Horoscopes starting 11.23.2017


    “Now by the gods, I do applaud his courage.”

Simonides in Shakespeare’s Pericles, Prince of Tyre (2.5.58)

Horoscopes starting 11/23/2017




Backing up my astrological statements with both observations and empirical evidence is part of my trade. When I make broad, sweeping statements about signs and conditions, I tend to use material I have observed before. Seen it, felt it, been there myself. I have first hand experience, and that makes my observations more real — to me — anyway. All that matters is me pleasing me.

So the November Sagittarius tend to be a little wilder than the rest of the crew. The December ones are much more mellow, easier, more tame. Calmer. Relatively speaking.

With that in mind, as even my own birthday approaches, there’s a quiet calm we should all embrace. For those of with birthdays this week? Pretend our birthday is in December. Pretend we’re a little more calm, a perhaps more reserved, and somewhat less hasty to jump to conclusions.



The Sea Goat

A particular drive-thru place screwed up a very simple order I placed. Complicated the order beyond reason, then, overcharged me. Because this was a drive-thru service, I had no recourse. No way to go back and say, “You screwed this up AND overcharged me! Really?” I mean, sure, I could’ve wheeled the tiny hybrid back around, but be realistic, not a good idea.

Because that particular drive-thru is so convenient for me? I went back another time, and I had another transaction that was less than satisfactory. This time, the transaction was tied to a credit card with an email address, so I was sent a customer survey. Recalling that I had two, not one but two transactions that were, in my mind, epic fail from the point of the customer service and customer dissatisfaction, I wrote a scathing review, giving the store a big, fat zero for satisfaction.

Before you follow me and do the same thing? On my way to work the other morning, I had to go through that drive-thru again. It was fastest and most convenient. Not a choice I liked, but convenience counts in this game. I thought about ordering food. Then I thought about my recent experiences, and my reactions to their failures, and I know that the reviews get posted in the back room. Bet someone knew it was me. Yeah, I double-checked the drink, and instead of food, I just went hungry. Next time, I’ll drive through some other place.

It’s about recalling what seeds we’ve sown, and then, not trampling on the little fledgling plants. Or, if we’ve sown seeds of discord? Maybe avoiding the place altogether.



The Water Bearer

Most of my fine Aquarius friends suggest that they are all like, “an open book,” implying, that they are all easy to read and understand. No secrets. No hidden flaws or occult superpowers. Like, “Dude, if I could fly through the air, I’d a-told you. You know?”

There comes a time when we should all play our hands a little closer to our chests. There comes a time when a modicum of privacy and demure redirection is fine. Not exactly subterfuge or outright lies, but less hyperbole, and more circumspect of an Aquarius answer. Qualify, deflect, and less revealing. Just because you know the right answer, immediately, doesn’t mean you should offer that up, not right away.

“Err on the side of caution” would be the buzz words for this next few days. Happy holidays, give my best your family.



The Fishes

Tomatoes, garlic, and avocado. Plus dark chocolate. Go.

Go, Pisces, go. The foods were listed as “super foods” to help you lose weight, maintain a healthy weight, or bulk up, depends on the way one wants to go. As a super foods, though, these are the ones a person should eat a lot of. The first three, that’s easy, a guacamole salads of sorts. That would work. I’m not sure how to work in the dark chocolate with the guacamole, though. Just not sure it fits. But that dark chocolate is usually part of a good mole sauce, a delicacy in my neck of the woods. One buddy suggested that certain dishes define various TexMex and “Mexican” restaurants. One important way to test a place is the mole, pronounced “mole-AY.”

So, perhaps a diet that is largely TexMex, to use my vernacular, would be beneficial to Pisces? Is that the hint? No. Well, maybe. Yes, for some. For others, this breaks down the way you want it to, but it’s about what’s healthy and good for, while making it enjoyable, too.

This week is about food, and let’s think about food that is good, but let’s think, healthy, too. Like that original grocery list, Tomatoes, garlic, avocado, and dark chocolate.



The Ram

Let’s try this in a very non-traditional Aries way. Let’s try non-confrontational. As Mars rakes his way through Libra, opposite from you, Mars is inching closer to being in opposition to Uranus. So, in anticipation of that celestial event, let’s try something different: be non-confrontational. The usual Aries methodology is to charge ahead with the status quo, and that’s not going to work. The first Aries comment?

“Your status isn’t very quo!”

Which is why a direct confrontation, or even an attempt to prove that your Aries self is right and the rest of us are wrong? Again, back to the idea that you might be 100% correct, but the next few days are not the time to start the battle. Can’t win.

“But I can win! I’m right!”

I know that. You know that. It’s just the odds are against you, and the safest course of action is to bid your time and wait.

You’ll be much better served if you’re non-confrontational just now.



The Bull

Buddy calls me up, “Hey, let me ax you a question…” That’s his lead in, every time, and that is also a hint, he already has an answer to the question, all figured out. He’s not digging for data, he’s trying to validate his own stance or position. The last time?

It was funny situation with his girlfriend, and my buddy was clearly wrong, but the way he framed the interrogatory, he did his best to make it look like he was right, even though, if he had actually pursued his position that girlfriend would be an ex-girlfriend. Not like he’s getting any younger, or better looking, so, when he tried to “Ax me a question,” I suggested the girlfriend was probably right. Didn’t go over well with my buddy, but as a Taurus, what with holiday madness, and general insanity, got to be careful about trying to push an agenda where, in your heart, you know you’re not in the correct way.

Yeah, I know, “But I’m different, let me just ax you a question…”

Compromise, take your licks, and have a happy holiday season.



The Twins

As an occasionally sensitive Gemini, you feel it when there are these shifts. There’s a palpable change in the air. Locally? I mean, for me? It seems like it is suddenly a lot cooler. As the Sun shifts to Sagittarius, there’s a discernible change in the air. Feels cooler — or warmer — or different.

One Gemini, in Austin, was always funny, “It’s finally sweater weather!” She looks great in such attire. Her cashmere collection tended to accentuate her form best.

As a Gemini, there’s that palpable change. You can feel it in the air tonight. Use that change to accentuate some of the finer Gemini traits. Could be a simple shift in the weather. Or a similar kind of change. Use it, my little Gemini, work it.


The Crab - the Moonchild

The Crab

The holidays are upon us, once again. Driven by conscious and subconscious urges, desires, and unseen forces, our poor, beleaguered Cancer psyche, the very soul of the Moon Children is being cajoled, and cudgeled, with holiday crap. Forces seemingly beyond our kin are suggesting that we are less than a whole person unless we buy this one item, or make that one purchase, or drink this one kind of beverage.

The madness will take its toll. The holiday crazy will extract a revenge on your poor, much put out Cancer Moon Child soul.

You get one “cheat,” one “out.” One “give me.”

For me, I’ll have one, exactly one, Starbucks Egg Nog Latte — but just one. It has like, a well over a thousand empty calories and useless milk fats, caffeine, and very little redeeming social value, other than I might sprinkle nutmeg across the top. Nutmeg has some metaphysical properties. I get one of these, and then I’m back to my usual dark, bitter roasts, served will no adulterants.

Give into one holiday splurge, then back to work. Big rewards if you limit your indulgences at the moment. Promise, big pay off.

The Leo

The Leo

The Leo

Sometimes, it is the simplest of expressions. I was in a store, and the impossibly young lady wore a simple shift. Dress. I'm not sure what they are called. It was simple, in that it draped at her shoulders, leaving them bare, and from there, it was essentially shapeless, all the way down. Nothing revealing at all. Not a single tight, hugging curve to hint at her legs, or shape underneath the dress. Think: plain, brown wrapper. However, the way she moved, the captivating smile, the way her eyelids seemed to flutter as she demurely glanced downward, then looked back up? Merry, and hints of fun, alluded to in an easy smile. But, the shift itself revealed nothing at all. Not even a hint. No slit up the side to show off impossibly long legs, toned and rippling, no hint at cleavage, no, none of that. It was the most non-description attire I’ve seen in awhile.

Plain, brown wrapper. That’s basically what the dress was, a plain, brown wrapper. With all the crap in Scorpio, and the Sun moving into noisome Sagittarius? The Leo should think about the appeal of the plain, brown wrapper.



The Virgin

Should read, “Thanks for donating to our pet food drive.” Typo, as I read it? “Thanks for donating your pet to our food drive.”

That’s a funny one. Not entirely out of the realm of possible scenarios, either, as I know one gentleman rancher, and his wife names all the livestock.

To quote, “You really shouldn’t be giving them a name, not if they are going to be food one day.”

It’s kind of amusing, to me, in a weird way, that guy’s wife is vegetarian. He’s pure Texas rancher. So, according to him, one shouldn’t name animals that are destined to be a part of the food chain. There’s a chance for a mix-up, and in my case, it was simple riff from a typo about donating pet food to donating a pet as food. The idea is to watch out. Or catch them and laugh about it, “thanks for donating your pet to our food drive.”



The Scales

I can’t believe I saw this one — again. A number of my buddies all now sport insulated “Thermos” (like) tumblers for heated beverages. Usually for coffee in the morning. I bought one, as a gift, not long ago, and it was well-received. I paid, let’s say, $5. I’m a good shopper. Thermos-like, really, a well-known brand, and it was a sale item. $5. Got a clear image?

Big, famous sale website, known for supposedly steep discount items, ran a special, cycled through here the other day, two tumblers, for $20. So that’s ten bucks apiece, or, roughly, twice what I paid for one. Plus shipping and handling, I’m sure.

Libra shopping is important. Compare. Contrast. Compare and contrast before making a deal.

“Look, 2 for $20, then I would have a spare!”

Or 1 for $5, no spare required and about half the cost.

Libra: Compare. Contrast. At the very least? Shop around before you commit.




Confusion. Simply put: confusion. I passed close to a certain Scorpio, and she sniffed.

“Lavender, delicate essences, and then, something floral, I’m not sure what.”

I maintain I’m strange combination of profound and profane. The essence, the purple stuff, was from an artisanal soap, local, handmade, ergonomically correct, vegan, not tested on animals, and free-range. Free-range soap. It has a delicate aroma because the ingredients are fresh, and very local, less than 50 miles, I think.

That was the lavender.

The floral essence? I have a receding hairline. Been like this for years, no big deal. I use whatever inexpensive products I can find in the discount bin at the warehouse store. The expiration date might be in the previous millennia, at a buck a pop, I don’t look too close. The conditioner, super-cheap, and to be honest, I just let that stuff soak on my ponytail, not much else.

Back to the question from a certain Scorpio as to what the essence was? And my suggestion that this week holds some confusion for Scorpio? The aromatic blend is part health and wellness in one extreme, and the other part of it is cheap chemicals. Profound and profane, all in one sniff. This is the source of the confusion. The Scorpio take-away? A bot of both, combine both elements, like I do some days.

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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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