Horoscopes starting 4.13.2017

    Peace be to England, if that war return
    From France to England, there to live in peace.
    England we love, and for that England’s sake
    With burden of our armor here we sweat.
    King of France in Shakespeare’s King John 2.1.91-4

Venus starts to go stationary. Sort of. Not out of the Venus woods with Mercury, not yet.


Horoscopes starting 4.13.2017



The Ram

I do love me some Aries energies, and I do love me some Aries. But we got all kinds of organic, and inorganic, material coming unglued at this time. Part of this is the way the Sun, in Aries, lines up with Uranus, for a brief, shining moment. Part of this is Venus, going stationary, but not resolving out her pattern just yet, yonder back in Pisces. Part of this pesky Mercury Retrograde, not upon us, I mean, not in Aries, but this is a dynamic wherein there’s Aries, stuck in the middle. Rash actions are not well-served. Birthday celebrations are in order. Jumping — real or figurative — is not encouraged. Originally, I was going to make a Base-Jumping joke. However, I don’t know many places, around here, where that’s even possible, so no way that analogy would really apply. It’s too early for the lake rats to be out and cliff jumping, so that one doesn’t apply, either. So chill out, enjoy the celebrations, but maybe, but maybe? No activity that involves being airborne.



The Bull

Stop. Pause. Review, revise, and re-edit. Look it over one last time. Mars, the problem with Mars and his energies? He pushes, he makes us all a little antsy and impatient. “Now” is not soon enough, under this kind of Mars influence. With Mercury at the gateway, and a certain amount of reluctant energy floating freely? I can attribute that to Jupiter in its position, but that might be me. As a Taurus?

As a Taurus? Pause. A well-timed pause will work wonders, and that incessant Mars, it’s like a low-rider, passing, with the beat thumping so loud, we feel it in our teeth. Dob’t grit your teeth; creates a problem. And pause, just for a half-beat. The low-rider passes, calm is restored. Mars will eventually pass, and calm will be restored. Sort of. Mercury is still pesky, but returning to the calm state will help ameliorate those mercurial issues. A well-time pauses cures many of this week’s foibles, faults, and falls.



The Twins

I started to use Shakespeare as a primary source because there weren’t going to be any more plays written. There have been some added to the list of “Complete Plays,” but that’s not too much of a problem; I can adapt. In Shakespeare scholarship, there’s a limited number of professors that can take the material and break it all down to palatable chunks. I was looking at two of the books, and wondering, do I really need these as books? The answer is “Yes,” as the books serve several purposes. I can scrawl notes on the pages. The books serve as a single touchpoint for reference to the critical crap about the canon. As large, expensive tomes, the books also serve to remind me I don’t need to buy any more texts about Shakespeare. Think I’ve got enough. As a Gemini, do you need more, bigger, expensive refined tomes? I use the ones I’ve got, from time to time, but honestly? I’m not a Shakespeare scholar, more like a hobby. When I need to review and renew my intellectual connection with a particular play, I’ll pull down one of those reference books. Works well. Do I need any more books about Shakespeare? Probably not, not right now. Gemini, do you really need more (books, stuff, things) that relates to your life — right now? The answer, if I’m not clear, is probably not.



The Crab

I tend to look at an astrology chart, then ask, “What happened on such-and-such a date?” What this does is establish a baseline for me. I’ll see specific sets of influence, and I’ve got to understand how the person, the chart I’m looking at, I have to understand how a person reacts to that kind of influence. There’s at least one school of thought that suggests this is a “bad” week for the lovely Moon Children. I don’t necessarily agree with that analysis. There is change. There is pressure. There is that little voice in the back the Cancer’s head suggesting, usually, this is suggesting negative attributions to current Cancer events. Me, as “Mr. Happy?” I look for the bright spot, the good news, the parts that are up-lifting. There’s going to be some changes, but as a self-aware, more self-aware than most, Cancer Moon Child, what you’re looking for, in this week’s energy? Be more circumspect with negative attitudes. Consider that change isn’t always painful and sometime, a mere adjustment can make a big difference in your attitude.

I fish left-handed. I was fishing with a buddy and he hadn’t switched the reel over to the left, so I was fishing right-handed. A little unsettling for me, but the change-up was good. Clear example of a small change that helps. Remember: Mercury is still in apparent retrograde motion, so don’t count on that being a permanent change.

But change is good.

The Leo:

The Leo

The Leo

There’s a deft hand required at this time. Not alway known for subtly, The Leo should strive be more subtle. Part of this is, of course, Mercury, but part is Mars, and part is just the timbre of the times, in Leo. I know The Leo is correct. You know that you’re correct. The challenge is that not everyone will agree, and I know from hard-won personal experience, that arguing with any Leo is a fruitless and pointless task. But there’s only one of me, and there’s plenty of other people who aren’t nearly as Leo-compliant. Therein is the problem. My solution? Subtly. Again, just to belabor the point, that’s not always a Leo strength, that being subtle part. Still, subtly gets the rewards this week, and I’m all about what rewards The Leo.

Was that subtle enough?



The Virgin

One place I lived, an apartment up yonder (north of here)? I got inspired. I painted one wall a special shade of blue. Sort of teal, maybe turquoise, perhaps a blue-green, and in recent months, I’ve thought about that one wall, and its color. Looked like a version of “Blue-Green Algae,” the purported super-food. While my porous memory is an asset at times like this, remembering the exact shade of blue, or blue-green? Sure, Just like the super-food, “blue-green algae.” That works. While it pissed off the landlord, after I moved, at the time, it was a cool idea. This was my singular nod towards interior design aesthetics, modern art, and an homage to the bold era of color, a time now languishing in the past.

As a Virgo mind, what we’re dealing with a single, subtle, yet bold, change. A way to make things betters, a way to improve our surroundings. My simple suggestion is that single wall, as a hat-tip to modern and post-modern art, just a wall. Bold, bright, subtle, gentle, pastel, I don’t care, it’s not going up on my bedroom wall, I won’t see it. If the place is rented, then maybe not too much. A single change is suggested. I’m not sure, that “Blue-Green” wall, just painted the whole wall in an apartment, just a can of cheap wall-paint with some hues, and the paint on the wall? Didn’t look anything like the paint chip. Doesn’t matter, it was simple, single change.

Downside to this endeavor? I lost the deposit on the place, but then, it wasn’t that much and for the time being? It made me happier. The paint, the color, not losing the deposit. Never like to give up the money.



The Scales

For more than a quarter of a century, I’ve worn a bandana as a professional head wrap. Looks a bit odd with a sports coat, but either in a bass boat, or making public appearances, the bandana is just fine. At one point, I had a huge collection of them, too. The roots go back to wired phones, and that original headset, think headphones with a boom mic., and that’s the image. I was recently mocked for my choice in bandana, style, and appearance. Hurt my little Sagittarius feelings. As a Libra, you feel my pain, and you’re sure to want to assure me that I’ll be all right, even if I display odd selections in attire. See? The bandana was based upon a practical requirement, when I had a lot more hair, and I wanted to keep that hair out of the way. Problem being, less hair, and styles wax and wane, so it looks a little more odd. Never bothered me, but being sarcastically mocked was painful, for a minute. There comes a time in a person’s life when we have to pause and look at situation, look at a choice, look at the outcome of a decision. That was a painful mocking, but in the bigger picture, the people mocking me were not clients — or even potential clients — so what’s the loss on my part? Bruised ego, sure, but should I change who I am?

As a Libra, what might sting a little? Does this require a wholesale change? Sometimes a little, gentle chiding is merely that. Don’t take it too personal, especially not these days.



The Scorpio

Old epigram, I just heard for the first time? “The best sales (men) don’t sell, they help you buy.” The best sales people, and by extension, the best sales vehicles, the people and device, the marketing, they don’t “sell,” they facilitate a purchase. There’s something appealing about the purchase, it will maker the buyer feel better him or herself, it will boost some senses, it will add value to life. When I saw that aphorism about sales? I immediately thought about Scorpio and how a Scorpio will pitch an idea, make a point, and then twist it around to make it seem like it was my idea. It’s an excellent tactic. It’s typical Scorpio tactic. It’s also rhetorical device that Scorpio, as of late, has forgotten about. I would like to re-introduce the idea to Scorpio. I’d like to remind you that, doesn’t matter what we’re pushing here, the best way to get that idea across? Facilitate, don’t push.

“The best sales don’t sale, the best sales help the buyer.”




One of the most difficult lessons, as Sagittarius, one of the hardest messages to get across? We have to follow the directions. We have to read the instructions, then do each step, as outlined, in full, before we can advance to the next level. There is, officially, a metric tonne — or more — of information about Saturn, available online. I’m not the only source. But the message, especially at this time, is quite clear, and this really, really, really applies in my corner. We have to follow the instructions. All of them.

When joining two pieces of fishing line together, there’s a single type of knot that works best. This has been tested over decades, again and again, by many — too many to count — fishermen. One knot is particularly effective. One way. We can try other ways, but this one knot works best. With modern fishing line, this knot still works best. We can try other ways, but the instructions suggested that one kind of knot. Lose a big fish because we refuse to follow the instructions?

Sagittarius: Can always opt out, but the choice? Just follow the instructions. It’s simpler.



The Sea Goat

For many, many years, I always made sure I had pen/pencil and paper with me, as I traversed my daily rounds. Eventually, the analog version has been supplanted by a digital version, as I do carry a phone, or phone-like device, to keep track of spurious notes. Sometimes it’s merely a keyword or two, designated, hopefully, to trigger a memory or an idea. I’ll tend to shorthand Shakespeare plays, when I need to go back and look up a quote — I’m big on using quotes in context. For example, this week’s note was something like “KJ 2.1.” Means, to me, to look in King John, Act 2, best guess? Scene 1.

As a Capricorn, maybe you don’t care about what play or how I take notes. Not what this is about, no, it’s about being ready to have a shorthand version of something to jog that Capricorn memory. You will find — Mars — you will find that there’s just not quite enough time to make a full notation. But! But if you can follow my lead and just jot down a quick note, shorthand, like, you can go back and access that material, in full.



The Water Bearer

I tend to rely on real instances and personal experiences that, I hope, can be translated to universal terms so everyone can share the understanding. I tend to stick with only facts, as I understand them, drawn from my own life. Because I just report actual events, my truth, my grasp of reality, the way I see it? I’m not obligated to have this make sense to everyone. I can pretend to be something that I’m not, but we know how that works out, over time, hint: not well.

One of the ways I’ve learned to work with this is to craft the individual horoscope to fit a set of conditions, and hopeful, bend the examples to so that the outcome makes sense. “Fiction,” one author observed, “is obligated to make sense.” Real life? Not so much. Which is our problem with the Aquarius material currently present, it’s not obligated to make sense.

I can spin up a tale where the outcome makes sense, but in real life, and especially, in the “Life of the Aquarius?” This week will have some confounding — apparent — endings that seem to make no sense. Hey, wait, it’s not like this is forever and ever, what I suggested is that none of this makes sense at the present, It’s not the end of the story, just the end of the chapter. Stay tuned, it will clear up, hopefully, next week.



The Fishes

“Don’t do the math on that,” one of my common expressions. What it means, in a literal sense? “Do not perform mathematical calculation to prove or disapprove that assumption.”

What that expression means when I tend to use it?

“Don’t pause to think about the possible implications of the price. Do not consider the cost-basis. Value received might outweigh real-time cost.” Or, “There is a flaw in the logic but it is safe to ignore.”

One place I saw this? Old girlfriend was explaining that raw cookie dough — because the cookies weren’t cooked? Raw cookie dough held no caloric intake and therefore, it could be safely consumed with impunity.

“Don’t do the math on that one.”

So my very special Pisces message?

“Don’t do the math on that one.”

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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