“Go, charge my goblins that they grind their joints
With dry convulsions, shorten up their sinews
With aged cramps, and more pinch-spotted make them
Than pard or cat o’mountain.”

Prospero in Shakespeare’s The Tempest (IV.i.258-61)

Horoscopes starting 7.5.2018

Cancer

Question came up, “Why do modern toasters have a setting that will burn the snot out of your bread? Not toasted, burnt, maybe even cause a fire. Why?” Questions, rather than answers, for the modern world? It’s about “Free Will,” and in an oblique musical reference, “Freedom of Choice.” Not sure the last note carries, as it is a bit obtuse, possibly dated. Back to the original question, though, why can a modern toaster cause permanent damage to its toast? It’s about that free will we’re all gifted with, and we get to choose, like life, we get to choose which setting we’re going to use. Mars, Pluto/Saturn and the Moon? Each one pushes the Cancer’s buttons to “high,” or “dark,” or whatever is over the top for the personal toaster device. There is always freedom of choice, and the easiest way to understand this is to set that toaster — or whatever — to about half. Medium. On a scale of one to ten? Five. Right in the middle. Try that, first. Cranking it over to “High,” or dry, or whatever the setting is on the the — whatever — it is? Shooting off the max, right at the start? Liable to burn the toast, or whatever is being toasted.

The Leo

“The astrologer does precision guesswork based on questionable data supplied by dubious sources.” In a single statement, that about sums up my career as a reader. Might also adequately cover several decades of horoscopes, as that conveys a certain image, too. I like the term “Precision guesswork,” as that gets it across in a plain, understandable term. The guess, at this moment, is that The Leo is dealing with Mars-inspired issues. Mars in Retrograde-inspired issues. Precision guesswork is called for…

“The data is suspect.” Simple term means that the incoming stream of information is probably faulty. Can’t rely upon what’s been streamed to The Leo, not at this time. Would love to paint this different, but you’ve been given, I’ve been given, incomplete data. Corrupted information, perhaps material that isn’t exactly factual? Painted in a way to make a logical conclusion easier for some people, only, not congruent with facts. However, the real facts won’t come out in the next few days.

Best guess? Definite maybe.

The final part of this, questionable data supplied by dubious sources, that includes the source of the data. “I know a guy whose sister dated this guy whose best friend knew this person…” Hope this adds up in way that makes sense to The Leo. Inexact, yet precise, guesswork. Based on available sources — at the time.

Virgo

Towing a fishing boat, let’s say, just for grins, like an 18-foot bass boat, but towing one of those behind a truck? After a long — again let’s say — successful day on the lake? That boat is easy to forget about. Easy to forget and then, easy to do something stupid, like slam through a corner too quickly, or try to squeeze into a spot that doesn’t fit both trailer and truck. Room for one, but maybe not both. One of my buddies, he can park it in that spot, but he uses a Chevy Short-Bed, older model. Other than him?

What Virgo should be most careful about? Forgetting that there’s a boat back there, and when you bounce it over curbs cutting a corner a little too tight? Or try to use a single parking spot when a double-pull through is required? Just obvious choices, to anyone who’s ever pulled a boat, especially after a long day on the lake. Old habit, somewhat broken, but I use pull-through spots whenever possible, even if I’m not in a truck pulling a boat. The idea is that I usually have to park further out, and I have to walk a bit. On the flip side of that equation, it makes for easier exit, smoother, faster get-away. The Virgo message started with towing a bass boat, on its trailer, and ends, with warnings about forgetting it’s back there. Let this horoscope serve as a reminder that there something you’ve been dragging around, and forgetting that it’s back there? Doesn’t always end well. Remember it’s there? All’s well.

Libra

When is a tragic event a blessing? Not to get all deeply mystical and stuff, but as I was getting ready for this, a friend of a friend lost an aging parent. While the loss of a parent is not easy, in the last few years, there had been reconciliation within the family, and as the disease process gradually sapped the parent, that parent was a little more than husk kept alive on meds. Last time I heard anything, the spirit, the light, had long gone out of the eyes. So was this tragedy? Tragic? Or a blessing? Everyone is happier included the departed. While I don’t know that, in this situation, and given the circumstances, not like I haven’t lived through this myself, but given the situations? It worked out for the best. So the deeply weird question, “Tragedy? Or blessing?” The typical Libra view should be “tragic.” Further examination might come up with a different answer, and given that there’s a mixed up mashup of energies working on Libra, the question stands, and I am unsure this week holds a clear answer.

Scorpio

Might want to read the advice that follows. It also might be a bit terse for Scorpio, but the intent is sound. Mars is making a nasty little angle, and then, as the Sun and Moon dance, tango, or conjunction, really, there’s an opportunity that seems to present itself to Scorpio, but like a good Scorpio, you know, it’s Kramer, there might be a catch.

There is.

I’m just trying to forewarn you a little, what to watch for. It’s the hook, the barb, the spiked punch, the something. The idea is that there is good stuff happening, yes, that’s true, but there might be a hidden hook, like some aspect buried in the fine print, like a clause, wherein, yes, Scorpio wins, but there is part where half the earnings, before taxes goes to the house, or some other party, then someone else gets a one-third cut, and the big win? Not so big, now. So the Scorpio advice? Until the planets settle down, and while Mars continues his backwards trek in Aquarius? Chill. Don’t count any big wins as big wins, or don’t broadcast it just yet. Read the Sagittarius missive, for starters.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius: shut up.

Simplest, easiest advice, and this is as much for myself as it for my brothers and sisters, of the Sagittarius clan.

Sagittarius: shut up.

As I’ve intoned before? “A closed mouth gathers no feet.”

I believe that is enough said, right?

Capricorn

The last car I owned was a pickup truck. Old Ford truck. Crappy mileage, but a big enough bed to haul stuff. When I sold it, I was always thinking I was going to buy another, but never got around to it. Just never bought another vehicle. Now, decades later, I was getting fascinated with a the possibility of a project car, and that was going to be convertible, maybe an older British Marque, something fun to drive, small but decent enough to get around in. Only, as I was cruising to Austin in the old girlfriend’s car, I realized that I liked an enclosed space with real air-conditioning, a charger that I could charge my phone with, and although that one car doesn’t have Bluetooth, I have a headset that I can hear just fine, thank you. I can talk (hands free) on the phone, if need be. In that hypothetical drop-top, that I didn’t buy, I would be out, in the exhaust and fumes, and I would be dirty, grimy, and cranky from ten miles in Austin’s bad traffic with the top down, unable to hear was being said, because, as much fun as a drop top can be, down the highway, on rare days it’s wonderful, but the rest of the time, like the middle of summer and the middle of winter, and the stuff in between when it rains? No fun at all. Reminds me, now that Mars is backwards I should really do something nice for that girlfriend — for letting me borrow a nice car.

Aquarius

Used correctly this can be an enjoyable week for my little Aquarius friends. It’s summer time; it’s hot in Texas. Usually gets like this in the summer. One of my favored retreats is the old downtown library, a big megalithic building, weird art, full of books, reading corners, desks, and study tables. Homeless. Home to a lot of homeless, as well. Part of how it goes. On warm summer days, the library is a cool, quiet respite from the maddening voices outside. Grab a book, and read. For me, that is the perfect example of a way to cool off with the Mars (in retrograde) action. A way to hide out. A way to escape. A way to get away from just about everything. Put the phone on silent. Library has decent WiFi, all that matters, right? Not much else is required. Most of the study areas have electrical outlets so it’s possible to recharge, more than one way, both the devices that power our lives, and then, the mind. I find some nutritional reading of one form, or another, with travel, poetry, Shakespeare scholarship, and other oddities all there. Doesn’t have to be a library, per se, but the idea is to escape someplace where your Aquarius self can escape into the Aquarius mind. So a library, or library-like atmosphere is what works. Get a stack of books, that Mars thing? Yeah, you might not stay on one topic too long.

Pisces

There are certain “go-texts” that I tend to keep on-hand. Books that, over the years, have proven themselves to be an invaluable source of material, data, facts, frictions, whatever. For me, some these are mere springboards, providing lift for the mind. Others? Some are just crap novels that I find hugely entertaining, for whatever reason. Good writing, funny plot, elements that resonate with my life, something. The material is widely varied from high-brow to low-brow, with some musical material layered on top, just to add the necessary spice. There’s a bizarre influence right now and instead of reaching for something totally new, for Pisces, consider reaching for one of the old stand-by texts, one you’ve used in the past. Make this easy on yourself, a familiar reference tome goes a lot further with new material rather trying to break totally new Pisces ground. Reach for the old and familiar rather trying to get this hooked up with something new. Old (and familiar) works much better than “New!” And? “Improved!” Which, typically, and especially this week, “New and improved” is neither new or improved.

Aries

Simply put? “Curb your enthusiasm.” As an avowed fan of all things Aries, one of the strong points that I love so much? Enthusiasm, like, Aries enthusiasm. Love that stuff. It’s infectious, it brings laughter, action, adventure, good loving, and all (of that.) The deal is, it’s time to curb the outward show of that stereotypical Aries enthusiasm.

Like I suggested, “Curb your enthusiasm.” Not for long, not forever, but just in the next few days. Doesn’t mean you’re not bursting with excitement, doesn’t mean there isn’t a project, a person, a place, an object of desire, doesn’t mean that there isn’t something for the individual Aries to be excited, no, none of that. It’s OK to be excited, it’s just this isn’t the best time to try and share that excitement with the rest of us. You can tell me, privately about it, but in front of large crowd? Shouting as you walk down the street? Yeah, that just gets you treated like a crazy person. You’re not really crazy but your bursts of enthusiasm, that you try to share with the world? That comes across as a little nuts? Unstable? Weird? Whatever. I get it. I see what you see. I’m as excited for you as you are; however, in this next few days?

Aries: Curb your enthusiasm.

Taurus

Flavor is important. For years, I would stop on my occasional jaunts to Austin, I would pause at the last Starbucks, going into town. Over the years, I have I love/hate relationship with the mermaid — love that she brought coffee to the masses and hate that it is such a ubiquitous brand, now. However, in small towns in Texas, I can depend on a Starbucks to provide me with a dependable, serviceable cup of coffee. Not the best. Not the worst.

As my palate becomes more refined, though, I developed a hankering for a particular kind of coffee. Started with the frothy milk-shake things, but eventually, I got to where an Americano was my favorite. Then, working with a Taurus at the stop before Austin? I would bring in a 20-ounce tumbler, and get 4 shots of espresso, then get them to add just a little hot water. More than a shot of espresso, less an Americano. In that insulated tumbler, the coffee was warm all the way into town and even at my destination. Sipping on it over the morning, and into the noon hour, I found that the espresso, slightly diluted, was, at times, almost creamy, not bitter at all. Part of this is refined coffee taste buds. Part of this is the perfect combination of water and espresso. Part of it might be the coffee itself. The flavor can be there. The secret recipe — for now — is four shots of espresso, two heaping tablespoons of scalding water, sit in Austin traffic for an hour, to marinate in an insulated container.

Taurus: Take an old Taurus recipe, modify it a tad, just a little, not by much, and taste. Then add sugar, or sweetener, cream, whatever, almond milk? Adjust in small doses and see if that doesn’t bring some much needed refuge during these trying times.

Taurus: Take an old Taurus recipe that worked in the past, and modify a little.

Gemini

The Magician card from a tarot deck came to mind, and then, I had to back up and tease out the rest of the data — for the Gemini stars. Two events, New Moon, Retrograde Mars seem to be focal points. One is the left hand of Gemini and one is the right hand of Gemini. I’m unsure of which is which, but there is a balancing act, a juggling act, or maybe, as a Gemini, you’re just standing there, looking at the distinct and separate events, one in each hand. One of good, potentially great and the other is disquieting, unsettling, and potentially upsetting. But which hand has which event in hand? The juggling act is a delicate and finite balance point, and regrettably, most of my better Gemini friends don’t know how to hit that point.

“Two hands? I’m trying to balance about six things here!”

Yes, only two hands, and only about three serious items to juggle, but one will — most likely — fail. I’m willing to be wrong and have everything be a sweeping success for Gemini, but if we can get two or three of six across the line, up the air, whatever the goal? Trust me, you’re ahead of the game. Keep juggling, Gemini, it’s actually going to work out for the best.