Horoscopes starting 3.23.2017

What can be avoided
Whose end is purpos’d by the mighty gods?

    Julius Caesar in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar 2.2.26-7

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Horoscopes starting 3.23.2017



The Ram

It almost happened again. I almost fell into that advertising trap. It’s product that I admire, but I never use — or I haven’t used since 2009, and realistically? Only once or twice before then. This is a product that I have a few of, and I really buy into the idea of using them, and I love the feel, the essence of the material, but seriously? I don’t ever use them. It’s a special brand of notebook, available in a variety of sizes and colors. Acid-free paper. Ruled, unruled, cross-hatched. Size, color, most important? Texture.

It’s paper that feels good. However, other than a few short sketches? Maybe a quick pencil outline or a wireframe design? Sporadic notes from some years back? Nothing. I buy the notebooks and then don’t use them. My solution? I remember, by looking on a bookshelf that has some similar notebooks — full of memories of Austin — and that was the last time I worked in that format. The advertising recently sucker-punched me again, and my finger lingered on the “Buy NOW” button. Then I remembered. This memory is a reminder for the birthday people: Aries. Yes, birthdays are good, and yes, we should be indulgent, and yes, Venus is being a miscreant, and no, maybe, not now. Maybe let your finger linger on the “Buy now” button, but don’t hit it. Not yet.



The Bull

Previously, I wrote about my coffee cups and my special tea mug. Oversized. While technically, that one mug was marketed as a coffee mug, I used it for tea. My proclivities in coffee cups tends to be smaller, more towards a demitasse, or, most preferable, an espresso cup. With where the planets are now for Taurus?

I tried something different one morning, last week. I tried a huge coffee mug. As deep as it is wide, the coffee mug easily holds three or four servings of my usual coffee dosage. Totally off my game plan. Totally away from the prescribed and ordained ways I work. A change-up of epic proportions. I easily grasp that such — an apparently — insignificant change might not seem like a big deal, but it was a way of experimenting with caffeine delivery, part of the morning routine, checking the essence of the latest batch of coffee beans and their flavors, and, in part, I didn’t want to use any of the smaller cups. Might’ve all been in the sink, dirty. It is important for a shift from a prescribed route, a well-defined way of working. Mars is energy, like that extra-large cup of coffee. There’s an established way of doing some task, and while this isn’t that big of a deal, not from appearances, it is a big deal. It’s about working with a change. Working towards a shift to make Taurus more productive when we all feel like there are great odds, stacked against us.



The Twins

A certain Gemini buddy, sort of a fishing buddy, he’s the perfect of example of what to do, and what not to do, this next couple of days. Most Gemini, I’m including you my fine friend, have an inner monologue running at all times. Not news, right? Inner voice carrying on and so forth about various topics, at all times, even in your sleep, and that inner monologue often runs alongside the more normal outer dialogue that is ongoing, right? When my buddy consumes adult beverages, he would like to think it’s all top–shelf liquor, when, in fact, much is less glamorous — and less fancy than supposed. Anyway, when he drinks, the boundary between the inner and outer voices goes away. Once I figured the magic mark was right at that tail–end of the second adult beverage, once I had a handle on that factoid? I was good. So right at the tail end of that second adult beverage? No more filter. No more boundaries between good taste, and a sense of decorum, and what comes out of the Gemini mouth is frequently more truthful, but also more subject to sarcasm — this week’s planets are like that second adult beverage, and his — my Gemini buddy as an example — his? Double Margarita on the rocks. Strong enough to curl my nose hairs and that’s from across the table. I wouldn’t know. Careful trying to mate your inner monologue with outer dialogue. Results can be, well, it’s not always pretty, how other people react.



The Crab

Displacement. Can I wrap all the disparate energies into a single buzzword? Sure, for this week’s sensitive Moon Children, the Cancer sign? The single word is “Displacement.” There’s a sense that something’s not quite right, and the best way to sum that up?


Pieces don’t align properly, the puzzle doesn’t fit together the way it should, the parts that need grease are dry, the parts that need to be dry are wet, see how this works out?

Critical to Cancer success this week is to understand the nature of the problem, mostly crap free-falling in Aries, but that Retrograde Venus, and we can’t forget Mars, currently in Taurus. Again, free-floating, lacking center, bereft of focus and direction? For my little Crab friends? Feeling displaced?

“Displacement” is all bad. Look at some of the current events, did you see the news last night, and then, look at how some of this is sliding right on around you, and as long as you don’t stick your claw out, and as long as you don’t latch onto some of this material, the free-falling, Aries (and et cetera) stuff? You might feel displaced, but you’re not under attack. “I’d like to help.” Might not be the right week for that.

The Leo:

The Leo

The Leo

While I’m a “Mr. Happy” about a lot of stuff, there’s one thing, going in Leo, for The Leo, and that one thing?


Yeah, no Leo, especially The Leo, like that uncomfortable pause and realization that feet have just been inserted into mouthes. There’s much that is flowing for The Leo, so what to watch out for? It’s Mars. In Taurus. Mars, in Taurus, makes for a certain level of emotional discomfort in the coming days. What to watch out for? Being wrong, at the worst possible time, and as loudly as possible.

Me? Doesn’t bother me being wrong. I can — easily — get both my feet into my mouth. But I’m not The Leo.



The Virgin

Check the credentials. It’s that simple, for this week’s Virgo plan for action, “Check the credentials.” A large number of my former professional associates are “Certified,” but digging into the so-called, self-proclaimed “certification” reveals that the source is usually dubious, circumspect at best. One service provider I used, simply claimed to be “Green, 100% Wind-Powered.” Didn’t take much to realize that the provider swiped that logo from some other online place and just plugged it in.

There was no substantiating evidence.

One client used to deliver cow manure to a “certified organic, cage-free” farmer. That cow crap came from cows that were more drug-addled than a Hollywood star headed to rehab. Brings up the question, and that is exactly what I’m suggesting for Virgo, go check the credentials.

“Got any paperwork on that?” A good start. “Got any proof?” Again, a good start. “Can I see some ID?” Even better, isn’t it?

Recently, an attractive woman sat down for a reading with me. When she recited her birthday, 11/28, I paused everything, dug out my wallet and showed her my driver’s license. “11/28! Same as you!”

I’m very willing to show my credentials, proof. However, I’m only the first one. The rest of the next few days?

Check the credentials.



The Scales

Mercury will move around in Aries, and oppose Jupiter, this week. Maybe we should talk about it? This is about contingency plans. The present is like the trunk of a tree, and that’s where we stand this week. The future is anyone of those branches, limbs, from the base to the one that reaches furthest into the sky, anyone of those is an option. Mercury’s motion, patterned against Venus and everything else? Let’s talk about what branch looks best. This is about moving through seemingly endless possibilities. Explore possible actions, explore possible directions, look at, then discuss, the potential outcomes from any variety of ways to navigate this tree. We’re at the base, at this moment, this time in space, we’re at the base. Look at the branches, they go every which way! We can, as Libra, we can follow anyone of those towards whatever goal we want.

Discuss. Weigh. Consider options. Narrative that helps define the direction and picking the single branch that might be best.

Libra: “Discuss.”



The Scorpio

To hear my family talk about it? “Insanity” runs in our family blood line. To hear clients talk about the same kind of “insanity,” it seems to run in all families. As a Scorpio, and with Mars where he is? “Everyone is crazy.” That’s the simplest way to address this.

Everyone is crazy.

Between my thoroughly undocumented and statistically skewed sampling, which includes most of my family, still, the way I read the numbers? Everyone’s crazy. That’s all the proof that I need. With Mars where he is? Opposite from Scorpio? You know all those crazy people? You’re going to run into them, soon. Maybe you’ve already encountered a few, but the numbers are swelling. Some might be from my family, others from my tribe, and still more, maybe your own family, too. The numbers don’t lie, and with this kind of crazy hunting down Scorpio? The easiest thing way to address it, remember, Mars? Easiest action to take? Nothing.

Just listen to them. Out of the lunatic and madman ravings, there’s always a shred of some interesting material.


“Everyone’s crazy.”




Some years ago, I purchased a talisman that insured that my immediate family would never come and stay with me. It was an object that doesn’t fit in my home, and as such, like a priest with a crucifix, warding off evil demons? That object was supposed to guarantee that family would not sleep under my roof.

Didn’t work out as planned.

As a Sagittarius myself, what this week holds are plans that don’t seem to be working out the way we think, as Sagittarius, the plans aren’t working out the way we think they should. While I’ve packaged a similar message in another format, astrofish.net/books, the message might sound familiar. Just because it doesn’t work out with our special Sagittarius plan, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for what’s best, or according to some divine, cosmic plan.

Or, like immediate family staying under my roof? Not a problem at all. Who knew it would be okay?



The Sea Goat

Small adjustments are needed in the Capricorn routine. Mostly, to me this looks like a daily routine, but there’s an adjustment required. Shift, get to work earlier, leave the house later, work late, leave late, leave early, stay late, I’m not sure. As I’ve moved around, the way people deal with vehicular traffic always astounds me. If I leave for Austin 0745 hours, it can take as little as an hour to arrive. If I leave at 0810 hours, it can take as long as two hours, and stretching to three, if I pause long enough to get a cup of coffee on the way. Similarly, I can leave Austin as early as 6 PM, and it takes two or three hours to get home, or, I can leave at 7 PM, and it takes as little as an hour.

Simple adjustments to my schedules. Simple plans, simple timing examples, but this works for Capricorn and it works into this week.

Those trips to Austin? Time is not wasted, as I’ve listened to a number of academic lectures about Shakespeare, then, twice now, I’ve listened to whole canon, read aloud. All because of traffic and Austin.

Capricorn: Make adjustments.



The Water Bearer

I found a website that I thought would be a cool, and tangentially related, link for Aquarius. The problem being, when I went back to check the site before I added the link, the site’s owner, webmaster, or manager added a “Pop-up, add-on ‘join our mailing list’ splash.” Annoyed me to no end, and when I see one of those pop-up, pop-under, nagging web-ware, I tend to not go back. Begging ware? I’m not sure. I’ll be honest, many years ago, I did employ a similar kind of screen, but I know that it annoys me to no end. So I don’t do that anymore.

The trick is, I tend to vet, double-check, most links a second or third time to make sure what I’m linking adds value, amuses, means something to me, or is worthy of the link. There’s not always meaning, sometimes it is for my own, twisted pleasure. Can never tell, not for sure. But every time I hit something with a “Let us add you to our mailing list and get updates, nagging emails, daily?”

Yeah, that’s not happening, not if I know about it.

Aquarius: adding a pop-up like that? Strictly a bad move. Don’t. Or, don’t add distractions that you wouldn’t enjoy.



The Fishes

Old school-age prank, I think. Perhaps a bit mean-spirited, but that’s not the intention I have. This is just an example. Remember when it was possible to sneak around on the ground-floor of the school and get under a desk, then tie the shoelaces together for another student? Bell would ring, and then, that one victim would appear to be hapless as he fell over, in the rush to get outside?

I’m all about not letting Pisces fall for this prank. So here’s how we keep our Pisces selves from getting tripped up with this week’s weird display of strange energies. Look.

Look down. Look where the Pisces feet are, and see if there is anything amiss. Look down, then look up. Check where you are then look where you’re gong before you ever shuffle off in any one direction. Pause. Or, pause with the paws.

There are an innumerable number of ways to interpret this, but the clue, the idea, the image that I was stuck with, over and over? Trying to undo a knot in a shoelace.

These days, I have limited myself to two types of footwear, “cowboy” boots and sandals. It’s just much easier that way. Life is so much simpler, too. Plus, as a thought, there’s no way anyone can tie my shoelaces together — because I don’t have any.

Pisces: Pause. Stop, look at your feet, then look where you’re going. Then motor forward, but check to make sure no one’s pulling any tricks that they think are funny.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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