just adds unneeded pressure on the Pisces psyche, so, a simple, temporary fix is best.

Wd-40 and Duct Tape. Duck Tape. Light machine oil and strong adhesive. They are not permanent and nether is this Pisces situation, so, like I’ve suggested, think about the quick fix.



The Ram

A vary harried-looking mail person rang the doorbell.

“Hi! You’re new here!”

“Please sign here,” she said, in a tired voice, handing me a package to sign for.

I smiled, broadly, then asked if there was anything I could do to help. Mail carrier looked at me, dull eyes brightened momentarily, then she demurred. It’s the mailmen’s season, right?

What I did was a leave an open-ended offer “on the table,” so to speak, and I’m sincere. Bottle of water, help with a heavy package coming to my doorstep, accepting a package for a neighbor, anything like that. In this day and age, though, kindness seems uncommon. Think that was the bright spot for that mail carrier.

What’s going on in Aries? You need a brightener.

The edge of this offer, though, it starts and stops with actions that are within my powers to accomplish. There’s an irascible neighbor, down the street, and he barks, and he complains about every modern inconvenience. I can’t fix his attitude. As an Aries, know what you can fix, or what you can’t fix. Don’t try to fix something that is either unfixable, or plainly out of the realm of Aries fixability.



The Bull

We were working, really, I think this was a fishing trip, but that’s work for some of us, and anyway, where we were staying? WiFi was weird. Sometimes, the place had a clear, fast signal and other times, it was a slow, almost non-existent reception. I developed the habit of toggling the WiFi off/on to renew its lease. The connection would fade out after an hour or so, and to remedy that? Just toggle it off and back on. Searching, found, strong signal again for the next hour.

It’s simple, this week requires you toggle the WiFi (in the Taurus mind) off and back on. Plain and simple technological “reset.” It’s not hard, nor is this difficult and, at best, it’s mildly inconvenient. Still, access to wireless data, the “free” WiFi? Someone’s paying for it, someplace somehow, and that’s not this question. This is how to reset your brain, minor adjustment, get everyone back to where we’re all supposed to be.

Simplest form of reset? Just toggle that WiFi off and back on. See if that works before you start any other troubleshooting.



The Twins

Over the years, my taste in Shakespeare plays changed. Still, to my ear, to my eye, for my tastes, a couple of the “problem plays” are still my favorites. Odd collections, seldom performed as no one knows for sure, was it comedy? Tragedy? Farce? I tend to regard the problem plays like as a precursor to the more modern versions of “Black Comedy,” a tale that’s comic in its bitterness. Funny, in an oblique manner. Weirdly funny, but more like a smirk than a laugh, unless, of course, it’s a nervous laugh. “Ha-ha, I mean it was funny, or is it just me?”

As we wrap up Sagittarius, there’s a change afoot in Gemini. Subtle change, maybe it’s a matter of taste. Maybe it’s one of those darkly comedic points, “Oh you have to find the humor there, it’s there, you just have to look.” Then you smirk.

I get it. I’m like you. I like you. But not everyone gets it.

“It’s sarcasm. Oh, never mind you won’t understand.”

Again, I find it funny, but I’m a Gemini-compliant person. Just warning you, not everyone gets it.



Moon Child

“With great (Cancer) power comes great responsibility.” I’m good with the power, I’m just not comfortable with that whole responsibility thing. That’s me. At the very end of this horoscope, Sun shifts in Capricorn, and this will illuminate a Cancerian Pathway that is the route to great power. But there’s also a holiday intervening, and that can cause momentary distractions.

What were we talking about?

I forgot.

With great power, there’s its little friend, great responsibility. Need to remember that. Learn to be judicious with its uses.

The Leo:

The Leo

The Lion

One of my buddies, she’s not a Leo, but let’s pretend? She’s considerably older, and I won’t mention her age, as too many of our friends might figure this one out, but anyway, she was at work one day, I was there to see her, and she had on an uncharacteristic deep-V-neck shirt. Cleavage was hanging out. Not a little, a lot. Left nothing to the imagination. That she could wear this effectively? Cool, “You go girl.” That it caused problems? There is that. One of the associates was visibly attracted and motivated by the excessive display of skin. It was easy to see why. It was tastefully arranged in such a way as to be clearly excessive but — almost — refined. Almost. Close, but not quite. Prurient interests aside? Not much else to talk about.

This is a clear example of distraction. To me, it was amusing — but I’m not The Leo, and as The Leo, is this the most effective way to get attention?

Holidays are here, use that power wisely.



The Virgin

This happens to everyone of a certain age, and it’s coming. It’s family time. Along with family time? Tech-support for the elderly. “My internet isn’t working,” or “my phone has this problem.” Heard it before. Because I’m the male, for some reason, it’s assumed that I can take care of it. I have no idea where that misconception was born, external reproductive organs do not equal technical prowess. (hashtag justsayin’) Deal is, for Virgo, we’re getting pressed into service, and if we don’t stop it? We keep getting the calls. Suggestions? Consider, before we even get asked, start fiddling with the device, electrical, whatever it is. I’ll grab a phone and start thumbing it, “What’s your access code,” and that stops them, in their tracks. “I’m not telling you.”

Then I can’t fix it. The other part of this that I always find so amusing, to me? Unplug the whole system, let it all power down then power everything up. One parental type unit, she leaves everything on, at all times. Good for some things, but most computer systems, they can stand a reboot, more than once a year.

These are proactive, Virgo-Specific suggestions for this next week, should this happen. Might not be elderly tech-support, but it will be something.



The Scales

What’s the difference between proper assistance and guidance in critical phase of development, what’s different between that and hovering, meddling, and annoying with micromanaging? There’s that delicate balance point, and there’s one shot at hitting that in the next few days. I’m sure you can get there from here, but that one spot, that one goal, that single ray of hope? Have to work it to make it happen. You can do it. The little secret is to use the available resources, all of them at this time. Use all available resources. “Remember when you said you’d do me a favor? Well, I kind of need a hand right now.”

See how it works?



The Scorpion

What was once difficult will now be rendered easy, if you wait for it. This week, maybe start of next week, but yeah, much easier before the big holiday itself arrives. Maybe not today or tonight, but the time is quickly approaching when this is easier. The trick is realizing that this is the very time when patience, as in, “DON’T DO IT NOW,” that kind of patience, this is when that pays off. You’ll get a chance, but it’s not now. My fine Scorpio friend, it’s worth waiting for as this is much easier to stomach, handle, or otherwise deal with internally, if you wait for it.

The trick? Wait for it. Don’t lose your “Scorpio Cool” before Mars moves into Pisces.

Wait for it.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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