Horoscopes for 9.6.2018

    Think not, although in writing I preferr’d
    The manner of thy vile outrageous crimes,
    That therefore I have forg’d, or am not able
    Verbatim to rehearse the method of my pen.

Gloucester in Shakespeare’s Henry VI part 1 (III.i.10-3)

Horoscopes for 9.6.2018



The Virgin

A marketing “expert” explained to me that message has to be seen by a consumer at least fourteen times (citation needed) before the consumer will commit. Another, so-called, expert suggested that studies proved that a consumer would commit in less than seven exposures to the same message. With online ads, I know repeated exposure just numbs the brain rather than making it more likely, repeated ensures and annoys me to the point there’s a certain cable company I will never use again because of dubious advertising claims. However, I am the opposite of most consumers. I am not typical. As a birthday Virgo, the question remains, “How many times must you be exposed before buying?” One? Three? Fifteen? A hundred? My studies prove that there is no way to coerce, cajole, or chide a Virgo into anything that the Virgo doesn’t want. It’s Virgo birthday time. Still Virgo season. Think about the things that you really want, not what we think you should want, and then? Like the weekly inscription intones, rehearse it with your pen. Write it out — now how many times? Seven? Fourteen? What was the magic number?


One particular opera I listened to — several times over — that one opera? The last time I listened, in its entirety, a new (to me) version of the audio tracks? I had on new headphones. Earpieces, really, but call them headphones for now. That brought out the orchestration, and at the end of each act, three acts to an opera, there was huge build-up to a crashing conclusion. Horns, strings, drums, bass, and treble, all concluding with a final “crash!”

Each time, opera is in a foreign language I don’t understand, so each conclusion was musical in nature, the emotions evoked by the orchestration. Amazing material reaching across hundreds of years and stories that are thousands of years old, yeah, but the way it was in this — new to me — digital recording? End of Act 1? The aural conclusion to the show. Then on to Act 2. End of Act 2? Really sounded to me like it was the end of the show. But wait, there’s more! Much, much more! End of Act 3? Finally, four hours later, the end of the show. Three acts. Maybe four concluding soundscapes. Brilliant material, and each act sounded like it was the final conclusion.

Libra: “But wait! There’s more! Much, much more!”


Sounds like a bible quote, but for Scorpio? We do what we can. “Be not rash of mouth for it might bite thee in the arse.” As Mars and Venus make a tight, taut tension angle to each other, just at the beginning of this week, there’s a point wherein your Scorpio self want to pop off with a typical Scorpio—snarky commentary. A rejoinder, a reply, a side-of-the mouth comment that is both poignant, hilarious, satiric, and barbed. I would expect no less from a good Scorpio.

The problem? The timing is all wrong. Look: I know you’re crushingly funny. I got that. I understand the levels of Scorpio wit, the layers and layers, wherein the satire is meant to educate and the snark — even with its barbed hook — has a chance to show the light in a better way, and yes, I get all that. The way this week falls out, though? No one else gets it. Send it to me as a private note. Send to me as joke from the joke list. Submit it for consideration for publication — at a later date. Don’t let that one rip, not now. Good chance it will land wrong, and no good comes of that. Everyone gets all “offended” over what was meant to be a — Scorpio stylelightweight quip.


One of the most valuable tools I’ve got? The “Walking Meditation.” Honed, for many years when Austin was a backwater of liberal proclivities, along the shores of the lake, Town Lake, as it was called, I discovered that — as a writer — I needed something besides sitting in front of computer, staring at a screen, all day. Or sitting in a boat, staring at a line in the water. Something else, something different. Started with a two mile walk, eventually became a four mile walk, and I could get that in little less than an hour, so, I’m guessing it was really, like three and half miles. I would stop at the end of the walk and get a ice cold beverage, usually a big gulp full of diet coke. Not exactly the best way to do this, but one exercise sort of offset the negative effects of diet coke. Turns out the diet coke stuff is horrendously bad for me, but it took a few years to learn that. However, the walking meditation has stayed with me, through my various trials and different locations. These days, it is much simpler, but the idea remains, a short walk to “Clear the head,” and done so in silence. I even developed a method, I would get the cheapest earbuds I could find, dollar or so, and I would wear whose, just not plugged into anything. That made it so no one would try and talk to me. As a Sagittarius, the idea holds merit, even to to this day. The “Walking Meditation” serves us well. There’s a need for some meditative spaces, and there’s a need for something to keep our body busy while we “meditate.” I have one buddy in a motorized wheelchair, “Walking Meditation” means going for a roll around the neighborhood. Results are the same.


    You asked for my help?
    You got my suggestions.
    Your don’t like my suggestions?
    Sorry! It’s all I got, I know, right?

The heat is still on, and the pressure, too, and there’s that incessant voice calling for change — change in the Capricorn’s life. Some of us are willing to change, some of acquiesce to different stimuli with grace and aplomb. Others? Not so much. Wherein is the problem. There is a change to the current planetary tempo. The established rhythm is switching. Looks like a faster beat, to me, and it sounds like the shift wasn’t the smooth transition we all hoped for. Both of those items being noted, one, not liking my advice, and two, the current tempo getting advanced in an unseemly manner — for Capricorn — those two can leave a body slightly dizzy. Perhaps you have a bewildered look, too. Maybe — metaphorically — dizzy, and maybe, realistically, befuddled. Changes are afoot, and some of these feel like changes that are not of thy own undertaking. The traditionalist, and I am traditional in some areas, but the traditionalist will balk at changes. The traditional approach needs to be tossed out the window. Didn’t work before, and the way this works now? Be willing to try my way — the different way — this time.


Much as I want good things for AQUARIUS this next few days, there’s a persistent sentiment that there is some kind of a lingering problem. As one young(ish) woman once told me, “If it wasn’t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.” She leered and sneered.

As an AQUARIUS, though, the idea behind that phrasing is wryly amusing, and it does carry some suggestive information as we traipse through the next few days. While it’s not entirely true, that sort of suggestive commentary, punctuated properly, it does hold a way through the next few days. Suggestive, without being overtly so, and the usual double meaning sort of works, as a way to get through, yes, that works well. For a large portion of my own life, I lived with my mind on the gutter. The difference between what I was like then, and now? Yeah, OK, maybe there isn’t much difference, but as the Oscar Wilde inscription suggests, we might all have our minds in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. As a reminder, look for the best in the situation.


Sports metaphor time: Pisces? “Swing for the cheap seats!”

Simply put, be willing to aim so far out, so far away, so distant that there is zero hope in ever achieving that stated goal. Then, as the ball crosses the plate? “Swing for the cheap seats!” I never liked baseball very much, not my thing. I appreciate that it is a uniquely American sport, and I understand the basics. Pitcher, catcher, man on base, and so forth. The term, as I understand it, is about hitting the ball while at bat, and it implies that there are seats, usually don’t cost very much, in the distance. That’s the stated goal, to get the ball into the seats at the very end of the field. In order to make that happen? “Swing for the cheap seats.” To make this week’s energy work for you? To make this week’s planetary array fall into a more manageable Pisces pattern and patter? Simply put?

Pisces: “Swing for the cheap seats!”


“You mad, bro?”

That is a direct comment to one of my Aries buddies, but you can sort of figure it out from here, right? If you can’t figure it out? There is always one person — frequently like me — who comes along, and despite the best of my intentions, I do something, say something, possibly just breath in the wrong way. Pisses you off something fierce. I don’t know if it’s really going to be me, but I do have galvanizing effect on some Aries. I would never do this on purpose, but I’ll make smart (aleck) remark, and that comment lands in such way that my little Aries friend goes from nice to bright red, with clenched fists and cartoon steam coming out of the ears. Gets worse. I see the stream and think it’s funny, and then I giggle. Wrong response, non? Really wrong response — from me. However, look at the core of the issue, the joke, my insouciant comment, my impertinence. Look at the real, underlying issue, and it’s not me. My comment might be ill-timed, but yo must forgive us that, no one I know would ever intentionally piss off an Aries. Just not good form. So, the question, this week, to help Aries?

“You mad, bro?”


“It’s fixin’ to get real, in here,” way I heard it. And it does speak across several lines of communication, although, there is the slightly profane version that might be more effective. As a warning, though, for my excellent Taurus friends, it is about to get real, and it will get really warm. Or cold, or whatever is most uncomfortable. “Fixin’ to” is a valid expression of time that is most certainly imminent, with the problem being, hours, days, weeks. Which is it? Depends. Depends on a couple of factors, birthday, time of birth, place of birth, the time zone, that sort annoying detail that astrology types ask for, but it is also useful determine exact degrees. Which, in this example, matter. However, for the purpose of this horoscope? It’s about to become really hot, or really cold, or really uncomfortable, or really unpleasant, or, for the select few, really good. That last one is warning, see, you can see this coming, but it’s not here yet. If you anticipate the motion, do the bit where you realize the stress from the situation before it all flies apart? Then it’s just going to be really good. Otherwise?

It’s fixin’ to get real in here.

All about degrees, and what degrees are you willing to withstand in order to make the next few weeks more comfortable for Taurus?


A “reporter,” and I had an exchange, searching for quotes, and qualify that term, as I think she was merely freelance, trying to get enough dirt to pitch a story, and anyway… The “reporter” asked about a former business venture, and wanted to interview me with her eye to dirt, mayhem, tales of impossible odds, and the usual sensationalist, click-bait, headline hyperbole one would expect from a tabloid-type. The problem being? The story itself, rather prosaic. Boring, almost, not nearly as exciting in its inception and then execution as some would have us believe. The real story, the foundations, building the elements, the structures, the boring details? That’s exactly what they were, boring details. The story-behind-the story is usually filled with material that’s always fun. In this case, it isn’t fun, entertaining, just basic, business-building basics. Single idea, exported, ramped up, then retired. A basic “churn and burn” model. Nothing new here. The build-up, the build-out, the flashy show? All of that is mere window-dressings on a basic structure that is as old as time itself. As a Gemini, like that “reporter,” you’re looking for some sensational click-bait, headline hyperbole that draws attention. I can provide half that. I can provide some content with actual sustenance , but it doesn’t tend to be a nearly as exciting of story as the one you want to read. Or write, as the “reporter” in the example.


The myth is sometimes a lot more interesting than the factual matter. The myth is that I can catch a fish on my first cast, if the conditions are correct. That much has happened, maybe three times. Considering I can fish as much as three times, weekly, three times in a few years is really a tiny percentage. Less than 1%, and I’m not even sure about that high. The myth got recognized one time, it was me and some buddies, bay fishing. Navigated to one spot, there was a ripple in the water, and I dropped a piece of bait right there. First cast. First strike didn’t inhale the bait, but the second one did, and I was the first catch of the day, with the first fish boated, and one of the biggest fish of the day. On the first cast. The myth lives on in perpetuity. One of my buddies, to this day, still calls int magical the way I can sniff out where the fish are, and land a fish on my first cast. Never mind he’s never seen that happen a second time. The myth is sometimes a lot more interesting than the factual matter. That’s the lesson for this week’s Cancer Moon Child horoscope, the myth is certainly more interesting than the facts. Careful with that, though, as some myths get blown out of proportion, and mighty myth making, while fun in itself? Have to remember we should alway have some verifiable data to support the tales we spin. Last time I fished? Caught a fish on the third cast. Not bad, but see? Certainly not mythic in appeal.

The Leo

More than dozen years ago, a lady I was doing a reading for, she remarked that my material seems to resemble a lot of time spent walking on Austin’s Hike and Bike trail, as it wound its way around (then) Town Lake. Because, what I did at that time, was spend a lot time, walking, then stalking fish, around Austin’s Town Lake. Trailer park, backed up to the lake front. Perfect for me. For a brief moment, this happens most summers in Texas, now, I’ve gotten to where I’ll rise early and walk, to get it done with while it is still — relatively — cool out. Just easier, nicer, better. Trying to catch it right at sunrise is a goal, just getting home at that point.

Not a long walk, not these days, and certainly not compared to my six and ten mile marches around the lake in Austin; these are more like a short excursion to a nearby coffee shop to get tanked up with a little extra go juice. Fortified by the slight exercise and extra caffeine. So, a dozen years ago? My material was reflected heavily with an Austin influence. These days? It’s more of what’s underfoot in my current location. Or where I’m fishing, all depends. The trick, for The Leo, is to utilize the current position as a position of strength. Use what is there, in your immediate surroundings. Some days, like this next few days, there is no need to venture further than your own backyard.



About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person.

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