Horoscopes starting 4.27.2017

    A day in April never came so sweet,
    To show how costly summer was at hand,
    As this fore-spurrer comes before his lord.
    Stephano in Shakespeare's A Merchant of Venice 2.9.93-5

Mercury, eventually, starts to unwind from being too tightly wound up. Un-retrograde — eventually. Venus shifts into Aries.

Horoscopes starting 4.27.2017



The Bull

Opening quote is from Shakespeare’s the Merchant of Venice. Weird play. It’s also one of those plays where the milieu in which it was written, makes it easier to understand, because, by modern sentiments? It’s clearly Anti-Semitic. The understanding has to come from looking at the worldview, how the play-goers would understand the logic of the play, and how there are some jokes that are duds, 400 years later.

Last time I listened to the play it was very clearly being read as burlesque comedy. Bawdy, with bad jokes a-plenty. I’m not prepared to debate the relative merits and drawbacks of the play’s worth. It’s part of the accepted canon, and the play is slightly problematic. If it were done in current times, it would be a slapstick comedy with the lead characters played by the usual comic buffoons. Our problem, even now, is that there are no recordings from 400 years ago, and there are no intra-linear notes to understand just exactly what the author meant. We have to suppose there’s some topical references and allusions that don’t carry forward, not over the span of centuries. Between the planets’ influences, there’s that idea that we’re not getting the whole image. The big picture escapes Taurus, at the moment. Like that play, last time I heard read aloud, it was done as broad comedy, and some of the “jokes” didn’t work for me. Skip the parts that don’t make sense or seem to offend. Birthday time. No reason to get worked up because some long-dead playwright’s material might seem to be offensive. It was all intended as broad humor.

I think.



The Twins

Buddy ran in an Austin “Beer Run 10K” race, fundraiser event. He was telling me about his little adventure, suggesting I join next time. 10K is 6.2 miles, I can walk that in about two hours. He was talking about running it. But he was also having fun explaining the vagaries of this race. Fundraiser.

“There was a beer stop every kilometer,” he explained, “beer was free. Water was $2.” Yeah, no. Not me. Although, for some Gemini, this sounds like it might be a fun way to “race,” if, in fact, that’s what they did. Sounds more like a stagger rather than a race. It’s an Austin thing, you know. Where else but Texas can we take a healthy event and turn it into drunken revelry? I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like. Still the notion of a healthy, athletic event is good for the Gemini, what with Mr. Mars cooking along in your sign. This poked and prodded by several other factors, let’s just ascribe it to the Moon, and suggest that there’s a definite motion involved. I’m not sure that you’re going to run in a 10K this week, but if you do? Make sure it’s a fun one where beer is free, and the water costs $2. While this won’t work for me, as a Gemini guideline?



The Crab

It’s time to draw our Cancer attention back to the day-to-day drudgery of work. Imminent holiday on approach, yes, and it’s great time to fish, yes, that, too, but this is about a single, goal-oriented task that needs to get accomplished. When I was ruminating on your chart, and how to explain the Moon Children’s energies, I kept thinking about several books I’ve contributed to, with the key word in the construction of those books?


The books were built — over time — with small additions, selections, editing, further research, then patient observation, and testing. The trick was the expression, “Accretion,” or, to some, “over time.” I did a little bit as I went along. Observations, inspirations, examples, and, over time, the body of work would grow and grow. Over time. By accretion. Not all at once. I’ve worked very hard to simplify my process. I want as little between my brain and the work you read. I realize it does show, sometimes, with inadequate layers, but still, the idea is to go from me, to you, as directly as possible. Imitate my choices. Simplify and work on that bigger project by tackling one little detail. Think: accretion.

The Leo:

The Leo

The Leo

You ever think the “random play” button isn’t so random? Think there’s a been a study on that, before, and I can’t find the source at the moment. But the “random” function on the computer, on the phone, on the tablet, on the “whatever device you use to play music” is less random and more tightly controlled than expected. At least, that’s what I think I read someplace on the internet, so it has to be true.

Yes, pretty sure “random” isn’t so random.

While it’s true, we are all connected, there’s a sense that the connections are growing more and more apparent, to The Leo, even now. Like that random function, as I had what I thought was totally random set of songs get paced and placed next to each other, and the songs all fit like a dovetail joint. Like master carpenter had crafted the beginning and ending, then fitted the beat together, seamlessly. Like it was on purpose. Which, if we go back to my question for The Leo, is the random function so really random? Are there variables at play, sometimes, that we can’t discern, but working into this, nonetheless? Let the software do what it is supposed to do, let it pick the next song. We’re not out of the Mercury is Retrograde scenario, and it’s just much easier to let the “random” thing pick for The Leo. Even if it doesn’t seem to be so random.



The Virgin

There was a branch of pseudo-science that deals with “Stuff that makes our brain work better.” I referred to this as “pseudo-science,” because in true, double-blind studies, the material didn’t really show any kind of measurable improvement. However, that doesn’t stop sales from skyrocketing based on unsubstantiated claims. The way this week is going, for Virgo? Try that stuff, if you like, the brain fuel, or brain-fuel-additive, or whatever it is.

I’m not sure if it is the coconut oil in my coffee, the pills I took, or hanging around an attractive Virgo, and does it matter? I feel smarter, now.

Careful Virgo analysis will reveal that Mercury is easing up on its retrograde pattern, Venus is moving out of opposition to Virgo, and the Sun is in Taurus. See? Feeling smarter already? You should be.

“Oh Kramer, reading your material always makes me smarter.”



The Scales

The example I have is the Moleskine–brand notebook. Trademarked. Patented. I have one that was from the days when it was a small brand, virtually unknown outside of certain elite circles of writers and artists, most of whom, had been to Paris. The brand got sold, and while the new owners claim to maintain the original quality, I’m not entirely sure, as the notebooks are available too many places. Besides, this is just an example. I kept thinking if I had the right notebook, then I would take notes, and be more educated. Who am I fooling? As a Libra soul with the best of intentions, would something like just buying a new notebook mean that you were going to start taking notes? Great idea. “This is the year I’ll hand-write my journal.” Great idea. “We’ll have all that data we needed, right here, entered in my own handwriting.” Such a lovely idea. I quit taking notes on paper, years and years ago. As a Libra, you have to ask yourself, “Is this something I will really use?” Or,like me, will those unused notebooks sit there, while I transcribe notes on a digital device?



The Scorpio

When I take a day out to go fishing, I plan on that being my whole day. I don’t plan to fish in the day time and then go out and socialize at night. I make no representation that I will do anything else but fish. I chill. Perhaps there’s a drive to get to the fishing, maybe not, depends, but then, when I’m done, after a good day on the water? If it’s been a really good day, I don’t want to do too much.

I know my limits.

As a Scorpio, are you aware of your limits? A day on the water, for me, is more relaxing than exhausting but some boat rides can be brutal, getting pounded on the waves, and then, all day in the sun, fishing, which can be — demanding isn’t the term — taxing? No, just the most pleasant of endeavors, but still, 8 hours on the water, and I’m tired. Pleasantly so, but that’s my limit. I might make a notation or look at the pictures, but that’s about all I’m really good for, afterwards.

I know my limits.

As a Good Scorpio, are you aware of your limits? And are you aware that you can’t be promising too much?

Scorpio: I know my limits. Respect your own, Scorpio limits, too.




Teens. Teenagers with a badminton set. Texas teenagers with a badminton set, pause and think.

How can this go wrong?

Badminton itself seems like such a docile, passive sport. Sure, there’s a little plastic birds that gets batted around, but the rackets themselves are light, not strong like a tennis model.

So what could go wrong?

I watched as two boys, early teens and two girls, again, early teens, as they batted the birds back and forth a time or two, then the boys were bonking each other on the head, and one girl took a swipe at one boy’s backside, and I doubt the net ever got unfurled, much less erected. It got physical — in a hurry. I happen to know that there are two Sagittarius in that mix. Instigators. Trouble makers. Valiantly holding onto their defense, “He/she made me do it!” Yeah, sure, I watched. They were the start of the trouble. But, in part, this goes back to someone who was unwise enough to hand a device that could be weaponized, to a Sagittarius. Don’t give us a stick for beating things then tell us not to beat anything. Mars, in Gemini? Remember?

“Here, whatever you do, don’t hit your brother.”


“He made me do it. No, really.”

Seriously, what could go wrong if you hand us a weapon and show us a target?



The Sea Goat

Mercury, Venus, blame what you want, but your timing is off. Like me, as a Capricorn, you’re the master of the quick retort, two minutes too late. The other person walks off, and then the perfect riposte, sarcastic, snide, and sort of snarky comes to mind. But only after the intended target is out of earshot. Save it for later, because, as I’ve alluded to before, timing is off. Not badly off, but off enough to be crappy, at best.

Look on the bright side, you lack my ineffable ability to say the best thing at the worst time.

But this period of time? Right now? This week, even? Early next week? You deliver a punchline, only, no one seems to react, and you try to further the joke, and them, they’re all like, “No, we got it the first time.” Timing is off for Capricorn. Not bad, just two left feet, unless, of course, your left-footed, then it’s two right feet. Understand that your normally wonderful timing suffers next couple of days.



The Water Bearer

According to some article I glanced at online, most honey sold in stores is fake honey. Which leads us the banner headline, “Test your honey to see if it’s real!” After looking over the article, it was more about pasteurized, sanitized, safe from a squeeze bottle honey, rather than the stuff I tend to buy. I get the stuff in a glass jar, hopefully with some honeycomb in it. Often, I’ll be able to get honey that is from a farmer himself. There are several local brands, or local-ish, sold in stores, that are wild honey — for real. There’s a bee ranch, south of town here, and most of the honey I would buy comes from here. Uneven quality, but good, and, of course, all natural. Which isn’t what this is about, not for Aquarius. I was worried about how to test to see if my honey is real.

I test my honey by kissing her. That tells me if she is real or not. If she kisses back, or squirms away, that means she’s real. Other tests? I’m sure there’s a way to go with this. Other tests for honey, according to that article? If the stuff is sticky. That’s not a problem I tend to have.

Confused? Don’t be. This is about all-natural versus fake, and how to tell the two apart. Whether we’re talking about honey from bee pollen (wildflower honey is exceptional) or the honey that keeps me warm on a cold winter’s night, some kind of empirical test is about the only way to know, for sure.



The Fishes

There’s been a frantic pace foisted upon Pisces, and that recedes. The frantic need to get something done, the incessant hounding, the little voices in the Pisces head, often times, voices no one else hears?

Those voices, very nice, now, shut up.

If I could figure a way to shut those voices off, otherwise? All I can do is suggest that the transition of Venus, from where it is, to where it’s going? That transit of Venus shuts the voices up. Some. There’s quite a bit more at play here, and how I wish I could author a bestseller, a self-help text about getting the Pisces voices in your head to be quiet. All I’ll do, though, is suggest that the up and coming quiet time? Think about a way to use that wisely.



The Ram

The world wide web is a great way to waste time. Social media, muggy media, “research,” and shoe-shopping. All at a fingertip. My meandering, and occasionally curated wanderings are fine, for me. I’m not an Aries. Search for one term, click on an ad, then follow a link someplace else, and suddenly, a morning is gone, chasing rabbits down holes that might not matter. Yes, the world wide web is a great way to waste time. While I tend to refer to this as serendipitous research, not everyone can get away with my nomenclature for wasting time.

Time is a limited Aries resource, and there’s hastening, quickening, a sense that one must hurry. Here’s the trick. Don’t waste time clicking around on stupid links on websites.

“No, I just got to check on one thing.”

You can see how that can suck up your valuable resources, and waste your whole day?



About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.