Horoscopes starting 4.26.2018

“Marry, that should you if I were your mistress,
or I should think my honesty ranker than my wit.”

Rosalind in Shakespeare’s As You Like It IV.i.32

Horoscopes starting 4.26.2018



The Bull

Buddy of mine, fancies himself a bit of an adept, suggested that I only used the Sun Signs when I wrote my horoscopes. Not entirely true. For example, this week in Taurus? Simple advice, “Double-down.” Double-down, double-up, take two, and? If one is good, then two are better! Simply put, double. Two. Twice as much. Yes there are birthdays, but there is also Venus, the Taurus planet, in Gemini, the sign of the twins, and that suggests?

Taurus: Double Down. Double Up. If you usually take one? Take two. If you usually only do it once, do it twice.

This is a function of your Taurus planet, in the sign of the twins. Calls for twice as much of whatever it is.

You can thank me, twice, later.

And a very happy birthday to you, too. Two. Twice. Happy birthday wishes, twice over.



The Twins

As a good Gemini, and, if you’re reading this, the odds are good that you’re good and odd, but that doesn’t matter, as a good Gemini, you’re ready to get a jump on the rest of this crap, headed into this summer season. It is summer around here. Best I got. Warm. Not full-on heat yet, but it will be a hot one. As the good Gemini, you’re ready to get a jump on what’s headed this way. Get some homework out of the way, that stuff you can prepare in advance? Yes, get that done. What this is really about, though, as Venus makes her way through your sign?

This is about romance, and this is about what you can do now, to ensure that the romance, in the immediate future, will go smoothly. Maybe, wait, yes, let’s strike that term, “Immediate future,” because, to a good Gemini, the immediate future was yesterday. So let’s think far-flung future. Next month, the year after that? Maybe two years away?

I’m not really thinking about two years down the road, but if we pretend it is about two years away? That makes this easier for the good Gemini to swallow the idea, the concept, the way we’re working this thing. This is future planning for romance, or, for that matter, whatever it is that the good Gemini desires. This is about the future, not about the present. Yes, I know, we should all live in the present, and yes, I know, we have material to think about this week, and that one Gemini has a work deadline this week, and yes, I know all about that crap.

Think further, Plan for the next two years. Or sex week. Pretend we’re planning for the next two years. Makes it easier to understand.

Two years in Gemini time might only be about six weeks or so.


The Crab - the Moonchild

The Crab

Synonym for “car,” synonym for “fast,” synonym for “inexpensive.” Those three words give us a the name of a car dealership, used car lot on the south side. There’s a naming convention, and this stretches all over my world. From the back streets of Dallas, Ft. Worth’s west side, to old East Austin, and now, south to parts of San Antonio, the naming convention holds up. The lots and locations come and go, some more reputable than others. When I stop, I always get carried away with the idea of another “project car,” a labor of love that turns a wretched heap and junker into a rolling piece of art.

Owing to roots, deep in the “pre-owned vehicle market,” I can — intellectually — appreciate what I see. I can also see potential in any vehicle. Cleaned up, shined up, tires, paint, upholstery, new liner, updated electronics, all kinds of improvements, right?

The better places with names that were, like Auto Fast Cheap? The ones I was raised with sold good vehicles with reliable mechanical parts as those were more likely to be paid for, over time, than a vehicle that didn’t run. So as a source for a project car? Or as a source for ideas? For the illustrious Moon Child, the Cancer, for this week?

Synonym for “car,” synonym for “fast,” synonym for “inexpensive.”

The Leo

The Leo

The Leo

The astrology program, the software itself, the stuff I’ve used the longest? It has a convenient way to swap out two astrology charts. In traditional astrology readings, the way most software works, the inner chart, the chart arrayed around the center of the diagram? That’s the natal chart. Then, the outer charts are either precessed charts or transit charts, or both. I’ve watched as one person used four charts around a single birth wheel, the one in the center. I’m unsure of what that was, transits and progressions, I wasn’t too interested — too complicated. Too much data in a single view.

Old trick I learned from a good astrologer? He used the same program I do, and he used to swap the inner and outer. The “reference” chart was on the outside and the “transit” chart was on the inside. For years, I thought he was just being obtuse, and more oblique than me. Sure, it could happen. However, after a period of studying with the guy, I understood that what the “different view” afforded was a way to — quickly — find connections that weren’t so obvious in the traditional way of seeing charts.

Staid and conservative Taurus, where the Sun is? A simple way of looking at this in different light, a different angle, a different way to display the same data, and that’s where our answers are. Not radically different, just a slightly askew way of seeing what’s there. Or a different way of seeing what’s already there. The data hasn’t changed, just The Leo’s perception of the data.



The Virgin

One of the bookstores I was in recently had a book in the clearance section, title was something along the lines BBQ: the original low carb option. I realized why it wasn’t a big seller when I leafed through that copy. Think the book had recipes, but then that doesn’t just blur the line between BBQ and grilling, it thoroughly mangles that division.

Pit BBQ is smoked on low heat for up to 24 hours, over some kind coals, and the choice in fuel is as varied as are the brands. However, slapping a piece of meat on a steel mesh over a fire? That’s grilling, like a backyard “BBQ,” and has nothing in common with real Pit BBQ.

The, for real, “low carb” options with true Texas BBQ come from the sides, and the choice not have any of the bread. Couple of meats and then, side salad, no fries, no “potato skins,” no slaw, no fried okra, nothing that was laden with carbs. Salad and meat.

So the book was recipes for grilling veggies and meat, plus some spices to use, but basically veggies and meats, and it was all grilled. Rubbed in spices, like salt and pepper, sure, dusted with olive oils, sure, but the inherent problem, as we know deep in our Texas roots, BBQ and grilling are different activities.

As a Virgo, there’s a simple definition, a simple equation, an equivalency you are faced with, and like me, in my summarily short analysis of that discounted and discarded cook (diet) book? A cursory examination, with the items in question, in hand, a simple looking at it, will tell.

Pick it up, open it up, and read a few passages. Pick it up and analyze for the most obvious of fundamental problems.



The Scales

When does it get easier? Valid question, came up the other afternoon.

“So when does it get easier?”

Seems like there is just one silly, burgeoning, burdening problem after another. Individually, none of these would be difficult, but after a couple of them all happening at once, it begins to feel a little a symptomatic of bigger issues.

“So when does it get easier?”

Good question. One I can answer. This week, provided, as the Libra energy has clear — and obvious — perhaps onerous, task that must be completed. Get that done?

“So when does it get easier?”

Get that done, get the task that you don’t realty want any part of, get that behind you, finished, as it were, and then?

“This is when it gets easier.”




It is a curious line of work, and what I have to listen to involves dreams, sometimes, fantasies with no basis in reality. Scorpio tends to be based in reality, but there’s a problem with the association with the crap from free-floating Jupiter, plus the Mars/Pluto energies, and then, there’s still latent material from Aries, a Mars-inspired symbol.

The tendency is to let some dream take off, a fantasy, or worse? A worry. A worrisome thought that negative Scorpio thought-vibes turn into a serious problem.

Scorpio: temper this week with a small, or large, amount of “reality check.” Like the old heads-up electronic directions used to suggest?

“A little common sense here, make sure there is road before proceeding forward,” (via the ubiquitous fineprint).

Some folks might think that a little strange, but more than once, I’ve heard a buddy say, “Map says there should be a road here….”




The suspicion is that this starts with upbringing, nature versus nurture? The suspicion is that it’s rooted in familial behaviors and the way we were raised. In some people I know, this holds up as a theory. Facts bear it out. In others, not always, but the way I understand it, my current world view is that we — as humans — react to a given set of stimuli based upon what our natal chart suggests. Doesn’t mean it always works out that way, as there are always spurious and odd influences. Still, the best suggestion is that we react to certain influences.

Me? I’m cheap. Don’t have to be, not now, but I am, and the source? Unsure if this learned or genetic. Habit, either way. As long as Mars and his lingering conjunction with Pluto, as long that energy is around?

Easiest thing in the world for Sagittarius? “Cheap-out.”

The conversations, inner monologue, whatever, goes a little like this, “Man, I’d like to get that (object of desire) but I think/feel the price is a little high, and I’m not sure it would really be worth it. Not right now. But it would be so cool to have one….”

Easiest thing in the world for Sagittarius? “Cheap-out.”

Put off that purchase due to price, due to our Sagittarius selves feeling like the value doesn’t match the price, or, maybe, we don’t think we have adequate resources to cover the bill — not at this moment. Besides, it will probably be steeply discounted next week. Or the week after.

Easiest thing in the world for Sagittarius? “Cheap-out.”



The Sea Goat

Ritual is ritual, and should always be observed. In my case, the efficacy of “morning coffee,” some reports suggest that coffee prevents aging, other sources suggest it ages us faster. Some health people suggest it is good, and others? Not so much. However, either way, the ritual itself is what I’m used to, and as Capricorn, it’s the ritual that must be observed. I’m using morning coffee as an example, because this week, for good or for ill, Capricorn requires that ritual be observed.

Independently, in our own lives, we all observe different rituals. I use coffee as an example, just simplest, easiest to use. Grinding beans, boiling water, first a Mr., Coffee, then a Melitta Pour Over, then a French Press, which gave way to an industrial Press Pot, and that migrated to a Chemex for big coffee , and single pour-over for an individual cup, each morning. Grinders, from blade to burr, to hand-grind, back to easy to use blade. Disposable.

The deal is, the ritual’s tools haver changed, but the process — and outcome — remain the same. Different tools over the years, different times, but the outcome is the same: cup of morning coffee.

Capricorn: Ritual is ritual, and this week, should be observed, for good or for ill. Typical of Capricorn?

“Yeah, this isn’t going to work out right, is it?”



The Water Bearer

Change. Change is inevitable, but as an Aquarius compliant person myself? I’m with you on this one, we like change to be of our own making. Or not much at all.

A locally famous TexMex palace, featured on TV and in magazines as “authentic Mexican food,” which the place was not, but really good TexMex, right? Anyway, the place was sold to a new owner who promptly closed the location for some much needed remodeling. When it opened again, same name, same location, and only marginally “remodeled,” there weren’t a lot changes. Same menu, kitchen looked cleaner, same wait staff, although the shirts looked to be a new hue, and — obviously — exact same recipe for the hot sauce (“Salsa” to some, pico de gallo to others). The booths along that one wall? Recovered. Not changed, just reupholstered. In other words, a ton of “facelift” and a fresh coat of paint, plus the kitchen was opened up a little, with some new hardware visible, but overall? Not much changed. Same staff. Brighter colors, even the prices stayed the same.

Some change is bad, some change, not of our own making, we fight and rail against. This one place, it was an example of how some change is good, maybe even for the best. Same great TexMex, same easy-access location with parking, same menu.

Some cosmetic changes, but not much.

Some change is good.



The Fishes

What scares you the most? Hewing to lyrics from a disaster of a rock opera, “… dirty needles and cheap cocaine, some gal’s old man with gun…” Then, recurring lyrics, well, I hear them in my head, and without looking them up, I can figure that they conjure up fear for some. Not so much for me, and I was more worried about other Pisces fears, or — more to the point, actions, inactions, palpable, intangible fears.

The scourge of the heavens dredges up some of those nightmare objects that scare the darling Pisces — the most. I can’t make you unafraid. I can warn you, though, and I can make it so there is less to fear.

Some fears are perfectly rational, like, I’m not afraid of heights, but I do fear the sudden stop at the bottom. Free-falling isn’t a problem. Fixed earth, however, is. More than one Pisces buddy spends some time at the firing range, and that helps improve fears. Or helps disprove fears. Dispels fear.

No, this isn’t for everyone, but for some you, whatever the fear? Action. All that’s required, action.

Bolt action or automatic?”

I prefer automatic, but that could be me.



Aries The Ram

One of my old neighbors, he was funny about things in a number of ways, how we were different. He referred to me as a gringo, with the implication being, gringo loco, and I’m good with that. I would refer to him as Mexican — after he used to title to refer to himself, he was born in old Mexico (served a full term in the US Army), and he was always amused at what we did differently.

I hired a guy to mow my lawn. I never mowed it myself, shouldn’t the landlord do that, anyway? I would drive the hybrid I was driving through a car wash. My neighbor washed his own cars in front of the house, and he — obviously — mowed his own lawn.

When he had a computer problem, he asked me if he should just get a new computer, or who he should take the computer to, to get it fixed. I’ve worked on computers for all of this career. I know a thing or two, and twice now, I’ve “fixed” his computer.

We both hire out stuff we don’t like — or know — how to do. But we both are fairly self-reliant in many terms.

What can be hired out, Aries? What is just easier of you do it yourself? Hint: it varies, person to person.

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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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