Horoscopes starting 8.24.2017

    O, sir, to such as boasting show their scars
    A mock is due. Will you walk on, my lord?
    She was belov’d, she lov’d; she is, and doth:
    But still sweet love is food for fortune’s tooth.
    Troilus in Shakespeare’s
    Troilus and Cressida IV.v.290-3

Horoscopes starting 8.24.2017



The Virgin

Fishing gets better about now. Simple as that. Virgo time means more fishing, or, at least, a few good trips. In another few weeks, it won’t be bitterly summer hot. Hot, sure, but hovering under 100, cool enough. I discovered, accidentally of course, a great aid for fishing: girlie brand SPF 100 spray-on sun-block. Aerosol can, so it’s easy to apply. Spray on, just look at the nozzle, close my eyes, hold my breath and it coats my face. Seriously amazing stuff. Before my discovery I had never used a feminine-brand of sun-screen, or for that matter, I never used anything that was 100 SPF. My fishing shirts and hats are usually only rated 50 SPF. To be honest, until I started writing this, I didn’t know what SPF even stood for, but I would suppose, more is better, better protection, right?

The Virgo secret of survival is that girlie-brand spray-on sun-screen. SPF 100. We were out on the boat for two days. Not even a whisper of a burn. As we get ready for the next few weeks? Mercury? Remember him? SPF 100 is not too much protection. It took me three days to shower off that stuff; had to scrape it off with a trowel, almost.


I am totally unsure of the name of the restaurant, but it probably had “Wok” in its title. Golden Wok, or Wok’n’Roll, or some similar appellation, got an image? Thai, Vietnamese, Cambodian, essentially Pac–Rim food. It was the first time I’d ever been in that one place. Austin introduced me to their finer points — of some Asian Cuisine — so I was sort of familiar. However, this is Texas, and South Texas, at that.

I ordered a dish, then asked for it hot and spicy. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how hot? We use Habanero.”

I ordered an 8 that time. Err on the side of caution. Usually, I would’ve just ordered a 10, and sweated it out. 8 was a good call. Hot enough to spark interest. Hot enough to clear my sinuses — but not too hot, no afterburner side–effects. Perfect heat.

With Mercury’s current disposition — follow me. Follow my advice. Instead of going straight to a 10, on that heat index? Instead of challenging to the cook to fry my taste buds? Instead of doing the Libra thing and asking for the hottest, sweetest, mostest? Instead of asking for a 10? Try an 8, first.


“Reckon” is a fairly common expression in my vernacular. While at the university I was amazed at the first time I read a book that accurately captured the various Texas idioms, like “Reckon,” and then, the most common? “Fixin’ to.” While this appears to be very imprecise language, it does convey a certain point about imminence. The terms, to some, these are interchangeable, but the terms are — to me — a reliable way of placing an event along a timeline. Both are — kind of — relative, and it requires one to examine the verbs and the objects of those verbs, on either side, to determine how close — or how distant — the action is.

We got some time on our Scorpio hands at the moment. There’s an elegant lack of precision in the two expressions I’ve used, “reckon” and “fixin’ to,” and really, it should read, “reckonin’ to” but I can’t be bothered. Auto correct trashes it. However, there’s a precise impression that works with those expressions, and that’s the correct way to time the Scorpio’s week.

You going to do that?

“Us Scorpio’s? We’re fixin’ to.”


Happened way back in the day. However as an archetypal image, it serves well. I wandered into a neighbor’s trailer — think: South Austin trailer park. I wandered in, and he was staring at the TV set, in the center of the living room, but the TV wasn’t on. Blank screen, blank stare. Girls would be playing volleyball, soon, BBQ on the grill, typical summer–time activities of young men who live in trailer parks.

Just a temporary brain–death type of energy. Like he’d been struck dumb. Between girlfriends, and hectic social schedules, plus work and school? Momentary brain–fugue.

Me, as a writer, I can stare off into space, or stare at a TV screen that’s not on, and I can easily get away with, “I’m working on something,” as an excuse. My buddy? I just thought about him, staring at the old TV, all he had was basic cable back then, and even at that point, it wasn’t on, so there is that, as part of this image. Momentary brain–fugue. Sagittarius is subject to momentary brain–fugue, as the planets conspire to render us — apparently — useless. Me? When you see me like that? I’m working on something. I hope.


There are two books, one of them I’ve carried around for almost three decades now, and yet, neither has been totally consumed by me. In other words, these are a lot like James Joyce’s Ulysses, arguably one of the most important novels of the 20th century and equally arguable, the least finished. So the two books? I was looking at them on a bookshelf, thinking to myself, “I really should at least crack one of those open. How long has it been?”

Too long, unused. Dusty. Not really, but that would be the image, a dusty, epic tome. One of the books is almost dry history, why I haven’t been motivated to read it. Material in which I have a great deal of passing interest, but I just can’t be bothered to pick up where I left off, as it was super boring in its delivery. The other one is a more spiritual work, and while I’m only marginally interested, there’s always that academic allure.

We got two things, two items, two tasks, two deeds undone in Capricorn. Consider, while Mercury is still backwards, and that is through the end of this horoscope, for sure, then consider tackling one of those tasks. I’m going to look through the history stuff, now, Maybe skim the part I read all those years ago.


There’s a certain philosophical stance that I have, and I would like to think I have an internal moral compass that points to the true north. That moral compass, as an indicator of truth? I would like think that my morality is forever intact, always ascribing myself to the notion that I adhere to the highest conditions of mortality. What is really right, most right, the cosmic law above the law of the lands, or the rule of the king, or whatever. The law above the law. This week presents an Aquarius with a couple of questions, and the morality issue is part of it. What’s right, and what’s more right? Or what’s the rule, and then, is there a higher, more moral, important cosmic rule?

Some days, I don’t have an answer.

“Letter of the law” and “spirit of the law” can be two different critters, easiest way to understand this. We can split the details, and we can argue about morals, morality and ethics, but the real issue? What seems more important, and doesn’t that turn this into a situational ethic issue?

Stop. Some days, chasing the philosophical questions gets too circular. Stop.

“But this is a moral issue where the letter of the law might not be correct.”



“Share a coke and smile,” and, “The pause that refreshes,” or, always a hometown favorite? “Ten, two and four.” That last one, “10-2-4” was an old Dr Pepper label. The suggestion was, those were perfect times to have a Dr Pepper, a lightly carbonated, slightly different flavored brown, fizzy water. When it comes to carbonated beverages, of which I don’t have too many these days, Dr Pepper is still preferred. Or, times being what they are, Diet Dr Pepper, and that’s one of my guilty pleasures, these days. Don’t get it too often, but from a machine with the syrup set a little too rich? A perfect afternoon thirst cutter. It’s still hot in Texas, so it’s still summer-heat-like so a quick discussion about a pause that refreshes or when is the best time to take a break? Like the old clock used to say, “10-2-4” seems about right. Why are old coke slogans making their way into a Pisces horoscope? This is about Mercury, in retrograde, opposite from Pisces, along with the Sun, now in Virgo, also opposite Pisces.

One of those old ads, look online someplace for those ads, one of the 30-second or even a minute long coke ad, about pause and refresh, or taking time to share a cold beverage, or sugary, carbonated water-like substances from a shapely bottle, or a can? Work in that pause. Work in those breaks at 10, 2, and 4, or suffer from not taking those breaks. Can’t say I didn’t try and get you to slow down, just pause, while this crap flies around our Pisces selves.


As of today, I’m instigating a “Five Second Rule” for Aries. Usually, this applies to kids and food. These are far from normal times, am I right, or what? So the way this new “Five Second Rule” works? It’s like that delay “broadcast” TV uses — give them time to censor out the bad words. However, the way I suggest this works?

It’s the “Mercury is Retrograde in Virgo, Aries-specific FGS 5 Second Rule.”

I ask you a question, for example. You answer, like an Aries, immediately, “No.” Three second pause, “Crap. I meant to say yes.”

I intend to save you a metric ton of yes/no, back-and-forth over the next week. Use that “Mercury is Retrograde in Virgo, Aries-specific FGS 5 Second Rule.”

Do you understand? “No, I don’t get it.” Five seconds later?

Use the “Mercury is Retrograde in Virgo, Aries-specific FGS 5 Second Rule.”


Couple of things going on, and for Taurus, I’d suggest this is the last chance to get prepared. Big weekend, up and coming, and you’ll want to get all of your Taurus gear lined up. I travelled, professional, for many years. I got into a habit, a solid habit. As soon as I landed at home, whenever I roll in from a trip, business — or pleasure these days — my very first action is to unpack and repack. From years of business travel, it was a simple idea, I tended to alway forget one item that I needed. Shampoo, toothbrush, business cards, blank tapes, medication, something. So, as soon as I get home, this is a built-in traveller’s habit, now, as soon as I arrive? I pause long enough to think about my next destination, then I pull out all the dirty clothes plus empty containers, and I repack, refill. Then, too, I remember that one item I forgot, and I make sure that goes back in. Super simple habit. I forgot an OTC medication that helps with sleep. I forgot to pack earplugs, particularly handy in certain situations. To avoid this trouble? As soon as I land at home, I repack, ready to embark on the next adventure.

One way, or another, check the gear for what’s coming up. Remember last time? You forgot that thing? Pack it now, before you forget again.


I am unsure as to what proves most disastrous for Gemini. Is it Mercury Retrograde in the other mercurial sign, causing a tension angle to Gemini? Or its the prospect that this Mercury’s retrograde pattern ends in a Gemini Solar House? Neither one is particularly good news, is it? That being observed, realize that this is compounded by the inherent Mars energy already present.

I know I’ve used this analogy before, but I’m back with it again: pencil. I love me some Sharpies these days. Perfect broad-tipped, super-cheap, indelible-ink art tools. Great for short notes on many surfaces, and also, a tool that is best kept out of a 5-year old’s hands. Those markers have replaced all other tools for me. However, as I looked at the Gemini chart, and as I balanced Mars against Mercury, and the relative motions of both?

There’s a temptation for Gemini — you — to make a broad, sweeping generalization that cannot be retracted. It’s like writing with a sharpie. Can’t be erased. Before you make that comment, though, consider pencil. Most pencils are equipped with an eraser at one end. It is possible to erase a comment, and thereby, retract, remove, recant, or otherwise, retrench one’s (Gemini) position.

No permanent markers, and no comments that can’t be erased.

“That’s just stupid. So stupid.”

See what I mean?


One of my social media buddies ran an image of her bookshelf. The usual, what one might expect from a typical new age guru shelf, self-help tomes of great importance, practical magical books, and every-day guide to astrology. I’ve done this a number of times myself, an image of the bookshelf I use for reference material. Mine might be a little different as I have at least three, no, four, grammar guides. I’m a writer, and frequently, not a good writer. King James Bible, but that’s more as a reference when someone starts quoting scripture to me, and, of course, whatever various references I’m using at the time, in addition to a couple of tried and true astrology tomes. Then, there’s also a couple of Shakespeare reference books, the cream of academia, not straying from the generally approved arena of Shakespeare lore. Ancient Roman and modern Buddhist paperbacks, too. Well-thumbed paperbacks, I might add. Plus one old Zen classic. Two Zen classics, really. The difference is, my bookshelf, the images are called “shelfies,” my bookshelf, shelves, are a little disorganized. They are disorganized because I’ll use one of those text as a quick reference, or I’ll want to fact–check a philosophical point.

Your personal Cancer Moon-Child reference shelves? They can either be tidy, and unused, or messy, and well-thumbed (like mine). Your pick this week. Clean, unused? Dirty, messy, well-used (and way more fun)?

The Leo:

One of the greatest problems to emerge from the misguided self-help crap, especially in the last two decades? “This is something I’m doing for me. I need to do this.” The problem being, this is a “want” not a “need.” WE want comfort, we need food and shelter. Bit heavy of a topic for my lovely Leo friends? Wait for it.

There’s going to come an issue, between the motion of the planets, especially Mars, but even littlest Mercury, backing up, even now, fixing to make something more interesting. Wait for it.

“But I NEED to do this for me!”

As soon as you hear yourself utter that, in the next week?

Think about me. Think how I love you. Think how I admire and respect you. Think that maybe, what you need, and what you want, those might be different desires. Closely aligned at times, but also at a time like this? Easily confused.

“But I NEED this for me!”

No, in another week, you’ll realize it was something you wanted. Might not even need it, in another week.

“But I NEED this for me.”

Need versus want. Yeah, Mars (and Mercury) cause confusion.



About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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